2014

Dead Pool 14th January 2018

We have a winner! The first death of the season falls to Nickie who correctly guessed that the great Bella Emberg would meet her maker. Not only does she get the extra 50 points for the first death of the season, Nickie also listed her as her Woman, so a whopping 220 points awarded in total!! She’s now become the one to beat! Well done Nickie!!

Look Who You Could Have Had:

  • Thomas Bopp, 68, American astronomer, co-discoverer of Comet Hale–Bopp, liver failure.
  • Eddie Clarke, 67, British guitarist (Motörhead, Fastway), pneumonia.
  • Edgar Ray Killen, 92, American Ku Klux Klan leader and convicted murderer.
  • Bella Emberg, 80, British actress (The Russ Abbot Show, The Benny Hill Show, Bear Behaving Badly).
  • Doreen Tracey, 74, English-born American actress (The Mickey Mouse Club), pneumonia.
  • Keith Jackson, 89, American sportscaster (ABC Sports, Wide World of Sports)
  • Ray Thomas, 76, English singer-songwriter (“Veteran Cosmic Rocker”, “For My Lady”) and Hall of Fame musician (The Moody Blues), prostate cancer.

In Other News

As you may have heard, Big Brother star Rebekah Shelton is not dead after a social media ‘hack’. A tweet from her verified account said she had died unexpectedly, however a video apparently posted by the transgender Big Brother star says she is not dead and was the victim of a Twitter hoax. The 32-year-old was on Big Brother in 2009 where – as Rodrigo Lopes – she finished fifth. A later tweet from the account said although the hoax was a “horrible experience”, the positive thing was that “I realise that I’m loved and so many people cared about me”.  Sadly, we at Dead Pool Towers don’t give a shit about her.

Olympic BMX silver medallist Jelle van Gorkom is in a coma after a training accident on Tuesday. The Royal Dutch Cycling Union said the 27-year-old had “broken ribs, a fracture in the face, a tear in the skull and damage to the liver, spleen and kidneys”. The incident occurred at the National Sports Centre Papendal in Arnhem. Van Gorkom won silver medals at the 2015 World Championships and the 2016 Rio Games. Bas de Bever, the Dutch national BMX coach, asked that the rider, his girlfriend and his family be given “peace and privacy”, while Jochem Schellens, director at the National Sports Centre Papendal, added: “It is a terrible accident and… we wish them all the strength in the coming period.” Who said cycling was fun and safe?

Andy Murray has survived hip surgery in Melbourne and says he hopes to be playing again in time for this summer’s grass-court season. The former world number one, 30, has not played a competitive match since he was knocked out of Wimbledon in July. The ongoing problem forced the Scot to pull out of the Australian Open, which begins on 15th January. “I’m not finished playing tennis yet. I’m going to be competing at the highest level again,” he said. “I’m very optimistic about the future – the surgeon is very happy about how it went.” Murray, a three-time Grand Slam champion, believes if he can return to 95% of his best, that will be enough for him to compete again at the top level. However, we know that 95% of ‘his best’ isn’t anywhere good enough. Murray, who has fallen to 19th in the world, said he is not “interested in coming back for a specific tournament”. Which is fair enough, we don’t want to watch him either.

On This Day

  • 1907 – An earthquake in Kingston, Jamaica kills more than 1,000 people.
  • 1969 – An accidental explosion aboard the USS Enterprise near Hawaii kills 27 people.

Deaths

  • 1742 – Edmond Halley, English astronomer, geophysicist, mathematician, meteorologist, and physicist (b. 1656)
  • 1898 – Lewis Carroll, English novelist, poet, and mathematician (b. 1832)
  • 1957 – Humphrey Bogart, American actor (b. 1899)
  • 1977 – Anthony Eden, English soldier and politician, Prime Minister of the United Kingdom (b. 1897)
  • 2006 – Shelley Winters, American actress (b. 1920)
  • 2009 – Ricardo Montalbán, Mexican actor (b. 1920)
  • 2016 – Alan Rickman, English actor (b. 1946)

Last Week’s Birthdays

Orlando Bloom (41), Liam Hemsworth (28), Michael Peña (42), William B. Davis (80), Bill Bailey (53), Kirstie Alley (67), Rachael Harris (50), Rob Zombie (53), Zayn Malik (25), Howard Stern (64), Pixie Lott (27), Melanie C (44), Jeff Bezos (54), Jason Connery (55), Mary J. Blige (47), Rachel Riley (32), John Sessions (65), Jemaine Clement (44), Evan Handler (57), George Foreman (69), Fran Walsh (59), Rod Stewart (73), Pat Benatar (65), Joely Richardson (53), Imelda Staunton (62), Catherine Duchess of Cambridge (36), Jimmy Page (74), Michelle Forbes (53), Stephen Hawking (76), Amber Benson (41), Nicolas Cage (54), Jeremy Renner (47), Linda Kozlowski (60), Erin Gray (68), Lewis Hamilton (33),  Helen Worth (67) and Kenny Loggins (70).


Dead Pool 8th January 2017

Welcome all, as of yet, not a lot has happened in our quest to score points off celebrity deaths. But fear not, as sure as the sun rises each day, someone will surely peg it soon enough.

Look Who You Could Have Had:

In Other News

It is one of the perks of being a member of the archaic hereditary UK monarchy that you have armed guards watching over you at all hours. But that apparently almost backfired for the Queen when she decided to take a late-night walk around the palace grounds and came close to being shot. From time to time her majesty is said to struggle to sleep. During a spell of insomnia, the 90-year-old will occasionally put on her coat and go for a short stroll, an ex-guardsman said. In what could have been a points bonanza, he said he was patrolling inside the perimeter of the Palace walls when he spotted a figure in the darkness. Thinking that he had caught a potentially dangerous intruder, sneaking into the Royal residence at 3am, he shouted: “Who’s that?” But to his surprise, it was actually the Queen. “Bloody hell, Your Majesty, I nearly shot you,” he is reported to have said, on impulse. Perhaps realising this wasn’t the tone to be used when addressing the Queen, he expected a telling off. But the Queen reportedly took responsibility for putting him in such an awkward position. “That’s quite all right,” she replied. “Next time I’ll ring through beforehand so you don’t have to shoot me.” It is believed the encounter happened at the Queen’s normal weekday residence, Buckingham Palace.

And as we’re on the subject of shooting, David Blaine thought he had died when his attempt to fire a rifle and catch the bullet in his mouth went wrong. The magician, 43, performed the stunt at the MGM Grand Garden Arena in Las Vegas and it aired on his E4 show Beyond Magic last night. It involved him holding a metal cup between his teeth, which were protected by a gumshield, and pulling a cord to set off the rifle in front of him. The .22-caliber bullet fired into the cup as planned but his gumshield shattered on impact and the cup slammed into the back of his throat. As the action played out, Blaine narrated: ‘Time just started to move really slow. ‘When the bullet struck the cup, there was a high-pitched ringing in my ears and I felt an impact on the back of my throat. ‘I was sure the bullet went right through my head and that I was dead. ‘Suddenly I became aware of the pain and it brought me back. At that moment I realised that the mouth guard had shattered again, and I was alive.’ Blaine’s friends have now refused to help him perform the stunt, which he has performed three times since 2010, but he still wants to include it in his upcoming world tour so there’s hope for some of us to score some points!

Cult leader Charles Manson was back in a central California prison on Saturday after a reported hospital stay for an unspecified medical problem. Manson, 82, was at California state prison, Corcoran, said Jeffrey Callison, a spokesman for the state department of corrections and rehabilitation. “We never stated he was anywhere else,” Callison said in an email. “Medical privacy laws do not allow [the department] to discuss inmates’ medical issues, if any.” The department has declined to comment on reports from TMZ and the Los Angeles Times that earlier in the week Manson was taken to a hospital in Bakersfield, 60 miles south of the prison. While the prison has medical facilities, California prisoners generally are sent to outside hospitals if they need “surgical services, emergency care, or diagnostic services of an acute nature”, Joyce Hayhoe, a spokeswoman for the federal receiver who controls prison medical care, said on Tuesday. Manson is serving a life sentence for orchestrating the 1969 murders of the actor Sharon Tate, who was pregnant, and six others in southern California.

On This Day

Deaths

Last Week’s Birthdays

Bradley Cooper (42), Diane Keaton (71), Robert Duvall (86), Mel Gibson (61), Cuba Gooding Jr. (49), Frank Langella (79), Marilyn Manson (48), Jeremy Renner (46), Nicholas Cage (53), Julia Ormond (52), Tia Carrere (50), Michael Stipe (57), Rowan Atkinson (62), Kenny Loggins (69), Danny Coleman (85), Verne Troyer (48), Vinnie Jones (52) and Lewis Hamilton (32).

Next week peeps!


Dead Pool 28th December 2014

Dead Pool Background

Welcome one and all to the last Dead Pool Newsletter of 2014. Some of you will be saying thank god, no more emails, some of you will be kicking yourselves for not listing that one name, some of you will be shitting yourselves because you haven’t got your list for 2015 submitted yet! This will be your final reminder, if you’re stuck for names, a quick search through the archives on the website will give you some ideas, hell, I was surprised Phil Donahue was still alive, but I’ve already submitted my list!

If nothing amazingly drastic occurs between now and midnight on the 31st, I am provisionally declaring Lee the winner with a paltry 323 points and three deaths, albeit those deaths being a Cert, Woman and a norm.  Also, congratulations to Stu for actually getting a Maverick! First one ever, who’d have guessed that Manuel Uribe would have pegged it!! We will also congratulate Rebecca and Paul for getting Ariel Sharon as the first death of 2014, both have consistently been high scorers in the past, let’s see if they can challenge us in 2015.

So, if no other deaths are declared, the standings are as follows:

  • 1st Lee
  • 2nd Stu
  • 3rd Paula

Obviously, do get on my case if I have missed one of your names, although many of you think I’m not, I am fallible.

Just another reminder, this will be the last email from the Dead Pool if you have not submitted a list for next year. Thank you for taking part and please carry on sending your Klaxxxxons when someone ‘of note’ dies, the emails and the community that we have built is the most fun part of the whole thing. Without you taking part and being sick little puppies, none of this would be possible.

Let’s hope we get stronger and stronger for 2015!

Look Who You Could Have Had:

In Other News

AliFormer three-time heavyweight champion boxer Muhammad Ali has been taken to hospital with a mild case of pneumonia! Ali, who suffers from Parkinson’s disease, is in a stable condition, his spokesman Bob Gunnell told the media. “The prognosis is good,” he added, saying the 72-year-old’s stay in hospital was likely to be brief. And true to his word, Ali has improved and it’s hoped he’s going to be discharged soon.

justinWhelbyTalking about pneumonia, the Most Rev Justin Welby, Archbishop of Canterbury seems to have caught it too, a day after he pulled out of his Christmas Day sermon with a “severe cold”. *cough cough* Serious stuff this pneumonia, did Richard Whitley in, remember? Lambeth Palace had said the 58-year-old archbishop had been ill for several days and decided on the morning of the service that he was too unwell to make his address. Nothing to do with a few too many communion wines and a bed littered with small boys.

The former US president George HW Bush was due to remain in hospital after being admitted experiencing shortness of breath, a family spokesman said. Bush, 90, had been taken by ambulance to Houston Methodist Hospital on Tuesday evening as a precaution, but had a “good day” and his prognosis “remains positive.” Bush spent Christmas 2012 in intensive care at the same hospital while being treated for a bronchitis-related cough and other issues. Bush is the oldest living former president, bet that keeps Jimmy Carter happy at night!

Dark Shadows - European PremiereAnd finally, director Tim Burton and actress Helena Bonham Carter have announced that they have “separated amicably” after 13 years together. Knowing the darkness that flows through their emo souls, one would expect the imminent death of one, or at least the crushing demise of a career at least. For years the film director and actress lived in separate homes right next door to each other, something Carter said worked well for them. “It really is a great idea, you never have to compromise emotionally or feel invaded.” She said. Which somehow makes you wonder what their sex life was like…

On This Day

Deaths

Last Week’s Birthdays

Kiefer Sutherland (48), Jared Leto (43), Annie Lennox (60), Sissy Spacek (65), Ricky Martin (43), Ralph Fiennes (52), Samuel L. Jackson (66), Jane Fonda (77), Gerard Depardieu (66), Kit Harrington (28), Chris Evert (60), Phil Donahue (79), Lars Ulrich (51), Dido (43) and John Amos (74).

2014 League Table

[confidential]

Next week peeps!


Dead Pool 21st December 2014

Dead Pool BackgroundWelcome all to the penultimate newsletter of the year!! Yes, we’re very close to declaring the winner for 2014 and unless something drastic happens it looks like Lee is taking the crown this year! I’m sure that all of you are busy working on your lists for next year, I’ve already got five submitted so far, feel free to submit yours too. Also, please take the time to pass on the rules to your friends, the more the merrier, hopefully we can break the 50 members mark this year.

Look Who You Could Have Had:

In Other News

Ali Carter has been given the all-clear seven months after he was diagnosed with lung cancer. The 35-year-old, twice a World Championship runner-up, recovered from testicular cancer last year and is aiming to resume his career. “Two beautiful words that I’ve been waiting for ‘all clear’,” Carter tweeted on Friday. “I can now concentrate on getting my life and career back. I will be glad when this year is over. Some better things to come in 2015 … #hopefully” Fair play to him, but with two bouts of cancer behind him, we’d best keep an eye out for the third.

Anthony Crolla, the WBO inter-continental lightweight title  holder, was taken to hospital after confronting burglars who were raiding a neighbour’s house in Chadderton near Oldham on Tuesday evening. The 28-year-old is understood to have broken an ankle and suffered a serious head injury after chasing the two burglars. Crolla caught one of the intruders, according to the Manchester Evening News, but was then attacked by the other with a brick or a lump of concrete. Known as ‘Million Dolla Crolla’, the WBO inter-continental lightweight title holder had been due to face the Cuban Richard Abril on 23rd January for the WBA world title, but due to his  injuries, the fight will no longer take place.

The rock band The Who have postponed two concerts in London as frontman Roger Daltrey is suffering from a throat infection. The singer has been ordered to rest by doctors. The shows, due to take place on Wednesday and Thursday at the O2 Arena, have been pushed back to March. The band are currently on their The Who Hits 50 tour, celebrating their 50th anniversary. Daltrey, 70, admitted that touring was “incredibly tough on the body” and suggested these could be The Who’s last major live shows. “This is the beginning of the long goodbye,” he said.

A judge has refused to delay Tracy Morgan’s legal action against retail giant Walmart over a car crash in which the 30 Rock comedian was injured. He is claiming compensation from the retailer for negligence in requiring the driver to drive while fatigued. He had not slept for more than 24 hours when he collided with Morgan’s limousine according to court papers. Comedian James McNair died in the crash, while Morgan suffered a traumatic brain injury and broken bones. Morgan’s attorney, Benedict Morelli has said the 46-year-old is “fighting to get better” but it is uncertain whether he will fully recover.

On This Day

Deaths

Last Week’s Birthdays

Brad Pitt (51), Jonah Hill (31), Keith Richards (71), Ray Liotta (60), Don Johnson (65), Milla Jovovich (39), Steven Spielberg (68), Katie Holmes (35), Jake Gyllenhaal (34), Christina Aguilera (34), Pope Francis (78), Alyssa Milano (42), Kristy Swanson (45), Bill Pullman (61), Jennifer Beals (51), Steve Austin (50), Patty Duke (68), Eugene Levy (68), Leonard Maltin (64) and Billy Bragg (57).

2014 League Table

[confidential]

Next week peeps!


Dead Pool 14th December 2014

Dead Pool Background

Ok  peeps, I’m officially taking in lists for next year, so if you want to email me yours, feel free to do so on deadpool@kingofankh.co.uk As you know, this year has been a disaster, hardly any points scored with a record number of participants taking part as well, so let’s try to be more sneaky this year, really look into those terminal illnesses, weigh the chances of those sportspeople surviving another year in their dangerous sports, try to find out if the 89 year old is in fact doddery or fighting fit. As always, if you need to remind yourself of the rules, head over to the website for a look. http://thedeadpool.rip/the-rules/ You can also read through the old newsletters for ideas, they are all archived on the site.

Look Who You Could Have Had:

In Other News

phil_collinsPhil Collins was forced to back out of his first headlining concert in about five years, stating that he was unwell. Apologising to the audience at a benefit concert in Miami Beach, Collins claimed that doctors had told him to rest his vocal cords. The 63-year-old’s performance had been expected as the grand finale for the charity concert, which was a fundraiser for his Little Dreams Foundation. Although the singer went through with soundcheck, he said it hadn’t gone well. He had been seeing doctors for the past two days, receiving treatment for “some sort of neurological affliction that he said strikes every now and then.”

Green Day guitarist Jason White has been diagnosed with  tonsil cancer. Since his doctors “caught it early”, the musician is expected to make a “full and speedy recovery”, although, with cancer, who knows… The band wrote in a Facebook statement, “Jason recently underwent a routine tonsillectomy, and his doctors discovered a treatable form of tonsil cancer … Please join us in sending him love and positive healing vibes during this time.” Unbelievably, hundreds of people cared and left comments!

If you have Christopher Lee on your list for next year, maybe you should reconsider as the 92 year old is still fighting fit and is releasing a heavy metal Christmas single. This year’s effort is entitled Darkest Carols, Faithful Sing. This is a followup to last years attempt, Jingle Hells and 2012’s Heavy Metal Christmas, with interpretations of The Little Drummer Boy and Silent Night. Amazingly Jingle Hells made it to No.18 in the charts which made Lee the oldest musician to ever make the chart!

And finally, new research prompted by the deaths of Rik Mayall and Robin Williams suggests that the best comedians often lead shorter lives. The funnier you are, the more likely you are to die young, so I’m safe then! Researchers studied 53 comedians and found that, of the 23 ranked the funniest, 78 per cent died relatively young. Tony Hancock was 44 when he committed suicide, while Peter Sellers and Tommy Cooper died of heart attacks aged 54 and 63 respectively. The “funny” man in comedy double acts were three times as likely to die first. Eric Morecambe died in 1984 aged 58, but his straight man counterpart Ernie Wise survived him by 15 years, dying aged 73. Similarly, Peter Cook was 57 when he died, but his partner Dudley Moore lived to 66. I knew there was a reason why I decided to base my list on comedians next year!

On This Day

Deaths

Last Week’s Birthdays

Taylor Swift (25), Jamie Foxx (47), Steve Buscemi (57), Christopher Plummer (85), Dick Van Dyke (89), Jennifer Connelly (44), Dionne Warwick (74), Bob Barker (91), Donna Mills (74), Mos Def (41), Kenneth Branagh (54), Judi Dench (80), John Malkovich (61), Beau Bridges (73), Kirk Douglas (98), Donny Osmond (57), Nicki Minaj (32), Ann Coulter (53), Dominic Monaghan (38), Sinead O’Connor (48), Teri Hatcher (50) and Kim Basinger (61).

2014 League Table

[confidential]

Next Week peeps!


Dead Pool 7th December 2014

Dead Pool Background

Afternoon all, welcome to this weeks edition of the Dead Pool Newsletter. Last week we saw the death of the Worlds Fattest Man™, who at his heaviest weighed in at a whopping 70 stone! How did he get this fat? Well, he would gorge on 20,000 calories a day – almost 10 times the recommended amount – by having six-egg fry-ups for breakfast then pizzas, kebabs, Chinese takeaways and Big Macs for lunch and dinner, all washed down with six pints of coffee, two litres of fizzy drinks and a wafer thin mint. Apparently he leaves behind two sisters who cared for him, if they cared that much they wouldn’t have fed so much shit to a bedridden fatty. Anyhow…

Look Who You Could Have Had:

In Other News

US President Barack Obama has briefly visited a Washington hospital for tests following a persistent sore throat, the White House says. Obama had experienced a sore throat over “the past couple weeks”, which appeared to be caused by acid reflux, his doctor said. Apparently he has undergone a fibre optic exam, followed by a CT scan, only for doctors to say that he’s got a bit of a sore throat. Toughen up you big girls blouse!

Sadly, the Brazil legend Pelé is showing further signs of improvement as he continues his recovery from a kidney condition. However the three-times World Cup winner still remains in “semi-intensive care” at the Albert Einstein hospital in São Paulo. Pelé, 74, only has one kidney, having had one removed towards the end of his playing career. So following an operation to remove stones from his remaining kidney, it seems to haves fucked him up somewhat. A video was posted on the former Santos star’s official Facebook page where he appeared in good spirits and was even playing the guitar. Maybe listing him for next year is a tad too premature.

Wilko Johnson says he has found it “difficult” coming to terms with still being alive after being told he had terminal cancer. The former Dr Feelgood guitarist, 67, was given 10 months to live after being diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, but was given the all clear in April. Johnson, who lives in Southend, says he now hopes to fulfil ambitions including playing with Bob Dylan, woo! Aim high why don’t ya! Johnson underwent 11 hours of radical surgery at Addenbrooke’s Hospital in Cambridge to take out a 3kg tumour. The operation also involved removing his pancreas, parts of his stomach, spleen and small and large intestines, so fuck knows how he’s still breathing!

Thailand’s revered but ailing King Bhumibol Adulyadej has cancelled an annual appearance to mark his 87th birthday on the advice of doctors. The world’s longest-serving monarch has spent most of the last few months in hospital as fears over his health mount. A team of royal physicians examined the king on Thursday evening and agreed that he is not ready to grant a royal audience therefore they have recommended he cancels royal activities. In October the king had an operation to remove his gall bladder after tests revealed it was swollen. He was last seen in public in early November, so he might be dead already as far as we know.

It has been pointed out that Rebecca Farnworth died of cancer last month at the age of 49. Who the hell is she? Well, some of you may have read her books as she was a prolific ghostwriter, mainly for that big boobed bag of gas, Katie Price aka Jordan. Katie lamented in The Sun that she was ‘terribly terribly sad’ to hear of her death, I’m sure she was, I bet she made millions from the talent of this particular writer. Sadly Rebecca wasn’t famous enough for our needs, so we do wish her the very best on her travels into the great unknown.

Devon and Cornwall Police say a weapon, believed to have been  owned by the notorious wife-killer Hawley Harvey Crippen, was one of 446 weapons surrendered to police as part of a gun amnesty. Dr Crippen, who was born in the United States, is believed to have used hyoscine to kill Cora at his London home before attempting to flee to Canada, so it seems that the tiny pistol is practically worthless anyway. Crippen was hanged at London’s Pentoville Prison in 1910.

A hundred brains have gone missing in Texas! I would argue that there are no brains in Texas to go missing, but apparently The University of Texas at Austin had a specimen collection preserved in jars of formaldehyde that was donated to them over thirty years ago. Could it be an outbreak of zombies? Or are average Texans getting clued up to the fact that they need brains to function correctly. Who knows what has happened to them. Best guess, students pilfering them for Halloween pranks. Oh, how I wished I lived in Texas!

And finally, a tale of warning to all the golfers out there. A crocodile has killed a man while he was retrieving golf balls from Lake Panic in South Africa’s flagship wildlife reserve. Officials at Kruger National Park said the animal grabbed 29-year-old Jacques van der Sandt and disappeared under the water at a golf course next to a staff residential area. Sadly the rangers killed the crocodile after a two-hour search on Wednesday night and the body of Van der Sandt, the son of a park employee, was recovered. I doubt this is going to happen any time soon at Gleneagles, but it would make me watch the golf on the telly box if this was a possible outcome….

On This Day

Deaths

Last Week’s Birthdays

Amanda Seyfried (29), Billy Idol (59), Julianne Moore (54), Ben Stiller (49), Woody Allen (79), Bette Midler (69), Jeff Bridges (65), Britney Spears (33), Jay-Z (45), Daryl Hannah (54), Little Richard (82), Sarah Silverman (44), Marisa Tomei (50), Frankie Muniz (29), Tyra Banks (41), Ozzy Osbourne (66), Judd Apatow (47), Brendan Fraser (46), Nelly Furtado (36), Lucy Liu (46), Mandy Patinkin (62), John Terry (34), Nicole Appleton (40), C. Thomas Howell (48), Stan Boardman (74), Ellen Burstyn (82) and Noam Chomsky (86).

2014 League Table

[confidential]

Next Week peeps!


Dead Pool 30th November 2014

Dead Pool Background

Afternoon all, welcome once again to your weekly edition of the Dead Pool, I promise there will be no cricket jokes about bouncers not fucking about here! Remember, there’s only a month to go now so keep working on next years list, because it has to be more inspired than this year!

Look Who You Could Have Had:

In Other News

Lars_Von_Trier_Cannes_2011Lars von Trier says he is worried that he will not be able to make any more films now that he has quit drinking alcohol and no longer uses drugs. The Danish film director told the newspaper Politiken: “No creative expression of artistic value has  ever been carried out by former alcoholics and drug addicts.” Von Trier, who has directed graphic films such as Antichrist and Nymphomaniac, said he will be sober for 90 days as of Sunday and is going to meetings at Alcoholics Anonymous every day. We reckon he’ll fall off the wagon and make more movies, much to the disappointment of all.

Actor Mickey Rourke returned to the boxing ring last Friday at the age of 62, defeating a fighter less than half his age in an exhibition bout. Rourke sent 29-year-old Pasadena native Elliot Seymour to the canvas twice in the second round before the referee stopped the fight. The bout at a Moscow concert hall was Rourke’s first fight in 20 years. He took a break from acting in the early 1990s, finishing a three-year pro boxing career with six wins and two draws. He hinted that the return to the ring has helped him cope with unspecified personal issues. Those issues were the death of his pet Chihuahua, not so tough now is he…

Pelé “is in better condition” though he remains in a special care unit being treated  for a urinary tract infection. The 74-year-old is in hospital in São Paulo receiving renal support treatment, which helps kidneys to filter waste products from the blood, after surgery to remove kidney stones earlier this month. He is not on vasoactive drugs or other supportive therapies, the hospital said. Pelé, often called the greatest player in history, has suffered a long list of health problems in the past decade, including emergency eye surgery for a detached retina and a hip replacement.

Burt Reynolds is having to sell off hundreds of items of personal memorabilia in an attempt to pay outstanding mortgage payments. The actor, known for Smokey and the Bandit and Boogie Nights, is selling off over 600 items in a Las Vegas auction because he’s failed to pay his outstanding $700,000 mortgage since 2010 and is in danger of losing everything. We’d better keep an eye on him in case he goes Robin Williams on us!

And finally, The Office for National Statistics have confirmed that last year had the lowest ever number of winter deaths since records began. An estimated 18,200 excess winter deaths occurred in 2013-14, the lowest number since records began in 1950-51, which sort of bolsters why our scoring has been very low this year. Last winter was notably warmer than in previous years and had a relatively mild flu season which contributed to the lower number of deaths. Unsurprisingly, of the 18,200 excess deaths, 14,000 were in the over-75s, so best keep that in mind for your list for next year.

On This Day

Deaths

Last Week’s Birthdays

Miley Cyrus (22), Ed Harris (64), Christina Applegate (43), Jon Stewart (52), Don Cheadle (50), Tina Turner (75), Sarah Hyland (24), Tom Sizemore (53), Robin Givens (50), Judd Nelson (55), Randy Newman (71), Diane Ladd (79), Natasha Bedingfield (33), Stephen Merchant (40) and Bruno Tonioli (59).

2014 League Table

[confidential]

Next week peeps!


Dead Pool 23rd November 2014

Dead Pool Background

Welcome minions of the moribund, I can this week say that we have a point scorer! Congratulations to Julia for correctly guessing that the Duchess of Alba would depart us this year, 62 points awarded and the joy of not being on a big fat zero, like myself, with only five weeks to go. Lets hope that the cold weather catches a few for the rest of us ‘nil point’ players before this year is out!

Look Who You Could Have Had:

In Other News

Bono has undergone five hours of surgery after breaking his arm in six places and suffering a broken eye socket after falling off his bike in New York. Bono’s injuries are a result of what doctors called a “high-energy bicycle accident” were much more severe than the band let on in an earlier statement. Multiple x-rays showed that Bono had suffered numerous serious injuries, including a “facial fracture involving the orbit of his eye” and three separate fractures of his left shoulder blade. The fracture of the left humerus bone in his upper arm was said to be particularly serious, as it broke in six places and pierced the skin. Bono had just returned to New York after recording Band Aid 30 in London on Saturday, advocating that us poor fuckers pay an extortionate amount for a crap song to save Africans from themselves whilst he’s hiding millions in an offshore account. Karma…

Cher has cancelled the remainder of her Dressed to Kill tour after doctors advised she needed more time to recover from an ongoing viral infection. The singer said she was “devastated”. “Nothing like this has ever happened to me,” she lamented, in a statement. “I sincerely hope that we can come back again next year and finish what we started,” added the 68-year-old star. The second leg of the tour was due to kick off in New York on 11th September, but was postponed after the singer was “felled by an infection that affected her kidney function”. You can’t really complain, I doubt my granny would get up on stage dressed in fishnets to sing ‘If I Could Turn Back Time’…

Craig Charles has became the second person to leave the reality show I’m a Celebrity … Get Me Out of Here! after reports that his brother had died of a heart attack. After being made aware that his older brother had passed away at the age of 52, the Red Dwarf actor returned to Croc Creek to tell his fellow celebrities that he was heading home to be with his family. As yo know, heart disease runs in families, let’s keep a close eye on the Corrie star!

Jeremy Vine, the Radio 2 presenter, has been stopped by police for speeding on his bike at more than three times the limit. The reckless radio personality was caught cycling at 16mph through Hyde Park while on his way to work by an officer with a hand-held radar gun. Vine came to a halt in the cycle lane as the Metropolitan Police officer held up his hand and showed him the speed reading. He said he did not realise the limit was 5mph and apologised. With such death defying traits, he could end up like Bono, so we really should be listing him next year, or perhaps the Police should actually do some proper policing for a change.

American mass murderer Charles Manson, 80, has been granted a licence to marry a 26-year-old woman who has been visiting him in prison. The bride-to-be, Afton Elaine Burton, says she loves Manson. As a life prisoner with no parole date, Manson is not entitled to conjugal visits, so she will be spared the killers dusty sperms and the chance to get murdered herself. Luckily for his wife to be, Manson is not eligible to apply for parole again until 2027, hopefully by then the cunt will be dead and she’ll have moved on to a less media chasing life and a normal relationship.

Formula 1 driver Jules Bianchi is no longer in an artificial coma and is breathing unaided, his parents have said in a statement. However, his condition is still “critical” and he remains unconscious. They said they were “relieved” to confirm their son had been transferred to Le Centre Hospitalier Universitaire de Nice. Bianchi suffered a diffuse axonal injury when he crashed into a tractor at Suzuka that was recovering Adrian Sutil’s Sauber.

And finally, still on the F1 vein, it has been confirmed that Michael Schumacher is paralysed and has memory and speech problems from the brain injuries he sustained in a skiing accident, according to Philippe Streiff, a friend and ex-Formula One driver who was himself left in a wheelchair by a crash. Streiff, who was paralysed by a crash in 1989, said: “He is getting better but everything is relative. It’s very difficult. He can’t speak. Like me he is in a wheelchair, paralysed. He has memory problems and speech problems.” A spokeswoman for Schumacher said Streiff’s comments were “his opinions”.

On This Day

Deaths

Last Week’s Birthdays

Scarlett Johansson (29), Danny Devito (70), Jodi Foster (52), Mark Ruffalo (47), Rachel McAdams (36), Owen Wilson (46), Goldie Hawn (69), Carly Rae Jepsen (29), Meg Ryan (63), Joe Biden (72), Maggie Gyllenhaal (37), Martin Scorsese (72), Bo Derek (58), Jamie Lee Curtis (56), Larry King (81), Lorne Michaels (70), Delroy Lindo (62), Sean Young (55), Billie Jean King (71), Missi Pyle (42), Martha Plimpton (44), Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio (56), RuPaul (54) and Linda Evans (72).

2014 League Table

[confidential]

Next week peeps!


Dead Pool 16th November 2014

Dead Pool BackgroundAfternoon Poolers! Yet another week goes by and we have failed yet again to guess a single celebrity death! I’m starting to rethink my strategy for next year as these famous types are far outlasting us normal people, perhaps their longevity has something to do with how ridiculously rich they are. Back in my day an 80 year old celebrity was a cert! Anyhow, we have little over six weeks ’til the end of this years pool, so if you haven’t got your thinking cap on, you’d best drag it out from under the bed and give it a good dusting!

As always, I will be hassling you continuously during the month of December to get your lists in, I know what you lot are like, I have no idea how you managed to get an ‘O’ Level without doing your homework. If you would rather drop out for next year, please let me know and I’ll remove you from my hassle list.

Look Who You Could Have Had:

In Other News 

UnknownRichie Benaud has revealed he is undergoing radiation treatment for skin cancer. The revered broadcaster has been absent from his commentary duties since a car accident near his Sydney home in 2013. Benaud said he was paying the price for a cricket career in which he did not wear a hat or sunscreen. “When I was a kid we never ever wore a cap. I wish I had. You live and learn as you go along,” he said. “I recommend to everyone they wear protection on their heads. Eighty-four-year-olds don’t seem to mend as well as they used to.” Ain’t that the truth!!

Pete Doherty is back in a Thai rehab centre. Two years after he was kicked out of a similar facility, the Libertines frontman is hoping to finally quit heroin and to begin helping other struggling addicts. Doherty is also receiving support from his Libertines bandmate Carl Barât. After a long hiatus the band reunited for gigs this summer and they are now working on a new album. Woo!

The Brazil legend Pelé was taken to hospital on Wednesday with a stomach complaint which forced him to miss an event at the museum honouring his career. The 74-year-old was taken to São Paulo’s Albert Einstein Hospital as a precaution, according to the TV station Globo. Other media quoted a spokesman as saying Pelé was not believed to be seriously ill.

Argentine President Cristina Fernandez de Kirchner has been discharged from hospital after being treated for the latest in a series of medical problems. President Fernandez, who is 61, was hospitalised a week ago with fever and stomach pains. Doctors diagnosed an intestinal infection but have allowed her to leave hospital and ordered 10 days’ bed rest. This is the third time in less than a year that the president has suffered health issues. Best keep a very close eye on her.

An Argentinian magistrate has called on Interpol to use all necessary means to summon Justin Bieber to a Buenos Aires court. The singer has been accused of assault by a photographer, and magistrate Facundo Cubas said Bieber will face arrest if he does not submit his testimony about the incident within the next 60 days. If Bieber does return, a guilty verdict could result in up to a year in jail. I for one would like to see his face when a guilty verdict is read, imagine the state of his arsehole after a year in an Argentinian jail!!

And finally, a Polish woman who spent 11 hours in cold storage in a mortuary after being declared dead has returned to her family, complaining of feeling cold. Officials say Janina Kolkiewicz, 91, was declared dead after an examination by the family doctor. However, mortuary staff were astonished to notice movement in her body bag while it was in storage. The police have launched an investigation. Back home, Ms Kolkiewicz was warmed up with a bowl of soup and two pancakes and luckily has no inkling of what happened since she has late-stage dementia.

On This Day

Deaths

Last Week’s Birthdays

Anne Hathaway (32), Ryan Gosling (34), Whoopi Goldberg (59), Neil Young (68), Demi Moore (52), Leonardo Dicaprio (40), Prince Charles (65), Ed Asner (85), Lou Ferrigno (63), Calista Flockhart (50), Gerard Butler (45), Beverly D’Angelo (63), Condoleezza Rice (60) and Chad Kroeger (40).

2014 League Table

[Confidential]

Next Week peeps!


Dead Pool 9th November 2014

Dead Pool BackgroundNot a good week  to be a musician it seems,  they’ve been dropping like flies and  our list of potentials only contains people of note from the music industry this week. How we missed out on Acker Bilk I’ll never know!

Look Who You Could Have Had:

In Other News

Following revelations by his family a couple of weeks ago, Muhammad Ali’s doctor has played down fears over the former world heavyweight champion’s health. Ali, 72, has had Parkinson’s disease since 1984 and there have been rumours his health has been deteriorating. “I don’t see anything immediately that leads me to think that he is going to die in six months or a year,” Dr. Abraham Lieberman said. “People do not die of Parkinson’s. They develop trouble swallowing, they develop pneumonia, fall and bang their heads. His family take extraordinary care of him.” Even with such comments, all it takes is a small trip…

The six-times world championship finalist Jimmy White has told of his battle with crack cocaine addiction. The Whirlwind, 52, became a fans’ favourite in the 1980s and 90s, reaching the Crucible final in 1984 and in every year from 1990 to 1994 but losing on each occasion. White, though, was hiding a drug habit which cost him up to £10,000 a month, moving from cocaine to its stronger form. “I’m lucky to be alive” he admitted, “drugs probably cost me 10 world titles.”

Argentine President Cristina Fernandez de Kirchner is  being treated for an “infectious fever” in a hospital in the capital, Buenos Aires, officials say. Ms Fernandez, 61, checked herself into the clinic after feeling ill Sunday afternoon, an official statement explained. The president has had a series of health problems, some of which have forced her to cancel official trips. Last year she had an operation to treat bleeding on the brain. She also missed this year’s independence day celebrations due to a throat infection. Could it be Ebola?

The Olympic champion, Dani King is recovering in hospital after a training accident left the 23-year-old with five broken ribs and a punctured lung. The team pursuit Olympic champion crashed on a regular cycling training route in Wales after a member of her group hit a pothole. King, who is in intensive care, wrote on Twitter: “Crashed whilst out training yesterday resulting in 5 broken ribs and a collapsed lung. Being looked after by the amazing NHS ICU in Wales.”

Thailand’s 86-year-old king remains in hospital after surgery to remove his gallbladder, the palace has said. Bhumibol Adulyadej, the world’s longest-reigning monarch, was admitted to Siriraj hospital in Bangkok on 3rd October and hasn’t been well since. Previously he’s spent four years in a special suite after being admitted for a lung infection! The guy seems to be falling apart, surely a contender for next years lists!

And finally, two little tales of stupidity. A 26-year-old Australian man who risked his life by diving into shark-infested waters to climb onto a rotting whale carcass has confessed that even his parents think he is an idiot. “One of my mates said it would be pretty funny to surf the whale, so I did it.” He was not put off by the fact that several hungry tiger sharks and a massive great white, were circling around the carcass at the time. Twat!

Secondly, American wildlife filmmaker Paul Rosolie, 26, who describes himself as “Indiana Jones with a green twist”, is planning to be eaten alive by a snake. Wearing a spacial suit, breathing apparatus and a rope tied around his foot, he plans to be swallowed whole for a TV show. I sincerely hope it goes wrong and the stupid cunt dies, but what will most likely happen is that they will have to cut him out and kill the poor snake. Bigger twat!

On This Day

Deaths

Last Week’s Birthdays

Emma Stone (26), Matthew McConaughey (45), Roseanne Barr (62), Lorde (18), Ethan Hawke (44), Sally Field (68), David Schwimmer (48), Ralph Macchio (54), Dolph Lundgren (57), Gordon Ramsay (48), Joni Mitchell (71), Bryan Adams (55), Maria Shriver (59), Sam Rockwell (46), Tatum O’Neal (51), Art Garfunkel (72), Mike Nichols (83), Loretta Swit (77), Anna Wintour (65), Thandie Newton (42), Rebecca Romijn (42), Famke Janssen (49), Tilda Swinton (54), Adam Ant (61), Kate Capshaw (61) and K.D. Lang (53).

2014 League Table

[confidential]

Next Week peeps!


Dead Pool 2nd November 2014

Good afternoon one and all to this especially poignant edition of the Dead Pool. Yes, your Dead Pool Master lived to see the advent of his 40th birthday, who would have thunk it!! On another note, since most of you know Nickie through the FridayTwiz or the odd post on this here newsletter, you may or may not know that she’s authored a bookie wookie for you to enjoy. So if you like quizzes, and who doesn’t, visit this link for more info or even visit this link to buy her book.

Look Who You Could Have Had:

In Other News

The magician Paul Daniels needed an emergency tetanus jab after he was bitten by one of his stage rabbits while he was rehearsing for his new tour. Daniels, 76, was given the shot and prescribed a course of strong antibiotics after the rabbit attacked. The accident happened on Friday and the injury meant he had to delay the start of his show at the Lyceum Theatre in Crewe, part of his Back Despite Popular Demand Tour, with wife Debbie McGee, 55. A source said: “It wasn’t too serious. He still has all his finger. It’s just a little sore. Debbie is enjoying playing nurse.” Daniels, who is famous for his “not a lot” catchphrase, later tweeted: “It will be interesting to do magic with this elastoplasted finger.” It is not the first time he has been attacked by a co-star. In 2011 Paul had to be treated in hospital and was left with a black eye, after puppet Sooty threw a pizza at his head.

Hugh Jackman has had treatment for skin cancer for a third time. His people confirmed that he was treated for Basal Cell Carcinoma after the Wolverine actor was  recently pictured with another bandage on his nose. But his representatives say he’s “all good” after the procedure. The 46-year-old tweeted “Sunscreen” with a picture of his cancerous nose.

South Korea’s spy agency believes it has solved the mystery of North Korean leader Kim Jong Un’s six-week public absence that set off a frenzy of global speculation. The National Intelligence Service told legislators on Tuesday that a foreign doctor operated on Kim in September or October to remove a cyst from his left ankle, lawmaker Shin Kyung-min said. He said the spy agency also told lawmakers that the cyst could recur because of Kim’s obesity, smoking and heavy public schedule.

The inventor of the popular board game Operation is in desperate need of money to pay for a real-life operation. Friends of John Spinello, 77, are hoping to raise $25,000 (£15,400) on a crowdfunding site for oral surgery not covered by his insurance. Mr Spinello sold the game for $500 in 1964 and is not entitled to royalties. He is also planning an auction of the original prototype to raise additional money.

The family of Jules Bianchi have issued a new statement on the Marussia driver’s condition, saying the 25-year-old “continues to fight” for life. Bianchi suffered a diffuse axonal injury to his brain when he crashed into a recovery vehicle in heavy rain during the Japanese Grand Prix at Suzuka on 5th October, and has been undergoing treatment in Japan. In the new statement, the family said: “It will be four weeks this coming Sunday since Jules’ accident and he remains in the Mie General Medical Center in Yokkaichi. His condition continues to be classified by the medical professionals here as critical but stable.”

Everyone’s favourite paedo, Rolf Harris, has lost the first round of a legal challenge against his conviction for indecent assaults. The disgraced entertainer was jailed in July for nearly six years for 12 indecent assaults on four girls, including one aged just seven or eight. The Judicial Office confirmed a judge had refused his application for permission to appeal, lodged in August. But the 84-year-old can still renew the application before three judges at the Court of Appeal.

On This Day

Deaths

  • 1952Dixie Lee. American actress, singer, and dancer (b. 1911)
  • 1982 – King Vidor, American director, producer, and screenwriter (b. 1894)
  • 1985 – Phil Silvers, American actor and singer (b. 1911)
  • 2005 – Michael Piller, American screenwriter and producer (b. 1948)

Last Week’s Birthdays

Julia Roberts (47), Jenny McCarthy (42), Joaquin Phoenix (40), Hillary Clinton (67), Henry Winkler (69), Winona Ryder (43), Vanilla Ice (47), Kelly Osborne (30), Richard Dreyfuss (67), Jaclyn Smith (69), John Cleese (75), Anthony Kiedis (52), Toni Collette (52), Simon LeBon (56), Cary Elwes (52), Seth Macfarlane (41), Jon Heder (37), Annie Potts (62), Bill Gates (59) and Larry Flynt (72).

2013 League Table

[confidential]

Next week peeps!


Dead Pool 26th October 2014

Dead Pool Background

Welcome all, a very eventful week in the world of  celebrity deaths, however nobody scored a single point, we all really need to try harder! With little over two months left to play, the scoring has been abysmal this year, either celebrities are getting hardier or we’re simply not good enough at predicting their expiry dates. Let’s hope that the upcoming cold weather reaps a few on our lists, but I suppose celebrities don’t have to worry about heating bills…

Look Who You Could Have Had:

In Other News

PX*6833895Tottenham Hotspur have said they are supporting former football star Paul Gascoigne after it was reported he had been placed on an emergency three-day detox. Medics sectioned the 47-year-old under the Mental Health Act at 3am on Friday after a drinking binge. His close friend and former Spurs team-mate Gary Mabbutt said: “Paul hasn’t been well for the past couple of weeks, he wants to get better and he’s asked for help. He is being looked after very well – he has got a lot of support around him.” Police were called to Gascoigne’s home in Poole, Dorset, at around 3.30pm on Thursday, but something must have happened in-between then and his sectioning at 3am, perhaps he tried an early points score on the Dead Pool?

426121_1Bad news for a few Poolers, former Dr Feelgood guitarist Wilko Johnson says he has been “cured” of the terminal pancreatic cancer with which he was diagnosed in 2012. The 67-year-old was initially given 10 months to live after rejecting chemotherapy, but had radical surgery to remove the tumour earlier this year. After an 11 hour operation to remove 3kg of tumour, his pancreas, spleen, part of his stomach, small and large intestines and the removal and reconstruction of blood vessels relating to the liver, Wilko, or what’s left of him, had accepted he was going to die, but now he’s disappointing everyone by pulling through. The lucky bastard!

A footballer has died of injuries he sustained after landing awkwardly while celebrating a goal during a state-level league match in India, the organisers of the Mizoram Premier League have announced. Peter Biaksangzuala, a midfielder for Bethlehem Vengthlang, a club based in the north east of the country, damaged his spinal cord after attempting a series of somersaults to celebrate his equaliser in the fixture against Chanmari West last Tuesday. That’ll teach him!

In more bad news for us, a doctor who treated Michael Schumacher for nearly six months after his brain injury in a skiing accident says the F1 champion has made “some progress”. Jean-Francois Payen, a doctor at the French hospital in Grenoble where he was treated, warned that any recovery would take time. The typical convalescence period was one to three years, he suggested. “I have noted some progress but I would say we should give him time,” he said. Asked about the chances of Schumacher making a recovery, he only referred to a time frame for patients with similar brain injuries. “It’s like for other patients, we are on a timescale which goes from one year to three years and we need to be patient.” Bah!

On This Day

Deaths

Last Week’s Birthdays

Katy Perry (30), Jeff Goldblum (62), Kim Kardashian (34), Ryan Reynolds (38), Carrie Fisher (58), Catherine Deneuve (71), Weird Al Yankovic (55), Kevin Kline (67), Tom Petty (64), Snoop Dogg (42), Pele (74), Christopher Lloyd (76), John Lithgow (69), Jesse Tyler Ferguson (39), Evander Holyfield (52), Viggo Mortensen (56), Ken Watanabe (54), Ang Lee (60) and Cat Deeley (38).

Next Week peeps!


Dead Pool 19th October 2014

Dead Pool BackgroundWelcome minions! Yet another week flies by, yet more  pointless deaths. As per usual, we have a few pieces of news and for this week only, a job offer you cannot refuse! Without further ado:

Look Who You Could Have Had:

In Other News

muhammad-ali-07Muhammad Ali was known as the “Louisville Lip”, thanks to his sharp patter and devastating wit which skewered his opponents both in and out of the ring. These days the boxing legend is so stricken by the ravages of Parkinson’s disease that he can hardly speak, his brother has announced. He did not attend the Holly­wood premier of a new film about his life, I Am Ali, last week and was unable to take part in any filming although he is said to have given the project his support. Rahman Ali said that the boxer, who lives in Arizona with his wife, Lonnie, had become increasingly frail in the past year and was now largely housebound. In January, his son, Ali Jr, said he considered there was “no chance” of his father living another year.

118738-glen-campbellCountry musics legendary rhinestone cowboy, Glen Campbell, is taking his last bow this autumn. The 78-year-old, who was diagnosed with Alzheimers disease in  2011, said farewell to fans on a Goodbye Tour in 2012, but this week marked the official sunset of Campbells professional music career with the release of his final single, a heartbreaking ballad called I’m Not Gonna Miss You. Very much in the vein of Johnny Cash’s last single, whom died very soon after the release of his last single, a cover of Nine Inch Nails’ Hurt, we rather hope Campbell makes it to January!

auton125256-7d4efThe president of Brazil was forced to sit down and be revived live on television after a challenging 90-minute debate with her rival for the presidency. Dilma Rousseff, 66, who is running for re-election in a vote to be held on October 26th, battled her way through a demanding debate with Aecio Neves. After the discussion had ended, she was interviewed by Brazil’s SBT television, but was evidently feeling unwell. She was ushered to a chair by the presenter, who continued to talk to the live television audience, telling them: “The president is feeling ill.” Apparently she was suffering from low blood pressure, we’re thinking it’s more serious!

north-koreas-kim-jong-un-makes-another-appearance-walking-stickAfter more than six weeks of global speculation, the people of North Korea can at last relax: their beloved leader has finally been seen in public once more. State media reported early on Tuesday local time that Kim Jong-un visited a newly built residential district and the Natural Energy Institute of the State Academy of Sciences. Kim was pictured walking with the aid of a black cane – lending weight to the theory that he has been receiving treatment for a leg injury or illness that has affected his ability to walk unaided.

Text-message-550x366And finally, a woman was horrified to receive a text message from her grandmother’s phone number – three years after her death. When Lesley Emerson died in 2011 some of her favourite things were buried with her, including her mobile phone. Sheri Emerson, of South Shields, said she found comfort in texting her but was stunned to get a reply, saying: “I’m watching over you.”

It emerged her grandmother’s number had been given to another user who replied, thinking friends were playing pranks. Ms Emerson said that following her grandmother’s death, rather than visit her grave at Harton Cemetery in South Shields, she would text small, personal messages as a “way of being close to her”. However, she was “upset and distressed” to receive a reply saying: “I’m watching over you and it’s all going to get better. Just push through.” When a family member rang the number the man who answered explained he had recently acquired the number and thought the text messages from Ms Emerson had been from prankster friends. O2 said numbers disconnected and not reconnected within a short period of time were placed in a general pool for reassignment. Oh my life!

On This Day

Deaths

Get Your Arse to Mars! by KoA

mars-2You may or may not have heard of there Mars One mission. As the title suggests, it’s a mission to get man on mars within our lifetime. However, there’s one little snag, it’s a one way trip and researchers at MIT say that the settlers, if they even manage to reach Mars, will only live for a couple of months at most.

The Dutch non-profit foundation that’s behind the Mars One mission say that they already have the technology to achieve this and they can launch a preliminary expedition in 2018, which will be sending toilet-like cubicles to provide food and facilities for the group of stupid humans that make the journey.

The first four settlers will take off in 2024 and land in 2025 after a seven month journey, they will presumably eat whatever food was sent, then starve to death.

vis1Who would make such a journey? Well, 200,000 people have applied, 1,058 have made it through to round two. They are a bunch of healthy adults from around the world and eventually the final six groups of four will be chosen by an international reality TV contest, yes, you will finally be  able to vote for someone to die with barely a whim and a few terms & conditions.

I suppose there is a certain glory involved, your name will go down in history as the first group of people to reach Mars, you will also be known as the first group of people to have died on Mars, or maybe the only one left on Mars after eating your shipmates.

If you hate humanity as much as these 200,000 people, you could have signed up, unfortunately they are not taking any more names, so you will just have to kill yourself instead.

Last Week’s Birthdays

Zac Efron (27), Marie Osmond (55), Hugh Jackman (46), Angela Lansbury (89), Paul Simon (73), Roger Moore (87), Tim Robbins (56), Sarah Ferguson (55), Eminem (42), Suzanne Somers (68), Flea (52), Chuck Berry (88), Sacha Baron Cohen (43), Pam Dawber (63), Michael McKean (67), George Wendt (66), Martina Navratilova (58), Jean-Claude Van Damme (54), Wyclef Jean (45), Steve Coogan (49), Margot Kidder (66), Matt Damon (44) and Luke Perry (48).

2014 League Table

[confidential]

Next week peeps!


Dead Pool 12th October 2014

Sunday again, and as sure as the tides, here we are speculating over the demises of the famous. Another slack week I’m afraid, however, we have more than enough to entertain the most morbid of you. I’ll remind you now that there is little over two months to go, so get your thinking caps on for next year because this years scoring has been abysmal so far. Either celebrities are healthier than they used to be or we are shit at this game!

Look Who You Could Have Had:

In Other News

Marussia driver Jules Bianchi remains in “critical but stable” condition, almost a week after his crash at the Japanese Grand Prix. The 25-year-old was unconscious when he was taken to hospital from Suzuka. Bianchi lost control close to where Sauber driver Adrian Sutil had spun and hit the tyre barrier. As a recovery vehicle was lifting Sutil’s car, Bianchi travelled across the run-off area and hit the back of the tractor. Although a statement earlier this week from his family, through the Marussia team, said Bianchi had sustained a diffuse axonal injury, no further updates have been given. It is unclear how serious his condition remains.

Michael Schumacher is “fighting” in his recovery, according to former Ferrari boss and current FIA president Jean Todt who believes the world champion’s condition will improve. “He will probably no longer be able to drive in Formula One. Voilà, that’s what we can say,” Todt said. When asked if Schumacher would be able to live a normal life again Todt said: “we have to hope for that”.

Blues guitarist BB King has called off the remaining eight  performances of his current tour after being diagnosed with dehydration and exhaustion. According to his website, the 89-year-old was taken ill during a performance in Chicago on Friday. The tour was to have included two shows at his own blues club in New York. The veteran bluesman, known for such hits as The Thrill is Gone and Every Day I Have the Blues, has diabetes and was briefly in hospital in 2007. Earlier this year, King issued a public apology to fans after an erratic performance in St Louis led to audience catcalls and early departures. His publicists called it “a bad night for one of America’s living blues legends”, we call it a calling to deaths door.

Singer Morrissey has revealed he has had four medical procedures he has described as “cancer-scrapings”. The ex-Smiths star has recently battled bouts of ill health but revealed the cancer news during an email interview with Spanish newspaper El Mundo. “I have had four cancer-scrapings, but so what. If I die, I die,” he wrote. “If I don’t, then I don’t. As I sit here today I feel very well.” He continued, ”I know I look quite bad on recent photographs, but I am afraid this is what illness does to the overall countenance. I will save relaxation for when I’m dead.” Morrissey, cheerful as always.

Thailand’s King Bhumibol Adulyadej is improving following an operation at a Bangkok hospital to remove his gallbladder, say officials. The 86-year-old king is revered as a near-deity in Thailand and news of his latest illness has sparked concern across the country. The king has been admitted to the Siriraj Hospital several times in recent years. He was treated there for stomach inflammation last month. In 2009 he was admitted for a lung infection, and spent nearly four years living in a special suite in the hospital.

And finally, where is North Korea’s Kim Jong-un? Nobody has seen him in weeks! According to South Korean newspaper The Chosun ilbo, the North Korean ruler fractured his ankles after putting on weight from regularly consuming imported Swiss cheese. It’s suggested that he is dead already and that Kim Jong-un’s younger sister may have stepped up to wrest control of the secretive country. This poses a quandary for us Poolers, without confirmation of his fatness dying, no points can be awarded! Anyone fancy taking a holiday?

On This Day

Deaths

Last Week’s Birthdays

Kate Winslet (39), Simon Cowell (55), Jesse Eisenberg (31), Sigourney Weaver (65),  Paul Hogan (75), Chevy Chase (71), Matt Damon (44), Bruno Mars (28), Emily Deschanel (38), Luke Perry (48), Britt Ekland (72), David Lee Roth (60), Joan Cusack (52), Guy Pearce (47), Jane Krakowski (46), Elisabeth Shue (50), Bob Geldof (63), Karen Allen (63), Stephen Moyer (45), Desmond Tutu (83), Thom Yorke (46), Rev. Jesse Jackson (73), Sharon Osbourne (62), Tony Shalhoub (61), Scott Bakula (60) and Sean Lennon (39).

2013 League Table

[confidential]

Next Week peeps!


Dead Pool 5th October 2014

Dead Pool Background

Hi folks, a very quiet week this time, so I’ve pulled out all the stops to produce what I can only call an epic saga of news and entertainment for your perusal. I know, there’s no need to thank me, honestly, I know I’m particularly more awesome than your next door neighbour, so let’s just get on with is shall we?

Look Who You Could Have Had:

In Other News

Michaela StrachanThe television presenter Michaela Strachan has revealed she was diagnosed with breast cancer. Sadly, the Springwatch host said she was forced to have both breasts removed after the cancer was discovered in a mammogram at the start of the year. The 48-year-old, who is set to undergo reconstructive surgery, stressed that her experience showed the importance of regular checkups.

Walmart – owners of the truck that crashed into Tracy Morgan’s limousine contend that his injuries and the death of a passenger were partly their own fault because the 30 Rock comic was not wearing a seatbelt, so nothing to do with the fact that their speeding/sleeping driver hadn’t slept for over 24 hours and managed to total seven vehicles in the crash. I don’t know about how you feel about these things, but these lawyers sometimes talk out of their arses! I’m voting Walmart as cunt of the week!

The British National Party says it has expelled its ex-leader Nick Griffin. In a statement, the BNP accused him of trying to “destabilise” the party and “harassing” party members, so nothing to do with the fact the guy is a twat! The report also suggested that he had ignored warnings from Adam Walker, the party’s chairman, that he was bringing the BNP into disrepute! Disrepute!!!! We better keep an eye on Griffin, or try to, hard to look the man in the face with that massive squint, he’s pretty much on a downward spiral, having being declared bankrupt, fired from his job and now being ignored by his racist friends. A suicide in the making?

Sir Bobby Charlton has been taken to hospital after complaining of stomach pains whilst playing in the Alfred Dunhill Championship pro-am event in Scotland. A source at the hospital said that the Manchester United director, 76, was treated for stomach pains in the accident and emergency department but was then discharged and allowed home. The episode was described as ‘a bit of a turn’, maybe a strong Vindaloo the night before, perhaps its a tumour, who knows, let’s see how it pans out.

Michael Caine has said he is ready to retire at the end of the year, and we all know what happens to men that retire! Caine has had a glittering career that has seen him win two Oscars and become one of Hollywood’s best-known British actors. The 81-year-old has acted in more than a hundred films including Alfie, Zulu, The Italian Job and Get Carter admitted that “I’ve retired, sort of. I’m doing a second one of Now You See Me, a picture I did about magicians,” he said. “I do that in December and then I stop.” We’re wondering if he’s talking about acting or life…

Following news of AC/DC guitarist Malcolm Youngs permanent departure from the band, his family have now confirmed that he’s being treated for dementia. The announcement follows news of AC/DC’s 17th studio album, Rock or Bust, which is produced by Brendan O’Brien and will be released on 1 December. It is the first AC/DC album not to feature Young, most likely because he forgot where he left his guitar.

Good news for us, actor Lynda Bellingham, 66, has decided to stop taking chemotherapy for her cancer riddled body at the end of November with the hope she’ll make it to the end of January, so it  looks like all of us will be starting off the year with 84 points. Let’s hope she has an awesome Christmas and I’m sure you would all like to join me in wishing her well until January.

The long, complicated saga of Casey Kasem’s final resting place has taken another turn as his daughter, Kerri, announced on Twitter that the funeral home in Oslo, Norway has refused to bury the late radio star. The Top 40 star passed away in June in Gig Harbor, Washington, one wonders what’s left to bury after four months of rotting and globe trotting, however, I’m sure that the family know what they are doing, so feel free to sign the petition to have the slightly fluid and bony corpse flown back to the loving arms of his children.

More good news, Oklahoma prison officials unveiled new execution procedures on Tuesday to replace those used in April when an inmate writhed and moaned before being declared dead 43 minutes after his lethal injection began. The new guidelines allow the state to keep using the sedative midazolam, so you wont have to listen to the inmate moan and watch him writhe on the table as he dies. I’m sure all of those on Death Row will be so pleased to hear this news, they will still feel all the pain, but those watching wont have a clue! Well done Oklohoma!

I’m sure some of you have seen footage of Larry Evans on social media, he’s the 57 stone guy who’s sharing his workouts with the world like some kind of inspirational guru. Obviously we can’t disparage his attempts at getting fit and back into shape, but 57 stone and rigorous exercise don’t mix very well. Will he be famous enough to cut the mustard? Will his next dive into the pool cause that fatal coronary? Will bench pressing those hamburgers cause a stroke? Who knows, let’s watch and find out, but as someone who has a slight strain lifting his wine to his mouth, I’m not holding out much hope for this guy.

On This Day

Deaths

Five diseases far deadlier than Ebola found in the US by KoA

Since Ebola has reached Texas, I thought we would cover some other diseases that are already killing thousands in the US – let’s look at five currently or recently observed in the US with higher fatality rates.

Amoebic Meningoencephalitis

A rare but highly lethal disease which sees the nervous system infected by a type of amoeba which can be found in warm, stagnant freshwater including swimming pools and lakes. Only five people have ever survived the disease, representing a 97 per cent fatality rate. Infection can occur if contaminated water enters deep into the sinus cavities. There are few symptoms in the first few days of infection beyond a loss of sense of smell, but most of those infected die within 14 days of exposure.

Rabies

Rabies is still present in all parts of the world except for Japan, parts of Western Europe and Australasia, and Antarctica, killing 55,000 annually. Spread by bites or scratches from infected animals, the disease in nearly always fatal once symptoms develop, typically one to three months after infection. A range of animals found in the US can also spread the disease, including bats, skunks, raccoons, foxes, coyotes and even groundhogs. Run now, run for the hills!

Anthrax

Anthrax used to kill hundreds of thousands around the world every year. However, the vaccine developed by Louis Pasteur has seen this vastly diminish. The disease is usually picked up by grazing animals from spores of bacteria in the soil, which can turn into inhalational anthrax, which was known as “woolsorters’ disease” due to the risk of inhaling spores suffered by those in the wool trade. Without treatment, only about 10 – 15% of patients with inhalation anthrax survive.

The Plague

We all remember this from school history lessons, the 14th-century Black Plague was just one of three global pandemics in history, which have collectively killed up to 200 million people. But it is still around, even in America! From 1990-2005, a total of 107 cases of plague were reported in the United States. Mortality from pneumonic plague approaches 100 per cent when untreated, while some strains of bubonic plague can be as high as 70 per cent.

HIV/AIDS

New research this week has claimed the first ever case of the HIV/AIDS pandemic can be traced to Kinshasa in the DR Congo in the 1920s. Since then it has spread across the world infecting some 75 million people and killing 36 million of them. It’s hard to put an exact figure on mortality as treatments vary substantially around the world and are constantly developing, while many die years or even decades after infection, however, the Control of Communicable Diseases Manual puts the case fatality rate among those untreated in a developed country at 80 to 90 per cent in the first five years.

Last Week’s Birthdays

Victoria Silvstedt (40), Brigitte Bardot (80), Mira Sorvino (47), Hilary Duff (27), Dita Von Teese (42), Jerry Lee Lewis (80), Johnny Mathis (79), Julie Andrews (79), Randy Quaid (64), Jimmy Carter (90), Sting (63), Gwen Stefani (45), Neve Campbell (41), Seann William Scott (38), Clive Owen (50), Lena Headey (41), Jackie Collins (77), Susan Sarandon (68) and Alicia Silverstone (38).

2014 League Table

[confidential]

Next Week peeps!


Dead Pool 28th September 2014

Dead Pool Background

Welcome again to this weeks amazing holiday edition of the Dead Pool. Well, I’m on holiday, so it’s a holiday edition. So, this week we find no new deaths, but discover that Luke Skywalker is 58 years old and that Catherine Zeta-Jones is regretting marrying a 69 year old Michael Douglas! Oh, not to mention that Draco Malfoy is 27 years old… Brian Ferry 69!!! Fuck off!!!

Look Who You Could Have Had:

In Other News

In an unprecedented announcement from the North Korean media, they have admitted that their illustrious leader, Kim Jong-un, is ill. That Kim Jong-un, 31, is carrying a few extra pounds has been blindingly obvious since he became North Koreas leader in late 2011. But speculation that his increasing weight is apparently the result of a weakness for cheese that has brought on debilitating spells of gout rose dramatically this week after he failed to attend an important parliamentary session. Rumours that Kim, reputedly a heavy smoker, is in less than robust health came after Kim’s continuing three-week public absence after he was shown limping and wearing loose clothes during inspections of military units and factories. A source said to be familiar with North Korean affairs said that Kim was suffering from gout, diabetes and high blood pressure, surely an excellent cocktail of ailments for our purposes!

Remember Phil Spector? You know, the convicted murderer and former Wall of Sound record producer, yup, I barely  remember him either. However, the California Department of Corrections and Rehabilitation have seen fit to issue a recent photograph of him for our pleasure, soo very kind of them. The fact that he looks like Gollum is clearly apparent, but let’s be honest here, you would never trust that man with your child would you? Spector , 74, was found guilty of shooting the 40-year-old actress Lana Clarkson, and is currently serving 19 years to life.

Lynda Bellingham has revealed she has just weeks to live after deciding to end her chemotherapy treatment. The actress, 66, who is best known for playing the mother in the Oxo TV adverts, has been battling colon cancer since July last year. Sadly the cancer spread to her lungs and liver, so there is no hope in sight. The question is now, will she live long enough for us to list her for next year? Or will she be another Iain Banks?

And finally, If you consider yourself an adventurous eater, there’s a burger that’s got your name on it. A pop-up venture in London is offering diners the chance to try a “human flesh” burger. Before you fall off your chair in horror, don’t panic, the burger isn’t actually made of people, but is simply meant to taste like it. The unsavoury treat has been concocted by Messhead, a collaboration between chef James Tomlinson of London Mess and Miss Cakehead. Thankfully, the pair didn’t have to nibble human flesh themselves to create their burger: instead, they read accounts from various cannibals about what human flesh tastes like. Inspiration came from flesh munchers including William Seabrook, an explorer who described human flesh as tasting like “good, fully developed veal, not young, but not yet beef” and the murderer Issei Sagawa, who said it “melted in my mouth like raw tuna in a sushi retsaurant”. The final recipe for the patties included pork, veal, bone marrow and chicken livers. Nom nom…

On This Day

Deaths

Last Week’s Birthdays

Gwyneth Paltrow (42), Michael Douglas (69), Avril Lavigne (30), Bill Murray (64), Bruce Springsteen (65), Mark Hamill (62), Heather Locklear (53), Will Smith (45), Olivia Newton-John (66), Catherine Zeta-Jones (45), Serena Williams (33), Meatloaf (67), Liam Gallagher (42), Michael Madsen (56), Faith Hill (56), Stephen King (67), Nick Cave (57), Joan Jett (56), Andrea Bocelli (56), Jim Caviezel (46), Tom Felton (27), Bryan Ferry (69) and Linda Hamilton (58).

2013 League Table

[confidential]

Next week peeps!


Dead Pool 21st September 2014

Dead Pool Background

Welcome Poolers, alas this week is very thin on the ground for celebrity deaths. I blame the glut of deaths last week, we just can’t keep the momentum going. However, we wont let that stop us from enjoying the news and other features we have become accustomed to. I would suggest that you might like to start thinking about next years list, we have little over three months to go, so get your thinking caps on.

Look Who You Could Have Had:

In Other News

Unknown-1After last weeks revelation that Toronto Mayor Rob Ford had a tumour, it’s now come to light that he has been diagnosed with a “fairly aggressive” rare cancer. Mr Ford, 45, has a malignant liposarcoma in his abdomen and will begin chemotherapy as soon as possible. According to reports he has a 12cm by 12cm sized tumour in his abdomen and another smaller 2cm tumour in his left buttock, which are believed to have grown within the last three years. His doctor said on Wednesday that it was “impossible to predict” how chemotherapy was going to affect Mr Ford. So a very good candidate for next year, if he lasts…

Swedish King Carl XVI Gustaf has been involved in a car  crash, but is not hurt, the royal palace says. The king was being driven to an airport in Stockholm on Wednesday morning when the collision took place. The car was badly damaged but the king was uninjured and continued his journey in another car, local media said. There have been no reports of other injuries. Photos published in local media showed damage to the front of the car, a dark blue Mercedes, with one air bag deployed. The 68-year-old ascended the throne in 1973. He is best known abroad for presenting the annual Nobel Prizes.

The Newcastle United winger Jonás Gutiérrez has been sent messages of support by former team-mates and supporters groups after revealing he is being treated for testicular cancer in his native Argentina. The 31-year-old midfielder told Argentinian TV he has undergone chemotherapy after having surgery following the discovery of a tumour, which was first noticed last year. Let’s hope his balls recover for long enough so we can list him next year.

An 81-year-old Austrian billionaire, known for the famous partners he invites to the annual Vienna Opera Ball, has married 24-year-old Playboy model Cathy Schmitz. The pair wedded at Schönbrunn palace – a 1,441-room summer residence in Vienna – after meeting in February this year and becoming engaged in August. Billionaire Richard Lugner acknowleged their 57-year age gap, but  “Apart from the big age difference, everything fits,” he said. Cathy announced her marriage on her Facebook page with the words “In love, engaged, married!” along with a picture of her wedding ring. She later wrote that the day was “an incredible and unforgettable experience” whilst listening to imaginary cash register sounds in her vacuous head.

A Belgian man serving a life sentence for rape and murder will be allowed to have doctors end his life, after a landmark ruling which could become European Law. Unable to control his violent sexual urges, Frank Van Den Bleeken, who is 50, argued he would never be freed. This opens the doors to many other ‘lifers’ who would rather die than pay for their crimes by rotting in jail. Should this become a president in law, the Dead Pool could become a busy place!

And finally, a 65-year-old woman from Bangkok has killed herself by jumping into a pit of crocodiles at a reptile farm near the capital. In an inspired but stupid notion, witnesses saw Wanpen Inyai jumping into a pond at Samut Prakarn Crocodile Farm and Zoo on Friday. Staff failed to rescue her. According to reports, she took off her shoes before jumping into the middle of a pond said to be up to 3m deep that contained hundreds of adult crocodiles. At least we can learn from her death, if you’re going to kill yourself, make sure you don’t ruin your shoes.

On This Day

Deaths

Do Not Believe What You Read On T’Internet  by Nickie

(Ever)… 

For those of you who take Twitter as it comes, then seeing a ‘celebrity death’ tweet piques your interest, yes? Even more so if you’re into dead stuff!

Now, maybe football doesn’t really tickle your fancy (it doesn’t float my boat) but when you see a name from your nostalgic past and the word “death or died” in the same tweet sentence then your nostalgic sense pricks up.

Then this is what happens…

You retweet the RIP Tweet

Then you tweet something which includes the words “#deadpool @kingofankh”

You then doubt your retweet but forget about it and drink wine

Then someone (*cough @kingofankh cough*) remembers that the said famous person died 10 years ago and you sink into your settee with shame

Then you look up “died in 2004 IMDB” on Google and you find this

http://www.imdb.com/search/name?death_date=2004

And you go… Holy shit… Christopher Reeve, OMG… Rodney Dangerfield , Fuck me.. Marlon Brando, Aawww… Jerry Orbach

And you keep scrolling and realise that it’s okay to “forget” about famous people dying but it’s also okay to randomly remember how good they were too… So good that you forgot that they were already dead and you’re shocked that you forgot.

*(Ed) Just like Brian Clough… *ahem*

Last Week’s Birthdays

Sophia Loren (80), Twiggy (64), Jimmy Fallon (40), Jeremy Irons (66), Adam West (86), Lance Armstrong (43), Jada Pinkett Smith (43), Elvira, Mistress of the Dark (63), Mickey Rourke (62), David Copperfield (58), Prince Harry (30), Tommy Lee Jones (68), Sam Neill (67), Oliver Stone (68), B.B. King (87), George R.R. Martin (66), David McCallum (81), Baz Luhrmann (52) and Bryan Singer (49).

2013 League Table

[confidential]

Next week peeps!


Dead Pool 14th September 2014

Dead Pool BackgroundWell, what a massacre of a week!! They’ve  been falling thick  and fast and there are   points to be awarded! Let’s start by awarding a former winner, Paul C. 75 points for guessing John Bardon, well done that man! Now onto the Ian Paisley points. John had him down as his Cert, 162 points!! The following also had Paisley and get 62 points: Shan, Sylvia, Martin and Jemm. Well done all of you, with well over half of us now having scored, other than me and a few others. Yes, even your erstwhile Dead Pool Master has yet to score too. So don’t feel bad if you’re still sitting on a duck, even an old pro like me finds this game a bit hard some years…

Look Who You Could Have Had:

In Other News 

Ali_Khamenei_(cropped).jpegIran’s supreme leader has undergone prostate surgery at a government hospital in Tehran, state media said in a rare report on the state of health of 75-year-old Ayatollah Ali Khamenei. The official IRNA news agency said the operation, which was described as routine, was successful. There were no immediate details on what had prompted the surgery or the underlying medical condition, but as we all know, once an geriatric starts getting medical treatment, these doctors never leave them alone until they’re dead!

Toronto’s controversial mayor, Rob Ford, has been admitted to a hospital and is believed to have a tumour in his abdomen, health officials said on Wednesday. Rueben Devlin from Humber regional hospital said Ford had been complaining of abdominal pains and that an examination has resulted in a working diagnosis of a tumour. Ford, 45, became an international celebrity last year after he acknowledged using crack in a “drunken stupor” following months of denials. The mayor returned to work in June after a rehab stint for drug and alcohol abuse and is running for re-election on 27th October. The Toronto Sun reported that Ford was hospitalised in 2009 for a tumour on his appendix, leading to its removal, along with part of his colon. The mayor’s father died of colon cancer in 2006.

Michael Schumacher has left his hospital in Lausanne, nine months after suffering a life-threatening injury in a skiing accident. His manager, Sabine Kehm, said in a statement that the former F1 world champion still faced a long and difficult road ahead and would continue his rehabilitation at home. The statement further said that Schumacher’s move should not be interpreted as a sign of massive changes in his health status but fell short of actually saying anything useful.

Greg Norman is recovering in hospital after almost cutting off his hand with a chainsaw. The 59-year-old Australian posted a picture of himself on Twitter and Instagram on Saturday night as he recovered in a hospital bed in the United States. Norman said he was “damaged” but “lucky” to still have a left hand after the chainsaw accident. “Working with a chainsaw ALWAYS be respectful of the unexpected,” he wrote. “I was one lucky man today. Damaged, but not down & out. Still have left hand.”

A US television news anchorman in Illinois has shared the  heartbreaking news with his viewers that he has only six months to live. Dave Benton, 51, explained that he has a brain tumour which is too big to operate on, but said that as a born-again Christian he was ‘at peace’ and hoped to keep working for as long as possible. Personally I’d be flying around the world quaffing cocktails and shagging prostitutes, but each to their own.

PistolAnd finally, in a Darwinian accident waiting to happen, a teacher in the US state of Utah who was legally carrying a gun in her primary school was seriously injured when it accidentally discharged. The incident happened in a staff toilet before classes started and no children were in the building. Utah is among a number of states that allow people with permits to carry concealed weapons into primary schools. Luckily a substitute teacher was brought in to supervise the wounded teacher’s class. I don’t know how vicious toddlers are in the US, but obviously the need to carry a pistol upon your person says a lot about American kids.

On This Day

Deaths

Last Week’s Birthdays

Shannon Elizabeth (41), Evan Rachel Wood (27), Hugh Grant (54), Adam Sandler (48), Rachel Hunter (45), Eric Stonestreet (43), Michael Buble (39), Colin Firth (54), Moby (48), Harry Connick Jr. (47), Linda Gray (74), Ian Holm (83), Jason Statham (47), Freddie Jones (87), Virginia Madsen (53), Brian De Palma (74), Guy Richie (46), Topol (79), Martin Freeman (43), Pink (35), Doug Bradley (60), Dario Argento (74) and Julie Kavner (64).

2013 League Table

[confidential]

Next week peeps!


Dead Pool 7th September 2014

Dead Pool Background

Afternoon peeps, and as sure as rain falls from the sky,  more celebrities have unfortunately died. But surprisingly, nobody listed Joan Rivers this year!! To think we all could have scored 69 points of the death of that hateful old gobby cow!! Anyhow, the woman who once said that all Palestinians deserved to die and also belittled our much loved Adele, is now thankfully dead. Woo!

Look Who You Could Have Had:

In Other News

The author Jenny Diski has revealed in an essay that she’s been given an inoperable cancer diagnosis and “two to three years” by her doctor. Diski, who is 67, is currently writing her new memoir “a fucking cancer diary? Another fucking cancer diary” which will be published in parts in the London Review of Books. The author thanked readers for the “kindly thoughts” which have poured in, but is too grumpy and chemoed to reply individually at the mo.”

A woman from Mexico celebrated what was believed to be her 127th birthday on Sunday, making her the world’s oldest living person. Leandra Becerra marked the occasion with her grandson’s family in Zapopan, western Mexico. She has lived with his family for the last five years. Her grandson, Samuel Alvear, said he was told that Ms Becerra’s original birth certificate was burnt during the Mexican revolution of 1910 to 1917. Ms Becerra was issued with a new birth certificate in 2009 after an investigation of 20th century electoral documents by the government. The document states her date of birth as August 31 1887. The Guinness World Record for the oldest living person is currently held by Japanese national, Misao Okawa, who is 116 years old.

justin-bieber-atv-lgJustin Bieber was arrested Friday after crashing an ATV into a minivan and getting into a fight. Bieber, 20, was arrested at about 3pm Friday by Canadian provincial police and charged with assault and dangerous driving in rural southwestern Ontario, in the town of Perth East. Police said that Bieber’s vehicle collided with a minivan and that Bieber then got into a fight with one of its occupants. Authorities didn’t say whether anyone else was arrested in the incident, and declined to provide a mug shot. He was released without bail, and is scheduled to appear in Stratford, Ontario court on 29 September. Bieber is already on probation in California. It’s unclear whether the arrest could constitute a violation.

On This Day

Deaths

 Jack the Riper Solved! by IFLS

An amateur investigator has claimed to have identified Jack the Ripper, the archetypal serial killer. The claims are still far from verified, but that hasn’t stopped tabloids declaring the case solved.

Between 1888 and 1891 eleven women were murdered in the Whitchapel area of London. Of these, five are believed to have been committed by the same killer, dubbed Jack the Ripper, while the others may have been the victims of copycats or people they knew.

The new claim is that DNA has been found connecting suspect Aaron Kosminski to the murder of Catherine Eddowes, one of the so-called “canonical five” killed between August 31 and November 9, 1888.

Though it’s been more than 100 years since Jack the Ripper terrorized the streets of London, his crimes survive in the public imagination.

After seeing the movie From Hell, businessman Russell Edwards was intrigued enough by the crimes to have bought a shawl that was supposedly found near Eddowes’ body. The shawl was collected by one of the police officers investigating the crime, though preservation of evidence was more lax in those days.

While other “Ripperologists” have dismissed the shawl as a fake, Edwards believed its Michaelmas flowers were an obscure clue left by the killer warning of his next attack, which occurred on November 8, 1888 at the Eastern Orthodox Churches’ Michaelmas festival.

Edwards had the shawl tested and found not only blood, but also semen. The DNA was too degraded by the passage of time for microsatellite analysis, but Dr. Jari Louhelainen, a senior molecular biology lecturer at Liverpool John Moores University, matched the mitochondrial DNA from the blood to a descendent of Eddowes, using a technique he developed for extracting genetic material from cloth.

Edwards has also claimed to have matched the DNA from cells in the semen to a descendent of Kosminski’s sister. Kosminski was long considered one of the main suspects for the crimes. He lived in the areas where they occurred and was known for his severe mental illness and his misogyny. In addition, the crimes of the original Ripper stopped after he was committed to a mental institution. 

Edwards is claiming the evidence as conclusive, but has chosen to publish his claims in a book and the frequently anti-science Daily Mail, rather than a scientific publication.

Last Week’s Birthdays

Richard Gere (65), Chris Tucker (43), Lily Tomlin (75), Barry Gibb (68), Gloria Estefan (57), Keanu Reeves (50), Salma Hayek (48), Charlie Sheen (49), Raquel Welch (74), Michael Keaton (53), Rose McGowan (41) and Pippa Middleton (31).

2013 League Table

{confidential}

Next week peeps!


Dead Pool 31st August 2014

article-0-0027F13D00000258-596_468x611Cor Blimey Governor! We have a points bonanza this week, all  thanks to Dead Pool favourite, Richard Attenborough who died last week at the age of 90, thus bestowing 60 points to the following people: Barry, Millie, Tasha, Ceri, Claire, Stu and Neil. Well done all of you, commiserations to Justine and Christine who had his brother David, but it’s still early days, who knows what next week will bring, like last week has been a particularly bad week for Bass players, as you will see from the list below:

Look Who You Could Have Had:

In Other News

rs_560x415-130726151532-1024.jake3.cm.72613_copyLegendary wrestler Jake “The Snake” Roberts has been admitted to a Las Vegas hospital in intensive care with double pneumonia, according to reports. Roberts was en route to Las Vegas for a promotion on Wednesday when he lapsed into unconsciousness. He was in a coma for 24 hours but has now regained consciousness. Roberts had battled substance abuse problems but had turned his life around in recent months thanks to his association with onetime protege Diamond Dallas Page whom Roberts credited with saving his life. Methinks he spoke too soon! 

joan-rivers-2013-300Comedian Joan Rivers is in serious condition at a New York hospital a couple of days after she was admitted suffering a cardiac arrest when her breathing stopped during a vocal cord procedure, her family and hospital officials said. The tart-tongued comedienne, 81, has often been criticised for her making insensitive jokes. Last year, she was criticised by some Jewish groups for making jokes about the Holocaust and during this month’s Gaza conflict, she caused fresh controversy when she said that that Palestinian civilians “deserve to be dead”. I’m sure they are  now returning the favour by wishing her a speedy recovery… **Edit: She’s now been placed on full life support, things don’t look too promising for her** 

Talking about the Holocaust, George Galloway, the Bradford West MP was released from hospital on Saturday morning having suffered a suspected broken jaw and rib as well as facial bruising! Neil Masterson, 39, has been accused of shouting about the Holocaust and attacking him. Well done that man, give him an OBE in next year’s honours. The attack upon the much hated Galloway was instigated by comments Galloway recently made about the conflict in Gaza in which he claimed Bradford was an Israel-free zone, looks like he was very wrong about that too.  

Uzi_sub_machinegun_3017855cIn a case of supreme Darwinism, a nine-year-old girl has accidentally shot dead a shooting instructor who was teaching her how to use a powerful Uzi submachine gun. In a case of utter stupidity with an ending that nobody could predict, Charles Vacca was showing the unnamed youngster how to fire the weapon at the Last Stop outdoor shooting range in the Mohave Desert in White Hills, Arizona, when the gun recoiled as she pulled the trigger. Sadly, this is not an uncommon happening in the US, at least 100 children have been involved in accidental shootings between December 2012 and December 2013 where a child has found a firearm at their parents house and accidentally shot a friend, family member or themselves. 

harry-belafonteHere are a few names for you to consider for next year. The Academy of Motion Pictures Arts and Sciences are handing out honorary lifetime awards to actor/singer Harry Belafonte, Japanese director Hayao Miyazaki,  Irish-born actress Maureen O’Hara and French screenwriter and actor Jean-Claude Carriere. The youngest of this troupe is 73, so lets hope they make it to November to collect their statuette. Previous recipients of the award include actors Eli Wallach and Lauren Bacall, who both died recently, director Francis Ford Coppola, Angelina Jolie and Steve Martin. It doesn’t bode well for any of them… 

On This Day

Deaths

Last Week’s Birthdays

Steve Guttenberg (59), Dave Chappelle (41), Rupert Grint (26), Stephen Fry (57), Gene Simmons (65), Elvis Costello (60), Billy Ray Cyrus (53), Claudia Schiffer (44), Rachel Bilson (33), Paul Reubens (62), Shania Twain (49), Jack Black (45), Jason Priestley (45), LeAnn Rimes (32), Florence Welch (28), Elliott Gould (76), Rebecca De Mornay (55), John McCain (78), Peggy Lipton (68), Cameron Diaz (42), and Warren Buffett (84).

2013 League Table

[confidential]

Next Week peeps!


Dead Pool 24th August 2014

Dead Pool Background

Welcome all, alas, after the highs of last week  we are  dumped to another low. No   points to be awarded and no superstars have committed suicide. But, as always we have plenty of news for you to peruse, plenty to talk about.

Look Who You Could Have Had:

In Other News

Mark David ChapmanAuthorities in New York have denied parole to the man who shot dead musician John Lennon in 1980 for the eighth time. Mark Chapman was sentenced to 20 years to life in 1981 after pleading guilty to second-degree murder. Chapman, now 59, shot Lennon four times outside a Manhattan apartment block. Just goes to show, if you shoot an international superstar, you will rot in jail forever, but kill and rape a couple of kids, you will be free after a few years.

gascoine_10569Dead Pool favourite, Paul Gascoigne, 47, who has a  long history of problems with alcohol, is believed to have been admitted to Poole hospital last Thursday after being found pissed outside his home. Some of you may have seen the shocking pictures showing a prematurely aged and haggard Gazza being led into the back of an ambulance, a pale shadow of the footballing hero he once was. Could this be his last trip in an ambulance? Let’s wait and find out! 

89019699_1915455bNew figures have shown that terminally ill Britons now make up a nearly one quarter of users of suicide clinics like Dignitas in Switzerland. Only Germany has a higher numbers of ‘suicide tourists’ visiting institutions to end their own lives. Roughly 25 Britons a year make the trip, which is 25 less bodies to scrape off the pavements or 25 less traumatised train drivers, so that can only be a good thing. If you ever feel the need to help someone along in Britain, remember that the 1961 Suicide Act makes it an offence to encourage or assist a suicide or a suicide attempt in England and Wales, fuck knows about Scotland, nobody there lived long enough to try. Anyone doing so could face up to 14 years in prison. So remember when you see someone teetering over the edge of a motorway bridge, shouting ‘Jump’ could mean you end up with your bedmate being called Big Hairy Barbra and you chewing the pillow for a long time! 

_77027484_ali_carter_gettySnooker player, Ali Carter is making a rather disappointing recovery from lung cancer. The two-times World Snooker Championship runner-up expects to be back playing soon after finishing an intensive course of chemotherapy. The 35-year-old was diagnosed with lung cancer in May, less than a year after resuming his career having recovered from testicular cancer. Carter also suffers from Crohns disease but is upbeat about his future. Fair play to him. 

Pope_Francis_Korea_Haemi_Castle_19_(cropped)Pope Francis has publicly broached the prospect of his own death for the first time, light-heartedly giving himself “two or three years”. The 77-year-old says he may ‘soon be off to the Father’s house’ and would retire if he could no longer perform his duties. While the Pope has not spoken publicly before about when he might meet his maker, a Vatican source said he had previously told those close to him that he thought he only had a few years left, which is only good news to many of you taking part in the Dead Pool. 

In a sure sign of impending doom, the veteran screen star  Debbie Reynolds is to be given a lifetime achievement award by the Screen Actors Guild. The 82-year-old, whose credits include Singin’ In The Rain and TV sitcom Will and Grace, will receive her accolade at the SAG awards ceremony on 25th January, let’s hope she lasts until then. Reynolds, mother of Star Wars actress Carrie Fisher, has been in showbusiness for 66 years and kick-started her career at the age of 16 by winning the Miss Burbank competition with the hope of winning a blouse and a scarf. Can’t see many girls doing that nowadays, much easier to purloin them from TopShop.

On This Day

Deaths

Four Diseases You Should Be More Afraid Of Than Ebola by KoA

ebola-virus-566x800The current outbreak of the Ebola Virus in West Africa is the largest in history, and has already killed over 1200 people. Of course, when the disease threatened to take to America, a cure was miraculously found, but let’s not get into that argument, we know how racist the States are, even stealing a bottle of pop will ensure a black man will end up with nine bullets in him, two to the head, execution stylee. But if you think Ebola is shit scary, look closer to home. Check out these 5 diseases that could easily cause a global health emergency:

Influenza 

influenza-8Around 3-5 million people around the world will become severely ill due to the flu virus every year, resulting in 250,000-300,000 deaths. That’s an incredible amount of people, even though the mortality rate is fairly low. However, this is just the seasonal flu, what about those seriously nasty strains we’ve all heard about, like H5N1 and H7N9? These strains of bird flu are highly virulent and have a 60% mortality rate in humans, luckily they don’t spread readily from human to human, yet, but a small mutation is all it takes!! 

Diarrhoea 

diarrhoea_by_tafitRemember that bout of the shits you had, wasn’t too pleasant was it, and that was just a little spat, probably caused by the kebab and 8 pints of wine you had. But diarrhoea is the number one cause of death in children under 5 around the globe. It affects over 1.7 billion people each year, resulting in the deaths of 801,000 children alone. Diarrhoea depletes the body of necessary fluids and salts and if this is left unchecked, the infected will die of severe dehydration. The main cause of diarrheic disease is rotavirus in children and norovirus for adults, though there are other bacterial and viral causes as well. Cholera, Salmonella, Nipah virus, and hemorrhagic fever including Ebola, Lassa, and Marbug are all noteworthy sources of highly infectious diseases that cause diarrhoea.

Tuberculosis 

327879690_8ab32ef7a9_oTB is a bacterial infection that affects two billion people a year, resulting in 1.3 million deaths. Once exposed, an individual might not become sick right away. In fact, the bacteria can remain dormant for several years before causing illness. Though TB doesn’t spread while in this latent phase, it can become an active infection at any time. Once symptoms begin, the lungs are the primary affected organ. What might begin as a nagging cough or fatigue can easily turn into sharp chest pain and coughing up blood. If TB affects other parts of the body, it can lead to joint pain, impede liver or kidney function, cause meningitis, or fatal inflammation and fluid buildup around the heart. But we’ve all been inoculated as kids, I have the scar to prove it! Unfortunately, this airborne bacterium is on the rise due to those stupid Anti-vaccers and many strains are now becoming resistant to most treatments. The mortality rate for drug-resistant TB is about 80%. As drug resistance continues to grow, TB could affect even more people and result in even more deaths.

Antimicrobial Resistance 

Gonorrhoea-2_largeAntibiotics have been one of the best advancements in medical history, but irresponsible use has turned this blessing into a curse. When not taken correctly, the medication can’t kill all of the bacteria. The ones that are left have now been exposed to the drug, but didn’t die from it. By not taking the full course of antibiotics, that mutation that confers resistance has been selected for, and those bacteria will continue to proliferate. When they go on to cause an illness again, they are not so easily defeated. That has basically been the story of how things like Methicillin-resistant Staphylococcus aureus (MRSA) have become the problems that they are today. Over two million people develop a drug-resistant infection each year, resulting in over 23,000 deaths. The World Health Organisation (WHO) released a report in April 2014 stating that “a post-antibiotic era, far from being an apocalyptic fantasy, is instead a very real possibility for the 21st Century.” Traditional treatments are meeting resistance for a number of infections and diseases including (but most definitely not limited to) urinary tract infections, tuberculosis, malaria, HIV, influenza, Clostridium difficile (C. diff), and gonorrhoea. In fact, there have been reports in several countries that gonorrhoea has even become resistant all forms of treatment. So be careful if you fuck around!

Last Week’s Birthdays

Robert De Nero (71), Belinda Carlisle (56), Sean Penn (54), Robert Redford (78), Denis Leary (57), Christian Slater (45), Edward Norton (45), Kevin Dillon (49), Matthew Perry (45), Bill Clinton (68), Robert Plant (66), Kenny Rogers (76), Kim Cattrall (58), Carrie-Anne Moss (47), Hayden Panettiere (24), Usain Bolt (28), Tori Amos (51), Ty Burrell (47) and Kirsten Wiig (41).

2013 League Table

[confidential]

Next Week peeps!


Dead Pool 17th August 2014

Dead Pool BackgroundAfternoon all. With  the sad loss of Robin Williams last week, this is one of those times that I don’t particularly like being the editor of this little publication, but onwards we must go. Obviously nobody had him on their lists, just goes to show how unexpected his death was and how loved he was by everyone, nobody picks the people they really like after all…

But as I said, time waits for no man, and it’s my duty to dole out the points nevertheless. Paula was the only one this year to have Lauren Bacall on her list, well done her. 81 points and off her duck for this year. As was pointed out to me earlier this week, with the death of Lauren Bacall, everyone who is named on Madonna’s song Vogue has now died! Sounds like she’s doing better than the rest of us at this little game. With little over four months left to go, we’re all struggling a bit, more than half of us are yet to score! Worry not though, Winter is coming…

Look Who You Could Have Had:

In Other News

73403758cb102-night-of-a-thThe ongoing saga of Casey Kasem is still progressing. The latest news is that his body is heading to Europe, specifically Oslo, as reported by Norwegian newspaper VG. A government official told the newspaper that an application to inter the remains of the DJ at the city has been lodged. Nobody seems to know why Oslo has been chosen, nobody in the Kasem family have ties to Norway whatsoever, but as we know, Kasem’s widow is somewhat unhinged. Let’s watch and see how it all unfolds! 

Bt9-cF9IAAEtFvO.jpg-largeTalking about Norway, the most prestigious international tournament in chess, The Chess Olympiad in Tromsøat, in which the world’s top players compete alongside amateurs to win honours for their country, has ended on a sombre note after two players died suddenly within hours of each other, one while he was in the middle of a match. Kurt Meier, 67, a Swiss-born member of the Seychelles team, collapsed on Thursday afternoon during his final match of the marathon two-week contest. Despite immediate medical attention at the scene he died later in hospital. Hours later, a player from Uzbekistan who has not yet been named was found dead in his hotel room. The Norwegian police and the event’s organisers said on Friday they were not treating the deaths as suspicious…  

lou-doillon-vs-celine-dionIn a boon to music, Céline Dion has cancelled all concert dates, including a major upcoming tour, in order to care for her husband, their family, and associated health issues. The singer will postpone all show business activities for the indefinite future, explaining that the day-to-day challenges were just too much. Dion’s main concern is her husband, 72-year-old René Angélil, who had a cancerous tumour removed last December. Our concern is that she returns to the stage. But Dion is herself fighting an undisclosed illness. It has caused “inflammation in her throat muscles”, there’s a crass joke there, I’ll let you make it.  

article-2379981-1B0447F4000005DC-776_634x837That little cunt, Justin Bieber, has agreed to take anger management classes after pleading guilty to careless driving and resisting arrest in Miami. The ‘singer’ was held by police in Florida in January after a street drag race. Prosecutors agreed to drop a charge of driving under the influence in exchange for the guilty pleas. Bieber’s also agreed to pay court fees and give £30,000 to charity. A very lenient sentence indeed, I’d have had him castrated and force fed his little cock and balls to him in front of his adoring fans, who he has such disdain for he spits at them. Cunt!  

Music - Status Quo - Wembley ArenaFollowing the cancellation of six tour dates, details of Rick Parfitts medical condition have been revealed. Results from tests confirm that the Status Quo members health was recently impaired by a problem regarding his quadruple heart bypass in 1997. Tests carried out at the Royal Brompton Hospital in London showed that one of the grafts inserted during his original quadruple heart bypass had become “furred”, but the situation “has been remedied by the insertion of a stent and Rick is now recuperating.” Woo! 

Untitled-1Frank Maloney, the transsexual former boxing promoter who guided Lennox Lewis to the world heavyweight title, tried to kill herself as she struggled to cope with her secret life, it has emerged. The 61-year-old – now known as Kellie – took a mixture of alcohol and prescription pills following the collapse of her marriage due to her wish to live as a woman. Maloney’s comments come after she went public with her new female identity. As a former Ukip candidate who is twice married and has three daughters, said she had been living as a female for more than a year. Fair play to her, but let’s be honest here, I wouldn’t shag her.  

ezheadshothersmanNobody has ever heard of this cunt, but Ethan Zuckerman has a lot to answer for. He’s the chap who invented and programmed the vexatious form of online advertising now known as the Pop-up!!! Last week he admitted his sin and even admits that he’s frustrated by them himself. I’ve never wished ill will upon anyone, but if anyone runs into this arsehole, do the world a favour.  

Wang the polar bearAnd finally, Wang, the last polar bear in Africa, has died at Johannesburg Zoo after months of “pining” for his longtime mate who passed away earlier this year, the bear’s keepers have said. The 30-year-old polar bear was said to be heartbroken and depressed after the death of a female named GeeBee in January. The two bears had shared an enclosure for 27 years. Wang was suffering heart and liver failure, and on Wednesday veterinarians made the “very tough decision” to euthanise him. Thankfully, Johannesburg Zoo officials say the polar bears will not be replaced, a decision made in partnership with other African zoos, which is the first bit of common sense I have heard anyone speak this year. Fucking Polar Bears in Africa, you’re having a laugh! 

On This Day

Deaths

The Biggest Threats to Human Existence: Part 2 by KoA

1. Bioengineered Pandemic 

biohazard_warningsNatural pandemics have killed more people than wars. However, natural pandemics are unlikely to be existential threats: there are usually some people resistant to the pathogen, and the offspring of survivors would be more resistant. Evolution also does not favour parasites that wipe out their hosts, which is why syphilis went from a virulent killer to a chronic disease as it spread in Europe.

Unfortunately we can now make diseases nastier, and we all know some cunt out there will have a go. One of the more famous examples is how the introduction of an extra gene in Mousepox – the mouse version of Smallpox – made it far more lethal and able to infect vaccinated individuals. Recent work on bird flu has demonstrated that the contagiousness of a disease can be deliberately boosted.

Right now the risk of somebody deliberately releasing something devastating is low. But as biotechnology gets better and cheaper, more groups will be able to make diseases worse, and there’s nothing we can do to stop them!!

10f0039Most work on bio-weapons have been done by governments looking for something controllable, because wiping out humanity is not militarily useful, yet. But there are always some people who might want to do things  because they can. Others have higher purposes. For instance, the Aum Shinrikyo cult tried to hasten the apocalypse using bio-weapons beside their more successful nerve gas attack. Some people think the Earth would be better off without humans, and so on…

The number of fatalities from bioweapon and epidemic outbreaks attacks looks like it has a power-law distribution – most attacks have few victims, but a few kill many. Given current numbers the risk of a global pandemic from bioterrorism seems very small. But this is just bioterrorism: governments have killed far more people than terrorists with bio-weapons (up to 400,000 may have died from the second world war Japanese bio-war program). And as technology gets more powerful in the future nastier pathogens become easier to design. Yay!

Last Week’s Birthdays

Jennifer Lawrence (24), Ben Affleck (42), Madonna (56), Steve Carell (52), Mila Kunis (31), Steve Martin (69), Halle Berry (48), Hulk Hogan (61), Antonio Banderas (54), Debra Messing (46), Chris Hemsworth (31), George Hamilton (75), James Cameron (60), Julie Newmar (81), Princess Anne (64), Magic Johnson (55), David Crosby (73), Pete Sampras (43) and Rosanna Arquette (55).

2013 League Table

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Next week peeps!


Dead Pool 10th August 2014

Dead Pool Background

Afternoon poolers, we have a point scorer!!! Dave guessed that Chapman Pincher would die and thus gains himself 50 points! Well done that man, boosting himself up to 9th place!  I have also taken the time to double check the lists for missed names and I have done a disservice to two of you. Martin and Liz, your scores are now where they should be as I missed that you had Dora Bryan, Sally Farmiloe and Sid Caesar respectively, all of which we covered in previous iterations of the newsletter. Remember, a lot of you have obscure names on your lists, so if you see that I have missed one of yours, please say so. I’m good, but not infallible.

Look Who You Could Have Had:

In Other News

article-2714772-1DE84D5C00000578-758_306x423The ongoing saga of Casey Kasem is still in the news. His remains  are still missing, presumed to be in a funeral home somewhere in Canada. But the latest news is that his wife has now lost support from her lawyers who have left her without legal representation and a large bill because she’s a mad cow. Jane Kasem is now being turned into a recluse with mounting debts over the debacle, all because she wants to hide the fact she abused the voice of Shaggy during his final years. Takes all sorts…

pilote-d’hélicoptèreIn a twist of misfortune, the man suspected to be responsible for stealing Michael Schumacher’s medical files has been found dead! The man, who has not been named, was a manager at Swiss air rescue firm Rega and had been arrested on Tuesday but denied the accusations. However, there must have been some guilt there as he was later found hanged in his cell on Wednesday morning. The stolen records were apparently being offered to media across Europe for 50,000 euros (£40,000, $68,000). Not a lot of money to die over, twat.

lady-gaga-hospital-selfieSinger Lady GaGa was hospitalised due to altitude sickness last week. She sought medical attention after performing at her ‘artRave: The ARTPOP Ball’ tour in Denver, Colorado, where altitude sickness is common due to thinner air. I suppose we can forgive her delicateness, the average altitude mean of Colorado is twice the height of Snowdon, no wonder its called the Mile High City! In the photo taken from her hospital bed, a wide-eyed Gaga can be seen with her oxygen mask upside down, but she is expected to perform at her next concert in Seattle on Friday, hopefully the right way up.

On This Day

Deaths

Executions 101 by KoA

_76804652_compositeWith all the recent furore in the media over the botched executions in America, I thought we’d take a look at how we used to do it over here in Good Old Blighty. As it happens, it was 50 years this month that the last executions were carried out in the UK.

Gwynne Evans and Peter Allen, two petty criminals who killed a man in a bungled burglary, were the last two people to be executed for murder in the Britain.

Justice came swiftly. The trial of 24-year-old Evans and Allen, who was 21, began on 23rd June at Manchester Assizes. On 7th July the men were found guilty and sentenced under the 1957 Homicide Act to suffer death “in the manner prescribed by law”.

_76810574_noose-and-sandbagTheir appeal was heard just two weeks later – and dismissed the next day. A final appeal for clemency was rejected by the Home Secretary on 11th August. Less than five weeks elapsed by then. The speed of the process, even with two lives at stake, was not unusual. A delay covering three Sundays between sentencing and execution was all the law stipulated.

In the UK, an executioner and his assistant were expected to carry out their grisly duties in moments. On the stroke of 8am they would enter the condemned cell, strap the prisoner’s arms behind his back and lead him to the gallows. The whole procedure often took less than 10 seconds from the hangmen entering the cell to the prisoner dropping to his death! A far cry from the two hours endured by last week’s Joseph Wood by lethal injection. I know which one I’d rather suffer.

Last Week’s Birthdays

gillian-anderson-at-the-weinstein-company-golden-globe-2014-after-party_2Tony Bennett (88), Martin Sheen (74), Martha Stewart (73), James Hatfield (51), Evangeline Lilly (35), Billy Bob Thornton (59), Barack Obama (53), Loni Anderson (69), M. Night Shyamalan (44), Geri Halliwell (42), Michelle Yeoh (52), David Duchovny (53), Charlize Theon (39), Dustin Hoffman (77), Roger Federer (33), Princess Beatrice (26), Sam Elliott (70), Melanie Griffith (57), Rhona Mitra (38), Eric Bana (46), Gillian Anderson (46), Audrey Tautou (38), Tobin Bell (72),  Barbara Windsor (77), John Landis (64) and Anna Kendrick (29).

2013 League Table

[confidential]

Next week peeps!


Dead Pool 3rd August 2014

Dead Pool Background

Welcome all to yet another edition of the Dead Pool Newsletter, and for once a worthy celebrity for our attentive needs has decided to die before I have finished writing the bloody thing and not after I have pressed the send button! I’d like to take this opportunity to thank all those who have sent interesting articles for the newsletter, it’s very appreciated, and you will see them slowly trickling through to print eventually, so please keep sending them in! I’d rather have a backlog of stories than sitting here with writers block crying into my wine. Without further ado…

Look Who You Could Have Had:

In Other News 

Rock band Status Quo have been forced to cancel six concerts on their European tour because of illness affecting guitarist Rick Parfitt. The group had been due to play in Pula, Croatia, where Parfitt, 65, is now in hospital receiving treatment. No details have been given about his condition but the band’s manager, Simon Porter, said Status Quo did not “cancel shows lightly”. “In this instance we have no option but to follow medical advice,” he said. Parfitt had a quadruple heart bypass in 1997 after doctors said he was in danger of dying as a result of his lifestyle. After surgery, Parfitt said he was not planning on becoming a “born-again Christian” and would still have the “odd pint”. Unbelievably, the band have recorded 64 British hit singles since 1968, more than any other band. 

Orlando-Bieber_2990661bActor Orlando Bloom allegedly took a swing at the Canadian ‘singer’ Justin Bieber at a restaurant in Ibiza in the early hours of Wednesday morning. Details as to what kicked off the mini-fight are hazy. Some say Bloom refused to shake Bieber’s hand and then tried to land a punch as he walked away. Others, that Bieber provoked Bloom with a comment about sleeping with the Lord of the Rings actor’s ex-wife, the model Miranda Kerr. What happened after, however, is well documented. In a video of the aftermath, Bieber can be heard shouting, “What’s up, bitch?” to his supposed love-rival. Not content with that zinger, he then took to Instagram to post a picture of Miranda Kerr in a bathing suit, followed by another of Bloom crying. As with all the best social media missives, the post of Kerr in her bikini has since been deleted. Nobody comes out of this with their dignity intact. Not weak-punch-cry-baby Legolas, nor baby-baby-baby-instagram-burn Bieber. However my estimation of Bloom has increased sevenfold.  

30184_web_mcgroarty_large_obit_photo_20140725Not that you would know the chap, but Kevin McGroarty, a longtime veteran of the advertising industry died on July 22nd. He had a certain way with words as his farewell proved as he announced that he’d recently moved into his “new address” at Mount Olivet Cemetery. News of his relocation is among the many gems in McGroarty’s obituary, written by the man himself. About 300 people attended McGroarty’s memorial service Monday, though there’s no mention how many were present for the “brief rant of how the government screwed up all of the Bugs Bunny Cartoons trying to censor violence” which was presented by his attorney.

On This Day

Deaths

Struck by Lightning by KoA

Lightning_hits_treeIt’s a type of death that is apparently so rare it has become a metaphor for extremely bad luck. A lightning strike hit Venice beach in Los Angeles on Sunday afternoon, killing a man in his 20s, leaving another in a critical condition and injuring a dozen more.

According to the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration, it was the 15th death by lightning strike in the US this year. However, it represents a steady decrease year-on-year, possibly due to the fall in the numbers of people working outdoors and improvements in health and safety. In 2006, the overall number for the year was 48 and stood at 35 by this time in July.

Most victims are men, with 223 male deaths compared with 53 female deaths since 2006. Perhaps Thor hates men more than women… Thirteen of the total died on beaches, so you now know where not to be during a storm. 

Almost two-thirds were people enjoying outdoor activities, although the common belief that golfers make up a high number of victims of lightning does not hold up when you look at the figures. Between 2006 and 2013, fishermen accounted for more than three times as many deaths as golfers, which is a shame as golfers deserve death more than fishermen just for wearing stupid clothes in my book.

spain_lightning_fishermanIn the eight years since 2006, the US have  recorded 30 fishing deaths, 16 camping deaths and 14 boating deaths from lightning strikes. Of the sports activities, football saw the highest number of deaths with 12, compared with golf’s eight fatalities. Twelve people were killed working in gardens and 14 people died working on a farm. It’s a shame that the lighting hasn’t taken out a few more Premiership footballers if you ask me…

Summer is the peak time for lightning deaths. More than 70% occurred in June, July and August, with Saturdays and Sundays the most deadly. 

doubleBut just because these numbers seem a lot does not mean it is common. NOAA puts the odds of being killed by lightning in any given year at 1 in 1.9m and the odds of being struck in your lifetime at 1 in 12,000. In comparison, the odds for winning the jackpot on the Lotto is 1 in 13,983,816. But you would have the same chance of being born with Downs Syndrome or hitting a hole in one at 1 in 12,000 too. 

The UK has fewer deaths from lightning strikes. According to the tornado and storm research organisation (Torro) database, 30 to 60 people are struck by lightning each year, with an average annual death toll of less than five. Lightning strikes tend to be concentrated in the south-east, Yay! Death to all Londeners! because of the warmer average temperatures. East Anglia is most likely to experience thunderstorms, according to the Met Office, and north-west Scotland the least likely.

So, if you intend to stay alive during the next thunder storm, don’t play go fishing around Norwich this month! 

Last Week’s Birthdays

Dean Cain (48), J.K. Rowling (49), Wesley Snipes (52), Lisa Kudrow (51), Laurence Fishburne (53), Arnold Schwarzenegger (67), Paul Anka (73), Wes Craven (75), Kevin Smith (44), Edward Furlong (37), Sam Worthington (38), Jason Monma (35), Sam Mendes (49), Michael Biehn (58), Christopher Nolan (44), Hilary Swank (40),  Jean Reno (66), Richard Linklater (54), Frances de la Tour (70), Carel Struycken (66), Wil Wheaton (42), David Warner (73) and Nikolaj Coster-Waldau (44).

2013 League Table

[confidential]

Next week peeps!