Things are looking up, quite a few deaths this week, sadly no points though, so the league table remains static. A couple of unexpected deaths certainly lit up the mid-week email klaxons, keep them coming, maybe next year we should give out a prize for whoever gets the most klaxons in first! 

Look Who You Could Have Had:

• Winnie Madikizela-Mandela, 81, South African anti-apartheid activist and politician, MP (since 2009), complications of diabetes.  
• Ron Dunbar, 77, American songwriter (“Give Me Just a Little More Time”, “Band of Gold”, “Patches”), Grammy winner (1971).  
• Soon-Tek Oh, 85, South Korean-American actor (The Man with the Golden Gun, Mulan, Hawaii 5-O), Alzheimer’s disease.  
• Johnny Valiant, 71, American Hall of Fame professional wrestler (The Valiant Brothers) and manager (WWF, AWA), traffic collision.  
• Ray Wilkins, 61, English football player (Chelsea, Manchester United) and manager (Queens Park Rangers), cardiac arrest.  
• Eric Bristow, 60, English Hall of Fame darts player, world champion (1980, 1981, 1984, 1985, 1986), heart attack.  
• Isao Takahata, 82, Japanese film director, producer and screenwriter (Grave of the Fireflies, Only Yesterday, The Tale of the Princess Kaguya), lung cancer.

In Other News

The Duke of Edinburgh is “comfortable and in good spirits” after a successful hip replacement operation, Buckingham Palace has said. Prince Philip is said to be “progressing satisfactorily at this early stage” after surgery at the King Edward VII’s Hospital in London. He is expected to remain in the private hospital for several days. The 96-year-old retired from royal duties last August, after decades spent supporting the Queen. BBC royal correspondent Jonny Dymond said the duke was an “intensely private man” and even at the best of times, the palace would not provide a running commentary. His condition came to light after his absence from the Easter service at Windsor was attributed to a hip problem. The Queen, who is at Windsor Castle for the traditional Easter Court, is being kept up-to-date on the duke’s condition.   

The former Conservative health secretary, Lord Lansley, has revealed he is being treated for bowel cancer. Writing in the Daily Telegraph, he said he was having chemotherapy after being diagnosed nine months ago but had “every reason to hope” he will recover. Lord Lansley told the paper he was “lucky” to have been diagnosed early and that the stage 3 tumours had not spread to his liver. He said he went to his GP after “much nagging” from his wife with spreading back pain. The 61-year-old also revealed he had had a seven-hour operation on his bowel. As health secretary between 2010 and 2012, he put forward a bowelscope screening to test for cancer from the age of 55 which he meant to roll out nationally in England by the end of 2016. Lord Lansley said he would have been been called up automatically if the scheme had been fully implemented. 

Just when you thought it was safe to go out and have sex again after the government told us AIDS would kill you dead! A man in the UK has caught the world’s “worst-ever” case of super-gonorrhoea. He had a regular partner in the UK, but picked up the superbug after a sexual encounter with a woman in South East Asia. Public Health England says it is the first time the infection cannot be cured with first choice antibiotics. Health officials are now tracing any other sexual partners of the man, who has not been identified, in an attempt to contain the infection’s spread. The main antibiotic treatment – a combination of azithromycin and ceftriaxone – has failed to treat the disease. Dr Gwenda Hughes, from Public Health England, said: “This is the first time a case has displayed such high-level resistance to both of these drugs and to most other commonly used antibiotics.” Analysis of the man’s infection suggests one last antibiotic could work. He is currently being treated and doctors will see if it has been successful next month. So far no other cases – including in the British partner – have been discovered, but the investigation is still under way. 

On This Day

• 1820 – The Venus de Milo is discovered on the Aegean island of Milos. 
• 1961 – A large explosion on board the MV Dara in the Persian Gulf kills 238.  
• 1970 – Bahr El-Baqar primary school bombing: Israeli bombers strike an Egyptian school. Forty-six children are killed.

Deaths

• 1973 – Pablo Picasso, Spanish painter and sculptor (b. 1881)  
• 2010 – Malcolm McLaren, English singer-songwriter (b. 1946)  
• 2013 – Margaret Thatcher, English lawyer and politician, Prime Minister of the United Kingdom (b. 1925)

Last Week’s Birthdays

Russell Crowe (54), Jackie Chan (64), Francis Ford Coppola (79), Zach Braff (43), Paul Rudd (49), John Ratzenberger (71), Billy Dee Williams (81), Lily James (29), Mitch Pileggi (66), Jane Asher (72), Pharrell Williams (45), Robert Downey Jr. (53), Hugo Weaving (58), Xenia Seeberg (46), Graham Norton (55), Eddie Murphy (57), Alec Baldwin (60), Amanda Bynes (32), Paris Jackson (20), Michael Fassbender (41), Pedro Pascal (43), Clark Gregg (56), Linda Hunt (73), Penelope Keith (78), and John Thomson (49). 

Apologies for this tardiness, a whole 24 hours late! I’m glad none of you took the time to find out if I had died or not 😛 Anyhow, no points to award this week, the list of deaths is rather lacklustre to be sure.

Look Who You Could Have Had: 

• David Cobham, 87, British film director (Tarka the Otter), stroke.
• Alice Östlund, 111, Swedish supercentenarian, nation’s oldest person.
• Sir William Gladstone, 7th Baronet, 92, British aristocrat and Chief Scout.
• Bill Maynard, 89, English actor (Heartbeat, Confessions of a Window Cleaner, Carry On), complications from a fall.

In Other News

In yet another attention seeking attempt, Corey Feldman is out of the hospital and sharing a new story in the wake of a bizarre attack that took place on Tuesday night. The Los Angeles Police Department told TheDeadPool.rip that Feldman was released early Wednesday morning, shortly after he shared two posts detailing an attack that he believes almost cost him his life. The LAPD were quick to state that Feldman was not not stabbed and had no visible injuries as a result of the attack, but the actor is standing by his statement. Perry Wander, the lawyer for Feldman, told us that his client filed a police report stating that three Hispanic man appeared and tried to fight him and his security guard, with one of the men then stabbing the actor with a sharp object while his guard was distracted by the others. The actor, 46, wrote on Twitter that he was sitting in his car on Tuesday night and while his security detail was distracted by a group of men, an individual opened his door and stabbed him with ‘something.’ Feldman also claimed on Twitter that this attack was the work of the ‘wolfpack,’ a group of powerful Hollywood players that he believes have been trying to kill him in order to get revenge after he named a number of alleged pedophiles in the movie industry. No stab wound though, unless he meant his anus.

The very much alive and kicking Oscar-winning actress Dame Olivia de Havilland has lost a legal battle with the makers of US TV drama Feud. Dame Olivia, 101, had objected to how she was depicted in the series, which explored the bad blood between screen legends Joan Crawford and Bette Davis. But a state appeals court in California said allowing the case to proceed would interfere with authors’ rights to dramatise historical events. Creator Ryan Murphy called the ruling a “victory for the creative community”. De Havilland, who starred in Gone with the Wind, among other classic films, filed a lawsuit against Murphy and FX Networks last year, claiming Feud portrayed her as a “petty gossip”. Dame Olivia claimed her portrayal was inaccurate because it showed her calling her sister, Joan Fontaine, a “bitch”, and commenting on Frank Sinatra’s drinking habits. But three judges unanimously ordered the dismissal of the case on Monday and ruled that the retired actress must pay FX’s legal fees and costs. Oops!

“Mad” Mike Hughes has successfully propelled himself 1,875 feet (571m) into the air above the vast Mojave desert in the homemade rocket before deploying his parachute and landing back to Earth with a big bump. The Flat-Earther blasted himself into the California sky using a homemade steam powered contraption he built in his garage funded by the Flat Earth Society to the tune of $7,875, this being his first attempt in his longterm aim of proving that the world is flat. Upon landing, the madcap 61-year-old limo-driver was visibly dazed as he was carefully lifted from his seat and was checked over by paramedics as he lay exhausted on the ground following a hard landing which damaged the front of his rocket. Speaking after his flight, he was more concerned about domestic comforts than proving everyone from Galileo to Stephen Hawking wrong. He said: ‘Am I glad I did it? Yeah. I guess. I’ll feel it in the morning.’ Someone should tell him that most commercial planes fly at 33,000ft and he could book a ticket for $100.

On This Day

• 1873 – The White Star steamer RMS Atlantic sinks off Nova Scotia, killing 547 in one of the worst marine disasters of the 19th century.
• 1960 – The TIROS-1 satellite transmits the first television picture from space.
• 1976 – Apple Inc. is formed by Steve Jobs, Steve Wozniak, and Ronald Wayne in Cupertino, California, USA.
• 2004 – Google announces Gmail to the public.

Deaths

• 1204 – Eleanor of Aquitaine, queen of France and England (b. 1122)
• 1922 – Hermann Rorschach, Swiss psychologist and author (b. 1884)
• 1984 – Marvin Gaye, American singer-songwriter (b. 1939)

Last Week’s Birthdays

Mackenzie Davis (31), Annette O’Toole (66), Ali MacGraw (79), Michael Praed (58), Chris Evans (52), Ewan McGregor (47), Christopher Walken (75), Richard Chamberlain (84), Rhea Perlman (70), Warren Beatty (81), Robbie Coltrane (68), Donna D’Errico (50), Céline Dion (50), Eric Clapton (73), Piers Morgan (53), Lucy Lawless (50), Brendan Gleeson (63), Marina Sirtis (63), Christopher Lambert (61), Elle Macpherson (54), Eric Idle (75), Vangelis (75), Julia Stiles (37), Vince Vaughn (48), Nick Frost (46), Lady Gaga (32), Dianne Wiest (70), Chris Barrie (58), Quentin Tarantino (55), Nathan Fillion (47), Julian Glover (83), Mariah Carey (48-49), Jessie J (30), Keira Knightley (33), Jennifer Grey (58), James Caan (78), Martin Short (68), Diana Ross (74), Steven Tyler (70), Lee Pace (39), Sarah Jessica Parker (53), Elton John (71), Richard O’Brien (76), Paul Michael Glaser (75) and Aretha Franklin (76).

Not good news for Eurovision fans, two related deaths this week, perhaps this is the tip of the iceberg for shit singers to perish. However, you are forgiven for not knowing anyone on the list this week. Obviously nil points to award this week.

Look Who You Could Have Had:

• Yann Arnaud, 38, French Cirque du Soleil acrobat (Totem, Volta), fall.
• Sudan, 45, Kenyan northern white rhinoceros, last known male of his subspecies, euthanised.
• Katie Boyle, 91, Italian-born British actress, television personality and game-show panelist.
• Fergus Anckorn, 99, British magician, longest-serving member of The Magic Circle.
• Charles Lazarus, 94, American toy store executive (Toys “R” Us), respiratory failure.
• Debbie Lee Carrington, 58, American actress and stuntwoman (Return of the Jedi, Total Recall, Bride of Chucky).
• Lys Assia, 94, Swiss singer, winner of the first Eurovision Song Contest (1956).

In Other News

TV presenter Ant McPartlin has been charged with drink driving, the Metropolitan Police have confirmed. It follows his arrest after a collision on Sunday involving three vehicles in south-west London, where minor injuries were recorded. Mr McPartlin attended Kingston police station on Wednesday, where he was interviewed under caution. The presenter will appear at Wimbledon Magistrates’ Court on 4th April. The TV star could face up to six months in prison, an unlimited fine and a minimum driving ban of a year, if found guilty. Police said a 42-year-old man was arrested at the scene of the incident after failing a roadside breathalyser test. Mr McPartlin’s publicist subsequently confirmed the presenter would be taking time off from his TV commitments “for the foreseeable future” and would seek further treatment. He entered rehab in June 2017, after developing an addiction to prescription painkillers following a knee operation in 2015. He later said he was “overwhelmed” by the public support. Meanwhile, ITV confirmed on Wednesday that Declan Donnelly will present Saturday Night Takeaway on his own for the rest of this series. This Saturday’s show was cancelled after Mr McPartlin’s arrest, but the following two episodes, which will air on 31st March and 7th April, will now be presented solo by Donnelly.

Having cheated death five times, Colonel Gaddafi’s son is reportedly planning to run for the Libyan presidency. Saif al-Islam Gaddafi has already survived being sentenced to death by firing squad for alleged crimes that included incitement to murder and rape. The dictator’s son also appears to have been lucky to survive a Nato airstrike that wounded but didn’t kill him a month before his capture. Before that, in August 2011 he had been absent when a Nato airstrike flattened the country mansion near Tripoli where he kept and played with white tigers. He also seems to have counted himself lucky to have avoided the fate of his father, who in October 2011 after the fall of Tripoli was dragged from a drainage pipe near Sirte, sodomised with a bayonet and shot. Now his spokesman has reportedly announced he will be standing as presidential candidate on the ticket of the Popular Front for the Liberation of Libya, a party formed in December 2016 with a promise to liberate the country “from control of terrorist organisations”. If he were elected it would represent yet another turn in the fortunes of the 45-year-old who as a young man was regarded as “the Prince of Libya”, his father’s designated successor.

Another week passes, another snake charmer nearly dies after his python tried to strangle him during a live performance in Mau, a town in the northern Indian state of Uttar Pradesh. The man, whose name is not know, passed out in front of an audience after the snake wrapped itself around his neck. Those watching were unaware it was not part of the man’s act until he failed to get up. Onlookers then managed to wake the snake charmer with water while moving the snake away. He was taken to hospital in the nearby city of Varanasi. As you may remember, earlier this month, a Malaysian man famous for handling snakes died after being bitten by a cobra.

On This Day

• 1199 – Richard I is wounded by a crossbow bolt while fighting France, leading to his death on April 6th.
• 1306 – Robert the Bruce becomes King of Scots (Scotland).
• 1655 – Saturn’s largest moon, Titan, is discovered by Christiaan Huygens.
• 1807 – The Swansea and Mumbles Railway, then known as the Oystermouth Railway, becomes the first passenger-carrying railway in the world.

Deaths

• 1857 – William Colgate, English-American businessman and philanthropist, founded Colgate-Palmolive (b. 1783)
• 1918 – Claude Debussy, French composer (b. 1862)
• 2006 – Richard Fleischer, American film director (b. 1916)

What would happen if an astronaut took off their helmet in space? 

Hint: it’s not good news… If an astronaut’s helmet was to accidentally come loose or come off completely in space, then obviously, this would be very bad news indeed. Remember that space is a vacuum, meaning that there are no particles floating around. When you are exposed to this, the air in your lungs has no choice but to be forced out through your mouth. Not too long after, your breathing motions will seem fairly normal despite their being no air to breathe until you die of oxygen deprivation. Contrary to popular science fiction, you won’t freeze instantly and your eyeballs won’t explode but you will become aware of the spit on your tongue boiling away, as well as your sweat. On the whole, you’ll experience a kind of fizzy feeling – almost like drinking a carbonated drink. Slightly more boring than what Hollywood would like you to believe.

 Last Week’s Birthdays

Jessica Chastain (41). Lara Flynn Boyle (48), Alyson Hannigan (44), Jim Parsons (45), Kelly LeBrock (58), The Undertaker (53), Mary Berry (83), Amanda Plummer (61), Joanna Page (40), Chaka Khan (65), Reese Witherspoon (42), William Shatner (87), M. Emmet Walsh (83), Andrew Lloyd Webber (70), Gary Oldman (60), Sonequa Martin-Green (33), Matthew Broderick (56), Timothy Dalton (72), Jaye Davidson (50), Rosie O’Donnell (56), Ruby Rose (32), David Thewlis (55), Holly Hunter (60), Spike Lee (61), William Hurt (68), Freema Agyeman (39), Carl Reiner (96), John de Lancie (70), Bruce Willis (63), Harvey ‘The Rapist’ Weinstein (66), Glenn Close (71), Ursula Andress (82), Brad Dourif (68), Luc Besson (59) and Irene Cara (59).

Points!!! Lots of Points!!! With the sad passing of Stephen Hawking, Christine, Sarai, Lee, Paul C, Paula, and Neil all score 74 points. Jemm was the only one to list Ken Dodd, so 60 points to her. I even scored myself with Jim Bowen, 70 points to me!! Well done everyone! Half of us have now scored, not too shabby a showing for so early in the year.

Look Who You Could Have Had:

• Sir Ken Dodd, 90, English comedian (Diddy Men), singer (“Tears”) and actor (Hamlet), chest infection.
• Hubert de Givenchy, 91, French fashion designer (Givenchy).
• Claudia Fontaine, 57, English singer (Afrodiziak) and backing vocalist (Pink Floyd, Elvis Costello).
• Jim Bowen, 80, English television presenter (Bullseye) and comedian (The Comedians).
• Stephen Hawking, 76, English theoretical physicist, professor (University of Cambridge) and writer (A Brief History of Time).
• Adrian Lamo, 37, American computer hacker (WikiLeaks).
• Abu Zarin Hussin, 33, Malaysian snake handler, cobra bite.

In Other News

It didn’t take long for the leader of far-right group Britain First to be punched by fellow inmates in jail. Paul Golding, 36, was attacked in HMP Elmley on the Isle of Sheppey and moved to a care and separation unit after the attack on Wednesday afternoon. It was reported that Golding was left with a suspected broken nose when he was attacked by two fellow inmates. Kent Police, which is investigating the attack, said Golding suffered “minor facial injuries which wont make him any uglier”. Golding and Britain First deputy leader Jayda Fransen, 32, were jailed earlier this month after being convicted of religiously aggravated harassment. Fransen was only handed a 36-week sentence and Golding was jailed for a measly 18 weeks.

Bollywood actor Irrfan Khan has revealed on Twitter that he has been diagnosed with a neuroendocrine tumour. He had tweeted on 6th March that he was suffering from a “rare disease” but did not say what it was. Khan, 51, has acted in more than 100 films including Bollywood hits Piku, Maqbool, Haasil and Paan Singh Tomar. His English language films include Life Of Pi, Jurassic World, Slumdog Millionaire and The Amazing Spider-Man. Health experts say neuroendocrine tumours can develop in many different organs in the body and can be cancerous or non-cancerous. Some tumours can cause abnormally large amounts of hormones to enter the bloodstream and cause symptoms such as heart problems, changes in blood pressure or cramps.

God didn’t take kindly to a gathering of his flock last week as he produced a lightning strike which killed at least 16 people and injured dozens more at a Seventh-Day Adventist church in Rwanda on Saturday. Most of the victims died instantly when lightning hit the church in the southern district of Nyaruguru, local mayor Habitegeko Francois said. 140 people were rushed to hospital and health centres. The weather ‘accident’ in the mountainous region near the border with Burundi took place around midday on Saturday while parishioners of the town of Gihemvu were at a church service. “Doctors say that only three [more churchgoers] are in critical condition but they are getting better.”

A man’s claim that he is alive has been rejected by a Romanian court after he was officially registered as deceased. Constantin Reliu, 63, moved to Turkey for work in 1992 and did not have any contact with his family for almost two decades. After his wife heard nothing from him since 1999, she presumed he had died and got a death certificate drawn up in 2016. Mr Reliu was then arrested in Turkey as his permission to stay in the country had expired and he was subsequently deported. Upon arriving back in Romania, he discovered he had been declared dead and was therefore unable to work. Mr Reliu took the issue to court but lost his case because his appeal was deemed to have been made too late. “I am officially dead, although I’m alive, I have no income and because I am listed dead, I can’t do anything,” he said. Mr Reliu has said he wishes to return to Turkey where he owns a business but first needs to get his identity back and the death certificate annulled in order to leave the country.

On This Day

• 1925 – The Tri-State Tornado hits the Midwestern states of Missouri, Illinois, and Indiana, killing 695 people.
• 1937 – The New London School explosion in New London, Texas, kills 300 people, mostly children.
• 1965 – Cosmonaut Alexey Leonov, leaving his spacecraft Voskhod 2 for 12 minutes, becomes the first person to walk in space.
• 1980 – A Vostok-2M rocket at Plesetsk Cosmodrome Site 43 explodes during a fuelling operation, killing 48 people.

Deaths

• 978 – Edward the Martyr, English king (b. 962)
• 1745 – Robert Walpole, English scholar and politician, Prime Minister of the United Kingdom (b. 1676)
• 1845 – Johnny Appleseed, American gardener and missionary (b. 1774)
• 2009 – Natasha Richardson, English-American actress (b. 1963)
• 2017 – Chuck Berry, American guitarist, singer and songwriter (b. 1926)

Last Week’s Birthdays

Kurt Russell (67), Rob Lowe (54), John Boyega (26), Gary Sinise (63), Patrick Duffy (69), Alan Tudyk (47), Jerome Flynn (55), Erik Estrada (69), Judah Friedlander (49), Jimmy Nail (64), Eva Longoria (43), David Cronenberg (75), Fabio (59), Will.i.am (43), Michael Caine (85), Sasha Grey (30), Billy Crystal (70), Quincy Jones (85), William H. Macy (68), Annabeth Gish (47), Danny Masterson (42), Jaimie Alexander (34), Aaron Eckhart (50), Liza Minnelli (72), Ron Jeremy (65), Thora Birch (36), Alex Kingston (55), John Barrowman (51), Johnny Knoxville (47) and Nina Hartley (59).

No points to award this week, in fact, the deaths are somewhat lacklustre to be sure. Luckily Trevor Baylis thought he’d help us out by being the only pictured death this week, as I doubt very much you could pick out the others in a line up. However, there’s plenty to read and discuss, so without further ado…

Look Who You Could Have Had:

• Russell Solomon, 92, American retail executive, founder of Tower Records.
• J. Paul Raines, 53, American retail executive, CEO of GameStop (2010–2017), brain cancer.
• Sir William McAlpine, 6th Baronet, 82, British engineering construction executive, Managing Director of Sir Robert McAlpine.
• Trevor Baylis, 80, British inventor (windup radio).
• Huguette Masson, 113, French supercentenarian.

In Other News

After performing the first of two scheduled live stand-up shows last Sunday night, ‘filmmaker’, comic book writer, and actor Kevin Smith suffered a near-fatal heart attack. A week later, in his first Facebook post after breaking the news of the heart attack, Smith revealed that he was recovering at home from the hospital, and also that he was in his second day as a vegetarian. The fat cunt said he was feeling well, and that his heart was actually getting more oxygen than it had in a long time. He thanked his friends and fans for the support and kind words they’d sent, and then he signed the message, “from Vegetarian Kev, Day 2.” Smith said he’d had a 100-percent blockage of his LAD artery, which is also called “the Widow-Maker.” He was lucky to survive, and wrote, “This is all a part of my mythology now and I’m sure I’ll be facing some lifestyle changes.”

Former BBC Breakfast presenter Bill Turnbull has revealed he has been diagnosed with prostate cancer. The 62-year-old said it was found in November and  cancer has spread to his legs, hips, pelvis and ribs. Turnbull told the Dead Pool media team that he wanted to encourage people to get tested, saying: “Maybe if I’d got it earlier and stopped it at the prostate, I’d be in a much better state.” He said he had put long-term aches and pains down to “old age”. Turnbull said in his interview he had had prostate tests when he was aged 40 and 50. But he said he was “cross” for having prided himself on not visiting a GP in four years and only sought help when his pains could no longer be alleviated with pills. Turnbull said it “saddens me that I’m not going to be around as much as I thought with my wife and family… I realised if things progress as they do on average, I can’t plan beyond 12 years”. So he’ll be dead at the age of 74, I bet Michael Jackson would trade places with him in a heartbeat.

Remember Poo Watch? Well, the man suspected of swallowing a stash of drugs has won his freedom – and a stand-off with police – after refusing to go to the toilet for 47 days. Lamarr Chambers was arrested in Harlow, Essex on 17th January and charged with two counts of possessing class A drugs with intent to supply. The 24-year-old refused to take laxatives or be X-rayed during his time in custody, but continued to eat and drink. Essex Police tweeted daily updates of what they described as “poo watch”. But officers decided to release Mr Chambers from custody on Monday “following medical and legal advice”, and the Crown Prosecution Service (CPS) dropped the charge. Although Mr Chambers was rearrested on a separate charge of being concerned in the supply of a Class A drug, he was released on bail and taken by police car to hospital for medical treatment.

A top South African triathlete is battling to save his legs after assailants cut into them with a blunt saw, causing severe injuries, while he cycled to training. Mhlengi Gwala, 27, successfully underwent surgery after the attack which occurred in the early hours of Tuesday morning in the coastal city of Durban, confirmed Dennis Jackson, director of the elite athlete program in KwaZulu-Natal province. Multiple attackers pulled Gwala from his bicycle as he cycled up a steep hill and sawed into his right calf, damaging muscle, nerves and bone, according to Jackson, who spoke by phone to the triathlete about the ordeal. The assailants missed a main artery and surgeons are confident they can save the leg, Jackson said. The attackers also started sawing into Gwala’s left leg before fleeing, enabling the athlete to crawl to a road and flag down a passing car to take him to a hospital. The grisly attack has alarmed athletes in Durban who routinely get up in the early morning darkness to train when few people are on the roads, and there was no immediate explanation for why Gwala was targeted. The athlete had offered his cell phone, wallet and bicycle to the assailants, who still went for his legs and were speaking in a language that Gwala could not understand.

And finally, Martin Shkreli, the former drug firm executive found guilty of defrauding investors, has been sentenced to seven years in prison. The 34-year-old wept at a hearing as a federal court judge in Brooklyn, New York, handed down the prison term. Shkreli was convicted last year of sending fake account statements to investors while concealing huge losses from two hedge funds he ran. He first became notorious in 2015 for hiking the price of a lifesaving drug. His lawyers had asked the judge to impose a sentence of 12 to 18 months, while prosecutors were seeking at least 15 years. “I’ve got my begging voice on,” Shkreli’s lawyer Benjamin Brafman told the judge on Friday, while acknowledging his client could be annoying. “There are times when I want to hug him and hold him and comfort him and there are times when I want to punch him in the face,” said Mr Brafman. After a jury found him guilty in August last year, Shkreli was allowed to remain free pending sentencing. But a month later he offered social media followers $5,000 if they could bring him hair from former US presidential candidate Hillary Clinton, who repeatedly criticised him during her campaign. A judge revoked bail and Shkreli was jailed. Prosecutors moved to seize $7.4m of his assets, including a single copy of an album by American hip hop group the Wu-Tang Clan that the disgraced executive is said to have paid $2m for at auction in 2015. Lets hope Big Brenda in cell 13 gets hold of him.

On This Day

• 1702 – The Daily Courant, England’s first national daily newspaper is published for the first time.
• 1864 – The Great Sheffield Flood kills 238 people in Sheffield, England.
• 2004 – Madrid train bombings: Simultaneous explosions on rush hour trains in Madrid, Spain, kill 192 people.
• 2011 – An earthquake measuring 9.0 in magnitude strikes 130 km (81 mi) east of Sendai, Japan, triggering a tsunami killing thousands of people. This event also triggered the second largest nuclear accident in history, and one of only two events to be classified as a Level 7 on the International Nuclear Event Scale.

Deaths

• 1955 – Alexander Fleming, Scottish biologist, pharmacologist, and botanist, Nobel Prize laureate (b. 1881)
• 2006 – Slobodan Milošević, Serbian lawyer and politician, 3rd President of the Federal Republic of Yugoslavia (b. 1941)

Last Week’s Birthdays

Sharon Stone (60), Jon Hamm (47), Chuck Norris (78), Robert Llewellyn (62), Juliette Binoche (54), Aidan Quinn (59), Cynthia Rothrock (61), Micky Dolenz (73), Rachel Weisz (48), Bryan Cranston (62), T.J. Thyne (43), E.L. James (55), Rob Reiner (71), Shaquille O’Neal (46), Amy Okuda (29), Alan Davies (52), Jolene Blalock (43), Eva Mendes (44), Matt Lucas (44), Paul Blackthorne (49), Fred Williamson (80), Penn Jillette (63), Patsy Kensit (50) and Dominique Pinon (63).