Dead Pool 28th July 2013

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Good afternoon Poolers, I hope you are all well and feeling better than a certain Spanish train driver. If you haven’t noticed, I’m back in the driving seat today and I’d like to thank both Liz and Sophie for their sterling efforts in keeping you informed and entertained about notable deaths by email. I’m sure they will never volunteer again as they now know how much work it is! As I haven’t updated the website for a couple of weeks, this weeks edition will cover my leave of absence as well, just for the benefit of those who are keeping abreast of things on there. So my apologies if I bore you to death or repeat what Liz or Soph mentioned over the last couple of weeks.

Look who you could have had:

In other news

th-4I’m sure you haven’t missed the train crash in Santiago de Compostela. For those of you who have seen the CCTV footage it’s easy to see that the driver was going too fast. Perhaps we should keep an eye on Fransisco Jose Garzon for suicidal tendencies, I’d certainly feel bad if I had just killed 80 people and injured hundreds more, although I wonder if he is famous enough for our purposes, he certainly wasn’t a week ago!

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Theresa May has revealed that she has Type 1 Diabetes. Although not a death sentence in itself, it does cause significant health worries for someone of her age. The 56 year old politician will now have to inject insulin twice a day and take great care of herself, but I’m sure that her hoard of immigrant slaves will ensure that she gets the best care, sorry, I meant to say NHS, not immigrant slaves.

th-5Of course, like the rest of the media, I can’t sign off without mentioning the new Royal Baby™. You can’t help feeling sorry for the rich little bundle of joy, his life will now be forever photographed and chased by those bottom-feeders known as journalists. Proud mum was able to push out little George with the assistance of a whole hospital and superdrugs reserved only for the elite. I’m sure she was able to have a cup of tea and a scone whilst the shoulders were passing through. It makes me proud to be British!

2013 League Table

[Confidential]

Next Week peeps!

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