Dead Pool 19th April 2015

Alas a quiet week for points, which feels rather odd after the points bonanza of the last few weeks. I’ll also refrain from making that joke about the inventor of the Sledge Hammer again, well, until M.C. Hammer bites the bullet that is…

Look Who You Could Have Had:

• Judith Malina, 88, German-born American actress (Dog Day Afternoon, Awakenings, The Addams Family) and director, lung disease.
• Herb Trimpe, 75, American comic book artist (The Incredible Hulk, Thor), co-creator of Wolverine. 
• Ronnie Carroll, 80, Northern Irish Eurovision singer and political candidate.
• Orma Slack, 112, Canadian supercentenarian, nation’s oldest living person.
• Percy Sledge, 74, American R&B singer (“When a Man Loves a Woman“), liver cancer.

 In Other News

Spiderman, aka Alain Robert, has been up to his old tricks again. This time the 52 year old scaled one of Dubai’s tallest skyscrapers, relying on just chalk and sticky tape on his fingertips to help him up the 75-storey high Cayan Tower in the emirate’s glitzy marina area. He completed climbing the 1007-foot (307 meter) high structure in just 70 minutes on Sunday. He had no harness and little space for his feet on the ledges of the tower, which twists as it ascends. One day we’ll see him in the previous section…

Sue Perkins has said she is taking a break from Twitter because she has received death threats after speculation she might replace Jeremy Clarkson on Top Gear. The Great British Bake Off presenter – who also hosts an ITV chatshow with co-star Mel Giedroyc – tweeted on Tuesday to say that she was “off Twitter for a bit”. And you can’t blame her since seeing tweets wishing she would burn to death. Of course, the story of her taking over Top Gear is totally fabricated, so it makes all those people double douchebags. At least James May is of sound mind, the former presenter tweeted the trolls to ‘do the world a much bigger favour by killing yourself’ adding that ‘we don’t want them as fans’. I’ll not mention Clarkson’s cancer scare, we all know he’s pandering for sympathy.

Florence Welch has revealed she suffered a broken foot while leaping off stage during her energetic live set at Coachella last weekend. The Florence and the Machine singer promises ‘stripped back’ live performances, with her Glastonbury show only two months away! Who knows what she’ll try then, perhaps bouncing on her head? However, it’s not all bad news from Coachella, Justin Bieber and his entourage were stopped by security and denied entry to Drake’s headline show, leading to an argument with festival staff. Not even an army of Beliebers could protect the little cunt from being put in a chokehold and getting kicked out!

Formula 1 driver Jules Bianchi’s fight to recover from injuries sustained in a crash last year is the equivalent of “running a marathon every day”, according to his father. Bianchi, 25, remains in a coma, six months after the accident in Japan. He sustained a severe head injury when he crashed into a recovery vehicle at the Japanese Grand Prix and is now under the care of neurosurgeons in his native Nice. His father concluded the interview by saying “From a medical point of view, his condition is stable. All of his organs are working without assistance. But, for now, he remains unconscious.

And finally a warning to all potential MP’s. A Tory councillor is recovering at home after having three fingers severed by a dog when she tried to put electoral junk mail through a letterbox. Cllr Jane Chitty was left in agony when the Staffordshire bull terrier clamped down onto her hand on Friday lunchtime in an effort to defend his home from attack. The dog is fine but Cllr Chitty was quickly rushed to the specialist plastic surgery unit at East Grinstead Hospital in West Sussex where she underwent a five-hour operation. Cllr Chitty, who represents Strood, near Rochester, Kent, was handing out lies in support of Rochester and Strood candidate Kelly Tolhurst. The councillor will be reporting the incident to the Police when she is ready, after all she shouldn’t have been trespassing and littering to begin with and the dog should be praised for its actions.

On This Day

• 1770 – Captain James Cook sights the eastern coast of what is now Australia.
• 1919 – Leslie Irvin of the United States makes the first successful voluntary free-fall parachute jump using a new kind of self-contained parachute.
• 1927 – Mae West is sentenced to ten days in jail for obscenity for her play Sex.
• 1943 – Swiss chemist Dr. Albert Hofmann deliberately takes LSD for the first time.
• 1987 – The Simpsons premieres as a short cartoon on The Tracey Ullman Show.
• 1993 – The 51-day FBI siege of the Branch Davidian building outside Waco, Texas, USA, ends when a fire breaks out. Eighty-one people die.
• 2011 – Fidel Castro resigns from the Communist Party of Cuba‘s central committee after 45 years of holding the title.

Deaths

• 1824 – Lord Byron, English-Scottish poet (b. 1788)
• 1881 – Benjamin Disraeli, English politician, Prime Minister of the United Kingdom (b. 1804)
• 1882 – Charles Darwin, English biologist and theorist (b. 1809)
• 1989 – Daphne du Maurier, English author and playwright (b. 1907)
• 1992 – Frankie Howerd, English actor (b. 1917)
• 2004 – Norris McWhirter, English author and activist co-founded the Guinness World Records (b. 1925)

Last Week’s Birthdays

Samantha Fox (49), Emma Thompson (56), Adrien Brody (42), Sarah Michelle Gellar (38), Emma Watson (25), Loretta Lynn (83), Saoirse Ronan (21), David Cassidy (65), Jennifer Morrison (36), David Letterman (68), Claire Danes (36), Andy Garcia (59), Paul Sorvino (76), Ex-Pope Benedict (88), Ellen Barkin (51), Matin Lawrence (50), Sean Bean (56), Jennifer Garner (43), Rooney Mara (30), Victoria Beckham (41), Conan O’Brien (52) and James Woods (68).

Next Week peeps!