Above are three faces that featured in my childhood somehow, from scaring me, giving me penile envy syndrome or making me laugh, I’ll let you decide who did what.

Luckily one of us guessed Frank Thornton would be sent to meet his maker this year, well done Nickie, 58 points to you and you’re up and running in this years Dead Pool! Nearly half of us have scored this year already, an amazing achievement seeing it’s only the end of March.

Look who you could have had:

• Frank Thornton, 92, British actor (Are You Being Served?, Last of the Summer Wine, Gosford Park).
• Bobby Smith, 76, American singer (The Spinners), complications of influenza and pneumonia.
• Harry Reems, 65, American porn actor (Deep Throat), pancreatic cancer.
• James Herbert, 69, English horror writer (The Rats).
• Gair, 7, Scottish English sheepdog, Dulux dog (since 2011), brain hemorrhage.
• Boris Berezovsky, 67, Russian business oligarch, government official and mathematician.

In other news

The Duke of Kent suffered a mild stroke last Monday, not the sexy kind either. His brain bubble isn’t thought to be serious, but who knows how these things affect 77 year olds. I’m sure you will all like to wish him well, until next January at least, seeing none of you have him on a list.  Things don’t seem to be going so well for the Royal family of late as his cousin The Queen has still not recovered from her bout of the shits either. I will now share with you a Jimmy Carr joke. “What do you get if you cross The Queen and Prince Philip?”      “A car crash in Paris…”

I thought I’d start a new feature with you this week, I’m going to call it “The Cunt of the Week That Should Have Died.” I suspect this will always feature something from the Daily Mail, like this weeks cunt without doubt is Richard Littlejohn, whose article about a transgender teacher led her to commit suicide.  With 104 references to homosexuality in 90 articles, one wonders if Richard is in fact hiding in the closet himself, so far back he’s in Narnia!

Things are getting a bit tight in the Gabor household it seems, Zsa Zsa’s husband has applied to get her house sold off to pay a $1.5 million loan he took out to stave off an infection to her feeding tube. So not only has she lost her leg she’s also going to lose her house. Luckily for her, the canny old bastard is making a deal that should see her in the house she has lived in for forty years for another three years, which sort of suggests he’s not holding out much hope for her.

In the world of birthdays we only have young un’s to celebrate today, namely Alyson Hannigan (39), Jessica Chastain (38), Lara Flynn Boyle (43) and Jim Parsons (40). I’m sure you would all agree that all the women would look great on my arm 😉

2013 League Table

[confidential]

Next Week peeps!

Happy St Patrick’s Day to you all, unfortunately for the small list below, it isn’t so happy. But for one of our players, Stu, it’s a fabulous day as he correctly guessed that Clive Burr would peg it, so 96 points to you sir, well done, which instantly boosts you to mid-table.

I’d like also to clarify one small point, anyone who has selected ‘The Pope’ will now have their selection changed to Pope Benedict, not new bloke Francis, although I’m tempted to take bets on which one will die first.

Look who you could have had:

• Princess Lilian, Duchess of Halland, 97, Welsh-born Swedish royal.
• Peter Beard, 68, British television producer, creator of CiTV.
• Clive Burr, 56, British drummer (Iron Maiden), complications from multiple sclerosis.
• Malachi Throne, 84, American actor (Batman, Star Trek, It Takes a Thief).
• Norman Collier, 87, British comedian.

In other news

We have a senator in Oklahoma trying to ban the use of human foetuses in the food industry. To whit his bill reads;

“No person or entity shall manufacture or knowingly sell food or any other product intended for human consumption which contains aborted human fetuses in the ingredients or which used aborted human fetuses in the research or development of any of the ingredients.”

I don’t know about you but I’m a bit partial to baby and chips on a Saturday evening or even Sunday Roast Baby with plenty of gravy. We might have to change Soylent Green is people to McDonalds is babies! Perhaps it already is!

Our good friend Charlie Sheen has landed himself in a bit of bother following a Tweet asking his followers to daub his daughters former school in dog shit. Apparently he’s not happy with how they school responded to a spate of bullying his daughter suffered during May 2012. Nothing like a timely bit of revenge it seems…

A few birthdays to celebrate today, Gary Sinise (58), Patrick Duffy (64), Kurt Russell (62), and Rob Lowe (49).

And I can’t finish off the newsletter without mentioning the new Pope. A lot has been said about him looking a lot like Jim Bowen of Bullseye fame, I personally think he looks more like a sinister Nazi torturer, so pretty much like Bowen then.

I hope the Pope remembers that there’s nothing in this game for two kids in your bed. Yeah, lame, I know…

2013 League Table

[Confidential] 

Next week peeps!