Nil points to award this week, mainly because most of the celebrity deaths last week were very unexpected. We’re only into April and we seem to have lost a host of popular names already this year, but our problem is, we never list people we actually like, so all those points go begging! Perhaps the key to winning is to be cruel.

Look Who You Could Have Had:

• Terry Brain, 60, English animator (The Trap Door), cancer.
• Jim Harrison, 78, American author and screenwriter (Legends of the Fall, Wolf).
• Patty Duke, 69, American actress (The Miracle Worker, The Patty Duke Show, Valley of the Dolls), Oscar winner (1962), sepsis.
• Ronnie Corbett, 85, British comedian (The Two Ronnies, The Frost Report) and actor (Casino Royale).
• Dame Zaha Hadid, 65, Iraqi-born British architect, heart attack.
• Douglas Wilmer, 96, English actor (Sherlock Holmes, Octopussy, Jason and the Argonauts).
• Denise Robertson, 83, British writer and television broadcaster (This Morning), pancreatic cancer.
• Cesare Maldini, 84, Italian football player and manager.

In Other News

Supermodel Janice Dickinson, who is currently fighting a legal battle against Bill Cosby over comments made regarding an alleged sexual assault, has been diagnosed with breast cancer.  Dickinson discovered what she described as a  pea-sized lump in her breast at a routine doctor’s appointment on 12th March. Following a biopsy and mammogram, she was told that she had a non-invasive ductal carcinoma – a common form of breast cancer which usually responds well to treatment. She will undergo surgery to remove the lump, as well as radiotherapy. “Initially when the doctor found the lump it hurt, it became quite painful when you touch it, that’s the point when I knew this is serious, when the doctor touched this little lump in my right breast, about the size of a pea, and I went bingo, I have cancer,” “I’m going to get through this,” she added. “I’m going to be just fine, kiddo.” “‘Don’t feel sorry for me, this is not a pity party,” she said. “I’m Janice Dickinson and I’m gonna stick around for a long, long time. You ain’t getting rid of me yet.” Dickinson, who is 61, is often described as being the world’s first supermodel – a term she claims to have invented. She was a judge on America’s Next Top Model, and owned her own modelling agency, the Janice Dickinson Modelling Agency, about which there was a reality TV show. Unsurprisingly, her cancer treatment will also be followed by cameras; a reality TV show called The Doctors will follow her through every step of her treatment.

The band Little Mix have been forced to cancel their Belfast gigs after singer Jesy Nelson became unwell. The girl band was due to play a matinee and evening show at the SSE Arena on Thursday. The cancellation was announced just minutes after the doors opened for the afternoon performance. Fans were later informed by text message that the show would not be going ahead as scheduled. Thousands of 5-8 year olds complained profusely at how the cancellation was handled. “I’m really, really annoyed. Once again they’ve waited until we got here to tell us it was cancelled,” said Tracy, “and I’m really worried the band will re-schedule for an afternoon when were back at school and mum’s back at work!” “It’s not been handled very well,” she said. “There’s absolute bedlam down here now. Surely they could have informed us before we all landed at the place? This was minutes before the show was due to begin.” The local council is somewhat relieved as the River Legan was a tad low, now it’s full of the tears of toddlers.

Singer Tulisa Contostavlos has been charged with drink driving after she allegedly crashed her Ferrari in north London. The former X Factor star’s car collided with a Saab outside Southgate Tube station. The singer was also charged with dangerous driving, a Metropolitan Police spokesman confirmed. A conviction for drink driving could see the former N-Dubz singer banned from driving for up to a year, while a conviction for dangerous driving would result in an obligatory ban of one year. The crash took place at a roundabout outside the tube station shortly before midnight. Officers were called and Ms Contostavlos was breathalysed at the scene. The singer was arrested and held in custody before being released on bail pending further enquiries. Ms Contostavlos had taken possession of the sports car just days before the incident.

Jeremy Clarkson has revealed the results of his “most dangerous stunt” ever: a bloodied nose and blackened face. The former Top Gear host, who is currently filming his new Amazon Prime motoring show, told fans he was attempting a death-defying feat on Thursday night. He wrote: “Tomorrow morning, I’m doing the most dangerous stunt I’ve ever attempted. This may well be a goodbye.” Clarkson, 55, was clearly not joking. He shared a photograph with his 6 million Twitter followers on Friday evening showing blood dripping from his nose. In response to one fan, who accused him of using makeup to create the effect, he wrote: “You’re going to feel silly when you see the show. It so isn’t make-up.”

On This Day

• 1882 – American Old West: Jesse James is killed by Robert Ford.
• 1888 – The first of eleven unsolved brutal murders of women committed in or near the impoverished Whitechapel district in the East End of London, occurs.
• 1895 – The trial in the libel case brought by Oscar Wilde begins, eventually resulting in his imprisonment on charges of homosexuality.
• 1973 – Martin Cooper of Motorola makes the first handheld mobile phone call to Joel S. Engel of Bell Labs, though it took ten years for the DynaTAC 8000X to become the first such phone to be commercially released.
• 1981 – The Osborne 1, the first successful portable computer, is unveiled at the West Coast Computer Faire in San Francisco.
• 2010 – Apple Inc. released the first generation iPad, a tablet computer.

Deaths

• 1882 – Jesse James, American criminal (b. 1847)
• 1897 – Johannes Brahms, German pianist and composer (b. 1833)
• 1991 – Graham Greene, English author, playwright, and critic (b. 1904)

Last Week’s Birthdays

Quentin Tarantino (53), Mariah Carey (46), Jessie J (28), Lady Gaga (30), Dianne Wiest (68), Vince Vaughn (46), Julia Stiles (35), Brendan Gleeson (61), Christopher Lambert (59), Elle McPherson (52), Lucy Lawless (48), Eric Idle (73), Eric Clapton (71), Robbie Coltrane (66), MC Hammer (54), Piers Morgan (51), Christopher Walken (73), Ewan McGregor (45), Al Gore (68), Debbie Reynolds (84), Jimmy Cliff (68), Susan Boyle (55), Linda Hunt (71), Emmylou Harris (69) and Michael Fassbender (39).

The Last Word

Don’t let it end like this. Tell them I said something. – Pancho Villa, Mexican revolutionary, d. 1923

Next week peeps!

Welcome all to a not-so-special Easter edition of the Dead Pool where we will not be mentioning eggs nor the death some chap called Jesus, who just happened to start some kind of vicious religion that we’re all still reeling from over two thousand years later. Lets begin by awarding some points to Wombat, 82 of them to be precise! Well done for guessing that cancer riddled Johan Cruyff would bite the bullet in 2016. I was rather surprised that only one of us had him, but it is a cruel game after all.

Look Who You Could Have Had:

• Rob Ford, 46, Canadian politician, Mayor of Toronto (2010–2014), liposarcoma.
• Rita Gam, 88, American actress (The Thief, Klute, No Exit) and filmmaker, respiratory failure.
• Johan Cruyff, 68, Dutch football player and manager (AFC Ajax, FC Barcelona, national team), lung cancer.
• Garry Shandling, 66, American comedian, actor and writer (The Larry Sanders Show, It’s Garry Shandling’s Show, Captain America: The Winter Soldier), heart attack.

In Other News

Hugh Jackman, the Australian actor, rescued his son and another man when they got caught in strong currents on Sydney’s Bondi Beach on Saturday. Without any thought of self-preservation, Jackman, who starred in the X-Men films as Wolverine, became a real-life hero when he pulled the pair to safety, then beckoned other swimmers to shore, away from a rip current flowing out to sea. Television footage broadcast by the Nine Network shows Jackman linking hands with a man and pulling him from a fast-flowing channel on to a sandbar, where the water is shallow. Lynzey Murphy told Sydney’s Sunday Telegraph newspaper that surf conditions changed quickly, but that Jackman stayed calm. “When we got in the water 20 minutes earlier it was fine. Then the water just came up suddenly,” she said. “Hugh just pulled them calmly on to the sandbar. He then said: ‘All right, we are going to walk towards the flags.’” A lifeguard told the paper that the beach was later closed because of dangerous surf.

The British boxer Nick Blackwell is in an induced coma after suffering a bleed on the brain following a domestic title fight defeat on Saturday night. The referee stopped the largely one-sided fight against Chris Eubank Jr in the 10th round after Blackwell, who had taken heavy punishment in most rounds, was deemed unable to continue by a doctor, due to swelling over his left eye. Shortly after the bout, for Blackwell’s British middleweight title, which was televised live on Channel 5, the 25-year-old, from Trowbridge, Wiltshire, collapsed and had to be taken out of the ring on a stretcher with oxygen. After the fight, Eubank said: “I was hitting him with some big shots and the referee saw fit to let the fight go on. Looking back now, maybe he should have stopped it earlier.” Eubank’s father, Chris Eubank Sr, who was in his son’s corner for the bout, said the incident brought back painful memories of his world title fight with Michael Watson in 1991, which left his opponent with severe brain injuries. Watson nearly died as a result of injuries sustained in the fight and the incident forced the BBBC to boost safety at bouts to ensure that boxers who suffer such injuries get speedy assistance, including oxygen. Eubank Sr said he was banging on the canvas during the Blackwell fight urging the referee to stop it, but the referee didn’t understand him.

Eddie Izzard has completed 27 marathons in as many days for Sport Relief. But can his body recover from such a feat? The numbers are astonishing. In 27 days, Eddie Izzard ran or walked 707.4 miles (1,138 km) around South Africa, often in extreme heat, at the age of 54. On the last day, because of earlier disruption, he did a double marathon to ensure he reached his target. The comedian’s exertions for Sport Relief have raised more than £1.35m. But now, as the elation of completing his task recedes and he continues to deal with media interest in his achievement, Izzard must begin his recovery. “I can’t stand upright,” Izzard said, after he crossed the line in Pretoria, sipping from a bottle of champagne. “I have a huge blister and I’m exhausted.” Izzard has risked severe damage to the knee ligaments and there’s a strong likelihood of “massive muscle damage”, says Peter Jones, head of Staffordshire University’s school for psychology, sport and exercise. The immune system will be suppressed during the initial recovery, leading to a greater risk of infection. Izzard’s recovery should take about a month and involve plenty of low-impact, low-intensity training, such as swimming, plus stretching exercises. “What he’s done is a little bit extreme, I guess,” says Jones,” but he should be back to normal after a few weeks, so long as he hasn’t done any major damage to his body.” Many athletes report having “the blues” after completing a huge goal, such as a marathon or a triathlon. “It’s that Neil Armstrong thing, once you’ve been to the moon everything else is really dull, isn’t it?

Good Morning Britain was taken off-air on Friday as a result of a fire at the ITV building. The London Fire Brigade (LFB) confirmed that 50 people had been evacuated from the studios on London’s Southbank after a blaze began in the first floor of the building. Four fire engines and 21 firefighters were sent to tackle the “small fire” and the LFB confirmed on their Twitter account that there were “thankfully no injuries and everyone out safely”. In a statement, LFB said: “Part of a post room on the first floor was damaged by fire. Around 50 people evacuated the building before the Brigade arrived. The fire meant that Good Morning Britain was taken off air. GMB presenter Ben Shephard tweeted that it was unlikely the show would return to the air that morning as the cast and crew took refuge in a nearby restaurant that opened early to accommodate them. He tweeted: “Outlook for getting back on air not great.”

A fan at Adele’s Glasgow concert has been injured by a falling chain that possibly came from a lighting rig overhead. The singer was performing her sell-out tour at the SSE Hydro on Friday night when a chain that was part of the production came down. The injured spectator was taken to hospital and Adele, who was apparently unaware of the incident at the time, later tweeted her apologies and promised it would not happen again. A spokeswoman for the venue told the media: “A chain belonging to the production came down and hit one person who was taken to hospital as a precaution’. All we can think of at Dead Pool Towers, is where one badly fitted chain falls, many more are capable of doing so too. Adele is scheduled to perform a second show at the 13,000-capacity arena on Saturday, let’s see if she survives!

In a surprise move sure to sadden Beliebers, Justin Bieber has cancelled all meet-and-greets with his fans on his current Purpose worldwide tour. The pop star made the announcement on his Instagram, explaining that the interactions leave him “feeling so drained and filled with so much of other people’s spiritual energy that I end up so drained and unhappy”. His company indicated that Bieber’s decision to cut back on fan face-time has less to do with keeping the musician’s spirits afloat, and more with maintaining his safety. According to TMZ, that show occurred on Monday night, when a “potentially dangerous fan” got within 10 feet of Bieber during a backstage meet-and-greet. The fan in question was allegedly on the “watch list” for Bieber’s security team. The site also reports that Bieber has had his hair pulled and clothes ripped following intimate paid encounters, and that he contracted the flu from one sickly fan.

On This Day

• 1625 – Charles I becomes King of England, Scotland and Ireland as well as claiming the title King of France.
• 1871 – The first international rugby football match, when Scotland defeats England in Edinburgh at Raeburn Place.
• 1881 – Rioting takes place in Basingstoke in protest against the daily vociferous promotion of teetotalism by The Salvation Army.
• 1886 – Famous Apache warrior, Geronimo, surrenders to the U.S. Army, ending the main phase of the Apache Wars.
• 1915 – Typhoid Mary, the first healthy carrier of disease ever identified in the United States, is put in quarantine, where she would remain for the rest of her life.
• 1977 – Tenerife airport disaster: Two Boeing 747 airliners collide on a foggy runway on Tenerife in the Canary Islands, killing 583 (all 248 on KLM and 335 on Pan Am). Sixty-one survived on the Pan Am flight. This is the worst aviation accident in history.
• 1998 – The Food and Drug Administration approves Viagra for use as a treatment for male impotence, the first pill to be approved for this condition in the United States.

Deaths

• 1923 – James Dewar, Scottish chemist and physicist (b. 1842)
• 1968 – Yuri Gagarin, Russian colonel, pilot, and astronaut (b. 1934)
• 1972 – M. C. Escher, Dutch illustrator (b. 1898)
• 1991 – Ralph Bates, English actor (b. 1940)
• 2000 – Ian Dury, English singer-songwriter and actor (The Blockheads) (b. 1942)
• 2002 – Dudley Moore, English actor (b. 1935)
• 2002 – Billy Wilder, American director, producer, and screenwriter (b. 1906)

Last Week’s Birthdays

The Queen (90), William Hurt (66), Spike Lee (59), Theresa Russell (59), Holly Hunter (58), David Thewlis (53), Timothy Dalton (70), Gary Oldman (58), Rosie O’Donnell (71), William Shatner (85), Matthew Modine (57), Reese Witherspoon (40), Chaka Khan (63), Amanda Plummer (59), Damon Albarn (48), Perez Hilton (38), Kelly LeBrock (56), Jim Parsons (43), Alyson Hannigan (42), Jessica Chastain (39), Tommy Hilfiger (65), Aretha Franklin (74), Elton John (69), Sarah Jessica Parker (51), Melanie Blatt (41), Keira Knightley (31), Alan Arkin (82), James Caan (76), Steven Tyler (68), Martin Short (66) and Larry Page (43).

The Last Word

“Let’s cool it brothers . . .”

Spoken to his assassins, three men who shot him 16 times.
– Malcolm X, Black leader, d. 1966

Next week peeps!

Firstly, apologies for being missing in action last week, I was brought low by a kidney stone, which is as painful as pushing a child out your foof I’ve been told. However my ruined innards have recovered and I feel much better than Paul Daniels does right now! Fear not, your points are still safe and valid, and as luck would have it, we have some to disperse. Debbie R, Martin G, Jemma L, Nicola R, Julie K all score 56 points for the death of Nancy Reagan last week, but Lukasz B scores a mighty 156 points for listing her as his Woman. Well done all of you!!

So, onwards to a double-bubble of deathly fun!

Look Who You Could Have Had:

• Joan Bates, 86, British Sealandic princess.
• Sir Peter Maxwell Davies, 81, English composer and conductor, Master of the Queen’s Music (2004–2014), leukaemia.
• Sylvia Anderson, 88, British television producer and voice actress (Thunderbirds).
• Cliff Michelmore, 96, British television presenter and producer.
• Frank Sinatra, Jr., 72, American singer (That Face!) and actor (Hollywood Homicide), heart attack.
• Paul Daniels, 77, British magician (The Paul Daniels Magic Show), brain tumour.
• Larry Drake, 66, American actor (L.A. Law, Johnny Bravo, Darkman), Emmy Award winner (1988, 1989).
• Joe Santos, 84, American actor (The Rockford Files, The Friends of Eddie Coyle, The Last Boy Scout), heart attack.
• Tray Walker, 23, American football player (Baltimore Ravens), dirt bike collision.

Last week

• Ray Tomlinson, 74, American computer programmer, invented system to send first email and assigned use of @ sign, heart attack.
• Nancy Reagan, 94, American First Lady (1981–1989) and actress (Hellcats of the Navy, Donovan’s Brain, The Next Voice You Hear…), heart failure.
• Richard Davalos, 85, American actor (Cool Hand Luke, East of Eden, Kelly’s Heroes).
• Sir George Martin, 90, British Hall of Fame record producer (The Beatles), composer, arranger and engineer, six-time Grammy Award winner.
• Sir Ken Adam, 95, German-born British production designer (Dr. Strangelove, James Bond, The Madness of King George), Oscar winner (1975, 1994).
• Keith Emerson, 71, English progressive rock and rock keyboardist (The Nice; Emerson, Lake & Palmer), suicide by gunshot.

In Other News

Bill Wyman, the former bassist of the Rolling Stones, has been diagnosed with prostate cancer. The 79-year-old musician, who joined the rock band in late 1962, is expected to make a full recovery. A spokesman said: “He is undergoing treatment and is expected to make a full recovery as it was caught in the early stages. The Wyman family has asked for their privacy during this time.” Born William Perks in south-east London in October 1936, Wyman joined the Rolling Stones shortly after the band’s formation when they were beginning to play small gigs around the capital. At 25, he was the oldest member of the group, and though he was unkindly dubbed “the boring one”, he and drummer Charlie Watts provided one of the tightest rhythmical backings in rock music, including on hits such as Paint it Black and Gimme Shelter. Wyman and his wife were pictured at the wedding of Rupert Murdoch and Jerry Hall, the former wife of Rolling Stones singer Mick Jagger, at St Bride’s church in London’s Fleet Street. In photographs, he showed no apparent signs of illness and mingled with other guests. Wyman is not the first band member to be diagnosed with cancer, in 2004 Watts underwent two operations to rid himself of the disease.

One of the Hatton Garden heist ringleaders has had a stroke and is being tested for suspected cancer, a court has heard. Brian Reader, 77, who was known by his fellow gang members as the Guvnor or Master, was “an extremely ill man” who was blind in one eye and hard of hearing, his defence barrister, James Scobie QC, told Woolwich crown court at the start of a three-day sentencing hearing. Reader, the oldest of the seven men convicted of the multimillion-pound burglary in London’s diamond district, had returned to Belmarsh prison’s hospital wing after a period in the critical care unit of Woolwich hospital after a stroke, Scobie said. He was unable to attend court for sentencing on Monday. Scobie said Reader had fallen over twice “ultimately ending up in critical care in Woolwich hospital having had a stroke”. He said he had visited Reader and found him unable to communicate, adding: “There were nine officers there, six armed with machine guns and three in his room, which doesn’t help recovery. “He has a history of prostate cancer, which may return. He has a mass in his face being tested for possible cancer. He has had a stroke and is blind in one eye.”

Dylan O’Brien, the lead star of the Maze Runner teen film franchise, has been injured on the set of The Death Cure. The 24-year-old actor, also known for his role in MTV’s Teen Wolf, was hit by a car while filming an action sequence. According to Variety, he may have suffered multiple broken bones in the accident. O’Brien is currently at a local hospital in British Columbia, where the film was shooting, undergoing recovery. Production has shut down in the interim on what will be the third film in the dystopian YA franchise, which is due for release next February. O’Brien stars as Thomas in the Maze Runner franchise, based on the popular book series by James Dashner. The 2014 original was a major hit in the US, grossing $102m. Its 2015 follow-up The Scorch Trials earned $82m domestically. “Our thoughts go out to Dylan for a full and speedy recovery,” a Fox representative said in a statement.

Sarah Palin’s husband Todd has been seriously injured in a snowmobile accident, it emerged on Monday. The former Alaska governor canceled a planned campaign appearance with Donald Trump on Monday morning, the Trump campaign announced. However, a non-caring Palin appeared at an afternoon rally in Tampa, Florida, where she told the crowd that her husband was in intensive care. A previous Trump campaign statement had said that Palin was returning to Alaska “to be with her husband and looks forward to being back on the campaign trail soon”. Apparently, Todd Palin, 51, is a champion snow machine, or snowmobile, racer.

Fantasy author George RR Martin was moved to reassure his fans that rumours buzzing around the web that he had died following the passing of The Beatles producer George Martin had panicked come hasty readers. As tributes poured in for producer Martin, who died aged 90 last week, some readers mistakenly believed that Martin, author of the Game of Thrones novels, was no more. But writing on his blog, the novelist told his fans that he was “not dead yet”. “While it is strangely moving to realise that so many people around the world care so deeply about my life and death, I have to go with Mark Twain and insist that the rumours of my death have been greatly exaggerated,” he wrote, referring to the novelist’s comment to a reporter in 1897 following rumours that he had died. Martin the author said that the Beatles producer would be missed. “I never met Sir George (I did meet Paul McCartney once, for about a minute, while waiting for the valet to bring my rental car up at the Four Seasons in Beverly Hills), but like many millions of others, I loved the Beatles, and Martin’s contribution to their music is worthy of recognition and honour,” wrote Martin. “As for me, I am still here, still writing, still editing, still going to movies and reading books, and I expect to hang around for quite a while yet, thank you very much. But thank you all for caring.”

And finally, a great-granddad from Derbyshire is set to become the oldest person in the world to get a tattoo to celebrate his 104th birthday. Chesterfield resident Jack Reynolds appeared on Good Morning Britain, with host Susanna Reid describing him as her “all-time favourite guest”. The centenarian, who two years ago became the oldest person to complete the Ice Bucket Challenge, has also revealed where he would like to get it. “On my bum. I’d prefer to see it on my arm, but I’ve got skinny arms. I’ve got weights to try and make them bigger, but we’ll see,” he said. Asked if he was nervous about getting the tattoo done, he replied: “I’m a big strong lad – and I’ve have plenty of needles in me in my time, in various places.” The silver surfer’s daughter Jayne, who says Guinness World Records have confirmed it would be a new record, explained he is very much young at heart and an avid internet user who is active on Facebook. She told the Ilkeston Advertiser: “Dad wanted to do something to raise money for charity again and I suggested he have a tattoo which he agreed to. We all think it’s great. Asked what the secret to living a long life is, Mr Reynolds said it was a shot of whisky in the morning and another before going to bed. “Work hard, always smile, get plenty of fresh air and last but not least have a tot of Grouse whisky in your tea in the morning and a tot before bed,” he explained.

On This Day

• 1602 – The Dutch East India Company is established.
• 1616 – Sir Walter Raleigh is freed from the Tower of London after 13 years of imprisonment.
• 1852 – Harriet Beecher Stowe‘s Uncle Tom’s Cabin is published.
• 1916 – Albert Einstein publishes his general theory of relativity.
• 1974 – An unsuccessful attempt is made by a lone perpetrator to kidnap Her Royal Highness Princess Anne and her husband Captain Mark Phillips in The Mall, outside Buckingham Palace, London.
• 2003 – Invasion of Iraq: In the early hours of the morning, the United States and three other countries (the UK, Australia and Poland) begin military operations in Iraq.

Deaths

• 1413 – Henry IV of England (b. 1367)
• 1726 – Isaac Newton, English physicist, mathematician, astronomer, and philosopher (b. 1642)
• 2013 – James Herbert, English author (b. 1943)

Last Week’s Birthdays

William H. Macy (66), Quincy Jones (83), Billy Crystal (68), Michael Caine (83), Judd Hirsch (81), Eva Longoria (41), Will.I.Am (41), Eric Estrada (67), Judah Friedlander (47), Patrick Duffy (67), Kurt Russell (65), Gary Sinise (61), Rob Lowe (52), Queen Latifah (46), Ursula Andress (80), Glenn Close (69) and Bruce Willis (61).

The Australian Woman Who Skinned and Cooked Her Partner 

The story of an Australian former abattoir worker who decapitated and skinned her de facto husband before trying to serve his flesh to his children is set to be told in a new film. Katherine Knight lived a seemingly ordinary life until the day she stabbed John Price 37 times and mutilated him in their home in Aberdeen, in New South Wales’s Hunter Valley, 16 years ago.

The Australian screenwriters Dane Millerd and Ross Murray have been enlisted to find a global audience for the tale of the 60-year-old, who was jailed for life for the killing. Millerd spent almost a decade trying to get the rights to the book, Blood Stains, by journalist Peter Lalor, which details the horrifying crime, and succeeded last year.

Price’s headless body was found by police in the home the couple shared on 1st  March 2000, a day after he was murdered. His skin was hanging from a butcher’s hook in the lounge room, his head was cooking in a stew on the stove, and slices of his buttocks had been cooked and served alongside vegetables and gravy in a meal intended for his adult children. Bloodstains showed Price had tried to escape the house, and had even been briefly successful, but was dragged back inside by Knight, who had a borderline personality disorder.

When Knight was sentenced in 2001, the supreme court justice, Barry O’Keefe, said: “The last minutes of his life must have been a time of abject terror for him, as they were a time of utter enjoyment for her.” Knight, the first Australian woman to receive a life-without-parole sentence, lost an appeal against the sentence in 2006.

The Last Word

I’m bored with it all. – Winston Churchill, statesman, d. January 24, 1965

Next week peeps!

What’s all this? Points you say?? Indeed, there are points to be awarded with the sad demise of some cricket player we’ve never heard of at a youngish age. Laura, Paul, Liz and Wombat all score 97, however Lee scores 197 as he had him down as his Cert. Well done all, you’ve certainly shaken up the league table.

Look Who You Could Have Had:

• Antony Gibbs, 90, British film editor (Tom Jones, Fiddler on the Roof, Dune).
• George Kennedy, 91, American actor (Cool Hand Luke, The Naked Gun, Airport), Oscar winner (1968), heart disease.
• Alice Arlen, 75, American screenwriter (Silkwood, The Weight of Water).
• Gil Hill, 84, American police officer, actor (Beverly Hills Cop) and politician (Detroit City Council), pneumonia.
• Lee Reherman, 49, American actor (American Gladiators, Star Trek Into Darkness, Last Action Hero).
• Louise Rennison, 64, British author (Angus, Thongs and Full-Frontal Snogging).
• Jim Kimsey, 76, American technology executive, co-founder and CEO of AOL, melanoma.
• Tony Warren, 79, English television screenwriter and producer (Coronation Street).
• Martin Crowe, 53, New Zealand cricketer (national team), lymphoma.
• Tony Dyson, 68, British film prop designer (R2-D2).
• Sarah Tait, 33, Australian rower, world champion (2005), Olympic silver medalist (2012), cervical cancer.
• Pat Conroy, 70, American author (The Prince of Tides, The Great Santini, The Lords of Discipline), pancreatic cancer.
• Joey Feek, 40, American country singer (Joey + Rory), cervical cancer.

In Other News 

Paul Daniels has left hospital to spend his “final days” at home after being diagnosed with terminal brain cancer, his son has revealed. The entertainer is sticking to his belief that when “it’s your time it’s your time” as he spends his last days at home surrounded by his family, Martin Daniels told the Sunday Mirror. The 77-year-old fell at home and was taken to hospital suspected of suffering a stroke, although he was later diagnosed with an inoperable brain tumour, his son said. “There’s no treatment which can help him. Doctors haven’t said how many weeks or months he might have – and we haven’t asked. “He knows things are not in his hands now and we are living in the knowledge every day is a bonus. It is unbearably difficult. He has said before when ‘it’s your time it’s your time’ and that’s how he is trying to face up to things.” Daniels, who is said to be “lucid”, was at his Thames-side home surrounded by his family, said his son, adding that the support of his fans had given them “tremendous strength at what is a very difficult time”.

For those of you vaguely interested in that game called soccer, the Fourth official Kevin Friend collapsed and hit his head on a dugout during Tuesday’s Premier League game between Bournemouth and Southampton. Friend, who cut his face, was treated in the tunnel before being taken to hospital, where he stayed overnight. The incident happened as the first half came to an end at the Vitality Stadium. The start of the second half was delayed by five minutes as Friend was replaced by Dean Treleaven, a qualified referee who was watching the match. “I was on the bench and he came to us and he fell against the dugout, with his nose, and then fell to the ground,” said Saints boss Ronald Koeman. “For maybe five seconds, he was out of everything.” Bournemouth manager Eddie Howe, whose side won 2-0, added: “I saw him collapse. I saw him very dazed and shaken.” Didn’t ask if he was ok though…

Pauline Cafferkey, the Scottish nurse who contracted Ebola in Sierra Leone in 2014, has been discharged from hospital after she was cleared of any complication related to the virus. She was admitted to the Royal Free hospital in Hampstead, north London, last week for the third time after developing a complication related to her previous infection. With relief and delight among her care team, I bet they didn’t want to catch her germs, she was discharged on Sunday and was expected to be on her way back home to Scotland, much to the horror of all kilt-wearing Brits! In a statement the hospital said that the public should not in any way be concerned about the spread of the virus because of the late complication. “We can confirm that Pauline is not infectious. The Ebola virus can only be transmitted by direct contact with the blood or bodily fluids of an infected person while they are symptomatic,” the hospital said. “So don’t get anywhere near Ebola Pauline, and don’t fuck her for fuck sake!” Cafferkey contracted Ebola while working for the Save the Children emergency treatment centre outside Freetown in Sierra Leone in December 2014. Since then she’s been a pain in the arse for the NHS and all who have to pay for her treatment.

Media mogul Rupert Murdoch has married actress-model Jerry Hall in London. This is Mr Murdoch’s fourth marriage and the first for Miss Hall, 59, after her 1992 Bali wedding to Sir Mick Jagger was later deemed legally void. Australian-born Mr Murdoch, 84, who now has US nationality, tweeted he was “the luckiest and happiest man in world”. The rest of the world laughed and saw the marriage for what it is, Hall looking to make a few billion quickly. The pair held a private ceremony of celebration on Saturday at London’s St Bride’s Church, in Fleet Street, which proclaims itself as the “spiritual home of the media”, or as we know it, “The Bed of Political Lies!” Mr Murdoch, whose family control 120 newspapers in five countries, split up with his third wife Wendi Deng in 2013 and is reportedly worth £7.7bn, making him the 77th richest person on the planet. Jerry Hall on the other hand has scraped a fortune of £7 million with her failed modelling career and association with Mick Jagger. Let’s see how long Murdoch lasts before he sips that poisoned tea!

On This Day

• 1521 – Ferdinand Magellan arrives at Guam.
• 1836 – Texas Revolution: Battle of the Alamo – After a thirteen-day siege by an army of 3,000 Mexican troops, the 187 Texas volunteers, including frontiersman Davy Crockett and colonel Jim Bowie, defending the Alamo are killed and the fort is captured.
• 1869 – Dmitri Mendeleev presents the first periodic table to the Russian Chemical Society.
• 1899 – Bayer registers “Aspirin” as a trademark.
• 1912 – Italian forces become the first to use airships in war, as two dirigibles drop bombs on Turkish troops encamped at Janzur, from an altitude of 6,000 feet.
• 1964 – Nation of Islam leader Elijah Muhammad officially gives boxing champion Cassius Clay the name Muhammad Ali.
• 1987 – The British ferry MS Herald of Free Enterprise capsizes in about 90 seconds killing 193.

Deaths

• 1888 – Louisa May Alcott, American novelist and poet (b. 1832)
• 1941 – Gutzon Borglum, Danish-American sculptor, designed Mount Rushmore (b. 1867)
• 1961 – George Formby, English actor, singer-songwriter and comedian (b. 1904)
• 1982 – Ayn Rand, Russian-American philosopher, author, and playwright (b. 1905)
• 2000 – John Colicos, Canadian actor (b. 1928)

Last Week’s Birthdays

John Turturro (59),  Roger Daltrey (62), Ron Howard (62), Justin Bieber (22), Javier Bardem (47), Harry Belafonte (89), Daniel Craig (48), Bryce Dallas Howard (35), Jon Bon Jovi (54), Chris Martin (39), Miranda Richardson (58), Julie Bowen (46), Patsy Kensit (48) and Penn Jillette (61).

The Last Word

Go away. I’m all right. – H. G. Wells, novelist, d. 1946

Next week peeps!

Not much to report this week, no points awarded due to a lack of notable deaths. However, plenty to read and comment upon if you wish.

Look Who You Could Have Had:

• Douglas Slocombe, 103, British cinematographer (Indiana Jones, The Lion in Winter, Jesus Christ Superstar), complications from a fall.
• Johnny Murphy, 72, Irish musician and actor (The Commitments, Into the West, Angela’s Ashes), respiratory failure.
• Ramón Castro Ruz, 91, Cuban farmer and quartermaster (Cuban Revolution).
• Tony Burton, 78, American actor (Rocky, Assault on Precinct 13, The Shining), pneumonia.
• Frank Kelly, 77, Irish actor (Father Ted, Emmerdale).

In Other News

The artist Yoko Ono, the widow of the late former Beatle, John Lennon, has been admitted to a New York-area hospital after complaining of severe flu-like symptoms, her West Coast-based spokesman, Elliot Mintz, said on Friday. But Mintz denied US media reports that Ono, 83, had suffered a possible stroke or heart attack. He said he understood she would be released from the hospital on Saturday. Ono, 83, was married to former Beatle John Lennon until he was murdered in 1980 outside New York’s Dakota Building, where she still lives. An ambulance was called to the building at 21:00 on Friday, a Fire Department spokesman said. Her son Sean Ono Lennon also tweeted that his mother was doing well. Ono, also an experimental musician and film-maker, was once described by Lennon as “the world’s most famous unknown artist: everybody knows her name but nobody knows what she does.”

Golfer Jason Bohn is in a stable condition in hospital after suffering a mild heart attack during the second round of the Honda Classic in Florida. The 42-year-old American, a  two-times PGA Tour winner who is ranked 71 in the world, called for a doctor when he experienced chest pains after putting out on the 18th hole at PGA National. A report on pgatour.com said: “He was taken by ambulance to Palm Beach Gardens Medical Center, where tests revealed a mild heart attack. Bohn was in stable condition and will remain hospitalised overnight before undergoing more tests on Saturday. His wife was home in Atlanta but his in-laws joined him at the hospital, as did fellow player George McNeill, who said Bohn was “in good spirits”. Who knew that golf was so demanding!!

Benidorm institution Sticky Vicky has announced she is retiring after 35 years entertaining British tourists with her risqué magic show. The 72-year-old who has appeared in the hit ITV show named after the resort, was intending to return to the stage after a hip operation but decided to call it a day after being diagnosed with cancer. Grandmother Vicky, who used to perform a series of X-rated tricks in front of stupefied holidaymakers with ping-pong balls, razor blades and beer bottles, announced her decision on Facebook. ‘Just to let everyone know that the Legend Sticky Vicky Leyton and her real daughter Demaria Leyton have both retired from sexy magic shows. ‘Vicky at the age of nearly 73 has retired to spend more time with her family and her daughter has other projects that have nothing to do with sexy magic shows.’ She was once described by a guide to Benidorm as such a ‘must-see’ that leaving without experiencing her show would be like buying fish without chips or turning on the TV to see Ant without Dec.

Pauline Cafferkey, the do-gooder British nurse who contracted Ebola in west Africa, is being transferred to the specialist unit at the Royal Free hospital in London for the third time since her return. Cafferkey, 39, who is said to be in a stable condition, had been admitted to Glasgow’s Queen Elizabeth University hospital but on Tuesday afternoon an RAF aircraft landed at Glasgow airport to transport her to London at a vast cost to the NHS. A spokesman for the Royal Free said: “We can confirm that Pauline Cafferkey is being transferred to the Royal Free hospital due to a late complication from her previous infection by the Ebola virus. She will now be treated by the hospital’s infectious diseases team under nationally agreed guidelines. Cafferkey was infected while working with victims of the virus in Sierra Leone in December 2014. She spent almost a month in an isolation unit at the Royal Free, where she was treated with a survivor’s plasma and an experimental antiviral drug. She fell ill again in October last year and was readmitted to the same hospital with meningitis caused by the lingering virus. After coming close to dying, she was discharged in November and transferred to Glasgow’s Queen Elizabeth University hospital to continue her recovery before returning home to be forever known as the new Typhoid Mary.

On This Day

• 1784 – John Wesley charters the Methodist Church.
• 1935 – DuPont scientist Wallace Carothers invents nylon.
• 1953 – James Watson and Francis Crick announce to friends that they have determined the chemical structure of DNA; the formal announcement takes place on April 25 following publication in April’s Nature.
• 1954 – The first color television sets using the NTSC standard are offered for sale to the general public.
• 1983 – The final episode of M*A*S*H airs, with almost 106 million viewers. It still holds the record for the highest viewership of a season finale.
• 1993 – Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms agents raid the Branch Davidian church in Waco, Texas with a warrant to arrest the group’s leader David Koresh. Four BATF agents and five Davidians die in the initial raid, starting a 51-day standoff.
• 2013 – Pope Benedict XVI resigns as the pope of the Catholic Church, becoming the first pope to do so since 1415.

Deaths

• 468 – Pope Hilarius
• 2011 – Jane Russell, American actress and singer (b. 1921)

Last Week’s Birthdays

Tyne Daly (70), Kelsey Grammar (61), Williams Baldwin (53), Jennifer Love Hewitt (37), Ellen Page (29), Jonathan Demme (72), Kyle MacLachlan (57), Jeri Ryan (48), Thomas Jane (47), Drew Barrymore (41), James Blunt (42), Peter Fonda (76), Kelly MacDonald (40), Dakota Fanning (22), Edward James Olmos (69), Billy Zane (50), Tia Leoni (50), Carrot Top (51), Sean Astin (45), Fats Domino (88), Michael Bolton (63) and Adam Baldwin (54).

The ‘Ghost Weddings’ of China

Grave robbers in rural China are stealing women’s corpses to feed a new demand for “ghost weddings”, an ancient ritual whereby elderly bachelors are given a “bride” to be buried with when they die. Under a rural tradition that began nearly 3,000 years ago, families in rural China consider it bad luck for a single man to pass into the afterlife without a female companion at his side. One way to prevent his spirit becoming restless is to provide a female corpse for him to be buried with. While the ghoulish practice has long been outlawed under communism, it has now revived as newly-wealthy country dwellers pay up to £10,000 per “bride”.

The village of Dongbao in China’s northern Shanxi province, which has suffered 15 corpse thefts in the last three years alone. At least 15 others have vanished from other hamlets across the region. “Who knows where they took my mother?” said Li Fucai, 53, standing over a tomb where his father now rests alone. “She is now ill-gotten gains for thieves.”

Ancestor worship is deeply-rooted in China, and many people will burn fake money and other tributes to the dead at this year’s annual Tomb Sweeping Festival in April. For those who have been the victims of grave robbers, the yearly festival visit to the family tombs can be a difficult one.

“My grandmother must now be wandering other villages, experiencing a painful afterlife,” said 43-year-old Jiang Chaohui, who also had the remains of his great aunt and great-grandmother stolen.

‘Ghost Weddings’ are said to date back to the 17th Century BC in China, and the superstition has persisted despite more than half a century of effort by the Communist authorities to stamp it out. The ritual involves the extra body being reburied and placed along the deceased in their tomb, usually with gongs and drums being played as relatives look on. Brides are more commonly sought by families because of China’s gender imbalance towards males. A deceased single man is also seen as making a family tree incomplete in the traditional Chinese social order. Some families will give such a man a “wife” in a form of a silver statuette or a dough mould of a woman, using black beans for eyes. But a handful of communities in inland backwaters still believe that if they fail to provide a real corpse, the dead relative could return to haunt the family and bring misfortune.

The black market in selling human remains is believed to have grown in recent years as China’s economic boom has seen the rural wealthy pay large sums to meet the needs of their deceased loved ones. Last October, police in Shanxi detained three people suspected of stealing a corpse which they aimed to sell as a bride. In 2013, a gang of four men were jailed after they made £240,000 yuan from the sales of 10 corpses in Shanxi and neighbouring Shaanxi. Remains of younger women and those who have recently died are more expensive on the black market, but decomposed female skeletons can be reinforced with steel wires before they are clothed and buried, according to Chinese media. Matchmaking agents provide the ghoulish service of pairing dead bachelors with the bodies of women from consenting families – which appears to be more tolerated by authorities than the illegal corpse trade.

The Last Word

All is lost. Monks, monks, monks! – Henry VIII, King of England, d. 1547

Next week peeps!