Dead Pool 22nd February 2015

Good afternoon my morbid minions. Sadly no points again this week so we are still at the status quo we have been for weeks :/ The evil flying monkeys I sent out last week failed miserably but they did seed some cancer and madness along the way.

Look Who You Could Have Had:

• Pamela Cundell, 95, English actress (Dad’s Army, EastEnders, A Fantastic Fear of Everything).
• Alan Howard, 77, English actor, pneumonia.
• Louis Jourdan, 93, French actor (Letter from an Unknown Woman, Gigi, Octopussy).
• John Davies, 76, Welsh historian.
• Brett Ewins, 59, British comic book artist (Judge Dredd, 2000 AD), emphysema.
• Lesley Gore, 68, American singer (“It’s My Party“, “Judy’s Turn to Cry“, “You Don’t Own Me“), lung cancer.
• Harris Wittels, 30, American television producer and writer (Parks and Recreation, The Sarah Silverman Program).

In Other News

The name Tony Hart has not reverberated around the social media echo chamber for years. Certainly not since the popular children’s television presenter died in 2009. His name, however, became one of the most heavily discussed topics on Sunday and Monday as a wave of people spread the news of his demise in the mistaken belief that it was news, including your intrepid Dead Pool Master, who forgot he’d died. That was followed by a second wave rightly mocking the first one. So it turns out I’m the dickhead. Tony Hart died in 2009. Fuck the internet. Ha!

Iron Maiden frontman Bruce Dickinson has  revealed he is battling cancer. A statement on the band’s official website said the 56-year-old rocker has undergone treatment for a cancerous tumour on his tongue. The cancer was diagnosed during a routine check-up just before Christmas and Dickinson has just completed a seven-week course of chemotherapy and radiology. The statement said: “As the tumour was caught in the early stages, the prognosis thankfully is extremely good. Bruce’s medical team fully expect him to make a complete recovery with the all-clear envisaged by late May. It will then take a further few months for Bruce to get back to full fitness.

The scientist and writer Oliver Sacks has said his “luck has run out” after revealing that he has terminal cancer. Sacks, whose book Awakenings inspired the Oscar-nominated film of the same name, disclosed his illness in an article in the New York Times. The London-born academic, made a CBE in the 2008 birthday honours, said: “A month ago, I felt that I was in good health, even robust health. At 81, I still swim a mile a day. But my luck has run out – a few weeks ago I learned that I have multiple metastases in the liver.” He wrote: “It is up to me now to choose how to live out the months that remain to me. I have to live in the richest, deepest, most productive way I can.”

Singapore Prime Minister Lee Hsien Loong has been diagnosed with prostate cancer and will undergo surgery, his office has revealed. The 63-year-old was diagnosed with prostate cancer last month, he will take medical leave for a whole week! He was diagnosed with lymphoma in the 1990’s but recovered. The urologist who will operate on Mr Lee said that his prostate cancer had “no relationship” to the lymphoma. Should be a straight forward procedure it seems, but you never know…

Two fading/faded rappers have been in the news. Afroman was arrested for assault after he was caught on camera punching a female fan on stage at a concert and Vanilla Ice was arrested on suspicion of burglary and theft. Times must be very hard for them but one thing is for sure, a stint in the penal system will not be a smooth thing for either of them. I can see both of them demanding some ice, ice baby because something got too high for comfort…

Robert Mugabe has celebrated his 91st birthday. By the time you have read this his lavish $1 million party will be over and the menu of two elephants, two buffaloes, two sable antelopes, five impalas and a lion will have been eaten. There have been reports that poor villagers throughout the country have been forced to donate money and goods towards the lavish ball. I’m sure they would rather donate a timely death for the evil bastard.

On This Day

• 1797 – The Last Invasion of Britain begins near Fishguard, Wales.
• 1879 – In Utica, New York, Frank Woolworth opens the first of many of 5 and dime Woolworth stores.
• 1974 – Samuel Byck tries and fails to assassinate U.S. President Richard Nixon.
• 1997 – In Roslin, Scotland, scientists announce that an adult sheep named Dolly has been successfully cloned.
• 2006 – At least six men stage Britain’s biggest robbery, stealing £53m (about $92.5 million or €78 million) from a Securitas depot in Tonbridge, Kent.

Deaths

• 1797 – Hieronymus Karl Friedrich von Münchhausen, German nobleman and storyteller (b. 1720)
• 1987 – Andy Warhol, American painter and photographer (b. 1928)
• 2012 – Frank Carson, Irish-English comedian and actor (b. 1926)

Last Week’s Birthdays

Paris Hilton (34), John Travolta (61), Cybill Shepherd (65), Matt Dillon (51), Dr. Dre (50), Molly Ringwald (47), Kelsey Grammer (60), Cindy Crawford (49), Joseph Gordon-Levitt (34), Rihanna (27), John McEnroe (56), Rene Russo (61), Ice T (57), Jane Seymour (64), Smokey Robinson (75), Jennifer Love Hewitt (36), Ed Sheeran (24), Benicio del Toro (47), Michael Jordan (52), Jeff Daniels (60), Yoko Ono (82), Ivana Trump (66), Patricia Hearst (61), William Baldwin (52), Matt Groening (61), LeVar Burton (58), Hal Holbrook (90), Lou Diamond Phillips (53), Prince Andrew, Duke of York (55), Sidney Poitier (88), Brenda Blethyn (69), Tyne Daly (69) and Alan Rickman (69).

Next Week peeps!