Welcome again to this weeks amazing holiday edition of the Dead Pool. Well, I’m on holiday, so it’s a holiday edition. So, this week we find no new deaths, but discover that Luke Skywalker is 58 years old and that Catherine Zeta-Jones is regretting marrying a 69 year old Michael Douglas! Oh, not to mention that Draco Malfoy is 27 years old… Brian Ferry 69!!! Fuck off!!!

Look Who You Could Have Had:

• Audrey Long, 92, American film actress (Tall in the Saddle).
• Eric the Midget, 39, American dwarf, member of The Wack Pack.
• George Sluizer, 82, Dutch filmmaker (The Vanishing), cardiovascular disease.
• Frieda Szwillus, 112, German supercentenarian, oldest living person in Germany.
• Deborah Cavendish, Dowager Duchess of Devonshire, 94, British duchess, last surviving Mitford sister.
• Toby Balding, 78, American-born British racehorse trainer.
• Rezső Gallai, 110, Hungarian supercentenarian, oldest man in Europe.

In Other News

In an unprecedented announcement from the North Korean media, they have admitted that their illustrious leader, Kim Jong-un, is ill. That Kim Jong-un, 31, is carrying a few extra pounds has been blindingly obvious since he became North Koreas leader in late 2011. But speculation that his increasing weight is apparently the result of a weakness for cheese that has brought on debilitating spells of gout rose dramatically this week after he failed to attend an important parliamentary session. Rumours that Kim, reputedly a heavy smoker, is in less than robust health came after Kim’s continuing three-week public absence after he was shown limping and wearing loose clothes during inspections of military units and factories. A source said to be familiar with North Korean affairs said that Kim was suffering from gout, diabetes and high blood pressure, surely an excellent cocktail of ailments for our purposes!

Remember Phil Spector? You know, the convicted murderer and former Wall of Sound record producer, yup, I barely  remember him either. However, the California Department of Corrections and Rehabilitation have seen fit to issue a recent photograph of him for our pleasure, soo very kind of them. The fact that he looks like Gollum is clearly apparent, but let’s be honest here, you would never trust that man with your child would you? Spector , 74, was found guilty of shooting the 40-year-old actress Lana Clarkson, and is currently serving 19 years to life.

Lynda Bellingham has revealed she has just weeks to live after deciding to end her chemotherapy treatment. The actress, 66, who is best known for playing the mother in the Oxo TV adverts, has been battling colon cancer since July last year. Sadly the cancer spread to her lungs and liver, so there is no hope in sight. The question is now, will she live long enough for us to list her for next year? Or will she be another Iain Banks?

And finally, If you consider yourself an adventurous eater, there’s a burger that’s got your name on it. A pop-up venture in London is offering diners the chance to try a “human flesh” burger. Before you fall off your chair in horror, don’t panic, the burger isn’t actually made of people, but is simply meant to taste like it. The unsavoury treat has been concocted by Messhead, a collaboration between chef James Tomlinson of London Mess and Miss Cakehead. Thankfully, the pair didn’t have to nibble human flesh themselves to create their burger: instead, they read accounts from various cannibals about what human flesh tastes like. Inspiration came from flesh munchers including William Seabrook, an explorer who described human flesh as tasting like “good, fully developed veal, not young, but not yet beef” and the murderer Issei Sagawa, who said it “melted in my mouth like raw tuna in a sushi retsaurant”. The final recipe for the patties included pork, veal, bone marrow and chicken livers. Nom nom…

On This Day

• 935 – Saint Wenceslas is murdered by his brother, Boleslaus I of Bohemia.
• 1066 – William the Bastard (as he was known at the time) invades England beginning the Norman conquest of England.
• 1889 – The first General Conference on Weights and Measures (CGPM) defines the length of a meter as the distance between two lines on a standard bar of an alloy of platinum with ten percent iridium, measured at the melting point of ice.
• 1912 – Corporal Frank S. Scott of the United States Army becomes the first enlisted man to die in an airplane crash. He and pilot Lt. Lewis C. Rockwell are killed in the crash of an Army Wright Model B at College Park, Maryland.
• 1924 – First round-the-world flight completed.
• 1928 – The U.K. Parliament passes the Dangerous Drugs Act outlawing cannabis.
• 1928 – Sir Alexander Fleming notices a bacteria-killing mold growing in his laboratory, discovering what later became known as penicillin.
• 1971 – The Parliament of the United Kingdom passes the Misuse of Drugs Act 1971 banning the medicinal use of cannabis.
• 2008 – SpaceX launches the first private spacecraft, the Falcon 1 into orbit.

Deaths

• 1891 – Herman Melville, American author and poet (b. 1819)
• 1895 – Louis Pasteur, French chemist and microbiologist (b. 1822)
• 1914 – Richard Warren Sears, American businessman, co-founded Sears (b. 1863)
• 1953 – Edwin Hubble, American astronomer (b. 1889)
• 1956 – William Boeing, American businessman, founded the Boeing Company (b. 1881)
• 1964 – Harpo Marx, American comedian, actor, and singer (b. 1888)
• 1970 – Gamal Abdel Nasser, Egyptian colonel and politician, 2nd President of Egypt (b. 1918)
• 1978 – Pope John Paul I (b. 1912)
• 1991 – Miles Davis, American trumpet player, composer, and bandleader (Miles Davis Quintet) (b. 1926)
• 2003 – Elia Kazan, Turkish-American actor, director, producer, and screenwriter (b. 1909)
• 2012 – Michael O’Hare, American actor (b. 1952)

Last Week’s Birthdays

Gwyneth Paltrow (42), Michael Douglas (69), Avril Lavigne (30), Bill Murray (64), Bruce Springsteen (65), Mark Hamill (62), Heather Locklear (53), Will Smith (45), Olivia Newton-John (66), Catherine Zeta-Jones (45), Serena Williams (33), Meatloaf (67), Liam Gallagher (42), Michael Madsen (56), Faith Hill (56), Stephen King (67), Nick Cave (57), Joan Jett (56), Andrea Bocelli (56), Jim Caviezel (46), Tom Felton (27), Bryan Ferry (69) and Linda Hamilton (58).

2013 League Table

[confidential]

Next week peeps!

Welcome Poolers, alas this week is very thin on the ground for celebrity deaths. I blame the glut of deaths last week, we just can’t keep the momentum going. However, we wont let that stop us from enjoying the news and other features we have become accustomed to. I would suggest that you might like to start thinking about next years list, we have little over three months to go, so get your thinking caps on.

Look Who You Could Have Had:

• Angus Lennie, 84, Scottish actor (The Great Escape, Crossroads, Doctor Who).
• Nicholas Romanov, Prince of Russia, 91, French-born Russian claimant to the headship of the House of Romanov.
• Anatoly Berezovoy, 72, Soviet cosmonaut (Soyuz T-5).
• Douglas E. Smith, 54, American video game designer (Lode Runner).
• Darrell Zwerling, 86, American character actor (Chinatown, Grease, Capricorn One).
• Buster Jones, 71, American voice actor (Super Friends).
• Will Radcliff, 74, American businessman, creator of the Slush Puppie.
• Polly Bergen, 84, American singer and actress (Cape Fear, Desperate Housewives, The Winds of Wat), Emmy winner (1958).

In Other News

After last weeks revelation that Toronto Mayor Rob Ford had a tumour, it’s now come to light that he has been diagnosed with a “fairly aggressive” rare cancer. Mr Ford, 45, has a malignant liposarcoma in his abdomen and will begin chemotherapy as soon as possible. According to reports he has a 12cm by 12cm sized tumour in his abdomen and another smaller 2cm tumour in his left buttock, which are believed to have grown within the last three years. His doctor said on Wednesday that it was “impossible to predict” how chemotherapy was going to affect Mr Ford. So a very good candidate for next year, if he lasts…

Swedish King Carl XVI Gustaf has been involved in a car  crash, but is not hurt, the royal palace says. The king was being driven to an airport in Stockholm on Wednesday morning when the collision took place. The car was badly damaged but the king was uninjured and continued his journey in another car, local media said. There have been no reports of other injuries. Photos published in local media showed damage to the front of the car, a dark blue Mercedes, with one air bag deployed. The 68-year-old ascended the throne in 1973. He is best known abroad for presenting the annual Nobel Prizes.

The Newcastle United winger Jonás Gutiérrez has been sent messages of support by former team-mates and supporters groups after revealing he is being treated for testicular cancer in his native Argentina. The 31-year-old midfielder told Argentinian TV he has undergone chemotherapy after having surgery following the discovery of a tumour, which was first noticed last year. Let’s hope his balls recover for long enough so we can list him next year.

An 81-year-old Austrian billionaire, known for the famous partners he invites to the annual Vienna Opera Ball, has married 24-year-old Playboy model Cathy Schmitz. The pair wedded at Schönbrunn palace – a 1,441-room summer residence in Vienna – after meeting in February this year and becoming engaged in August. Billionaire Richard Lugner acknowleged their 57-year age gap, but  “Apart from the big age difference, everything fits,” he said. Cathy announced her marriage on her Facebook page with the words “In love, engaged, married!” along with a picture of her wedding ring. She later wrote that the day was “an incredible and unforgettable experience” whilst listening to imaginary cash register sounds in her vacuous head.

A Belgian man serving a life sentence for rape and murder will be allowed to have doctors end his life, after a landmark ruling which could become European Law. Unable to control his violent sexual urges, Frank Van Den Bleeken, who is 50, argued he would never be freed. This opens the doors to many other ‘lifers’ who would rather die than pay for their crimes by rotting in jail. Should this become a president in law, the Dead Pool could become a busy place!

And finally, a 65-year-old woman from Bangkok has killed herself by jumping into a pit of crocodiles at a reptile farm near the capital. In an inspired but stupid notion, witnesses saw Wanpen Inyai jumping into a pond at Samut Prakarn Crocodile Farm and Zoo on Friday. Staff failed to rescue her. According to reports, she took off her shoes before jumping into the middle of a pond said to be up to 3m deep that contained hundreds of adult crocodiles. At least we can learn from her death, if you’re going to kill yourself, make sure you don’t ruin your shoes.

On This Day

• 1937 – J. R. R. Tolkien‘s The Hobbit is published.
• 1961 – Maiden flight of the CH-47 Chinook transportation helicopter.
• 2003 – Galileo mission is terminated by sending the probe into Jupiter‘s atmosphere, where it is crushed by the pressure at the lower altitudes.

Deaths

• 19 BC – Virgil, Roman poet (b. 70 BC)
• 1998 – Florence Griffith-Joyner, American runner (b. 1959)

Do Not Believe What You Read On T’Internet  by Nickie

(Ever)… 

For those of you who take Twitter as it comes, then seeing a ‘celebrity death’ tweet piques your interest, yes? Even more so if you’re into dead stuff!

Now, maybe football doesn’t really tickle your fancy (it doesn’t float my boat) but when you see a name from your nostalgic past and the word “death or died” in the same tweet sentence then your nostalgic sense pricks up.

Then this is what happens…

You retweet the RIP Tweet

Then you tweet something which includes the words “#deadpool @kingofankh”

You then doubt your retweet but forget about it and drink wine

Then someone (*cough @kingofankh cough*) remembers that the said famous person died 10 years ago and you sink into your settee with shame

Then you look up “died in 2004 IMDB” on Google and you find this

http://www.imdb.com/search/name?death_date=2004

And you go… Holy shit… Christopher Reeve, OMG… Rodney Dangerfield , Fuck me.. Marlon Brando, Aawww… Jerry Orbach

And you keep scrolling and realise that it’s okay to “forget” about famous people dying but it’s also okay to randomly remember how good they were too… So good that you forgot that they were already dead and you’re shocked that you forgot.

*(Ed) Just like Brian Clough… *ahem*

Last Week’s Birthdays

Sophia Loren (80), Twiggy (64), Jimmy Fallon (40), Jeremy Irons (66), Adam West (86), Lance Armstrong (43), Jada Pinkett Smith (43), Elvira, Mistress of the Dark (63), Mickey Rourke (62), David Copperfield (58), Prince Harry (30), Tommy Lee Jones (68), Sam Neill (67), Oliver Stone (68), B.B. King (87), George R.R. Martin (66), David McCallum (81), Baz Luhrmann (52) and Bryan Singer (49).

2013 League Table

[confidential]

Next week peeps!

Well, what a massacre of a week!! They’ve  been falling thick  and fast and there are   points to be awarded! Let’s start by awarding a former winner, Paul C. 75 points for guessing John Bardon, well done that man! Now onto the Ian Paisley points. John had him down as his Cert, 162 points!! The following also had Paisley and get 62 points: Shan, Sylvia, Martin and Jemm. Well done all of you, with well over half of us now having scored, other than me and a few others. Yes, even your erstwhile Dead Pool Master has yet to score too. So don’t feel bad if you’re still sitting on a duck, even an old pro like me finds this game a bit hard some years…

Look Who You Could Have Had:

• Stefan Gierasch, 88, American actor (Carrie, Dark Shadows, High Plains Drifter).
• Molly Glynn, 46, American actress (Chicago Fire), struck by falling tree.
• Fanny Godin, 112, Belgian supercentenarian, was nation’s oldest living person.
• S. Truett Cathy, 93, American restaurateur and businessman, founder of Chick-fil-A.
• Sean O’Haire, 43, American professional wrestler, suicide by strangulation.
• Jane Baker, British television writer (Doctor Who, Space: 1999, Watt on Earth).
• Graham Joyce, 59, British speculative fantasy author, cancer.
• Denny Miller, 80, American actor (Tarzan, the Ape Man, Wagon Train), amyotrophic lateral sclerosis.
• Robert Young, 49, Scottish guitarist (Primal Scream).
• Richard Kiel, 74, American actor (The Spy Who Loved Me, Moonraker, Happy Gilmore).
• Bob Crewe, 82, American songwriter (“The Sun Ain’t Gonna Shine (Anymore)“, “Lady Marmalade“) and record producer (The Four Seasons).
• Sir Donald Sinden, 90, English actor (The Cruel Sea, The Day of the Jackal, Two’s Company).
• John Bardon, 75, English actor (EastEnders).
• Ian Paisley, 88, Northern Irish politician, Leader of the Democratic Unionist Party (1971–2008), First Minister (2007–2008).

In Other News 

Iran’s supreme leader has undergone prostate surgery at a government hospital in Tehran, state media said in a rare report on the state of health of 75-year-old Ayatollah Ali Khamenei. The official IRNA news agency said the operation, which was described as routine, was successful. There were no immediate details on what had prompted the surgery or the underlying medical condition, but as we all know, once an geriatric starts getting medical treatment, these doctors never leave them alone until they’re dead!

Toronto’s controversial mayor, Rob Ford, has been admitted to a hospital and is believed to have a tumour in his abdomen, health officials said on Wednesday. Rueben Devlin from Humber regional hospital said Ford had been complaining of abdominal pains and that an examination has resulted in a working diagnosis of a tumour. Ford, 45, became an international celebrity last year after he acknowledged using crack in a “drunken stupor” following months of denials. The mayor returned to work in June after a rehab stint for drug and alcohol abuse and is running for re-election on 27th October. The Toronto Sun reported that Ford was hospitalised in 2009 for a tumour on his appendix, leading to its removal, along with part of his colon. The mayor’s father died of colon cancer in 2006.

Michael Schumacher has left his hospital in Lausanne, nine months after suffering a life-threatening injury in a skiing accident. His manager, Sabine Kehm, said in a statement that the former F1 world champion still faced a long and difficult road ahead and would continue his rehabilitation at home. The statement further said that Schumacher’s move should not be interpreted as a sign of massive changes in his health status but fell short of actually saying anything useful.

Greg Norman is recovering in hospital after almost cutting off his hand with a chainsaw. The 59-year-old Australian posted a picture of himself on Twitter and Instagram on Saturday night as he recovered in a hospital bed in the United States. Norman said he was “damaged” but “lucky” to still have a left hand after the chainsaw accident. “Working with a chainsaw ALWAYS be respectful of the unexpected,” he wrote. “I was one lucky man today. Damaged, but not down & out. Still have left hand.”

A US television news anchorman in Illinois has shared the  heartbreaking news with his viewers that he has only six months to live. Dave Benton, 51, explained that he has a brain tumour which is too big to operate on, but said that as a born-again Christian he was ‘at peace’ and hoped to keep working for as long as possible. Personally I’d be flying around the world quaffing cocktails and shagging prostitutes, but each to their own.

And finally, in a Darwinian accident waiting to happen, a teacher in the US state of Utah who was legally carrying a gun in her primary school was seriously injured when it accidentally discharged. The incident happened in a staff toilet before classes started and no children were in the building. Utah is among a number of states that allow people with permits to carry concealed weapons into primary schools. Luckily a substitute teacher was brought in to supervise the wounded teacher’s class. I don’t know how vicious toddlers are in the US, but obviously the need to carry a pistol upon your person says a lot about American kids.

On This Day

• 1752 – The British Empire adopts the Gregorian calendar, skipping eleven days (the previous day was September 2).
• 1901 – President of the United States William McKinley dies after an assassination attempt on September 6, and is succeeded by Theodore Roosevelt.
• 1917 – Russia is officially proclaimed a republic.
• 1959 – The Soviet probe Luna 2 crashes onto the Moon, becoming the first man-made object to reach it.

Deaths

• 1715 – Dom Pérignon, French monk (b. 1638)
• 1852 – Arthur Wellesley, 1st Duke of Wellington, Irish-English field marshal and politician, Prime Minister of the United Kingdom (b. 1769)
• 1901 – William McKinley, American soldier, lawyer, and politician, 25th President of the United States (b. 1843)
• 1982 – Grace Kelly, American-Monacan actress and singer (b. 1929)
• 2005 – Robert Wise, American director and producer (b. 1914)
• 2006 – Mickey Hargitay, Hungarian-American bodybuilder and actor (b. 1926)
• 2009 – Keith Floyd, English chef and author (b. 1943)
• 2009 – Henry Gibson, American actor and singer (b. 1935)
• 2009 – Patrick Swayze, American actor, singer, and dancer (b. 1952)
• 2012 – Jacques Antoine, French game show producer, created The Crystal Maze and Fort Boyard (b. 1924)

Last Week’s Birthdays

Shannon Elizabeth (41), Evan Rachel Wood (27), Hugh Grant (54), Adam Sandler (48), Rachel Hunter (45), Eric Stonestreet (43), Michael Buble (39), Colin Firth (54), Moby (48), Harry Connick Jr. (47), Linda Gray (74), Ian Holm (83), Jason Statham (47), Freddie Jones (87), Virginia Madsen (53), Brian De Palma (74), Guy Richie (46), Topol (79), Martin Freeman (43), Pink (35), Doug Bradley (60), Dario Argento (74) and Julie Kavner (64).

2013 League Table

[confidential]

Next week peeps!

Afternoon peeps, and as sure as rain falls from the sky,  more celebrities have unfortunately died. But surprisingly, nobody listed Joan Rivers this year!! To think we all could have scored 69 points of the death of that hateful old gobby cow!! Anyhow, the woman who once said that all Palestinians deserved to die and also belittled our much loved Adele, is now thankfully dead. Woo!

Look Who You Could Have Had:

• Jimi Jamison, 63, American musician (Survivor), suspected heart attack.
• Gottfried John, 72, German actor (Berlin Alexanderplatz, GoldenEye), cancer.
• Roy Heather, 79, English television actor (Only Fools and Horses).
• Donatas Banionis, 90, Lithuanian Soviet actor (Solaris), stroke.
• Clare Cathcart, 48, Northern Irish actress (Call the Midwife, Doctors).
• Joan Rivers, 81, American actress and comedienne, respiratory and cardiac arrest.
• Simone Battle, 25, American singer (G.R.L.), apparent suicide.

In Other News

The author Jenny Diski has revealed in an essay that she’s been given an inoperable cancer diagnosis and “two to three years” by her doctor. Diski, who is 67, is currently writing her new memoir “a fucking cancer diary? Another fucking cancer diary” which will be published in parts in the London Review of Books. The author thanked readers for the “kindly thoughts” which have poured in, but is too grumpy and chemoed to reply individually at the mo.”

A woman from Mexico celebrated what was believed to be her 127th birthday on Sunday, making her the world’s oldest living person. Leandra Becerra marked the occasion with her grandson’s family in Zapopan, western Mexico. She has lived with his family for the last five years. Her grandson, Samuel Alvear, said he was told that Ms Becerra’s original birth certificate was burnt during the Mexican revolution of 1910 to 1917. Ms Becerra was issued with a new birth certificate in 2009 after an investigation of 20th century electoral documents by the government. The document states her date of birth as August 31 1887. The Guinness World Record for the oldest living person is currently held by Japanese national, Misao Okawa, who is 116 years old.

Justin Bieber was arrested Friday after crashing an ATV into a minivan and getting into a fight. Bieber, 20, was arrested at about 3pm Friday by Canadian provincial police and charged with assault and dangerous driving in rural southwestern Ontario, in the town of Perth East. Police said that Bieber’s vehicle collided with a minivan and that Bieber then got into a fight with one of its occupants. Authorities didn’t say whether anyone else was arrested in the incident, and declined to provide a mug shot. He was released without bail, and is scheduled to appear in Stratford, Ontario court on 29 September. Bieber is already on probation in California. It’s unclear whether the arrest could constitute a violation.

On This Day

• 1695 – Henry Every perpetrates the most profitable pirate raid in history with the capture of the Grand Mughal ship Ganj-i-Sawai. In response, Emperor Aurangzeb threatens to end all English trading in India.
• 1895 – The first game of what would become known as rugby league football is played, in England, starting the 1895–96 Northern Rugby Football Union season.
• 1909 – Eugène Lefebvre crashes a new French-built Wright biplane during a test flight at Juvisy, south of Paris, becoming the first aviator in the world to lose his life in a powered heavier-than-air craft.
• 1936 – The last surviving member of the thylacine species, Benjamin, dies alone in its cage at the Hobart Zoo in Tasmania.
• 1978 – While walking across Waterloo Bridge in London, Bulgarian dissident Georgi Markov is assassinated by Bulgarian secret police agent Francesco Giullino by means of a ricin pellet fired from a specially-designed umbrella.
• 1986 – Desmond Tutu becomes the first black man to lead the Anglican Church in South Africa.
• 2008 – The US Government takes control of the two largest mortgage financing companies in the US, Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac.

Deaths

• 1978 – Keith Moon, English drummer, songwriter, producer, and actor (The Who and Plastic Ono Band) (b. 1946)
• 1994 – Terence Young, Chinese-English director and screenwriter (b. 1915)
• 1996 – Bibi Besch, Austrian-American actress (b. 1940)
• 2002 – Uziel Gal, German-Israeli gun designer, designed the Uzi (b. 1923)
• 2003 – Warren Zevon, American singer-songwriter (b. 1947)

 Jack the Riper Solved! by IFLS

An amateur investigator has claimed to have identified Jack the Ripper, the archetypal serial killer. The claims are still far from verified, but that hasn’t stopped tabloids declaring the case solved.

Between 1888 and 1891 eleven women were murdered in the Whitchapel area of London. Of these, five are believed to have been committed by the same killer, dubbed Jack the Ripper, while the others may have been the victims of copycats or people they knew.

The new claim is that DNA has been found connecting suspect Aaron Kosminski to the murder of Catherine Eddowes, one of the so-called “canonical five” killed between August 31 and November 9, 1888.

Though it’s been more than 100 years since Jack the Ripper terrorized the streets of London, his crimes survive in the public imagination.

After seeing the movie From Hell, businessman Russell Edwards was intrigued enough by the crimes to have bought a shawl that was supposedly found near Eddowes’ body. The shawl was collected by one of the police officers investigating the crime, though preservation of evidence was more lax in those days.

While other “Ripperologists” have dismissed the shawl as a fake, Edwards believed its Michaelmas flowers were an obscure clue left by the killer warning of his next attack, which occurred on November 8, 1888 at the Eastern Orthodox Churches’ Michaelmas festival.

Edwards had the shawl tested and found not only blood, but also semen. The DNA was too degraded by the passage of time for microsatellite analysis, but Dr. Jari Louhelainen, a senior molecular biology lecturer at Liverpool John Moores University, matched the mitochondrial DNA from the blood to a descendent of Eddowes, using a technique he developed for extracting genetic material from cloth.

Edwards has also claimed to have matched the DNA from cells in the semen to a descendent of Kosminski’s sister. Kosminski was long considered one of the main suspects for the crimes. He lived in the areas where they occurred and was known for his severe mental illness and his misogyny. In addition, the crimes of the original Ripper stopped after he was committed to a mental institution. 

Edwards is claiming the evidence as conclusive, but has chosen to publish his claims in a book and the frequently anti-science Daily Mail, rather than a scientific publication.

Last Week’s Birthdays

Richard Gere (65), Chris Tucker (43), Lily Tomlin (75), Barry Gibb (68), Gloria Estefan (57), Keanu Reeves (50), Salma Hayek (48), Charlie Sheen (49), Raquel Welch (74), Michael Keaton (53), Rose McGowan (41) and Pippa Middleton (31).

2013 League Table

{confidential}

Next week peeps!

Cor Blimey Governor! We have a points bonanza this week, all  thanks to Dead Pool favourite, Richard Attenborough who died last week at the age of 90, thus bestowing 60 points to the following people: Barry, Millie, Tasha, Ceri, Claire, Stu and Neil. Well done all of you, commiserations to Justine and Christine who had his brother David, but it’s still early days, who knows what next week will bring, like last week has been a particularly bad week for Bass players, as you will see from the list below:

Look Who You Could Have Had:

• John Fellows Akers, 79, American businessman, President (1983–1989) and CEO (1985–1993) of IBM.
• Philippine de Rothschild, 80, French winemaker.
• Richard Attenborough, 90, English actor (Brighton Rock, The Great Escape, Jurassic Park) and Academy Award-winning film director and producer (Gandhi).
• Leonid Stadnyk, 44, Ukrainian farmer, world’s tallest man claimant, brain haemorrhage.
• Samuel Sadela, 114, Nigerian pastor, unverified claimant for world’s oldest man.
• Jim Petrie, 82, British cartoonist (Minnie the Minx).
• Bill Kerr, 92, South African-born Australian actor and comedian (Hancock’s Half Hour).
• John Anthony Walker, 77, American naval officer, convicted of spying for the Soviet Union.
• Glenn Cornick, 67, British bassist (Jethro Tull), heart failure.
• Tim Williams, 30, American bassist (Suicidal Tendencies).
• Jason Curley, 42, Australian bassist (Tumbleweed).

In Other News

Legendary wrestler Jake “The Snake” Roberts has been admitted to a Las Vegas hospital in intensive care with double pneumonia, according to reports. Roberts was en route to Las Vegas for a promotion on Wednesday when he lapsed into unconsciousness. He was in a coma for 24 hours but has now regained consciousness. Roberts had battled substance abuse problems but had turned his life around in recent months thanks to his association with onetime protege Diamond Dallas Page whom Roberts credited with saving his life. Methinks he spoke too soon! 

Comedian Joan Rivers is in serious condition at a New York hospital a couple of days after she was admitted suffering a cardiac arrest when her breathing stopped during a vocal cord procedure, her family and hospital officials said. The tart-tongued comedienne, 81, has often been criticised for her making insensitive jokes. Last year, she was criticised by some Jewish groups for making jokes about the Holocaust and during this month’s Gaza conflict, she caused fresh controversy when she said that that Palestinian civilians “deserve to be dead”. I’m sure they are  now returning the favour by wishing her a speedy recovery… **Edit: She’s now been placed on full life support, things don’t look too promising for her** 

Talking about the Holocaust, George Galloway, the Bradford West MP was released from hospital on Saturday morning having suffered a suspected broken jaw and rib as well as facial bruising! Neil Masterson, 39, has been accused of shouting about the Holocaust and attacking him. Well done that man, give him an OBE in next year’s honours. The attack upon the much hated Galloway was instigated by comments Galloway recently made about the conflict in Gaza in which he claimed Bradford was an Israel-free zone, looks like he was very wrong about that too.  

In a case of supreme Darwinism, a nine-year-old girl has accidentally shot dead a shooting instructor who was teaching her how to use a powerful Uzi submachine gun. In a case of utter stupidity with an ending that nobody could predict, Charles Vacca was showing the unnamed youngster how to fire the weapon at the Last Stop outdoor shooting range in the Mohave Desert in White Hills, Arizona, when the gun recoiled as she pulled the trigger. Sadly, this is not an uncommon happening in the US, at least 100 children have been involved in accidental shootings between December 2012 and December 2013 where a child has found a firearm at their parents house and accidentally shot a friend, family member or themselves. 

Here are a few names for you to consider for next year. The Academy of Motion Pictures Arts and Sciences are handing out honorary lifetime awards to actor/singer Harry Belafonte, Japanese director Hayao Miyazaki,  Irish-born actress Maureen O’Hara and French screenwriter and actor Jean-Claude Carriere. The youngest of this troupe is 73, so lets hope they make it to November to collect their statuette. Previous recipients of the award include actors Eli Wallach and Lauren Bacall, who both died recently, director Francis Ford Coppola, Angelina Jolie and Steve Martin. It doesn’t bode well for any of them… 

On This Day

• 1422 – King Henry V of England dies of dysentery while in France. His son, Henry VI becomes King of England at the age of 9 months.
• 1888 – Mary Ann Nichols is murdered. She is the first of Jack the Ripper‘s confirmed victims.
• 1895 – German Count Ferdinand von Zeppelin patents his Navigable Balloon.
• 1897 – Thomas Edison patents the Kinetoscope, the first movie projector.
• 1968 – Garfield Sobers became the first batsman ever to hit six sixes in a single over of six consecutive balls in first-class cricket.
• 1997 – Diana, Princess of Wales, her companion Dodi Fayed and driver Henri Paul die in a car crash in Paris.

Deaths

• 1422 – Henry V of England (b. 1386)
• 1688 – John Bunyan, English preacher and author (b. 1628)
• 1867 – Charles Baudelaire, French poet and critic (b. 1821)
• 1869 – Mary Ward, Irish scientist (b. 1827)
• 1888 – Mary Ann Nichols, English victim of Jack the Ripper (b. 1845)
• 1969 – Rocky Marciano, American boxer (b. 1923)
• 1973 – John Ford, American actor, director, producer, and screenwriter (b. 1894)
• 1997 – Dodi Fayed, Egyptian film producer (b. 1955)
• 1997 – Diana, Princess of Wales (b. 1961)
• 2012 – Max Bygraves, English-Australian actor and singer (b. 1922)
• 2013 – David Frost, English journalist and game show host (b. 1939)

Last Week’s Birthdays

Steve Guttenberg (59), Dave Chappelle (41), Rupert Grint (26), Stephen Fry (57), Gene Simmons (65), Elvis Costello (60), Billy Ray Cyrus (53), Claudia Schiffer (44), Rachel Bilson (33), Paul Reubens (62), Shania Twain (49), Jack Black (45), Jason Priestley (45), LeAnn Rimes (32), Florence Welch (28), Elliott Gould (76), Rebecca De Mornay (55), John McCain (78), Peggy Lipton (68), Cameron Diaz (42), and Warren Buffett (84).

2013 League Table

[confidential]

Next Week peeps!