Afternoon all, welcome to this weeks edition of the Dead Pool Newsletter. Last week we saw the death of the Worlds Fattest Man™, who at his heaviest weighed in at a whopping 70 stone! How did he get this fat? Well, he would gorge on 20,000 calories a day – almost 10 times the recommended amount – by having six-egg fry-ups for breakfast then pizzas, kebabs, Chinese takeaways and Big Macs for lunch and dinner, all washed down with six pints of coffee, two litres of fizzy drinks and a wafer thin mint. Apparently he leaves behind two sisters who cared for him, if they cared that much they wouldn’t have fed so much shit to a bedridden fatty. Anyhow…

Look Who You Could Have Had:

• Bobby Keys, 70, American saxophonist (The Rolling Stones), cirrhosis.
• Ian McLagan, 69, English keyboardist (Small Faces), stroke.
• Jeremy Thorpe, 85, British politician, Leader of the Liberal Party (1967–1976), MP for North Devon (1959–1979), central figure in the Thorpe affair, Parkinson’s disease.
• Queen Fabiola of Belgium, 86, Spanish-born Belgian royal, queen consort (1960–1993).
• Jackie Healy-Rae, 83, Irish politician, TD for Kerry South (1997–2011).
• Keith Martin, 44, British record holder, formerly world’s fattest man, pneumonia.

In Other News

US President Barack Obama has briefly visited a Washington hospital for tests following a persistent sore throat, the White House says. Obama had experienced a sore throat over “the past couple weeks”, which appeared to be caused by acid reflux, his doctor said. Apparently he has undergone a fibre optic exam, followed by a CT scan, only for doctors to say that he’s got a bit of a sore throat. Toughen up you big girls blouse!

Sadly, the Brazil legend Pelé is showing further signs of improvement as he continues his recovery from a kidney condition. However the three-times World Cup winner still remains in “semi-intensive care” at the Albert Einstein hospital in São Paulo. Pelé, 74, only has one kidney, having had one removed towards the end of his playing career. So following an operation to remove stones from his remaining kidney, it seems to haves fucked him up somewhat. A video was posted on the former Santos star’s official Facebook page where he appeared in good spirits and was even playing the guitar. Maybe listing him for next year is a tad too premature.

Wilko Johnson says he has found it “difficult” coming to terms with still being alive after being told he had terminal cancer. The former Dr Feelgood guitarist, 67, was given 10 months to live after being diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, but was given the all clear in April. Johnson, who lives in Southend, says he now hopes to fulfil ambitions including playing with Bob Dylan, woo! Aim high why don’t ya! Johnson underwent 11 hours of radical surgery at Addenbrooke’s Hospital in Cambridge to take out a 3kg tumour. The operation also involved removing his pancreas, parts of his stomach, spleen and small and large intestines, so fuck knows how he’s still breathing!

Thailand’s revered but ailing King Bhumibol Adulyadej has cancelled an annual appearance to mark his 87th birthday on the advice of doctors. The world’s longest-serving monarch has spent most of the last few months in hospital as fears over his health mount. A team of royal physicians examined the king on Thursday evening and agreed that he is not ready to grant a royal audience therefore they have recommended he cancels royal activities. In October the king had an operation to remove his gall bladder after tests revealed it was swollen. He was last seen in public in early November, so he might be dead already as far as we know.

It has been pointed out that Rebecca Farnworth died of cancer last month at the age of 49. Who the hell is she? Well, some of you may have read her books as she was a prolific ghostwriter, mainly for that big boobed bag of gas, Katie Price aka Jordan. Katie lamented in The Sun that she was ‘terribly terribly sad’ to hear of her death, I’m sure she was, I bet she made millions from the talent of this particular writer. Sadly Rebecca wasn’t famous enough for our needs, so we do wish her the very best on her travels into the great unknown.

Devon and Cornwall Police say a weapon, believed to have been  owned by the notorious wife-killer Hawley Harvey Crippen, was one of 446 weapons surrendered to police as part of a gun amnesty. Dr Crippen, who was born in the United States, is believed to have used hyoscine to kill Cora at his London home before attempting to flee to Canada, so it seems that the tiny pistol is practically worthless anyway. Crippen was hanged at London’s Pentoville Prison in 1910.

A hundred brains have gone missing in Texas! I would argue that there are no brains in Texas to go missing, but apparently The University of Texas at Austin had a specimen collection preserved in jars of formaldehyde that was donated to them over thirty years ago. Could it be an outbreak of zombies? Or are average Texans getting clued up to the fact that they need brains to function correctly. Who knows what has happened to them. Best guess, students pilfering them for Halloween pranks. Oh, how I wished I lived in Texas!

And finally, a tale of warning to all the golfers out there. A crocodile has killed a man while he was retrieving golf balls from Lake Panic in South Africa’s flagship wildlife reserve. Officials at Kruger National Park said the animal grabbed 29-year-old Jacques van der Sandt and disappeared under the water at a golf course next to a staff residential area. Sadly the rangers killed the crocodile after a two-hour search on Wednesday night and the body of Van der Sandt, the son of a park employee, was recovered. I doubt this is going to happen any time soon at Gleneagles, but it would make me watch the golf on the telly box if this was a possible outcome….

On This Day

• 43 BC – Marcus Tullius Cicero is assassinated.
• 1703 – The Great Storm of 1703, the greatest windstorm ever recorded in the southern part of Great Britain, makes landfall. Winds gust up to 120 mph, and 9,000 people die.
• 1972 – Apollo 17, the last Apollo moon mission, is launched. The crew takes the photograph known as The Blue Marble as they leave the Earth.
• 1982 – In Texas, Charles Brooks, Jr., becomes the first person to be executed by lethal injection in the United States.

Deaths

• 43 BC – Cicero, Roman philosopher, lawyer, and politician (b. 106 BC)
• 1985 – Robert Graves, English author and poet (b. 1895)
• 2011 – Harry Morgan, American actor and director (b. 1915)

Last Week’s Birthdays

Amanda Seyfried (29), Billy Idol (59), Julianne Moore (54), Ben Stiller (49), Woody Allen (79), Bette Midler (69), Jeff Bridges (65), Britney Spears (33), Jay-Z (45), Daryl Hannah (54), Little Richard (82), Sarah Silverman (44), Marisa Tomei (50), Frankie Muniz (29), Tyra Banks (41), Ozzy Osbourne (66), Judd Apatow (47), Brendan Fraser (46), Nelly Furtado (36), Lucy Liu (46), Mandy Patinkin (62), John Terry (34), Nicole Appleton (40), C. Thomas Howell (48), Stan Boardman (74), Ellen Burstyn (82) and Noam Chomsky (86).

2014 League Table

[confidential]

Next Week peeps!

Afternoon all, welcome once again to your weekly edition of the Dead Pool, I promise there will be no cricket jokes about bouncers not fucking about here! Remember, there’s only a month to go now so keep working on next years list, because it has to be more inspired than this year!

Look Who You Could Have Had:

• Merle Barwis, 113, American-born Canadian supercentenarian, was nation’s oldest resident.
• Frankie Fraser, 90, British gangster, complications from surgery.
• Phillip Hughes, 25, Australian cricketer, vertebral artery dissection leading to subarachnoid haemorrhage.
• P. D. James, 94, English crime novelist (Adam Dalgliesh series, The Children of Men, Death Comes to Pemberley).
• Chespirito, 85, Mexican playwright, actor and screenwriter (El Chavo del Ocho, El Chapulín Colorado), heart failure.

In Other News

Lars von Trier says he is worried that he will not be able to make any more films now that he has quit drinking alcohol and no longer uses drugs. The Danish film director told the newspaper Politiken: “No creative expression of artistic value has  ever been carried out by former alcoholics and drug addicts.” Von Trier, who has directed graphic films such as Antichrist and Nymphomaniac, said he will be sober for 90 days as of Sunday and is going to meetings at Alcoholics Anonymous every day. We reckon he’ll fall off the wagon and make more movies, much to the disappointment of all.

Actor Mickey Rourke returned to the boxing ring last Friday at the age of 62, defeating a fighter less than half his age in an exhibition bout. Rourke sent 29-year-old Pasadena native Elliot Seymour to the canvas twice in the second round before the referee stopped the fight. The bout at a Moscow concert hall was Rourke’s first fight in 20 years. He took a break from acting in the early 1990s, finishing a three-year pro boxing career with six wins and two draws. He hinted that the return to the ring has helped him cope with unspecified personal issues. Those issues were the death of his pet Chihuahua, not so tough now is he…

Pelé “is in better condition” though he remains in a special care unit being treated  for a urinary tract infection. The 74-year-old is in hospital in São Paulo receiving renal support treatment, which helps kidneys to filter waste products from the blood, after surgery to remove kidney stones earlier this month. He is not on vasoactive drugs or other supportive therapies, the hospital said. Pelé, often called the greatest player in history, has suffered a long list of health problems in the past decade, including emergency eye surgery for a detached retina and a hip replacement.

Burt Reynolds is having to sell off hundreds of items of personal memorabilia in an attempt to pay outstanding mortgage payments. The actor, known for Smokey and the Bandit and Boogie Nights, is selling off over 600 items in a Las Vegas auction because he’s failed to pay his outstanding $700,000 mortgage since 2010 and is in danger of losing everything. We’d better keep an eye on him in case he goes Robin Williams on us!

And finally, The Office for National Statistics have confirmed that last year had the lowest ever number of winter deaths since records began. An estimated 18,200 excess winter deaths occurred in 2013-14, the lowest number since records began in 1950-51, which sort of bolsters why our scoring has been very low this year. Last winter was notably warmer than in previous years and had a relatively mild flu season which contributed to the lower number of deaths. Unsurprisingly, of the 18,200 excess deaths, 14,000 were in the over-75s, so best keep that in mind for your list for next year.

On This Day

• 1872 – The first-ever international football match takes place at Hamilton Crescent, Glasgow, between Scotland and England.
• 1934 – The LNER Class A3 4472 Flying Scotsman becomes the first steam locomotive to be authenticated as reaching 100 mph.
• 1936 – In London, the Crystal Palace is destroyed by fire.
• 1940 – Lucille Ball marries Desi Arnaz in Greenwich, Connecticut.
• 1954 – In Sylacauga, Alabama, United States, the Hodges meteorite crashes through a roof and hits a woman taking an afternoon nap in the only documented case of a human being hit by a rock from space.
• 1982 – Michael Jackson‘s second solo album, Thriller is released worldwide. It will become the best-selling record album in history.
• 1998 – Exxon and Mobil sign a US$73.7 billion agreement to merge, thus creating ExxonMobil, the world’s largest company.

Deaths

• 1900 – Oscar Wilde, Irish author and poet (b. 1854)
• 1979 – Zeppo Marx, American actor and singer (b. 1901)
• 2007 – Evel Knievel, American motorcycle rider and stuntman (b. 1938)
• 2013 – Paul Walker, American actor and producer (b. 1973)

Last Week’s Birthdays

Miley Cyrus (22), Ed Harris (64), Christina Applegate (43), Jon Stewart (52), Don Cheadle (50), Tina Turner (75), Sarah Hyland (24), Tom Sizemore (53), Robin Givens (50), Judd Nelson (55), Randy Newman (71), Diane Ladd (79), Natasha Bedingfield (33), Stephen Merchant (40) and Bruno Tonioli (59).

2014 League Table

[confidential]

Next week peeps!

Welcome minions of the moribund, I can this week say that we have a point scorer! Congratulations to Julia for correctly guessing that the Duchess of Alba would depart us this year, 62 points awarded and the joy of not being on a big fat zero, like myself, with only five weeks to go. Lets hope that the cold weather catches a few for the rest of us ‘nil point’ players before this year is out!

Look Who You Could Have Had:

• Jimmy Ruffin, 78, American soul singer (“What Becomes of the Brokenhearted”).
• Pete Harman, 95, American businessman, opened first KFC franchise.
• Mike Nichols, 83, German-born American director (The Graduate, Angels in America, Spamalot), Oscar winner (1968), cardiac arrest.
• Cayetana Fitz-James Stuart, 18th Duchess of Alba, 88, Spanish aristocrat.

In Other News

Bono has undergone five hours of surgery after breaking his arm in six places and suffering a broken eye socket after falling off his bike in New York. Bono’s injuries are a result of what doctors called a “high-energy bicycle accident” were much more severe than the band let on in an earlier statement. Multiple x-rays showed that Bono had suffered numerous serious injuries, including a “facial fracture involving the orbit of his eye” and three separate fractures of his left shoulder blade. The fracture of the left humerus bone in his upper arm was said to be particularly serious, as it broke in six places and pierced the skin. Bono had just returned to New York after recording Band Aid 30 in London on Saturday, advocating that us poor fuckers pay an extortionate amount for a crap song to save Africans from themselves whilst he’s hiding millions in an offshore account. Karma…

Cher has cancelled the remainder of her Dressed to Kill tour after doctors advised she needed more time to recover from an ongoing viral infection. The singer said she was “devastated”. “Nothing like this has ever happened to me,” she lamented, in a statement. “I sincerely hope that we can come back again next year and finish what we started,” added the 68-year-old star. The second leg of the tour was due to kick off in New York on 11th September, but was postponed after the singer was “felled by an infection that affected her kidney function”. You can’t really complain, I doubt my granny would get up on stage dressed in fishnets to sing ‘If I Could Turn Back Time’…

Craig Charles has became the second person to leave the reality show I’m a Celebrity … Get Me Out of Here! after reports that his brother had died of a heart attack. After being made aware that his older brother had passed away at the age of 52, the Red Dwarf actor returned to Croc Creek to tell his fellow celebrities that he was heading home to be with his family. As yo know, heart disease runs in families, let’s keep a close eye on the Corrie star!

Jeremy Vine, the Radio 2 presenter, has been stopped by police for speeding on his bike at more than three times the limit. The reckless radio personality was caught cycling at 16mph through Hyde Park while on his way to work by an officer with a hand-held radar gun. Vine came to a halt in the cycle lane as the Metropolitan Police officer held up his hand and showed him the speed reading. He said he did not realise the limit was 5mph and apologised. With such death defying traits, he could end up like Bono, so we really should be listing him next year, or perhaps the Police should actually do some proper policing for a change.

American mass murderer Charles Manson, 80, has been granted a licence to marry a 26-year-old woman who has been visiting him in prison. The bride-to-be, Afton Elaine Burton, says she loves Manson. As a life prisoner with no parole date, Manson is not entitled to conjugal visits, so she will be spared the killers dusty sperms and the chance to get murdered herself. Luckily for his wife to be, Manson is not eligible to apply for parole again until 2027, hopefully by then the cunt will be dead and she’ll have moved on to a less media chasing life and a normal relationship.

Formula 1 driver Jules Bianchi is no longer in an artificial coma and is breathing unaided, his parents have said in a statement. However, his condition is still “critical” and he remains unconscious. They said they were “relieved” to confirm their son had been transferred to Le Centre Hospitalier Universitaire de Nice. Bianchi suffered a diffuse axonal injury when he crashed into a tractor at Suzuka that was recovering Adrian Sutil’s Sauber.

And finally, still on the F1 vein, it has been confirmed that Michael Schumacher is paralysed and has memory and speech problems from the brain injuries he sustained in a skiing accident, according to Philippe Streiff, a friend and ex-Formula One driver who was himself left in a wheelchair by a crash. Streiff, who was paralysed by a crash in 1989, said: “He is getting better but everything is relative. It’s very difficult. He can’t speak. Like me he is in a wheelchair, paralysed. He has memory problems and speech problems.” A spokeswoman for Schumacher said Streiff’s comments were “his opinions”.

On This Day

• 534 BC – Thespis of Icaria becomes the first recorded actor to portray a character onstage.
• 1644 – John Milton publishes Areopagitica, a pamphlet decrying censorship.
• 1889 – The first jukebox goes into operation at the Palais Royale Saloon in San Francisco.
• 1910 – Johan Alfred Ander becomes the last person to be executed in Sweden.
• 1924 – Edwin Hubble‘s scientific discovery that Andromeda, previously believed to be a nebula within our galaxy, is actually another galaxy, and that the Milky Way is only one of many such galaxies in the universe, was first published in a newspaper.
• 1963 – The BBC broadcasts the first episode of Doctor Who (starring William Hartnell), which is now the world’s longest running science fiction drama.
• 1979 – In Dublin, Ireland, Provisional Irish Republican Army member Thomas McMahon is sentenced to life in prison for the assassination of Lord Mountbatten.
• 1992 – The first smartphone, the IBM Simon, is introduced at COMDEX in Las Vegas, Nevada.
• 2004 – World of Warcraft, the largest MMORPG in the world was first released to the public.

Deaths

• 1910 – Hawley Harvey Crippen, American physician and murderer (b. 1862)
• 1990 – Roald Dahl, Welsh-English pilot, author, and screenwriter (b. 1916)
• 1991 – Klaus Kinski, German-American actor and director (b. 1926)
• 2001 – Mary Whitehouse, English educator and activist (b. 1910)
• 2006 – Alexander Litvinenko, Russian spy (b. 1962)
• 2010 – Ingrid Pitt, Polish-English actress and author (b. 1937)
• 2012 – Larry Hagman, American actor, director, and producer (b. 1931)

Last Week’s Birthdays

Scarlett Johansson (29), Danny Devito (70), Jodi Foster (52), Mark Ruffalo (47), Rachel McAdams (36), Owen Wilson (46), Goldie Hawn (69), Carly Rae Jepsen (29), Meg Ryan (63), Joe Biden (72), Maggie Gyllenhaal (37), Martin Scorsese (72), Bo Derek (58), Jamie Lee Curtis (56), Larry King (81), Lorne Michaels (70), Delroy Lindo (62), Sean Young (55), Billie Jean King (71), Missi Pyle (42), Martha Plimpton (44), Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio (56), RuPaul (54) and Linda Evans (72).

2014 League Table

[confidential]

Next week peeps!

Afternoon Poolers! Yet another week goes by and we have failed yet again to guess a single celebrity death! I’m starting to rethink my strategy for next year as these famous types are far outlasting us normal people, perhaps their longevity has something to do with how ridiculously rich they are. Back in my day an 80 year old celebrity was a cert! Anyhow, we have little over six weeks ’til the end of this years pool, so if you haven’t got your thinking cap on, you’d best drag it out from under the bed and give it a good dusting!

As always, I will be hassling you continuously during the month of December to get your lists in, I know what you lot are like, I have no idea how you managed to get an ‘O’ Level without doing your homework. If you would rather drop out for next year, please let me know and I’ll remove you from my hassle list.

Look Who You Could Have Had:

• Luke Dolan, 108, Irish centenarian, oldest man in the Republic of Ireland.
• Joe Walsh, 71, Irish politician, Minister for Agriculture and Food (1992–1994, 1997–2004).
• Steve Dodd, 86, Australian actor (Gallipoli, The Matrix, Quigley Down Under).
• Ernest Kinoy, 89, American writer (Roots, Dimension X, X Minus One), pneumonia.
• Big Bank Hank, 58, American rapper (The Sugarhill Gang), kidney complications of cancer.
• Carol Ann Susi, 62, American actress (The Big Bang Theory, Cats & Dogs, Death Becomes Her), cancer.
• Warren Clarke, 67, British actor (Dalziel and Pascoe, A Clockwork Orange, Top Secret!).
• Rebekah Gibbs, 41, British actress (Casualty), breast cancer.
• Mike Burney, 70, English saxophonist (Wizzard), cancer.
• Glen A. Larson, 77, American television writer and producer (Battlestar Galactica, Knight Rider, Magnum, P.I.), esophageal cancer.

In Other News 

Richie Benaud has revealed he is undergoing radiation treatment for skin cancer. The revered broadcaster has been absent from his commentary duties since a car accident near his Sydney home in 2013. Benaud said he was paying the price for a cricket career in which he did not wear a hat or sunscreen. “When I was a kid we never ever wore a cap. I wish I had. You live and learn as you go along,” he said. “I recommend to everyone they wear protection on their heads. Eighty-four-year-olds don’t seem to mend as well as they used to.” Ain’t that the truth!!

Pete Doherty is back in a Thai rehab centre. Two years after he was kicked out of a similar facility, the Libertines frontman is hoping to finally quit heroin and to begin helping other struggling addicts. Doherty is also receiving support from his Libertines bandmate Carl Barât. After a long hiatus the band reunited for gigs this summer and they are now working on a new album. Woo!

The Brazil legend Pelé was taken to hospital on Wednesday with a stomach complaint which forced him to miss an event at the museum honouring his career. The 74-year-old was taken to São Paulo’s Albert Einstein Hospital as a precaution, according to the TV station Globo. Other media quoted a spokesman as saying Pelé was not believed to be seriously ill.

Argentine President Cristina Fernandez de Kirchner has been discharged from hospital after being treated for the latest in a series of medical problems. President Fernandez, who is 61, was hospitalised a week ago with fever and stomach pains. Doctors diagnosed an intestinal infection but have allowed her to leave hospital and ordered 10 days’ bed rest. This is the third time in less than a year that the president has suffered health issues. Best keep a very close eye on her.

An Argentinian magistrate has called on Interpol to use all necessary means to summon Justin Bieber to a Buenos Aires court. The singer has been accused of assault by a photographer, and magistrate Facundo Cubas said Bieber will face arrest if he does not submit his testimony about the incident within the next 60 days. If Bieber does return, a guilty verdict could result in up to a year in jail. I for one would like to see his face when a guilty verdict is read, imagine the state of his arsehole after a year in an Argentinian jail!!

And finally, a Polish woman who spent 11 hours in cold storage in a mortuary after being declared dead has returned to her family, complaining of feeling cold. Officials say Janina Kolkiewicz, 91, was declared dead after an examination by the family doctor. However, mortuary staff were astonished to notice movement in her body bag while it was in storage. The police have launched an investigation. Back home, Ms Kolkiewicz was warmed up with a bowl of soup and two pancakes and luckily has no inkling of what happened since she has late-stage dementia.

On This Day

• 1904 – English engineer John Ambrose Fleming receives a patent for the thermionic valve (vacuum tube).
• 1914 – The Federal Reserve Bank of the United States officially opens.
• 1965 – The Soviet Union launches the Venera 3 space probe toward Venus, which will be the first spacecraft to reach the surface of another planet.

Deaths

• 1960 – Clark Gable, American actor and singer (b. 1901)
• 1982 – Arthur Askey, English comedian, actor, and singer (b. 1900)
• 2008 – Reg Varney, English actor and screenwriter (b. 1916)
• 2009 – Edward Woodward, English actor and singer (b. 1930)

Last Week’s Birthdays

Anne Hathaway (32), Ryan Gosling (34), Whoopi Goldberg (59), Neil Young (68), Demi Moore (52), Leonardo Dicaprio (40), Prince Charles (65), Ed Asner (85), Lou Ferrigno (63), Calista Flockhart (50), Gerard Butler (45), Beverly D’Angelo (63), Condoleezza Rice (60) and Chad Kroeger (40).

2014 League Table

[Confidential]

Next Week peeps!

Not a good week  to be a musician it seems,  they’ve been dropping like flies and  our list of potentials only contains people of note from the music industry this week. How we missed out on Acker Bilk I’ll never know!

Look Who You Could Have Had:

• Acker Bilk, 85, British jazz clarinetist (“Stranger on the Shore”).
• Wayne Static, 48, American singer and musician (Static-X).
• Manitas de Plata, 93, French flamenco guitarist.
• Rick Rosas, 65, American session musician (Etta James, Joe Walsh, Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young).

In Other News

Following revelations by his family a couple of weeks ago, Muhammad Ali’s doctor has played down fears over the former world heavyweight champion’s health. Ali, 72, has had Parkinson’s disease since 1984 and there have been rumours his health has been deteriorating. “I don’t see anything immediately that leads me to think that he is going to die in six months or a year,” Dr. Abraham Lieberman said. “People do not die of Parkinson’s. They develop trouble swallowing, they develop pneumonia, fall and bang their heads. His family take extraordinary care of him.” Even with such comments, all it takes is a small trip…

The six-times world championship finalist Jimmy White has told of his battle with crack cocaine addiction. The Whirlwind, 52, became a fans’ favourite in the 1980s and 90s, reaching the Crucible final in 1984 and in every year from 1990 to 1994 but losing on each occasion. White, though, was hiding a drug habit which cost him up to £10,000 a month, moving from cocaine to its stronger form. “I’m lucky to be alive” he admitted, “drugs probably cost me 10 world titles.”

Argentine President Cristina Fernandez de Kirchner is  being treated for an “infectious fever” in a hospital in the capital, Buenos Aires, officials say. Ms Fernandez, 61, checked herself into the clinic after feeling ill Sunday afternoon, an official statement explained. The president has had a series of health problems, some of which have forced her to cancel official trips. Last year she had an operation to treat bleeding on the brain. She also missed this year’s independence day celebrations due to a throat infection. Could it be Ebola?

The Olympic champion, Dani King is recovering in hospital after a training accident left the 23-year-old with five broken ribs and a punctured lung. The team pursuit Olympic champion crashed on a regular cycling training route in Wales after a member of her group hit a pothole. King, who is in intensive care, wrote on Twitter: “Crashed whilst out training yesterday resulting in 5 broken ribs and a collapsed lung. Being looked after by the amazing NHS ICU in Wales.”

Thailand’s 86-year-old king remains in hospital after surgery to remove his gallbladder, the palace has said. Bhumibol Adulyadej, the world’s longest-reigning monarch, was admitted to Siriraj hospital in Bangkok on 3rd October and hasn’t been well since. Previously he’s spent four years in a special suite after being admitted for a lung infection! The guy seems to be falling apart, surely a contender for next years lists!

And finally, two little tales of stupidity. A 26-year-old Australian man who risked his life by diving into shark-infested waters to climb onto a rotting whale carcass has confessed that even his parents think he is an idiot. “One of my mates said it would be pretty funny to surf the whale, so I did it.” He was not put off by the fact that several hungry tiger sharks and a massive great white, were circling around the carcass at the time. Twat!

Secondly, American wildlife filmmaker Paul Rosolie, 26, who describes himself as “Indiana Jones with a green twist”, is planning to be eaten alive by a snake. Wearing a spacial suit, breathing apparatus and a rope tied around his foot, he plans to be swallowed whole for a TV show. I sincerely hope it goes wrong and the stupid cunt dies, but what will most likely happen is that they will have to cut him out and kill the poor snake. Bigger twat!

On This Day

• 1620 – Pilgrims aboard the Mayflower sight land at Cape Cod, Massachusetts.
• 1872 – The Great Boston Fire of 1872.
• 1888 – Mary Jane Kelly is murdered in London, widely believed to be the fifth and final victim of the notorious unidentified serial killer Jack the Ripper.
• 1907 – The Cullinan Diamond is presented to King Edward VII on his birthday.
• 1967 – The first issue of Rolling Stone Magazine is published.
• 1989 – Cold War: Fall of the Berlin Wall. Communist-controlled East Germany opens checkpoints in the Berlin Wall allowing its citizens to travel to West Germany. This key event led to the eventual reunification of East and West Germany, and fall of communism in eastern Europe including Russia.

Deaths

• 1888 – Mary Jane Kelly, Irish-English victim of Jack the Ripper (b. 1863)
• 1937 – Ramsay MacDonald, Scottish journalist and politician, Prime Minister of the United Kingdom (b. 1866)
• 1940 – Neville Chamberlain, English businessman and politician, Prime Minister of the United Kingdom (b. 1869)
• 1953 – Dylan Thomas, Welsh poet and author (b. 1914)
• 1970 – Charles de Gaulle, French general and politician, 18th President of France (b. 1890)
• 2003 – Art Carney, American actor and singer (b. 1918)
• 2004 – Emlyn Hughes, English footballer and manager (b. 1947)
• 2004 – Stieg Larsson, Swedish journalist and author (b. 1954)
• 2012 – Bill Tarmey, English actor and singer (b. 1941)

Last Week’s Birthdays

Emma Stone (26), Matthew McConaughey (45), Roseanne Barr (62), Lorde (18), Ethan Hawke (44), Sally Field (68), David Schwimmer (48), Ralph Macchio (54), Dolph Lundgren (57), Gordon Ramsay (48), Joni Mitchell (71), Bryan Adams (55), Maria Shriver (59), Sam Rockwell (46), Tatum O’Neal (51), Art Garfunkel (72), Mike Nichols (83), Loretta Swit (77), Anna Wintour (65), Thandie Newton (42), Rebecca Romijn (42), Famke Janssen (49), Tilda Swinton (54), Adam Ant (61), Kate Capshaw (61) and K.D. Lang (53).

2014 League Table

[confidential]

Next Week peeps!