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Dead Pool 26th April 2015

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Short and sweet this week, not many notables have died and hardly any news of worth, but hopefully we’ve managed to put something together that will tickle your fancy on a Sunday afternoon. No points this week as you may have surmised, so with a certain amount of trepidation, we shall let loose the evil flying monkeys, you all know what happens when we do that!!

Look Who You Could Have Had:

In Other News

150419-news-bobby-brown-bobbi-kristinaBobby Brown has said that his daughter Bobbi Kristina Brown is “awake” nearly three months after the 21-year-old was found unconscious in a bath. At a concert in Dallas on Saturday, Brown told the audience that “Bobbi is awake” and that “she is watching me”. Few details have been released about Bobbi Kristina’s health since she was taken to hospital on 31st January. There were unconfirmed reports at the time that Bobbi Kristina had been put in a medically-induced coma to reduce swelling on the brain but it’s believed she was released from hospital last month.

Rosanne-barr comedian, actress and TV star Roseanne Barr has revealed that she is suffering from glaucoma and macular degeneration and is slowing going blind. The outspoken, Emmy award-winning star of the 1990s hit comedy show Roseanne said that her vision “is closing now”. Barr, 62, said she smokes marijuana to help relieve the pressure she suffers in her eyes and also believes it opens her mind. Let’s hope the weed also helps her from tripping at the top of the stairs…

farageUKIP leader Nigel Farage has revealed that he is undergoing treatment for back  pain after speculation about his health. He insisted he was in good enough shape to fight the general election despite being on Temazepam, 65 pints of ale and 200 fags whilst receiving hospital treatment twice a week for the recurrence of serious back pain. In his recent autobiographical book, Purple Revolution, he revealed that several health scares including testicular cancer, a car accident and a light aircraft crash had left him with the body of a 70-year-old. So claiming to be as “fit as a flea” and accusing his political rivals of spreading untruths about his wellbeing was a lie as well…

The QueenAnd finally, The Queen spent her 89th birthday on Tuesday celebrating quietly with members of the Royal family at Windsor Castle as she took a rare week off from official engagements. Her Majesty still went through her daily quota of government red boxes, as she does every day except Christmas Day, but was otherwise able to relax with the Duke of Edinburgh as she entered her 90th year, much to the disappointment of many of the Poolers. Looks like she’s here to stay folks!

On This Day

Deaths

Last Week’s Birthdays

Kate Hudson (36), Jack Nicholson (78), Jessica Lange (66), Al Pacino (75), Carmen Electra (43), Tony Danza (64), Queen Elizabeth II (89), Andie MacDowell (57), Lee Majors (76), Shirley MacLaine (81), Renee Zellweger (46), George Takei (78), Maria Sharapova (28), James Franco (37), Hayden Christensen (34), Andy Serkis (51), Ryan O’Neal (74), Iggy Pop (68), James McAvoy (36), Charles Grodin (80), Michael Moore (61), Hank Azaria (51), Talia Shire (69), Bjorn Ulvaeus (70), Djimon Hounsou (50), John Waters (69), Glenn Campbell (79) and Tim Curry (69).

Next Week peeps!

Dead Pool 19th April 2015

Dead Pool BackgroundAlas a quiet week for points, which feels rather odd after the points bonanza of the last few weeks. I’ll also refrain from making that joke about the inventor of the Sledge Hammer again, well, until M.C. Hammer bites the bullet that is…

Look Who You Could Have Had:

 In Other News

Alain RobertSpiderman, aka Alain Robert, has been up to his old tricks again. This time the 52 year old scaled one of Dubai’s tallest skyscrapers, relying on just chalk and sticky tape on his fingertips to help him up the 75-storey high Cayan Tower in the emirate’s glitzy marina area. He completed climbing the 1007-foot (307 meter) high structure in just 70 minutes on Sunday. He had no harness and little space for his feet on the ledges of the tower, which twists as it ascends. One day we’ll see him in the previous section…

sue perkinsSue Perkins has said she is taking a break from Twitter because she has received death threats after speculation she might replace Jeremy Clarkson on Top Gear. The Great British Bake Off presenter – who also hosts an ITV chatshow with co-star Mel Giedroyc – tweeted on Tuesday to say that she was “off Twitter for a bit”. And you can’t blame her since seeing tweets wishing she would burn to death. Of course, the story of her taking over Top Gear is totally fabricated, so it makes all those people double douchebags. At least James May is of sound mind, the former presenter tweeted the trolls to ‘do the world a much bigger favour by killing yourself’ adding that ‘we don’t want them as fans’. I’ll not mention Clarkson’s cancer scare, we all know he’s pandering for sympathy.

Florence WelchFlorence Welch has revealed she suffered a broken foot while leaping off stage during her energetic live set at Coachella last weekend. The Florence and the Machine singer promises ‘stripped back’ live performances, with her Glastonbury show only two months away! Who knows what she’ll try then, perhaps bouncing on her head? However, it’s not all bad news from Coachella, Justin Bieber and his entourage were stopped by security and denied entry to Drake’s headline show, leading to an argument with festival staff. Not even an army of Beliebers could protect the little cunt from being put in a chokehold and getting kicked out!

JulesFormula 1 driver Jules Bianchi’s fight to recover from injuries sustained in a crash last year is the equivalent of “running a marathon every day”, according to his father. Bianchi, 25, remains in a coma, six months after the accident in Japan. He sustained a severe head injury when he crashed into a recovery vehicle at the Japanese Grand Prix and is now under the care of neurosurgeons in his native Nice. His father concluded the interview by saying “From a medical point of view, his condition is stable. All of his organs are working without assistance. But, for now, he remains unconscious.

DogAnd finally a warning to all potential MP’s. A Tory councillor is recovering at home after having three fingers severed by a dog when she tried to put electoral junk mail through a letterbox. Cllr Jane Chitty was left in agony when the Staffordshire bull terrier clamped down onto her hand on Friday lunchtime in an effort to defend his home from attack. The dog is fine but Cllr Chitty was quickly rushed to the specialist plastic surgery unit at East Grinstead Hospital in West Sussex where she underwent a five-hour operation. Cllr Chitty, who represents Strood, near Rochester, Kent, was handing out lies in support of Rochester and Strood candidate Kelly Tolhurst. The councillor will be reporting the incident to the Police when she is ready, after all she shouldn’t have been trespassing and littering to begin with and the dog should be praised for its actions.

On This Day

Deaths

Last Week’s Birthdays

Samantha Fox (49), Emma Thompson (56), Adrien Brody (42), Sarah Michelle Gellar (38), Emma Watson (25), Loretta Lynn (83), Saoirse Ronan (21), David Cassidy (65), Jennifer Morrison (36), David Letterman (68), Claire Danes (36), Andy Garcia (59), Paul Sorvino (76), Ex-Pope Benedict (88), Ellen Barkin (51), Matin Lawrence (50), Sean Bean (56), Jennifer Garner (43), Rooney Mara (30), Victoria Beckham (41), Conan O’Brien (52) and James Woods (68).

Next Week peeps!

Dead Pool 12th April 2015

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We have points to dish out again! You’re all doing very well this year! Paul guessed that Gertrude Weaver would peg it, so an amazing 34 points! Dave guessed her too, but he had her as his Cert so an even more amazing 134 points awarded!!! Awesomeness to both of you. So the league table has changed considerably at the top once again. If you’re like me, languishing at the bottom of the table with a big fat zero, don’t worry, they’ve used up their Certs and Women, all we need is a couple of deaths and we’re right up there with the best! It’s only April after all!

Look Who You Could Have Had:

In Other News

FabricantThe Conservative parliamentary candidate Michael Fabricant has revealed that he has skin cancer. He has been diagnosed with melanoma and basal cell carcinoma, but says he is “optimistic” because specialists told him they have caught it in time. Mr Fabricant, well known in the Commons for his shock of blond hair, said he intended to continue campaigning with his “usual enthusiasm”. Woo! Perhaps he’d be better off staying off the sun beds from now on.

B.B. King Blues guitarist BB King says he is “feeling much better” after being treated in hospital for dehydration. The 89-year-old musician was reportedly admitted after  suffering from dehydration caused by diabetes. The blues legend has had type 2 diabetes for more than two decades. In October 2014, King cancelled the remaining eight performances of a tour, owing to dehydration and exhaustion. I know the feeling, after a hard night on the whisky, I feel like I need the hospital too.

The Duke of Kent The Queen’s cousin, Prince Edward, The Duke of Kent, has been taken to hospital after suffering a hip injury, Buckingham Palace has said. It is understood the duke, 79, sustained a suspected dislocated hip while staying at the Balmoral estate in Scotland. No news on what he was up to when he managed to hurt himself, but he suffered a mild stroke in 2013, so perhaps he’s a bit doddery on his feet, nothing to do with a sex dungeon under the castle.

daniel_craigTalking of legs, Daniel Craig has had surgery after sustaining a knee injury while filming the new James Bond film, Spectre. Eon Productions said he had had a “minor procedure” in New York during a break in production over Easter. A spokeswoman denied reports the 47-year-old had missed several days of filming. “During a scheduled break, Daniel Craig had arthroscopic surgery to repair his knee injury. He will rejoin production on April 22nd at Pinewood,” she said. I’m sure the insurance people are already sighing in relief.

Justin BAnd finally, an arrest warrant has been issued for that little cunt Justin Bieber in Argentina after the singer failed to respond to summons related to an incident in 2013. Judge Alberto Julio Banos ordered the “immediate detention” of Bieber and bodyguards Hugo Alcides Hesny and Terrence Reche Smalls. Bieber is accused of sending the bodyguards to attack photographer Diego Pesoa outside a Buenos Aires nightclub. Bieber never returned to Argentina to respond to questions about the incident. Under Argentine law, Bieber would face from one month to six years in prison if convicted on a charge of causing injuries. Let’s hope he get’s a good stretch inside.

On This Day

Deaths

Last Week’s Birthdays

Kristen Stewart (25), Pharrell Williams (42), Robin Wright (49), Russell Crowe (51), Dennis Quaid (61), Jenna Jameson (41), Paul Rudd (46), Patricia Arquette (47),  Zach Braff (40), Francis Ford Coppola (76), John Ratzenberger (68), Haley Joel Osment (27), Hugh Hefner (89), Jackie Chan (61), Steven Seagal (63), Cynthia Nixon (49), Billy Dee Williams (78), Julian Lennon (51) and Joss Stone (28).

Next week peeps!

Dead Pool 5th April 2015

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Lets start with some housekeeping shall we? Last week a chap called Ray Douglas died, I missed him, but luckily a sharp eyed pooler noticed so we have points from last week to dispense. So, Liz and Martin get 43 points each for the death of that very well known composer Roy Douglas. Well done both of you 🙂

In other news, Dave, Julie, Lee and Paul all had Misao Okawa, the oldest person on the planet as their Cert, so 133 points each to them. Well done all of you!!

This has crowded the top of the league table somewhat, so all to play for, but for all of you who have yet to score, don’t worry, they’ve all used up their big pointers already on low scoring names, so it can all change dramatically at any moment!

Look Who You Could Have Had:

In Other News

CastroThe former Cuban president Fidel Castro,  88, appeared in public for the first time in more than a year last Monday, greeting a delegation of Venezuelans and appearing “full of vitality”. Official media showed images of a seated Castro shaking hands with the visiting Venezuelans through the window of his vehicle, wearing a baseball cap and a windbreaker. There was no explanation of why five days passed before the encounter was reported. Seems some of you might have to wait a long time for this one to drop!

Joni Mitchell in 1974Singer-songwriter Joni Mitchell is “getting stronger each day” after being taken to hospital earlier this week, a statement published on her website says. The 71-year-old was found unconscious in her Los Angeles home on Tuesday afternoon. A statement released on her website late on Friday said the singer was “resting comfortably”. It is still not clear what she’s being treated for. In December, Mitchell told Billboard magazine that she had a rare skin condition, Morgellons disease, which prevented her from performing. Morgellons is a controversial condition and is not recognised by mainstream medical authorities, many in the medical community believe it is a psychiatric disorder. So she’s just mad as a hatter then…

NickRobinsonThe BBC’s political editor, Nick Robinson, has said an operation to remove a tumour from his lung was a “complete success”. Robinson, who announced in February that he was undergoing treatment for lung cancer, said an operation to remove it had gone well and “normal service will be resumed as soon as possible”. Writing in a blog on the BBC’s website, the 51-year-old thanked doctors and nurses at the Royal Brompton and Royal Free hospitals for looking after him. He said: “I am now beginning a course of chemotherapy to try to stop the cancer even daring to think of returning. I’m also working to restore the strength of my voice after the op.

On This Day

Deaths

Last Weeks Birthdays

Celine Dion (47), Alec Baldwin (57), Robert Downey Jr. (50), Debbie Reynolds (83),  Eddie Murphy (54), Elle Macpherson (51), Warren Beatty (78), Susan Boyle (54), Christopher Walken (72), Rhea Perlman (67), MC Hammer (53), Eric Clapton (70), Michael Fassbender (38), Eric Idle (72), Ewan McGregor (44), Paris Jackson (16), Amanda Bynes (29), Brendan Gleeson (60), Lucy Lawless (47), Emmylou Harris (68), Piers Morgan (50), Al Gore (67), Ali MacGraw (76), Linda Hunt (70), Robbie Coltrane (65) and David Blaine (42).

Next week peeps!

Dead Pool 29th March 2015

Dead Pool BackgroundWelcome all, nil points scored this week, so no movement on the board. But as usual, we have produced an amazing newsletter full of nothingness for you to peruse on a rainy Sunday afternoon.

Look Who You Could Have Had:

In Other News

Jon HammMad Men star Jon Hamm has recently completed a course of treatment for alcoholism, a spokesperson for the actor has confirmed. Hamm entered rehab to tackle his addiction with the support of his longtime partner, fellow actor and film-maker Jennifer Westfeldt, their publicist Annett Wolf said in a statement released on Tuesday. The 44-year-old actor has played Don Draper, a troubled advertising executive with a dark past and drinking problems of his own, for seven seasons. Seems life is imitating art!

Lord HallScotland Yard say they are investigating alleged threats to kill the director general of the BBC, Tony Hall, as the fallout over the decision to sack the Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson took a sinister turn. The BBC’s head of security put out an urgent appeal for ex-Special Forces personnel to take part in an operation to protect Lord Hall, said to cost to licence payers more than £1,000 a day. Hall has received a death threat before. In 1999 when he was head of BBC News, he went into hiding under police protection following a call that said he would be next after the murder of Jill Dando. I bet Oisin Tymon isn’t getting the same level of protection!!

JolieAngelina Jolie has revealed she has had her ovaries and fallopian tubes removed to prevent her from developing ovarian cancer, the illness that killed her mother at the age of 56. Two years ago, Jolie had a double mastectomy because she had inherited the faulty BRCA1 gene, which placed her at high risk of developing breast cancer, and also gave her an elevated lifetime risk of developing ovarian cancer. We’re wondering how much of the 39 year old is left after so much surgery! Is she human anymore?

black-sabbathBlack Sabbath have announced one final show before the band bid farewell for good. Ozzy Osbourne, Tony Iommi and Geezer Butler will headline Ozzfest Japan on 22 November – while an invite to Bill Ward, the band’s original drummer, is still pending. The legendary metal group began their reunion in 2012 with the aim to tour the world following the release of their album, 13. Some of the tour dates were scrapped after Iommi was diagnosed with cancer, although they were later able to appear at festivals such as Lollapalooza and Download before headlining a series of dates. Best keep an eye on them.

FarageAnti-UKIP protesters invaded a pub in south London where party leader Nigel Farage was having lunch. They chased Farage and his family out of the pub and jumped on the politician’s car bonnet as he drove away. Mr Farage later branded them “scum”. Mr Farage said: “I hope these ‘demonstrators’ are proud of themselves. My children were so scared by their behaviour that they ran away to hide. Perhaps Mr Farage is well suited for a listing on the Dead Pool, it’s only a matter of time before something gets out of hand, but do you feel sorry for an ardent racist and wanker? No, me neither…

BrandThis week we will also be declaring the death of humanity. Yes, comedian Russell Brand has been voted the world’s fourth most important thinker by readers of intellectual magazine Prospect. Which probably means they voted my torn and bleeding arsehole as number two! One thing’s for certain, both Brand and my arsehole have many things in common, both are hairy and produce an amazing amount of shit and neither should be on Question Time! What next? Frankie Boyle as Immigration Ambassador? FFS!

On This Day

Deaths

Last Week’s Birthdays

Reese Witherspoon (39), William Shatner (84), Andrew lloyd Webber (67), Lena Olin (60), Chaka Khan (62), Amanda Plummer (58), Perez Hilton (37), R. Lee Ermey (71), Donna Pescow (61), Kelly LeBrock (55), Lara Flynn Boyle (45), Jim Parsons (42), Alyson Hannigan (41), Jessica Chastain (38), Tommy Hilfiger (63), Aretha Franklin (73), Sir Elton John (68), Sarah Jessica Parker (50), Vladamir Klitschko (39), Keira Knightley (30), Alan Arkin (81), James Caan (75), Dianna Ross (71), Steven Syler (67), Martin Short (60), Jennifer Grey (55), Larry Page (42), Quentin Tarantino (52), Mariah Carey (45), Fergie (40), Jessie J (27), Lady Gaga (29), Dianne Wiest (67), Vince Vaughn (45) and Julia Styles (34).

Next Week peeps!