Dead Pool 27th October 2013
This week poses a question, with the sad death of Marcia Wallace, the voice of Mrs Krabappel in The Simpsons, would this mean the character she played would have to die? Would we need to award points for both, or even more as she did many so voices! Also, what is going to happen to all those potentially lobster pink travellers going Spain? The voice of their anthem has passed on, this is such a terrible quandary!!
Anyhow, I’m in the process of setting up a new website for the Dead Pool, it will look and feel very much like the old one for the moment but hopefully we will have password protected areas for our Poolers to share and have fun and also downloadable content to help you with next years lists. If you want to have a sneak peek, go to www.kingofankh.co.uk/DeadPool. So if you normally read this on the website, please update your rss feeds or weblinks. Feel a bit stupid saying that, you’re obviously not reading this!
Look Who You Could Have Had:
- Naomi Conner, 114, American supercentenarian, oldest living person in Texas.
- Noel Harrison, 79, British singer (“The Windmills of Your Mind“), actor and Olympic skier.
- William Harrison, 79, American author and screenwriter (Rollerball).
- Sir Anthony Caro, 89, British sculptor, heart attack.
- Manolo Escobar, 82, Spanish singer and actor.
- Antonia Bird, 54, English television drama and film director.
- Marcia Wallace, 70, American actress (The Simpsons, The Bob Newhart Show) and comedian, breast cancer.
- Augusto Odone, 80, Italian economist and medical pioneer (Lorenzo’s oil).
- Hal Needham, 82, American stuntman and film director (Smokey and the Bandit, The Cannonball Run), cancer.
In Other News
It is truly with a very heavy heart, literally, that I have to share the news that Kadir Nurman has died at the age of 80. ‘Who?’ I hear you lament. Kadir is the Turkish immigrant who is credited with inventing the doner kebab! I know, this is truly a horrific moment for many of us.
Kadir emigrated to Germany in 1960 and noticed that the fast paced lives of the Germans needed a succulent dish that could be carried around, and lo, the mana of the gods for pissed people was born. Alas he didn’t patent the recipe so he made little money from the dish. However, he was pleased that so many Turkish people have managed to do so well with his recipe, thus improving the quality of life for his fellow countrymen. I’m not so sure about the quality of my life though, a few too many kebabs has left me with horrific angina that even red wine can’t help!
Dick Cheney has revealed to the world that he’s had to have his pacemaker modified in case of terrorist attack. Yup, the former vice-president is so paranoid he made sure that his wi-fi enabled ticker was impervious to Bin Laden and his friends. Now, I’m not one to cast an opinion normally, but wouldn’t it be easier to just give Cheney a gun and let him get on with it, after all he managed to shoot his mate in the face, so why bother making a complex device that would interfere with his pacemaker? Methinks he’s been watching too many episodes of Homeland.
We are all going to die!!! Yes, it’s true! But if you are to believe most media reports at the moment, we will all die from False Widow Spider bites. Now, I’m not a huge fan of spiders myself, but for us in the UK we’re pretty lucky really, overall they don’t grow as large as a house and they can’t kill you. In fact, the worst a False Widow can do it give you a tiny sting, much like a bee sting, certainly not lethal. So I’m wondering why a school in Gloucestershire insisted on closing due to a sighting of said spider? Any fucking excuse for a day off if you ask me. You don’t hear of Australian schools closing ever, and everything there is lethal and very ready to bite you on the testicles when you sit on the toilet! Shame on Dean School Chepstow, grow some balls!
On This Day
Not a lot happened on the 27th October in years past, but Wallis Simpson is granted a divorce in order to marry the Duke of Windsor, thus changing the face of the monarchy in the UK.
On a stranger note, Gloria Estefan becomes the first pop artist to be called upon by a Pope to perform at the Vatican. Who knew John Paul II was such a groover!
So who died on this day? Remember Akbar the Great, the Muslim emperor of India, whom established a sprawling kingdom through military conquests, but is more widely known for his policy of religious tolerance, no you won’t, but how things have changed…
We also lost Æthelstan, the first king of England, other than that I didn’t recognise anyone.
Thank Fuck He’s Dead bu Stu
This week’s TFHS is Ronald Clark O’Bryan.
As we approach Halloween we will probably be subjected to a glut of phoney Facebook warnings, quoting apocryphal tales from “friends of friends” who all claim to know somebody whose snot-faced little bastards rosy-cheeked little cherubs fell victims to razor blades, rat poison or other hilariously deadly items secreted inside Halloween treats.
They’re all bollocks, of course. One tale that is true, unfortunately, is that of 8-year-old Timothy O’Bryan from Deer Park, Texas, who finished off his trick-or-treating in 1974 with a Pixie Stix that was more than just past it’s sell-by date. Suffering convulsions, he was taken to hospital where he later died of cyanide poisoning.
It didn’t take the police long to catch the murderer – Timothy’s own father Ronald. Deep in debt this class cunt decided to take out life insurance policies worth over $60,000 on his two children in order to claim the insurance money because, you know, that never looks suspicious, especially when they’re eight.
O’Bryan was executed in 1984 by lethal injection. During the execution, a crowd of college students wearing Halloween masks showed up to cheer as he took his final breath.
The song Candyman was written about this nomination for father of the year. That’s the one by Siouxie and the Banshees, by the way, not the song from Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory.
Last Week’s Birthdays
Katy Perry (29), Ryan Reynolds (37), Kim Kardashian (33), Judge Judy (71), Snoop Dogg (42), Jeff Goldblum (61), Carrie Fisher (57), Keith Urban (46), Jaclyn Smith (68), Tom Petty (63), Cat Deeley (37), Hilary Clinton (66), Seth McFarlane (40), Viggo Mortansen (55), Kevin Kline (74), Nancy Cartwright (56), Carly Elwes (51), Weird Al Yankovic (54), Catherine Deneuve (70), Christopher Lloyd (75), Jon Heder (36), Jesse Tyler Ferguson (38), Ang Lee (59), Bill Wyman (77), Bob Hoskins (71), Spike Jonze (44), F. Murray Abraham (74), Pele (73) and Wayne Rooney (28).
2013 League Table
Next Week peeps!