Dead Pool 3rd November 2013

What a week! Without Lou Reed I’d have struggled to recognise a single ‘celebrity’ death! Sure I know their faces once I looked them up, but seriously! With less than two months to go for this years pool, things are moving too slowly. I think we need to send out the flying monkeys so we can start scoring again, failing that we all better start praying to Satan for some divine intervention.

Look Who You Could Have Had:

• Nigel Davenport, 85, English actor (Chariots of Fire, Howards’ Way).
• Lou Reed, 71, American rock musician (The Velvet Underground) and songwriter (“Walk on the Wild Side“), liver disease.
• Graham Stark, 91, English comedian and actor (The Pink Panther, Superman III, Alfie), stroke.
• Paul Dennis Reid, 55, American convicted murderer.

In Other News

David Beckham has been involved in a car accident which saw his $76k Range Rover hit by another vehicle near his Beverly Hills home. The former England captain was behind the wheel and accompanied by his 14-year-old son Brooklyn when the collision happened. According to reports, the 38-year-old pulled out of his driveway and was hit by an oncoming car driven by a woman. Beckham and his son were sadly unharmed, but this is the second time both have been involved in a crash. In 2011, the two had a “lucky escape” when their vehicle was involved in a pile-up on one of the busiest roads in Los Angeles. Maybe next time…

You may have missed the fact that DJ Paul Gambaccini has been arrested as part of Operation Yewtree. The latest DJ from the Savile camp is now under lock and key and the BBC have pulled his Saturday night show from the radio, which is a great shame because the replacement show was utter tripe! Time will tell if he’s guilty or not, maybe he’ll take the same route as Savile’s former driver and kill himself, so perhaps Gambo is a good shout for next year!

Tranmere midfielder Joe Thompson has been diagnosed with cancer. The 24-year-old has not played for Rovers since September due to feeling ill and medical tests have since found the former Rochdale winger has contracted nodular sclerosing Hodgkin’s disease. Thompson will now undergo a six-month course of chemotherapy. I’m sure we all wish him well during his treatment, but just in case, I expect to see his name on a few lists in a couple of months time.

On This Day

• 1783 – John Austin, a highwayman, is the last person to be publicly hanged at London‘s Tyburn gallows.
• 1918 – Poland declares its independence from Russia.
• 1954 – The first Godzilla film is released and marks the first appearance of the character of the same name.
• 1957 – Sputnik program: The Soviet Union launches Sputnik 2. On board is the first animal to enter orbit, a dog named Laika.
• 1976 – Sissy Spacek creeps out audiences in the horror movie Carrie.
• 1978 – The family sitcom Diff’rent Strokes premieres on NBC in 1978.

Deaths

• 1926 – Annie Oakley, American target shooter.
• 1954 – Henri Matisse, French painter and sculptor.
• 1957 – Laika, Soviet dog. I never said she made it back…
• 1998 – Bob Kane, American writer and illustrator.
• 2002 – Lonnie Donegan, Scottish singer-songwriter and guitarist

Thank Fuck He’s Dead by Stu

This week’s TFHD is Euronymous. Ok, so he wasn’t really called Euronymous; Øystein Aarseth was the founder of Norwegian black metal band Mayhem, and originally went by the pseudonym “Destructor” before he renamed himself after the little-known Greek flesh-eating demon of the underworld, Euronymos. Seriously, I’m not making this up.

What sets Aarseth apart from previous entries in this column is that he (probably) didn’t kill anybody. However, this guy was pretty fucked up. A self-confessed satanist, he participated in the 1992 burning of Holmenkollen chapel but his stand-out what the fuck moment came two years earlier, when the lead singer of Mayhem, Per “Dead” Ohlin committed suicide at the house the two shared.

Now if you came home to find your roommate had just blown his brains out all over the walls and floor, you probably wouldn’t react the same way Aarseth did – he phoned bassist Necrobutcher (yes, Necrobutcher) and told him “Dead has done something really cool! He’s killed himself!” In a whirlwind of commercial brilliance he reassured Necrobutcher; “Relax, I have photos of everything!”

Aarseth posed the body of his friend, careful to make sure he arranged the shotgun, bloody knife and brain tastefully, and took photos – one of which was used as an album cover for a bootleg release, Dawn of the Black Hearts (check it out, it’s all over the internet.) It was rumoured that he made a stew out of bits of Dead’s brain, and made necklaces for other “worthy” musicians from fragments of skull. The band later denied the first rumour – but confirmed the second.

He was stabbed to death in 1993 by fellow metaller Count Grishnack (not his real name) in an attack that some speculate was to out-do a previous murder Grishnack had committed, though he claimed that Euronymous had planned to tie him up, electrocute him, and torture him to death on video. The whole story will probably never be known, but the fact remains that Øystein Aarseth was absolutely bat-shit crazy, and to put it bluntly, a bit of a dick.

In March 2012 a Norwegian airline held a public vote to pick a famous Norwegian whose picture would adorn the aircraft. Aarseth was leading the poll but his name was removed from the campaign after his family’s request.

Last Week’s Birthdays

Winona Rider (42), Joaquin Phoenix (39), Toni Collette (41), Jenny McCarthy (41), Julia Roberts (46), Richard Dreyfuss (66), Kelly Osbourne (29), Henry Winkler (68), Matt Smith (31), Charlie Daniels (77), David Shwimmer (47), Bill Gates (58), Simon Le Bon (55), Matthew Morrison (35), Anthony Kiedis (51), John Cleese (74), Vanilla Ice (46), Lyle Lovett (56), Dennis Franz (69), Nelly (39), Peter Jackson (52), Diego Maradona (53) and K.D. Lang (52).

2013 League Table

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Next Week peeps!

3rd November 2013 | Categories: 2013 | Leave A Comment »

Dead Pool 27th October 2013

This week poses a question, with the sad death of Marcia Wallace, the voice of Mrs Krabappel in The Simpsons, would this mean the character she played would have to die? Would we need to award points for both, or even more as she did many so voices! Also, what is going to happen to all those potentially lobster pink travellers going Spain? The voice of their anthem has passed on, this is such a terrible quandary!!
Anyhow, I’m in the process of setting up a new website for the Dead Pool, it will look and feel very much like the old one for the moment but hopefully we will have password protected areas for our Poolers to share and have fun and also downloadable content to help you with next years lists. If you want to have a sneak peek, go to www.kingofankh.co.uk/DeadPool. So if you normally read this on the website, please update your rss feeds or weblinks. Feel a bit stupid saying that, you’re obviously not reading this!

Look Who You Could Have Had:

• Naomi Conner, 114, American supercentenarian, oldest living person in Texas.
• Noel Harrison, 79, British singer (“The Windmills of Your Mind“), actor and Olympic skier.
• William Harrison, 79, American author and screenwriter (Rollerball).
• Sir Anthony Caro, 89, British sculptor, heart attack.
• Manolo Escobar, 82, Spanish singer and actor.
• Antonia Bird, 54, English television drama and film director.
• Marcia Wallace, 70, American actress (The Simpsons, The Bob Newhart Show) and comedian, breast cancer.
• Augusto Odone, 80, Italian economist and medical pioneer (Lorenzo’s oil).
• Hal Needham, 82, American stuntman and film director (Smokey and the Bandit, The Cannonball Run), cancer.

In Other News

It is truly with a very heavy heart, literally, that I have to share the news that Kadir Nurman has died at the age of 80. ‘Who?’ I hear you lament. Kadir is the Turkish immigrant who is credited with inventing the doner kebab! I know, this is truly a horrific moment for many of us.
Kadir emigrated to Germany in 1960 and noticed that the fast paced lives of the Germans needed a succulent dish that could be carried around, and lo, the mana of the gods for pissed people was born. Alas he didn’t patent the recipe so he made little money from the dish. However, he was pleased that so many Turkish people have managed to do so well with his recipe, thus improving the quality of life for his fellow countrymen. I’m not so sure about the quality of my life though, a few too many kebabs has left me with horrific angina that even red wine can’t help!

Dick Cheney has revealed to the world that he’s had to have his pacemaker modified in case of terrorist attack. Yup, the former vice-president is so paranoid he made sure that his wi-fi enabled ticker was impervious to Bin Laden and his friends. Now, I’m not one to cast an opinion normally, but wouldn’t it be easier to just give Cheney a gun and let him get on with it, after all he managed to shoot his mate in the face, so why bother making a complex device that would interfere with his pacemaker? Methinks he’s been watching too many episodes of Homeland.

We are all going to die!!! Yes, it’s true! But if you are to believe most media reports at the moment, we will all die from False Widow Spider bites. Now, I’m not a huge fan of spiders myself, but for us in the UK we’re pretty lucky really, overall they don’t grow as large as a house and they can’t kill you. In fact, the worst a False Widow can do it give you a tiny sting, much like a bee sting, certainly not lethal. So I’m wondering why a school in Gloucestershire insisted on closing due to a sighting of said spider? Any fucking excuse for a day off if you ask me. You don’t hear of Australian schools closing ever, and everything there is lethal and very ready to bite you on the testicles when you sit on the toilet! Shame on Dean School Chepstow, grow some balls!

On This Day

Not a lot happened on the 27th October in years past, but Wallis Simpson is granted a divorce in order to marry the Duke of Windsor, thus changing the face of the monarchy in the UK.
On a stranger note, Gloria Estefan becomes the first pop artist to be called upon by a Pope to perform at the Vatican. Who knew John Paul II was such a groover!
So who died on this day? Remember Akbar the Great, the Muslim emperor of India, whom established a sprawling kingdom through military conquests, but is more widely known for his policy of religious tolerance, no you won’t, but how things have changed…
We also lost Æthelstan, the first king of England, other than that I didn’t recognise anyone.

Thank Fuck He’s Dead bu Stu

This week’s TFHS is Ronald Clark O’Bryan.
As we approach Halloween we will probably be subjected to a glut of phoney Facebook warnings, quoting apocryphal tales from “friends of friends” who all claim to know somebody whose snot-faced little bastards rosy-cheeked little cherubs fell victims to razor blades, rat poison or other hilariously deadly items secreted inside Halloween treats.
They’re all bollocks, of course. One tale that is true, unfortunately, is that of 8-year-old Timothy O’Bryan from Deer Park, Texas, who finished off his trick-or-treating in 1974 with a Pixie Stix that was more than just past it’s sell-by date. Suffering convulsions, he was taken to hospital where he later died of cyanide poisoning.
It didn’t take the police long to catch the murderer – Timothy’s own father Ronald. Deep in debt this class cunt decided to take out life insurance policies worth over $60,000 on his two children in order to claim the insurance money because, you know, that never looks suspicious, especially when they’re eight.
O’Bryan was executed in 1984 by lethal injection. During the execution, a crowd of college students wearing Halloween masks showed up to cheer as he took his final breath.
The song Candyman was written about this nomination for father of the year. That’s the one by Siouxie and the Banshees, by the way, not the song from Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory.

Last Week’s Birthdays

Katy Perry (29), Ryan Reynolds (37), Kim Kardashian (33), Judge Judy (71), Snoop Dogg (42), Jeff Goldblum (61), Carrie Fisher (57), Keith Urban (46), Jaclyn Smith (68), Tom Petty (63), Cat Deeley (37), Hilary Clinton (66), Seth McFarlane (40), Viggo Mortansen (55), Kevin Kline (74), Nancy Cartwright (56), Carly Elwes (51), Weird Al Yankovic (54), Catherine Deneuve (70), Christopher Lloyd (75), Jon Heder (36), Jesse Tyler Ferguson (38), Ang Lee (59), Bill Wyman (77), Bob Hoskins (71), Spike Jonze (44), F. Murray Abraham (74), Pele (73) and Wayne Rooney (28).

2013 League Table

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Next Week peeps!

27th October 2013 | Categories: 2013 | Leave A Comment »

Dead Pool 20th October 2013

Just a handful of vaguely familiar notables for you this week, but as always we’re bursting at the seems with amazingly interesting stories and a bunch of giggles and facts. Pretty much like the very recent plane crash in Belgium where ten skydivers, fully kitted out, died when the plane went down. Did none of them think if bailing out? Anyhow, without further ado, lets get on with it!

Look Who You Could Have Had:

• Terry Rhoads, 61, American actor (Liar Liar, Hitchcock, The Day After Tomorrow), amyloidosis.
• Hans Riegel, 90, German entrepreneur (Haribo).
• Sean Edwards, 26, British racing driver, racetrack collision.
• Ed Lauter, 74, American actor (The Artist, The Rocketeer, Family Plot), mesothelioma.
• Lou Scheimer, 84, American television producer (He-Man and the Masters of the Universe), co-founder of Filmation.
• Felix Dexter, 52, British comedian (The Real McCoy), multiple myeloma.

In Other News

Five days after undergoing brain surgery to remove a brain clot, President Cristina Fernandez de Kirchner proves she can still count to five and has been allowed home to recover. She’s under strict instructions to rest for a minimum of thirty days, hence why I’ve sent her a Pilates DVD and hired a personal trainer for her. Has anyone else noticed that Argentina has stopped being a pain in the arse since she became ill? Women in power eh? First Thatcher now this one… Back into the kitchen with all of you! *runs for the hills*

For those of you who pay attention, you may remember former Nazi Erich Priebke from last week. There’s been a slight problem in putting his body into the ground as more than 500 people clashed with his hearse and Nazi sympathisers during his funeral in Italy.

Argentina, where Priebke lived for 50 years before being extradited to Italy to face charges for war crimes, have also refused to take his body even though he has a plot next to his wife there. Now ‘the man who followed orders’ is chilling in a fridge at an Italian airbase.  The Vatican, that shrine dedicated to paedophilia, has also issued a ban on interring him on Roman Catholic land, I wonder what will happen to ex-Pope Nazi Benedict when he dies? His family have demanded his body back but due to so many protests and even Germany itself being a bit scared of his rotting corpse, things are looking like this will be a continuing saga for some time to come. Maybe he should have shown some remorse and apologised…

The Transformers director Michael Bay got himself into a spot of bother in Hong Kong last week. As the story goes he was twatted one in the chops by an irate shop owner for missing him out on the embuggerance fee for filming on their patch. The little Chinese man demanded over £8k for the privilege of filming in front of his shitty little shop, no doubt Bay told him where to go as he’s famously known to be a bit of a firebrand himself. Anyhow, it all came to blows, Bay was floored and three Police officers also needed hospital treatment. I’m wondering if this little Chinese man was Jackie Chan…

On This Day

Sixty six years ago today Senator Joe McCarthy begins investigating Communists in Hollywood; 58 years ago The Return of the King by J.R.R. Tolkien is published; 45 years ago Jackie Kennedy marries Aristotle Onassis; 35 years ago the rock group The Police make their debut performance in the US and lastly, Libyan dictator General Gadaffi is killed by rebel forces, ending nearly 42 years of his rule.  So who died on this day? The aforementioned Muanmar al-Quaddafi a mere two years ago! The 31st President of The United States Herbert Hoover (1964) and Burt Lancaster (1994).

Thank Fuck He’s Dead by Stu

Today’s TFHD is Daniel Camargo Barbosa

Not the captain of the Black Pearl, this Barbosa was a Columbian who, in the seventies and eighties preyed on children, raping and murdering between 70-150.

Dismayed to find his lover, Esperanza, was not a virgin, he did what any other rational human being would and roped her into finding him young girls in order to drug and rape them. He told police after his arrest that he chose young virgins “because they cried”

Like an idiot, he failed to tie up loose ends and his fifth victim reported him to the police. After serving eight years for the rapes, he decided to add murder to his CV when he committed an impulse-rape whilst passing by a school.

His favourite trick was to pretend to be a lost old man, trying to find a church to deliver a large sum of money to. He would offer the girls money and the possibility of employment if they would help him find his destination. Upon entering the local woods “trying to find a short cut”  he would then rape his victim, before killing them and hacking, slashing and crushing the bodies with a machete, just to make sure they were really, really dead this time.

He was finally caught after going back to retrieve some television sets he was trying to sell, that he had accidentally left next to one of his victims (duh!) He was sentenced to 16 (sixteen!?) years in 1989, but thankfully somebody had the good sense to incarcerate him alongside the cousin of one of his victims, who did the world a favour and shanked him in 1994.

Last Week’s Birthdays

Marie Osmond (54), Zac Efron (26), Pam Dawber (62), Roger Moore (86), Sacha Baron Cohen (42), Suzannw Somers (67), Paul Simon (72), Angela Lansbury (88), George Wendt (65), Jon Favreau (47), John Lithgow (62), Flea (51), Wyclef Jean (44), Tim Robbins (55), Eminem (41), Nancy Kerrigan (44), Margot Kidder (65), Dominic West (44), Evander Holyfield (51), Jean-Claude van Damme (53), Martina Natratilova (57), Steve Coogan (48), Chuck Berry (87), Sarah Ferguson (54), Trey Parker (44), Ralph Lauren (74), Ernie Els (44), Jason Reitman (36), John le Carrê (82) and Sammy Hagar (66).

2013 League Table

[confidential]

Next week peeps!

20th October 2013 | Categories: 2013 | Leave A Comment »

Dead Pool 13th October 2013

This week is full of deadly goodness for you my evil little poolers, we have points to be awarded and a new (hopefully) weekly section that is being written by one of our newest poolers, Vic. Please let her know your appreciation as writing for the Dead Pool isn’t an easy task. If anyone else has any submissions or ideas, please send them through.

So, onto the points!!! Yes, Erich Priebke, that very famous WWII SS Captain has died, thus giving Ashley his first points of the season and Dave even more points to widen the gap at the top of the table. Congratulations to both of you for scoring 50 points. That leaves only two of you yet to score with little less than two months to go but with both of you having Nelson Mandela on your lists, I’m sure we will have everyone scoring this year.

Look Who You Could Have Had:

• Phil Chevron, 56, Irish musician (The Pogues), esophageal cancer.
• Chopper Read, 58, Australian crime figure and author, liver cancer.
• Scott Carpenter, 88, American test pilot, astronaut and aquanaut, complications from a stroke.
• Erich Priebke, 100, German Nazi SS captain and war criminal.
• María de Villota, 33, Spanish racing driver, cardiac arrest.

In Other News

Tom Hanks has revealed he has Type II Diabetes due to being a fatty. Hard to believe since he looked like a Biafran in Castaway. The 57 year old actor say’s he’s managing things with diet and exercise. I’m sure we all wish him well, imagine a world without Tom Hanks films… Hang on… He should die for inflicting The Da Vinci Code on us!

The Argentinian President, Cristina Fernández de Kirchner has undergone surgery to remove blood from her brain following complications from a fall in August. To everyones surprise they actually found a brain hiding in there. This illness comes hot on the heels of her recent operation for thyroid cancer in 2011 which turned out to be a misdiagnosis, but there must be something going on if you ask me. Perhaps she should stop looking for a fight with us and start paying off her country’s debt.

In a sure death sentence, Sir Christopher Lee will soon be awarded the fellowship award from the BFI. The 91 year old iconic actor is said to be bemused, seeing that his 68 year career spanning over 200 films is finally being recognised after such young actors as Saoirse Ronan have already been awarded the prize after appearing in a handful of shit films. Well done old man, I’m sure the statuette will look good collecting bird shit at the bottom of your garden.

On This Day

1959 years ago today Nero was crowned emperor of Rome, two months shy of his 17th birthday, we all know how that panned out. Even worse was 90 years ago today, the US enforced the Volstead Act, prohibiting the production, sale and transport of alcohol! What were they thinking?? Luckily The Beatles appeared on Sunday Night at the Palladium 50 years ago today, thus launching Beatlemania and the stellar rise of the Fab Four. But who died on this day? Nobody interesting, just Ed Sullivan, Le Duc Tho and Milton Hershey.

Thank Fuck He’s Dead by Vic

This evil looking gnome is Joachim Kroll a German serial killer born in 1933. He was nicknamed the Ruhr Cannibal due to the fact he butchered and ate parts of his 14 victims as he claimed it was the best way for him to save money on his groceries when money was a bit tight! He obviously didn’t have access to value ranges! His favourite parts seemed to be slices of women’s buttocks! Finally arrested in 1976 officers found him simmering parts of his last victim, a 4 year old child called Marion Kettner in a pan, the rest of her was in his fridge.  Thankfully he died of a heart attack in prison in 1991.

Last Week’s Birthdays

Emily Deschanel (37), Simon Cowell (54), Sharon Osbourne (61), Matt Damon (43), Britt Ekland (71), Sigourney Weaver (64), Joan Cusack (51), Hugh Jackman (45), Jane Krakowski (45), Bruno Mars (28), Elizabeth Shue (50), Chevy Chase (70), Luke Perry (50), David Lee Roth (59), Paul Hogan (74), Scott Bakula (59), Daryl Hall (67), Tony Shalhoub (60), Thom Yorke (45), Stephen Moyer (44), Sean Lennon (38) and PJ Harvey (44).

2013 League Table

[confidential]

Next week peeps!

13th October 2013 | Categories: 2013 | Leave A Comment »

Dead Pool 6th October 2013

Welcome one and all to this week’s edition of The Dead Pool. Another slow week points-wise, but there is a few things to cover. Many have mentioned the death of Dawn Berry, who committed suicide at the age of 36 due to alcoholism and depression. Alas, the most popular contestant on Come Dine With Me doesn’t cut the mustard on the Wiki list, so she’s officially not famous enough so her death means even less. *gulps on his very sad glass of wine* All that I can think to say about that is “I outlived her! Ner!”

Look who you could have had:

• Jay Robinson, 83, American actor (Dracula, Star Trek, The Waltons, The Robe).
• Tom Clancy, 66, American author (The Hunt for Red October, Patriot Games).
• Vo Nguyen Giap, 102, Vietnamese general and politician, Minister of Defence (1976–1980).
• Anton Benning, 95, German World War II Luftwaffe ace.
• Ruth Maleczech, 74, American actress (Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist, The Crucible), cancer.

In other news

Some of you may have noticed that Bruce Forsyth was missing from his regular slot on Strictly Come Dancing last night. The old doddering fool has the flu apparently. I for one welcomed the sight of Claudia Winkleman for the first time ever, which goes to show how much I hate old Brucie. Let’s hope the old cunt dies and gives us all a rest from his three hundred year old ‘entertainment’ career. I really feel sorry for his wife, a former Miss World!! Imagine the horror of having Brucie on top of you firing his dusty white love piss into you. I can only liken it to being fucked by an Egyptian Mummy!! The horror…

Not to be outdone by Angelina Jolie and Sharon Osbourne, Anastasia has followed suit toremove both her breasts. The 45 year old singer has previously survived a bout of cancer in 2003 and was thought to have had the all clear, alas her tits turned on her. As some of you know, I’m a boob man and this news is probably more devastating to me than to her. So please send your sympathies to me at the usual address…

Phillip, The Duke of Edinburgh, is said to be in ‘rude’ health as he began his first official engagement since having his exploratory operation to remove his soul. The 92 year old will be undertaking a further 13 official engagements this October, but most of them are at Buckingham Palace, just to make sure he doesn’t over-exert himself.  However the old fart had to use a walking stick, this is a very good sign for us.

On This Day

The 6th of October is renowned as the day that Charlotte Brontë published Jane Eyre, a mere 166 years ago, but this was overshadowed by Al Jolson starring in The Jazz Singer, the first ever talking movie in 1927, which wowed the audience of its day! So who died on this day? Alfred Tennyson (1892), W.K. Kellogg (1951), Anwar el-Sadat (1981) and Bette Davis (1989). It’s also been two years yesterday since Steve Jobs died. Doesn’t time iFly!

Last Week’s Birthdays

Gwen Stefani (44), Zach Gallflanakis (44), Kate Winslet (38), Jerry Lee Lewis (78), Susan Sarandon (67), Marion Cotillard (38), Tommy Lee (51), Julie Andrews (78), Eric Stoltz (52), Lorraine Bracco (59), Guy Pierce (46), Alicia Silverstone (37), Sting (62), Annie Leibovitz (64), Jesse Eisenberg (30), Neve Campbell (40), Chubby Checker (72), Lena Headey (40), Randy Quaid (63), Bob Geldoff (62), Karen Allen (62), Clive Owen (49), Liev Schreiber (46), Johnny Mathis (78), Monica Bellucci (49), Seann William Scott (37), Jackie Collins (76), Jimmy Carter (89) and Martina Hingis (33).

2013 League Table

[confidential]

Next week peeps!

6th October 2013 | Categories: 2013 | Leave A Comment »

Dead Pool 29th September 2013

I’ll have to admit, today has been a bit of a struggle to find anything interesting at all. It seems that last week was bereft of notable deaths, unless you’re into unknown prelates or American sports, both of which I know nothing about. But I’m not one to baulk at the lack of material, if pushed I’ll make it up, after all, you lot never read this far, you just look at the pictures, but just to confuse you I haven’t added any this week 😛

Look who you could have had:

• Christopher Koch, 81, Australian novelist (The Year of Living Dangerously), cancer.
• Kofi Awoonor, 78, Ghanaian poet and diplomat, shot.

In other news

Maggie Thatcher has finally been officially put to rest, or as some would say, thrown into the burning depths of hell.  Am I the only one wondering why it took five months to burn her body? I suppose all of Satan’s Minions are rather flame-proof…  She’s now in a small box a few feet underground at the Royal Infirmary in Chelsea if anyone is interested, perhaps it’s a good place to keep an eye out for the beginnings of the apocalypse.

Our old friend Nelson Mandela is still hanging on, which makes my prediction that heonly had four days to go seem silly now. President Zuma seems to think he’s doing quite well, but no real news as he wants us all to respect his privacy and dignity. I can only imagine that he’s already dead with a machine keeping him alive, which posts an interesting question, do I award the points??

On This Day

After last week’s amazingness of interesting facts, this week is rather shit again. This day is renowned in history as the day that Pope John Paul II went to Ireland *yawn* and we also saw the deaths of W.H. Auden in 1973 and Roy Lichtenstein in 1997. Seems that this newsletter was destined for utter mediocreness since time began!

Last Week’s Birthdays

Gwyneth Paltrow (41), Will Smith (45), Naomi Watts (45), Michael Douglas (69), Catherine Zeta-Jones (44), Mickey Rooney (93), Avril Lavigne (29), Bruce Springsteen (64), Heather Locklear (52), Mark Hamill (62), Joan Jett (55), Olivia Newton-John (65), Serena Williams (32), Julio Iglesias (70), Ditta Von Teese (41), Michael Madsen (56), David Coverdale (62), Mira Sorvino (46), Bryan Ferry (68), Hilary Duff (26), Meat Loaf (66), Tom Felton (26), Jim Caviezel (45), Brigitte Bardot (79), Bam Margera (34) and Andrea Bocelli (55).

2013 League Table

[confidential]

Next week peeps!

29th September 2013 | Categories: 2013 | Leave A Comment »

Dead Pool 22nd September 2013

No points yet again this week, with only 14 weeks left to go it’s all to play for. Perhaps it’s time to put on your thinking caps and decide who will be on next years lists. You all know how difficult it is to be at the top of the league table now, so you need to do some homework if you want to avoid being on nil points again next year. If anyone has any bright ideas to liven up the Dead Pool for 2014, see what I did there?, please let me know.

Look who you could have had:

• Jackie Lomax, 69, English guitarist and singer-songwriter.
• Patsy Swayze, 86, American dancer and choreographer, mother of Patrick Swayze, complications from a stroke.
• Ken Norton, 70, American heavyweight boxer and actor (Mandingo, Drum), heart failure.
• Hiroshi Yamauchi, 85, Japanese businessman, President of Nintendo (1949–2002, 2002–2005), owner of Seattle Mariners, complications from pneumonia.

In Other News 

Last week’s big news was the announcement by The Big Yin aka Billy Connolly that he’s had an operation for prostate cancer and has been diagnosed with Parkinson’s. The operation on the 70 year old comedian’s arse was a total success, however, the Parkinson’s is here to stay. Ironic that his career first took off after appearing on Parkinson’s chat show, now it looks like it’s going to end with Parkinson’s too.

Stephen Hawking has come out in support of assisted suicide, is he trying to tell us something here? Apparently not, he’s still an advocate of living life to the full regardless of whatever condition you may be suffering from, ‘there is still hope’, he opined. At 71 he’s been a stalwart of the Dead Pool for many years, initially only given ten years to live, fifty years ago! I would imagine his consultant got fired for that error. Perhaps he’s finally thinking of even deeper questions. Perhaps a good shout for next year?

Here’s a nice bloke for you to wish death upon, his name is Geoffrey Portway, a Brit living in the States. He’s just been jailed for 26 years for plotting to kidnap, rape, kill and eat a small child. Now, I’m not one to like paedophiles at the best of times, but this sad individual is even taking kiddie fiddling to a new level. Eating a kid? Really? Mind you, from the photo he looks like he could quite easily devour a small human.

On This Day

After last week’s disastrous new debut feature, I thought I’d give it another try, hopefully it will be more interesting today. September 22nd is mostly renowned for Abraham Lincoln issuing the Emancipation Proclamation, freeing all slaves in the US, but let’s be honest, that was 151 years ago, we’re more interested in the comedy show Friends being first aired and CBS being fined $550k over Janet Jackson’s boob on live TV.  But who died on this day I hear you ask, George C. Scott (1999), Marcel Marceau (2007), Eddie Fisher (2010) and Irvine Berlin (1989). See, it wasn’t so shit this time..

Last Week’s Birthdays 

Faith Hill (46), Tommy Lee Jones (67), Prince Harry (29), Jada Pinkett Smith (42), Elvira Mistress of the Dark (62), Victoria Silvstedt (39), Mickey Rourke (61), Sophia Loren (79), Lauren Bacall (89), Adam West (85), Bill Murray (63), Jennifer Tilly (55), Liam Gallagher (41), Ricki Lake (45), Stephen King (66), B.B. King (88), Alphonso Ribeiro (42), Jeremy Irons (65), Twiggy (64), Lance Armstrong (42), David Copperfield (57) and Oliver Stone (67).

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22nd September 2013 | Categories: 2013 | Leave A Comment »

Dead Pool 15th September 2013

A week full of unknowns, but I bet you’ve all sampled a wafer thin After Eight mint and I’m sure you all know about Dolby, even if you didn’t realise it was named after the inventor.  Goes without saying that we have nil points to dispense, so if you’re stuck there at the bottom of the league table, don’t feel bad, at least you’re not the subject of this newsletter.

Look who you could have had:

• Louise Currie, 100, American film actress (Adventures of Captain Marvel, Citizen Kane).
• Ray Dolby, 80, American inventor (Dolby NR, surround sound), leukemia.
• Otto Sander, 72, German actor (Wings of Desire, Das Boot).
• Brian Sollitt, 74, Chocolatier, inventor of the After Eight chocolate mint.
• Salustiano Sanchez, 112, American supercentenarian, world’s oldest living man.

In other news

Remember Bob Geldof? The architect of Band Aid and everyone’s favourite living zombie has revealed to the nation that he’s going to be the first Irish astronaut in 2014. Wonderful what money can buy you isn’t it. One would have thought Bob would have donated his millions to Africa, now it looks like he wanted our cash to fund his trip into space. Elvis may have left the building, but Bob is going to leave the planet, let’s hope he burns up on re-entry and scores us some points, the rich bastard!

Left wing politician Tony Benn has been admitted to hospital after ‘feeling unwell’. The 88 year old former cabinet minister is said to be resting comfortably and in no immediate danger of dying, so surely this means he’s only got days to live.

I’m going to take this opportunity to declare the death of Microsoft. The once mighty giant of computing has practically admitted defeat in slowly firing its boss, pulling derogatory adverts about Apple because they were truly shit, and last but not least, offering consumers £200 vouchers if they will trade in their iPad’s for a Surface. Yes Microsoft, you have finally lost the plot.

And now for something a little different. I thought I’d try out a new feature, Died on this Day. Pretty much what the title says.  On the day that the picture of Marilyn Monroe trying her best to hold her famous white dress down was taken, we lost… well, nobody interesting.  If it was yesterday I could have mentioned Patrick Swayze (2009) and Grace Kelley (1982). But at least we discovered Penicillin 85 years ago on this day. Well, that was a bit of a failure wasn’t it….

Onto last weeks birthdays: Michelle Williams (33), Colin Firth (53), Pink (34), Hugh Grant (53), Harry Connick Jnr (46), Adam Sandler (47), Eric Stonestreet (42), Henry Thomas (42) Elliott from ET is 42!!! Linda Gray (73), Joe Perry (63), Rachel Hunter (44), David Arquette (42), Sam Neill (66), Stella McCartney (42), Moby (48), Virginia Madsen (52), Michael Buble (38) and Guy Richie (45).

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15th September 2013 | Categories: 2013 | Leave A Comment »

Dead Pool 8th September 2013

Hello all, another Sunday is upon us and a massive hangover here too. So please bear with me as I struggle to compile this week’s newsletter whilst popping painkillers and drinking pints of water. Not much to report, nobody has scored anything in a while, so I’m contemplating sending out the flying monkeys.

Look who you could have had:

• Frederik Pohl, 93, American science fiction author (Man Plus, Gateway).
• David Jacobs, 87, British radio and television broadcaster (Juke Box Jury, Any Questions?).
• Ariel Castro, 53, American convicted kidnapper and rapist, suicide by hanging.
• Rochus Misch, 96, German SS non-commissioned officer, last survivor of the Führerbunker.

In other news

George Bush Snr had a senior moment, he prematurely sent a condolence email about the death of Nelson Mandela. Bit trigger happy there Mr Bush, he’s still very much alive, unless you know more about it that the rest of us! Keep that email on ice for a few days though, you can use it again.

The Oscar winning actor, Jack Nicholson, has announced his retirement from acting. In a statement released last week the 76 year old admitted he can no longer remember his lines. A great shame for such a screen presence, but as you know, people who retire usually die pretty soon after. Points anyone?

Here’s a section of people to keep an eye on, for more than the usual reasons. US porn stars are falling foul of HIV, there have been five reported cases in the last few weeks and we all know that *insert ominous tune* AIDS kills you dead! I might have to undertake some research, for the dead pool you understand…

And finally, last weeks birthday’s: Beyonce Knowles (32), Keanu Reeves (49), Pippa Middleton (30), Charlie Sheen (48), Raquel Welch (73), Salma Hayek (47)!!!!, Damon Wayans (53), Michael Keaton (62), Lily Tomlin (74), Chrissie Hynde (62), Barry Gibb (67), Evan Rachel Wood (26), Gloria Estefan (56), Rose McGowan (40) and Idris Elba (41).

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8th September 2013 | Categories: 2013 | Leave A Comment »

Dead Pool 1st September 2013

Here we are again, Sundays seem to turn around as quickly as a Cameron u-turn.  So, what’s happening in the world? Not a lot, some people died in Syria and nobody really gives a fuck, Miley Cyrus sluts herself on stage with Beetlejuice ands the world goes bonkers. Sadly the UK government have voted against sending the armed forces into Cyrus, which I’m sure she’d enjoy. I just feel for her dad, I bet he has an achy breaky heart when he sees how his daughter has turned out, maybe she’ll do something nice for his 52nd birthday, like cutting his hair, can’t be made much worse now can it?

And lo I wake up to the news that Sir David Frost has died, surprisingly, nobody had him, but it did mean I had to spend my breakfast time rewriting, the inconsiderate bastard! He could have waited a few more hours or at least die on a Saturday evening!

Look who you could have had:

• Julie Harris, 87, American Tony Award-winning actress (The Belle of Amherst, East of Eden, Knots Landing), heart failure.
• Mike Winters, 82, British comedian.
• William Froug, 91, American Emmy Award-winning television writer, producer (Bewitched, The Twilight Zone, Gilligan’s Island).
• Gerard Murphy, 64, British actor (Batman Begins, Doctor Who, Waterworld), prostate cancer.
• Cliff Morgan, 83, Welsh rugby player and broadcaster.
• Soledad Mexia, 114, Mexican-born American supercentenarian, oldest verified Mexican-born person and world’s fifth-oldest person, natural causes.
• Seamus Heaney, 74, Irish poet, laureate of the Nobel Prize in Literature (1995).
• John Mainstone, 78, Australian physics professor, custodian of the Pitch Drop Experiment, stroke.
• Sir David Frost, 74, British broadcaster (That Was the Week That Was, The Frost Report), heart attack.

In other news

Mike Tyson has finally admitted to himself that he has problems. Tyson told ESPN that he’s close to dying due to alcohol and drug abuse. The 47 year old ex-boxing champion and rapist wants to live a sober life and at the time of the interview he’d been six days dry. Not bad for the man who beat Frank Bruno into mental illness and obscurity. Know what I mean Harry.

Michael Douglas and Zeta Jones are taking ‘time apart’. Rumour has it they haven’t been seen together for over four months. After 13 years of marriage they seem to have finally realised they make a terrible couple. With the amount of illnesses they seem to have brought upon each other this may be bad news for us on the Dead  Pool, they might both recover. 🙁

In another crushing blow to everyones childhood memories, Rolf Harris has been officially charged with 13 counts of child abuse. I still cannot believe this to be true, but the strain of the whole thing could put the 83 year old ‘Animal Hospital’ presenter under undue pressure. He’s on suicide and heart attack watch. You would think The Queen would step in to save her longtime friend, but old Betty is keeping very quiet, especially since her friend Jimmy Savile got into the same pickle.

Nelson Mandela is still alive!!! Although my funny story about how he’s still in hospital had to be scrapped, the cunter decided he needs to go home. One can draw two conclusions from this. He’s feeling better and wants to go back to normality, or he’s going home to die. Now I’m not one to hedge my bets, but I’m going to give him four days!

Last weeks birthdays: Richard Gere (64), Macauley Culkin (33) still alive dammit!, Aaron Paul (34), Shania Twain (48), Sean Connery (83), Cameron Diaz (41), Billy Ray Cyrus (52), Jack Black (44), Claudia Schiffer (43), Van Morrison (68), Peter O’Toole (81), Leanne Rimes (31), Gene Simmons (64), Paul Reubens (61), Tim Burton (55), Elliott Gould (75), Warren Buffet (83), Chris Tucker (42), Elvis Costello (59), Rebecca DeMornay (54), Florence Welch (27), John McCain (77), Rachel Bilson (32) and Jason Priestly (44).

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1st September 2013 | Categories: 2013 | Leave A Comment »

Dead Pool 25th August 2013

Yet another week has passed by, so here we are again, trying desperately to find some humour in the deaths of slightly famous people. Again, this week has been a slow one, no points to award, but at least we can point and laugh at Robert Plant, who is now officially a pensioner who gets to ride the bus for free.

Look who you could have had:

• Lee Thompson Young, 29, American actor (The Famous Jett Jackson, Friday Night Lights, Rizzoli & Isles), suicide by gunshot.
• Elmore Leonard, 87, American novelist (Get Shorty) and short-story writer (Three-Ten to Yuma), complications from a stroke.
• Ted Post, 95, American director (Hang ‘Em High, Magnum Force).
• Sid Bernstein, 95, American music producer and promoter, brought The Beatles and The Rolling Stones to the United States.
• Gilbert Taylor, 99, British cinematographer (Star Wars, The Omen, Dr. Strangelove).

In other news

Obviously, the first story we need to cover is the confirmation of Ben Affleck being cast as Batman. Now, I’ve reviewed the rules and I have to say, no, you are not allowed to use him in next years lists because it’s a sure thing, someone will kill him before the film will reach production, and I for one will be supporting the action, even paying for it.   I’m sure a few of you won’t know what all the fuss is about, but the film is expected to be the retelling of Miller’s classic novel, The Dark Knight Returns, where an aged, jaded and bitter Batman tries to kick Superman’s arse. I wont go into details, but seriously, Ben Affleck???? No, no, thrice NO, just no!

Our old friend, Dick Van Dyke had a lucky escape last week as he was rescued by a passer-by after he was found slumped behind the wheel of his car which caught fire on an L.A. motorway. Sadly he escaped uninjured but his Jaguar is now a burnt out shell. Poor Dick has been in the wars recently as you know, but he was also rescued in 2010 by a school of porpoises when he found himself adrift at sea on a surfboard. This man has a death wish!

Watch out! Carol Vorderman is about! The 52 year old ex-Countdown genius has just completed her first solo flight in the skies above me. The old tart is hoping to fly around the world on her own, following the path of Emilia Earhart, and we all know what happened to her! Are we going to suggest that Vorderman will plunge into the Pacific during her attempt? Yup!

The former ‘First Lady of Rock’, Linda Ronstadt, is no longer able to sing due to Parkinson’s Disease. Widely regarded as one of the best rock singers of the 70’s, even putting up with Aaron Neville for their hit song ‘Don’t Know Much’, is now struggling to walk. At 67 it’s hard to see a miraculous recovery for the once sexy singer, so keep her in mind for next year!

Finally, I’ll mention the largely unknown Nicola Peate. You won’t know her but she’s a prime candidate for an early death. The 25 year old Social Media Manager managed to dislocate her jaw by eating a triple-patty burger. Yup, she broke her face trying to stuff it. Sadly, she’s from Ormskirk, I’d be slightly less disbelieving if she was American.

Maybe we should get her to meet Saudi Arabia’s 96 stone fatty, who was moved by forklift from his home by royal decree. Mr Sharei is thought to be the second heaviest man ever recorded, well done that man, if you’re going to do it right, make sure you do it properly, or you’ll end up looking like this fat cunt on the right.

Onto the birthdays: Andrew Garfield (30), Amy Adams (39), Usain Bolt (27), Kirsten Wiig (40), Robert Plant (65), Carrie-Anne Moss (46), Ty Burrell (46), Robert Redford (77), Hayden Panettiere (30), Tori Amos (50), Bill Clinton (67), Steve Guttenberg (54), Rupert Grint (25), Christian Slater (44), Madeleine Stowe (55), Denis Leary (56), Matthew Perry (44), Edward Norton (44), Kim Cattrall (57), Don King (82), Kenny Rogers (75) and Roman Polanski (80).

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25th August 2013 | Categories: 2013 | Leave A Comment »

Dead Pool 18th August 2013

Good afternoon Poolers, sadly our list of notables is a bit bare again this week, but those who died did so at young ages, so a huge sadness as a vast amount of points have gone down the swanney, plus they’re dead. I think we all missed a good contender in young Prince Friso, we all knew he had a slight mishap with an avalanche last year, but none of us picked him up for our lists. Tut tut, we must try harder next year!

Look who you could have had:

• Prince Friso of Orange-Nassau, 44, Dutch royal, complications following 2012 skiing accident.
• Jon Brookes, 44, British drummer (The Charlatans), brain tumour.
• Gia Allemand, 29, American model and reality television star (The Bachelor), suicide by hanging.
• August Schellenberg, 77, Canadian-born American actor (Free Willy, Eight Below, The New World), lung cancer.

In other news

Much to his surprise, an ours, Fidel Castro is still alive and celebrated his 87th birthday last week. Little did he know that seven years ago, when he transferred power to his brother Raul due to a fatal sounding stomach ailment, he’d still be hanging in there in 2013. A stalwart of the Dead Pool for many years, Castro remains one of those elusive names that just wont die, but you know he’s guaranteed to die the year you don’t include him in your list!

Prince Philip has appeared at his first public engagement since he left hospital, saying that it’s ‘a great pleasure to be back in circulation again.’ I’m sure it is Phil, although a few of us would like to see your circulation permanently stop. The 92 year old managed to hand out a few medals to some undeserving sorts who apparently did some good for their community, well done Phil, surely you should get back up on one of your horses or something, give us some points!

You may have heard that R&B ‘star’ Chris Brown suffered a seizure last week, caused by stress whilst he was working in his studio it seems. His publicist claimed it was down to the “continued onslaught of unfounded legal matters and nonstop negativity.” Well, if poor Chris wasn’t prepared for some negativity and a bit of hounding from the authorities, perhaps he should have kept his fists to himself rather than share them with Rhianna’s face. Just a thought…

Onto last weeks birthdays, the gorgeous Mila Kunis (30), Steve Carell (51), Magic Johnson (54), Ben Affleck (41), Halle Berry (47), James Cameron (59), Princess Anne (63), Natasha Henstridge (39), Madonna (55), Steve Martin (68), Hulk Hogan (60), Anna Gunn (45), Chris Hemsworth (30), George Hamilton (74), Mark Knopfler (64), Pete Sampras (42), Fidel Castro (87), Robert De Niro (70), Belinda Carlisle (55) and lastly, Sean Penn (53).

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18th August 2013 | Categories: 2013 | Leave A Comment »

Dead Pool 11th August 2013

Afternoon Poolers, deaths were a bit thin on the ground last week, I must have forgotten to send out my flying monkeys, although one did escape and got me a munchkin. Although many notable deaths were recorded, I for one struggled to find names I’d even heard of, luckily for us there is a whole hoard of news to be getting on with.

Look who you could have had:

• Margaret Pellegrini, 89, American actress (The Wizard of Oz), one of the last surviving Munchkins, complications of a stroke.
• Karen Black, 74, American actress (Five Easy Pieces, Nashville, Easy Rider, The Great Gatsby), ampullary cancer.
• Sir Sandy Woodward, 81, British military officer, Royal Navy admiral (Falklands War).

In other news

Elton John, the man famous for having two first names, is recovering at home following surgery to remove his appendix. The 66 year old ignored the pain he was in for ten shows before he decided to seek attention. ‘I could have died’ he enthused to the gathered reporters, well you should have gone to the doctor nine shows ago you tit! Alas, he’s expected to make a full recovery in six weeks.

Another hapless wonder recovering from surgery is George W. Bush. The 67 year old underwent a small procedure to insert a stent in a blocked heart artery. Everyone’s favourite ex-President is in high spirits and isn’t expected to die any time soon. Strangely his approval rating went through the roof when people were thinking he was going to peg it, the first time its been positive in his entire career.

Elmore Leonard, author of Get Shorty and Out Of Sight has been hospitalised following a stroke. The 87 year old is a fighter we’ve been reliably told and is getting better every day, which probably means he’s stopped dribbling into his soup and has started to slur at his nurses. Much like Andrew Marr, who’s now sadly recovering from his stroke.

You may have heard that Dustin Hoffman has been treated for cancer. News is very sketchy on what kind of cancer he had but it was surgically removed and now the 75 year old is ‘feeling great’. Sounds quick and painless, must have been a brain tumour.  It’s also nice to see him pictured confirming that he does actually own a hand. Well done Dustin!

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11th August 2013 | Categories: 2013 | Leave A Comment »

Dead Pool 4th August 2013

Welcome my morbid minions to another writing of the Dead Pool. It’s with a heavy heart that I announce that Kang, one of the most feared Klingons in Star Trek history, has died. Also, none of us had him on our lists, which is even more of a travesty! I might even make a whole list of Trek actors next year, they’re all getting on a bit, even Kirk, but I expect he wont die unless he gets a chance to over-act his own death.

 Look who you could have had:

• Suzanne Krull, 47, American actress (Nash Bridges, Race to Witch Mountain, Go).
• Eileen Brennan, 80, American Emmy-winning actress (The Last Picture Show, Private Benjamin, Clue), bladder cancer.
• Christian Benítez, 27, Ecuadorian footballer (El Jaish SC, Birmingham City), heart failure.
• Michael Ansara, 91, Syrian-born American actor (Broken Arrow, Star Trek, Batman: The Animated Series).
• John Amis, 91, British broadcaster, classical music critic and writer.

In other news

Case closed! Doctors looking for a problem in Dick van Dyke’s brain when he complained of head pain in April, should have been looking in his mouth. The 87-year-old Mary Poppins actor revealed on Twitter that his mystery illness, previously described by his agent as a neurological problem, was actually a side effect from some earlier dental work. “It seems that my titanium dental implants are the cause of my head pounding,” he tweeted. Thank god for that! This world isn’t ready to lose our foremost cockney accent aficionado.

I suppose you’ve all heard that Britain’s most eligible homosexual has managed to get some lass up the duff. Yup, Simon Cowell has got some talent in him. What makes this story slightly worse is that he’s been releasing his X-factor into a married woman! For shame Simon!! He’s released a statement saying that all will be clear in due course and we should be respectful of peoples privacy. Looks like he’s trying to play Simon Says!

So onto last weeks birthdays: Paul Anka (71), Arnold Schwarzenegger (66), Jean Reno (65), Laurence Fishburn (52), Lisa Kudrow (50), Christopher Nolan (43), Hillary Swank (38), Wesley Snipes (51), J.K. Rowling (48), Dean Cain (47), Coolio (50), Peter O’Toole (81), Wes Craven (74), Sam Worthington (37), Edward Furlong (37), Tony Bennett (87), Martin Sheen (73), Martha Stewart (72) and John Landis (63).

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4th August 2013 | Categories: 2013 | Leave A Comment »

Dead Pool 28th July 2013

Good afternoon Poolers, I hope you are all well and feeling better than a certain Spanish train driver. If you haven’t noticed, I’m back in the driving seat today and I’d like to thank both Liz and Sophie for their sterling efforts in keeping you informed and entertained about notable deaths by email. I’m sure they will never volunteer again as they now know how much work it is! As I haven’t updated the website for a couple of weeks, this weeks edition will cover my leave of absence as well, just for the benefit of those who are keeping abreast of things on there. So my apologies if I bore you to death or repeat what Liz or Soph mentioned over the last couple of weeks.

Look who you could have had:

• Anna Wing, 98, British actress (EastEnders).
• Paul Bhattacharjee, 53, British actor (EastEnders, Casino Royale, The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel).
• Alan Whicker, 87, British journalist and broadcaster (Whicker’s World), bronchial pneumonia.
• Dennis Burkley, 67, American actor (King of the Hill, The Doors, Tin Cup), heart attack.
• Briony McRoberts, 56, British actress (Take the High Road), wife of David Robb, hit by train.
• Mel Smith, 60, English comedian and actor (Not the Nine O’Clock News, The Princess Bride, Alas Smith and Jones), heart attack.
• Dennis Farina, 69, American actor (Law & Order, Get Shorty, Unsolved Mysteries), pulmonary embolism.
• JJ Cale, 74, American Grammy Award-winning singer-songwriter (“After Midnight“, “Cocaine“, “Call Me the Breeze“) and musician, heart attack.
• Jon Leyne, 55, British journalist (BBC), brain tumour.

In other news

I’m sure you haven’t missed the train crash in Santiago de Compostela. For those of you who have seen the CCTV footage it’s easy to see that the driver was going too fast. Perhaps we should keep an eye on Fransisco Jose Garzon for suicidal tendencies, I’d certainly feel bad if I had just killed 80 people and injured hundreds more, although I wonder if he is famous enough for our purposes, he certainly wasn’t a week ago!

Theresa May has revealed that she has Type 1 Diabetes. Although not a death sentence in itself, it does cause significant health worries for someone of her age. The 56 year old politician will now have to inject insulin twice a day and take great care of herself, but I’m sure that her hoard of immigrant slaves will ensure that she gets the best care, sorry, I meant to say NHS, not immigrant slaves.

Of course, like the rest of the media, I can’t sign off without mentioning the new Royal Baby™. You can’t help feeling sorry for the rich little bundle of joy, his life will now be forever photographed and chased by those bottom-feeders known as journalists. Proud mum was able to push out little George with the assistance of a whole hospital and superdrugs reserved only for the elite. I’m sure she was able to have a cup of tea and a scone whilst the shoulders were passing through. It makes me proud to be British!

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28th July 2013 | Categories: 2013 | Leave A Comment »

Dead Pool 7th July 2013

Welcome all, to another edition of the Dead Pool. Last week left us not in the mood for dancing as one of the most iconic afros of all time sadly died whilst he was electrocuted through his mouse whilst surfing for clowns that appeared in The Waltons. Who would have thought that this obscure turn of events would be so intrinsically linked to all the famous people who died during that week. The world certainly is a strange place!

For the next couple of weeks I’ll be taking a sabbatical from writing the Dead Pool, but fear not, I have lined up a couple of guest writers for you. So be kind and thankful to Liz and Sophie, who graciously answered my cries for help. They will either make me look like a complete amateur or end up tearing their hair out like I do most weekends.

Look who you could have had:

• Matt Osborne, 55, American professional wrestler (Doink the Clown).
• Jim Kelly, 67, American martial artist and actor (Enter the Dragon), cancer.
• Paul Jenkins, 74, American actor (The Waltons, Chinatown, Dynasty).
• Douglas Engelbart, 88, American scientist, inventor of the computer mouse, kidney failure.
• Bernie Nolan, 52, Irish singer (The Nolans) and actress, breast cancer.

In other news

Gazza seems to be falling off the rails once again, he was arrested for being drunk and allegedly hitting his ex-wife Sheryl. Nice one Gazza, great way to be the footballing hero you once were. Only a few weeks ago he promised the nation to quit drinking and mend his ways, looks like his personal demons are not going away any time soon, which leaves us with the possibility that the 46 year old alcoholic will make a good Maverick.  Sadly we might also need to keep an eye on Sheryl, you never know what he’s capable of…

Talking about football, you may have heard of the occurrence in Brazil where the referee stabbed a player for not accepting a red card. Then in an orgy of retaliatory violence the referee was stoned to death, quartered and beheaded with the fans leaving his head on a stake in the middle of the ground.  Well, I think the Premiership could do with something like this, it would certainly make those pansy’s earn their money with the threat of death hanging over them for falling over after feeling a gust of wind going by them.

Jeremy Bowen, the BBC reporter has been shot whilst covering the events in Egypt. He’s taken some shot to the head and leg, not very serious but still highlights the dangers that overseas reporters face. Here’s an interesting fact for you, last year 89 journalists were killed, 79 arrested, 1993 journalists threatened or physically attacked, 38 journalists kidnapped, 73 journalists fled their country, 6 media assistants killed, 47 netizens and citizen-journalists killed, and 144 bloggers and netizens arrested.  Maybe you should seriously think of a list consisting of journos next year, looks like it’s easy pickings.

I hear you demanding to know who’s had a birthday last week, well… Lindsey Lohan (27), Sylvester Stallone (67), Tom Cruise (51), Edie Falco (50), Larry David (66), Dalai Lama (78), 50 Cent (38), Ashley Tisdale (28), Dan Aykroyd (61), Debbie Harry (68) 68? 68!!, Liv Tyler (38), Mike Tyson (47), Huey Lewis (63), Carl Lewis (52), Jerry Hall (57), George W. Bush (67), Missy Elliott (42), Geoffrey Rush (62), Cheryl Cole (30), Nancy Reagan (92) still alive! Ned Beatty (76),  Bill Withers (75), Yeardley Smith (49), yes, Lisa Simpson is nearly 50!!!

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7th July 2013 | Categories: 2013 | Leave A Comment »

Dead Pool 30th June 2013

From televisual archeologists and ‘chop-socky’ actors to celebrity photographers, this week is a rather muted affair. People you either knew well or have no idea who they are, which I suppose is usually the case. Again no points scored and sadly little news to report upon. However, there will be an upcoming opportunity for a guest writer or two as I will be working away for a couple of weeks, so if you are interested in taking over the Dead Pool for a weekend, please let me know. I think this would be a great chance to refresh my dull and boring ideas and perhaps get some more proactive involvement from the rest of you 😉

Look who you could have had:

• Elliott Reid, 93, American actor (Gentlemen Prefer Blondes), heart failure.
• Richard Matheson, 87, American author and screenwriter (I Am Legend, The Shrinking Man, The Twilight Zone).
• Mick Aston, 66, British archaeologist (Time Team)
• Lau Kar-leung, 76, Chinese Hong Kong martial artist, action choreographer and film director (The 36th Chamber of Shaolin), cancer.
• Bert Stern, 83, American celebrity photographer (The Last Sitting) and documentary maker (Jazz on a Summer’s Day).

In other news

Without doubt you have all heard that Nelson Mandela is critically ill, I doubt very much he will be recovering from this unfortunate relapse. An interesting fact is that he will score an astounding 1328 points in total should he pass away this year, with so many of you having him on your lists. You Ghouls! Some of you may have seen that the cunt that is called David Cameron was indicted in a Facebook viral that accused him of being a part of The Federation of Conservative Students that advocated that Mandela should have been hanged, sadly there is no evidence, although rumour is enough if you ask me. However John Berkow is a documented member of that society, make of that what you will. Just remember that Thatcher was a staunch supporter of apartheid and she is undoubtedly what Cameron wanks over most evenings, perish the thought!

Jackie Chan is the latest death hoax survivor, most social media outlets reported him dead last week, which was as much of a surprise to him as anyone else! He even went as far as to publish a photo of himself with the daily newspaper to alleviate his fans fears. I should remind you that Jackie is truly as tough as they come, he has survived all the ridiculous stunts he’s attempted and would most likely best Chuck Norris in a duel, I doubt a guy like him would succumb to death that easily, in fact I’d expect to see ‘Jackie Chops the Grim Reaper’ in cinemas soon.

Birthdays for the last week as follows: George Michael (50), he made it! Karen Jenkins (33), Mel Brooks (87), Kathy Bates (65), John Cusack (47), Ricky Gervais (52), Toby Maguire (38), Francis McDormand (56), Selma Blair (41), Gary Busey (69), Mick Feetwood (66), Carly Simon (68), J.J. Abrams (47) and Chris Isaak (57).

2013 League Table

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30th June 2013 | Categories: 2013 | Leave A Comment »

Dead Pool 23rd June 2013

Welcome my morbid minions to another writing of the Dead Pool. Without doubt this weeks big news is James Gandolfini succumbing to a coronary at the relatively young age of 51. Unsurprisingly, none of you had him, although you would expect an Italian to manage a trip to Rome without keeling over from too much pasta and sunshine.

Look who you could have had:

• Mitsue Nagasaki, 113, Japanese supercentenarian, seventh-oldest person in the world.
• Michael Hastings, 33, American journalist (Rolling Stone, Newsweek, BuzzFeed), traffic collision.
• Slim Whitman, 90, American country singer-songwriter (“Indian Love Call“, “Rose Marie“), heart failure.
• John Hughes, 78, Welsh ceramicist, creator of Grogg.
• James Gandolfini, 51, American actor (The Sopranos, Where the Wild Things Are, Zero Dark Thirty), cardiac arrest.
• Lil Snupe, 18, American rap artist, shot.
• Allan Simonsen, 34, Danish racing driver, racing accident during 2013 24 Hours of Le Mans.

In other news

Murray Walker, the high octane Formula 1 commentator, has been diagnosed with cancer. The unfortunate 89 year old has a form of lymphatic cancer that was diagnosed during tests following a fall in which he broke his hip last month. Apparently they caught it early and are going ahead with chemotherapy. Good luck to the old codger but if I’m not very much mistaken, which I probably am, I’ll go out on a limb and say that he will see that chequered flag this year.

Alas I have to bring back Cunt of the Week. Without doubt it has to be Charles Saatchi for even thinking of raising a hand to Nigella Lawson. One has to ask what the hell is a pretty woman like her doing with a rich 70 year old misogynist, I’m sure it has nothing to do with his table manners. I’m sure you would all like to join me in wishing the old fuckwit unwell and here’s hoping he dies a miserable death so Nigella can have all that inherited cash for chocolate mousse, which I hope she films herself eating.  Other than throttling poor Nigella, the self styled ‘King of Brit-Art’ has a lot to answer for, making shit artists like Damien Hirst and Tracy Emin famous is enough for me, he really should have died in the 80’s.

The latest celebrity to get the death hoax is the great Alphonso Ribeiro, better known to most as Carlton from The Fresh Prince of Bel Air. Seems a Facebook page set up to get sympathetic messages began the traction into the alleged demise of one of the most loved dancers of our generation. Luckily Alphonso is alive and well, but being American, who’s to say that the continuous diet high in fat and high fructose corn syrup, plus their despicable insurance led healthcare, could quite easily leave the 41 year old dead within a month for all we know…

Celebrity birthdays for the last week? Cindy Lauper (60), Nicole Kidman (46), Prince William (31), that makes me feel old, not as old as his bald head though… Meryl Streep (64), John Goodman (61), ripe for a heart attack; Brian Wilson (71), Lionel Richie (64), Kathleen Turner (59), Paul McCartney (71), Isabella Rossellini (61), Barry Manilow (70), Kris Kristofferson (77), Danny Aiello (80), Olympia Dukakis (82), Martin Landau (85), Salman Rushdie (66), so much for that fatwa, and Alison Moyet (52).

2013 League Table

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23rd June 2013 | Categories: 2013 | 2 Comments »

Dead Pool 16th June 2013

Welcome one and all to a fun-packed edition of the Dead Pool. ‘What have we here?’ I hear you ask, points to be awarded?? Oh yes! The official oldest person on the planet has died, thus giving Paul E 34 points and Paul C, Emily & Dave who all had him as their Cert, a whopping 134 points each!! So this changes the leader board quite extensively, we even have a new leader! I don’t know about you, but if living to be over a hundred makes you look like our unfortunate pictured friends, I’d rather die in my 60’s thank you very much. Look at them! Kimura has lost all muscle use in his mouth, Kozak’s looks like she’s eating a lemon and fuck knows whats happened to Meizhen! We also saw that Iain Banks died of cancer, way too soon for our needs, he could have scored you 191 points if you had him as your Cert, I’m sure the literary world is devastated too, but for different reasons.

Look who you could have had:

• Iain Banks, 59, Scottish author (The Wasp Factory), gallbladder cancer.
• Rory Morrison, 48, British radio announcer and newsreader (BBC Radio 4), lymphoma.
• Luo Meizhen, 127?, Chinese oldest person unverified claimant, natural causes.
• Evelyn Kozak, 113, American supercentenarian, verified seventh-oldest person, heart attack.
• Sir Henry Cecil, 70, British racehorse trainer, stomach cancer.
• Jiroemon Kimura, 116, Japanese supercentenarian, verified oldest man in history, natural causes.

In other news

Ted Dwane, the bassist from Mumford & Sons was rushed to hospital with a blood clot on his brain, having undergone an emergency operation to remove the blood clot early last week he’s already out and recuperating. He’s said to be over the moon to now have conclusive proof that he does actually have a brain.

The Queen had to visit her 92 year old husband in hospital for his birthday. The Duke is said to be recovering well after his abdominal operation but is expected to remain in hospital for another week. Her Majesty had to undertake the Trooping of the Colour alone for the third time since her coronation, I’m sure she missed Philip’s racist remarks terribly.

National Treasure Stephen Fry fell foul of a hoaxer on Twitter trying to get a rise out of him. Some of you may have noticed the @AmandraBynes tweet wishing he died of cancer and some shite about throwing donuts at his house, but the real @AmandaBynes has a slightly different addy, not that our mild mannered wit noticed. If you feel like wasting a few minutes of your life, go see how many celebs have blocked the hoaxer already. Amanda Bynes might be a lot of things but a hater of Stephen Fry she most likely isn’t.

2013 League Table

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16th June 2013 | Categories: 2013 | Leave A Comment »

Dead Pool 9th June 2013

Afternoon poolers, yet another week has bit the dust, and so have a few more celebrities. Alas none that we needed to score those vital points, but now we’re over the halfway point, scoring is even more important. Don’t worry if you’ve still to score, six months is a very long time in this game. There’s a lot of news to get through this week,  so without further ado…

Look who you could have had:

• Graham Walker, 68, British comedian, founder of The Grumbleweeds, cancer.
• Esther Williams, 91, American swimmer (Billy Rose’s Aquacade) and actress (Bathing Beauty, Million Dollar Mermaid, Dangerous When Wet), natural causes.
• Tom Sharpe, 85, British author (Porterhouse Blue, Wilt), complications from diabetes.
• Richard Ramirez, 53, American serial killer, ‘The Night Stalker’, liver failure.

In other news

Michael Douglas spoke candidly about his throat cancer, he believes it came about from giving oral sex. Now, the first thing that came to my mind was, what the hell has Catherine Zeta Jones got down there? Some kind of cancer giving vampire vagina that bit him on the neck? Or is Michael actually telling us she’s actually a man and the constant deep throating has caused his oesophagus to turn on him? Either way, it doesn’t say anything nice about Catherine.  Maybe he should have blamed the smoking instead…

In the hospital this week are a whole host of celebrities.

Let us begin with Sir David Attenborough. The 87 year old naturalist had to cancel an engagement in Brisbane at short notice to have a pacemaker fitted. I wonder if they made a film about it? Maybe get a lion to rip him open and a gorilla to complete the operation. What am I thinking? It’s the NHS, that’s exactly what is going on anyway!

We also have the Duke of Edinburgh flat out on a slab having exploratory surgery on his abdomen, we’ve been told he’ll be in hospital for two weeks because of it. Sure signs if you ask me! The Queen didn’t seem too bothered though, she went on a jolly to the new BBC TV Centre and managed to photobomb a couple of newsreaders to boot.

Paris Jackson, the daughter of Michael Jackson was admitted into hospital after attempting to kill herself. At 15 she’s a huge potential point scorer, lets hope she tries again next year, she’s so going to be my Maverick! We all know the Jackson family are rather fucked up, looks like it hasn’t skipped a generation either.

Stephen Fry has also spoken about his bipolar condition and admitted that he had attempted to commit suicide last year by using pills and vodka. Now we all love the treasure that is Stephen Fry as much as we love David Attenborough, but I for one will be sending him a case of vodka the next time I see him throwing a spat on Twitter.

Last but not least is Nelson Mandela, things are not looking good for the old South African freedom fighter. Not only is he dying, his family are already fighting over their inheritance. A wonderful legacy to a man who spent half his life in jail to free a nation and they’re quibbling over who gets the TV and the sideboard, not to mention the hundreds of millions of rand he seems to have amassed whilst being in jail.

For those of you who are vaguely interested in celebrity birthdays, you can celebrate the following if you so wish! Johnny Depp (50), Natalie Portman (32) and Michael J, Fox (52). All surprisingly odd ages. I thought Depp and Portman were younger and Fox 60 or something, must be his illness, alas too old to be a maverick now….

2013 League Table

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9th June 2013 | Categories: 2013 | Leave A Comment »

Dead Pool 2nd June 2013

Let me begin by apologising for the lack of a newsletter last week, alas my laptop died, none of you had it on your lists though, so no points to anyone! So this week should be a double dose of fun! I’m sure you’re itching to see who’s died…

Look who you could have had:

• Steve Forrest, 87, American actor (Dallas, North Dallas Forty, S.W.A.T).
• Phil Buerstatte, 46, American heavy metal rock drummer (White Zombie).
• Ray Manzarek, 74, American rock musician (The Doors), bile duct cancer.
• Eddie Braben, 82, British comedy writer (Morecambe and Wise, Ken Dodd).
• Richard Thorp, 81, English actor (Emmerdale).
• Mick McManus, 93, English professional wrestler.
• James Sisnett, 113, Barbadian supercentenarian, world’s second oldest man.
• Marshall Lytle, 79, American rock and roll musician (Bill Haley & His Comets), inducted into Rock and Roll Hall of Fame (2012), lung cancer.
• Jack Vance, 96, American science fiction author.
• Bill Pertwee, 86, British radio and television actor (Dad’s Army, You Rang, M’Lord?) and author.

In other news

George Michael has left hospital after he mysteriously ‘fell’ out of a moving car on the M25. According to reports his mishap occurred whilst he was trying to adjust the door. Following the accident the 48 year old singer was said to be lying in the road covered in blood and had to be protected by a conscientious mini driver who protected his prone body from being run over by other cars. I think George is an ideal candidate as a Maverick for next year, he’s terribly accident prone and seems to be on a death wish. He just scrapes in age wise and could be the next Amy Winehouse, albeit without the talent.

We’ve also heard that everyones favourite cross-dresser, Tim Curry, has had a stroke. The 67 year old actor, who is famously very private, has not disclosed how bad it is. One hopes he recovers sufficiently so we can continue to enjoy his thespian endeavours and perhaps to add him to next years lists.

More bad news on the Angelina Jolie frontage, her Aunt Debbie has died of breast cancer. Seems that Jolie’s decision to lop off her norks might have been a good one after all. I’m sure Jolie, 37, didn’t really want to see her boobies drift southwards anyway, especially if they became lumpy as well.

Lou Reed, the driving force behind The Velvet Underground is recovering after a liver transplant. The 71 year old singer was said to be as close to death as is possible to get. Reed is a well known alcoholic and drug user, so I’m wondering why they wasted a perfectly good liver on a deadbeat 71 year old who has abused his own liver to the point of death! I’ll tell you why, it’s so we can list him next year!

Shall I just mention the name Amanda Bynes. Make of that what you will.

2013 League Table

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2nd June 2013 | Categories: 2013 | Leave A Comment »

Dead Pool 19th May 2013

Welcome yet again to the Dead Pool newsletter. As you will soon see, this week has been a slight disappointment on the deaths front, I’ll be honest and say I had only ever heard of Paul Shane and all he’s done is made me look towards Ruth Madoc and Sue Pollard as potential names for next year. It goes without saying that nobody has scored, but we can’t have every week a Margaret Thatcher now can we!

Look who you could have had:

• Kenneth Battelle, 86, American hairdresser (Jacqueline Kennedy, Marilyn Monroe), only hairdresser to win Coty Award (1961).
• Dick Trickle, 71, American NASCAR driver, suicide by gunshot.
• Paul Shane, 72, British actor and comedian (Hi-de-Hi!, You Rang, M’Lord?).
• Jorge Rafael Videla, 87, Argentine military general and politician, President (1976–1981), natural causes.
• Harold Shapero, 93, American composer and pianist.

In other news

As you may have heard, one of Hollywood’s greatest relationships has ended. Yes, Angelina Jolie and her breasts have gone separate ways. We have seen the breasts fall out a few times with Jolie, but it seems the final straw was a rumour that her breasts might be responsible for giving her future cancer. Obviously this malignant rumour was denied by the breasts, citing that there was a 16% chance that they’d not give her the Big C, but Jolie had had enough, so she had Kevin Spacey chop them off and deliver them to her husband in a box.  Jennifer Aniston is said to be over the moon.

Things haven’t been going well for George Michael either. The 49 year old singer was a passenger in a car when it went Wham into something, leaving the entertainer with a head injury and superficial cuts. I think George needs to stay away from cars if he intends to live, this is now his third accident and he had a close call with pneumonia only a couple of years ago. Surely a potential name for next year!

You may have also heard that the real Marge Simpson has died. Sadly for us, Margaret Groening wasn’t famous enough to make the Wiki dead pool listings, but as a matter of interest I thought I’d mention her death at the age of 94. What you may not know is that her maiden name was Wiggum. O_o

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19th May 2013 | Categories: 2013 | Leave A Comment »

Dead Pool 12th May 2013

Welcome one and all to this weeks epic Dead Pool newsletter. Let’s begin by dispensing some points to Shân for correctly guessing that the former Italian president, Giulio Andreotti, would bite the bullet this year, that’s quite a mouthful if you’ve had a glass or wine or three. Well done to her for scoring 56 points, a boo hiss for the rest of us for missing out Ray Harryhausen!  Of course, ol’ Harryhausen has been a stalwart on some lists for years, but as is usual with this frustrating game, he’s been overlooked this year and without any consideration for us sickos, he’s only gone and died! Thanks Ray for entertaining us with your amazing stop motion skills, but you could have waited a few months…

Look who you could have had:

• Mario Machado, 78, American news anchor, journalist and actor (Scarface, RoboCop, St. Elmo’s Fire), complications of pneumonia.
• Giulio Andreotti, 94, Italian politician, Prime Minister (1972–1973, 1976–1979, 1989–1992).
• Diana Keppel, Countess of Albemarle, 103, British aristocrat.
• Ray Harryhausen, 92, American stop-motion animator (Jason and the Argonauts, Clash of the Titans).
• Bryan Forbes, 86, British actor (The League of Gentlemen), film director (The Stepford Wives) and screenwriter (Chaplin).
• Jeanne Cooper, 84, American actress (The Young and the Restless), short illness.

In other news

Some news from North Korea, our newish illustrious leader, Kim Jong-un may have escaped an assassination attempt. According to sketchy reports, Ri Kyong-Sim may have saved Kim from a dodgy traffic accident and thus getting herself awarded the highest honour that North Korea can bestow, the ‘Hero of the Republic’ award!

I’m sure Kim is very grateful to her, although I’m not sure how a small Korean woman would be able to stop a deadly vehicle from doing whatever the fuck it wanted, I can only assume she went all Schwarzenegger on it and managed to produce some kind of small missile launcher out of her chuff! Anyhow, Kim is still alive to tell the tale and ready to be included in next years lists.

Talking about Schwarzenegger, his son Patrick seems to be a bit of a cunt. Sources report that he managed to sneak into a nightclub whilst being underage and then proceeded to throw ice cubes at the DJ before being thrown out of the club ranting that he wanted to kill the DJ for some unfathomable reason. Seems the 19 year old needs to grow up somewhat, before some big muscly beefcake goes commando on his arse. A potential Sheen in the making??

We have also heard that The Queen has decided she’s too old to go on long haul flights, although it didn’t stop her jumping out of one during the Olympics. I don’t blame her really, the travel insurance alone must cost her a tiara each time she steps through an airport terminal door. Let’s face it, at 87 she’s at a huge risk of DVT, even on a personal jet, the last thing we need is her dying and allowing Charles access to the throne. I can just envisage him letting the power get to him and going all Joffrey on us, perhaps even shooting prostitutes with a crossbow at King’s Cross… Who knows…

Here are a few birthdays for you to wet yourselves over:

Gabriel Byrne (63), Burt Bacharach (85), Ving Rhames (54), Emilio Estevez (51), Malin Akerman (35), Catherine Tate (45) and Stephen Baldwin (47). It would also have been the gorgeous Katherine Hepburn’s birthday and George Carlin’s too, but they’re dead, so who cares.

2013 League Table

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12th May 2013 | Categories: 2013 | Leave A Comment »

Dead Pool 5th April 2013

Good afternoon Poolers, yet another week passes and so do many more celebrities. Alas none that were on our lists, so no points awarded to anyone. So without much to mention I’ll plug the website once again and hopefully you can tout it to your mates in readiness for next year. I’m noticing that the visitor stats are a bit poor at the moment, most traffic coming from my Facebook page or my tweets, so shout it loud, be proud and promote http://koadeadpool.wordpress.com

Look who you could have had:

• Cyril Quigley, 106, British centenarian, oldest man in Northern Ireland.
• Mabel Richardson, 107, British television personality (Food and Drink).
• Deanna Durbin, 91, Canadian singer and actress (Three Smart Girls).
• Mike Gray, 77, American director, screenwriter (The China Syndrome, Star Trek: The Next Generation) and author, heart failure.
• Chris Kelly, 34, American rap artist (Kris Kross), drug overdose.
• Jeff Hanneman, 49, American guitarist (Slayer), liver failure.

In other news

Iain Banks has just returned from his honeymoon. The terminally ill author married his wife Adele after she gracefully accepted his proposal to be his widow. Banks wrote that he’s astounded by the outpouring of loving messages and support since he revealed to the world that he’s dying of cancer of the liver. It’s doubtful that he’ll survive the year, perhaps he isn’t one to keep an eye on for our purposes.

I’m not one to take mental disorders lightly, but I will mention that Catherine Zeta-Jones has voluntarily checked into a clinic to proactively treat her bipolar disorder. The Welsh girl done good seems to be worried about her marbles, personally I thought she was off her rocker marrying Michael Douglas, but she’s a millionaire, I’m a destitute waster, what do I know! I still don’t understand why she allowed his geriatric gentleman’s relish inside her, but there you go, each to their own, maybe you ladies can explain to me the attraction.

I suppose you have all heard that William Roache aka Ken Barlow has been arrested over allegations of rape. That deep hole of celebrity paedophiles seems to be getting deeper with some very surprising names popping up. But we can be assured that at least one man is now facing jail. Stuart Hall will be sentenced in June and I’m sure that he’ll find prison a rather horrible version of It’s a Knockout, perhaps we need to put him on suicide watch.

Few interesting birthdays for us to celebrate this Sunday:  Lance Henriksen (73), John Rhys-Davies (69), Michael Palin (70). Richard E. Grant (56) and Adele (25). Go pester them on Twitter or something.

2013 League Table

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5th May 2013 | Categories: 2013 | Leave A Comment »