As yet another pointless edition of the Dead Pool lands in your inbox, we can only hope that next week brings in the names we need. Although this week did have people that we have actually heard of on the list, which makes a refreshing change!

Look Who You Could Have Had:

• Padraig Duggan, 67, Irish folk musician (Clannad, The Duggans).
• Gerald Grosvenor, 6th Duke of Westminster, 64, British billionaire property developer.
• Barry Jenner, 75, American actor (Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, Dallas, Family Matters), acute myeloid leukaemia.
• Kenny Baker, 81, British actor (Star Wars, Time Bandits, Flash Gordon).

In Other News

The Yorkshire Ripper Peter Sutcliffe is set to move out of Broadmoor psychiatric hospital and back into jail after a mental health tribunal ruled him sane enough to do so, sources said. The serial killer, 70, has spent 32 years inside the high-security institution in Berkshire after murdering 13 women and attempting to murder seven more between 1976 and 1981. Sutcliffe, a former lorry driver from Bradford, now calls himself Peter Coonan. Most of his victims were prostitutes who were mutilated and beaten to death. The decision of the tribunal has been referred to the Ministry of Justice, which still needs to confirm the move. Sutcliffe was given 20 life terms for the murders and was caught when police found him with a prostitute in his car. A Ministry of Justice spokesman said: “Peter Coonan will remain locked up and will never be released for his evil crimes. ”Decisions over whether prisoners are to be sent back to prison from secure hospitals are based on clinical assessments made by independent medical staff. And I bet their assessment was, why waste more money on him, let the prison population deal with him once and for all.

The former Cuban leader Fidel Castro has made a rare public appearance at an event to mark his 90th birthday. He appeared at a gala in Havana’s Karl Marx Theatre with his brother, President Raul Castro, and Cuba’s ally, Venezuelan President Nicolas Maduro. In his first public appearance since April, he appeared frail and remained seated during the event. Too frail to smoke the 90 meter cigar rolled in his honour! The masterpiece took 10 days to create with the help of several assistants who worked 12 hours a day to roll the extraordinary cigar. It was presented on long tables in an old colonial fort overlooking the harbour of Havana.

Pope Francis has surprised 20 former prostitutes by popping in for a visit at their house in Rome. The women had been rescued from their pimps and are being given shelter and protection at an apartment run by a Catholic charity in Italy’s capital. The pontiff ‘chatted’ to the women, some trafficked from Africa and elsewhere in Europe, for more than an hour! The 79-year-old cleric has repeatedly described human trafficking as a “crime against humanity”. The prostitutes were all aged about 30 and had “suffered serious physical abuse” and now lived under “Vatican protection”. Pope Francis encouraged the former sex workers “to be strong” as they started their new lives with the help of the Pope John XXIII Community. Sounds like our newish pontiff has plenty of spunk for a man of his age!

On This Day

• 1885 – Japan’s first patent is issued to the inventor of a rust-proof paint.
• 1893 – France becomes the first country to introduce motor vehicle registration.
• 1969 – Operation Banner: British troops are deployed in Northern Ireland.
• 1980 – Lech Wałęsa leads strikes at the Gdańsk, Poland shipyards.

Deaths

• 1951 – William Randolph Hearst, American publisher and politician, founded the Hearst Corporation (b. 1863)
• 1988 – Enzo Ferrari, Italian race car driver and businessman, founded Ferrari (b. 1898)

Last Week’s Birthdays

David Duchovny (56), Charlize Theron (41), Abbie Cornish (34), Dustin Hoffman (79), Roger Federer (35), Sam Elliott (72), Melanie Griffith (59), Gillian Anderson (48), Eric Bana (48), Anna Kendrick (31), Audrey Tautou (40), Rosanna Arquette (57), Antonio Banderas (56), Hulk Hogan (63), Chris Hemsworth (33), George Hamilton (77), Mark Knopfler (67), Bruce Greenwood (60) and Pete Sampras (45).

The Last Word

“The bastards tried to come over me last night. I guess they didn’t know I was a Marine”. – Private First Class Edward H. Ahrens

• During the Battle of Tulagi, Private Ahrens was mortally wounded while single-handedly fighting back a group of Japanese soldiers attempting to infiltrate Allied lines. After his superior officer discovered Ahrens the next morning surrounded by dead Japanese troops, he whispered these words and died.

Next week peeps!

In all honesty, you almost didn’t get a newsletter this week. The lack of news and deaths nearly put a stop on us! It’s really time to send out the flying monkeys, don’t blame me if someone you adore dies this week!

Look Who You Could Have Had:

• Gloria DeHaven, 91, American actress (Summer Stock, Mary Hartman, Mary Hartman, Out to Sea), complications from a stroke.
• Anne of Romania, 92, French-born Romanian royal, queen consort of King Michael.
• David Huddleston, 85, American actor (The Big Lebowski, Blazing Saddles, Santa Claus: The Movie), heart and kidney disease.
• Gaspar Saladino, 88, American comic letterer (Superman vs. Muhammad Ali, Arkham Asylum). 

In Other News

Oscar Pistorius has denied injuries to his wrists sustained in prison were “a suicide attempt”, a South African prison spokesman has said. Pistorius claimed he fell out of bed in his cell at the prison where he is serving a six-year sentence for killing his girlfriend Reeva Steenkamp. “Oscar Pistorius denied speculations of a suicide attempt. As a policy principle, we cannot further discuss a particular offender’s personal condition in the public domain,” Manelisi Wolela, a spokesman at the Department of Correctional Services, told Reuters. His brother posted on Twitter to say Pistorius was in good spirits and is “doing well given the circumstances”. He called reports the athlete had tried to injure himself “completely untrue and sensational”.

Brazil’s most recognisable celebrity Pelé pulled out of the Rio  2016 opening ceremony just hours before it was due to begin, but the director insisted this would not detract from a show that aims to be about a lot more than sport. Underscoring how nothing seems to go right for the country recently, the footballer Pelé announced his withdrawal as a result of pain to caused by his recent hip replacement surgery. Local media had reported that he was among the candidates to light the Olympic cauldron. “At this point I’m not physically able to attend the opening of the Olympics,” the 75-year-old said in a statement. “As a Brazilian, I ask God to bless all who participate in this event and to make it a great success.”

Ozzy Osbourne is undergoing “intense therapy” for sex addiction, which caused his separation from his manager and wife of 34 years, Sharon. The Black Sabbath frontman’s representatives released a statement saying he had been dealing with sex addiction for the last six years,but that since his “relationship” with hairstylist Michelle Pugh had been exposed, he had sought treatment. When Osbourne moved out of the family home in May, it was suggested he might have relapsed in his drugs and alcohol addictions. Osbourne himself said: “I have been sober for three and a quarter years. I have not touched drugs or alcohol in that time. Any reports that I am not sober are completely inaccurate.”

On This Day

• 1947 – Thor Heyerdahl‘s balsa wood raft the Kon-Tiki, smashes into the reef at Raroia in the Tuamotu Islands after a 101-day, 7,000 kilometres (4,300 mi) journey across the Pacific Ocean in an attempt to prove that pre-historic peoples could have traveled from South America.
• 1955 – Tokyo Telecommunications Engineering, the precursor to Sony, sells its first transistor radios in Japan.

Deaths

• 1957 – Oliver Hardy, American actor, singer, and director (b. 1892)
• 1999 – Brion James, American actor (b. 1945)

Last Week’s Birthdays

Wesley Snipes (54), Fatboy Slim (53), J.K. Rowling (51), Dean Cain (50), Joe Elliott (57), Coolio (53), Kevin Smith (46), Sam Worthington (40), Edward Furlong (39), Martin Sheen (76), Martha Stewart (75), John Landis (66), James Hetfield (53), Evangeline Lilly (37), Billy Bob Thornton (61), Barack Obama (55), M. Night Shyamalan (46), Gerri Halliwell (44) and Michelle Yeoh (54).

The Last Word

“Well, gentlemen, you are about to see a baked Appel”. – George Appel, executed by electric chair in 1928.

Next week peeps!

Welcome all, to what seems to be a massive list of dead celebrities. Alas, no point scorers and a slight scarcity of news. But worry not, as usual the Dead Pool Master has tried his best to make the newsletter slightly interesting. Not too interesting mind, I don’t want your expectations to elevate to stratospheric proportions.

Look Who You Could Have Had:

• Shawshank tree, c. 180, North American white oak featured in The Shawshank Redemption.
• Dave Bald Eagle, 97, American Lakota Chief and actor.
• Carl Falck, 109, Norwegian businessman, nation’s oldest living man.
• Marni Nixon, 86, American singer (The King and I, West Side Story, My Fair Lady) and actress (The Sound of Music), breast cancer.
• Forrest Mars Jr., 84, American billionaire businessman (Mars, Incorporated), heart attack.
• JT McNamara, 41, Irish jockey.
• Sandy Pearlman, 72, American record producer and band manager (Blue Öyster Cult, The Clash, Black Sabbath), pneumonia as a complication from a stroke.
• Jack Davis, 91, American cartoonist and illustrator (Tales from the Crypt, The Vault of Horror, Georgia Bulldogs), co-founder of Mad.
• Jerry Doyle, 60, American talk show host and actor (Babylon 5), founder of EpicTimes.
• Vivean Gray, 92, British-born Australian actress (Neighbours, The Sullivans, Prisoner).
• Ken Barrie, 83, British voice actor (Postman Pat) and singer, liver cancer.
• Fred Tomlinson, 90, British singer (The Two Ronnies, Monty Python’s Flying Circus), composer (“The Lumberjack Song“) and critic.

In Other News

Travelling to the moon, Mars or beyond could dramatically increase an astronaut’s risk of dying from cardiovascular disease, the first research into the long-term health of Apollo spacemen has revealed. Nasa’s Apollo programme sent nine manned missions and 24 astronauts beyond  low Earth orbit during the 1960s and early 1970s, including Apollo 11, which delivered Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin to the moon. But it seems such missions might have taken their toll. A team of researchers looking into the fate of the Apollo astronauts has discovered that their rate of death from cardiovascular disease is four to five times higher than that seen for astronauts of the same era who only flew in low Earth orbits, or who never flew on an orbital mission at all. That, the researchers say, suggests that venturing beyond the Earth’s protective magnetic field could cause long-lasting damage to the cardiovascular system, potentially as a result of exposure to deep space radiation. The findings come as a number of space agencies and commercial enterprises are looking to venture to the moon and beyond, with Nasa planning to send humans to Mars in the 2030’s. Time to rewrite those 2017 lists!

1990s styles may be back in fashion, but getting hold of 20-year-old technology is about to get much harder. The last known maker of video cassette recorders, Funai Japan, has announced it is to cease production of VCRs. Those whirring, magic boxes will soon be nothing but a mere memory. Worldwide a total of 900 million VCRs were produced. With nobody producing the format anymore we can officially announce its DEAD!

A skydiver has made history by becoming the first person to leap without a parachute. After a two-minute free-fall, Luke Aikins, 42, landed dead centre in the 100 x100ft net at the Big Sky movie ranch on the outskirts of Simi Valley, California. As cheers erupted, Aikins quickly climbed out, walked over and hugged his wife Monica, who had been watching from the ground with their four-year-old son Logan, who was no doubt fully expecting his father to end up like a pancake. ‘This thing just happened! I can’t even get the words out of my mouth,’ he added as he thanked the dozens of crew members who spent two years helping him prepare for the jump, including those who assembled the fishing trawler-like net and made sure it really worked. Aikins admitted before the jump he was nervous and his mother said she was one family member who would not watch.

On This Day

• 1588 – The Spanish Armada is spotted off the coast of England.
• 1790 – The first U.S. patent is issued, to inventor Samuel Hopkins for a potash process.
• 1970 – Black Tot Day: The last day of the officially sanctioned rum ration in the Royal Navy.
• 1971 – Apollo program: Apollo 15 astronauts become the first to ride in a lunar rover.

Deaths

• 1886 – Franz Liszt, Hungarian pianist, composer, and conductor (b. 1811)
• 1917 – Hedd Wyn, Welsh soldier and poet (b. 1887)
• 1964 – Jim Reeves, American singer-songwriter (b. 1923)
• 2009 – Bobby Robson, English footballer and manager (b. 1933)
• 2012 – Gore Vidal, American journalist, novelist, and screenwriter (b. 1925)
• 2013 – Michael Ansara, American actor (b. 1922)
• 2013 – Trevor Storer, English businessman, founded Pukka Pies (b. 1930)
• 2015 – Roddy Piper, Canadian-American wrestler and actor (b. 1954)

Last Week’s Birthdays

Lynda Carter (65), Gus Van Sant (64), Jennifer Lopez (47), Summer Glau (25), Anna Paquin (34), Matt LeBlanc (49), Mick Jagger (73), Helen Mirren (71), Kevin Spacey (57), Sandra Bullock (52), Kate Beckinsale (43), Josh Radnor (42), Paul Anka (75), Arnold Schwarzenegger (69), Jean Reno (68), Laurence Fishburne (55), Lisa Kudrow (53), Christopher Nolan (46) and Hilary Swank (42).

The Last Word

“Ik schiet beter!” – I could shoot better! – Hannie Schaft

Spoken to a German soldier after having been shot in her execution; the soldier subsequently emptied his machine gun into her.

Next week peeps!

Let me apologise for the lack of deaths this week, it’s a shit week when the most famous deaths are a Swiss clown and a Tibetan beauty queen. One would think that the heatwave would have culled a few, but alas we’re left twiddling our thumbs.

Look Who You Could Have Had:

• Garry Marshall, 81, American director, producer, writer and actor (Happy Days, Pretty Woman, Murphy Brown), pneumonia.
• John Pidgeon, 69, British broadcaster and writer.
• Tsering Chungtak, 30, Tibetan beauty queen, Miss Tibet 2006, heart attack.
• Dimitri, 80, Swiss clown.

In Other News 

In what could have been poetic justice, a plane carrying Boris Johnson was forced to make an emergency landing at Luton airport last Sunday evening. The Foreign Secretary was travelling on board an RAF passenger jet to Brussels, for the first foreign trip he has been on since his appointment. The aircraft began experiencing mechanical difficulties, possibly with the hydraulics. All other flights were temporarily grounded while the issue was investigated. Eyewitnesses at the airport reported seeing numerous emergency services vehicles in the area around the time of the incident. A Foreign Office spokesman said: “There was a technical issue on the RAF flight on Sunday afternoon carrying the Foreign Secretary and his officials from London to Brussels that required the aircraft to land at Luton Airport. “The Foreign Secretary thanked the RAF crew for their professionalism and was grateful to Luton Airport for the brief, unscheduled welcome.

The sports scientist Stephen Dank has been  discharged from hospital after he was wounded in what appears to be a drive-by shooting. The 52-year-old sustained a minor head injury when shots were fired into his Ascot Vale home about 2.20am on Saturday. Photos from the crime scene suggest at least three bullets were fired into Dank’s house, shattering one of the windows. The biochemist reportedly told Fox Sports News he and his partner were angry but refused to be intimidated or leave their home. He has a black eye and a badly cut nose, after a bullet grazed the bridge of his nose, Fox Sports News reports.

And finally, an American woman took her dead husband’s body on road trip in Alaska, using ice from local canneries to keep the corpse cold, police have said. Officers responded to a call last week to find the body of a 78-year-old man inside an aluminium transport casket. Ketchikan police chief Alan Bengaard told the Ketchikan Daily News that during the journey, which took place over several days, the woman stopped at canneries for ice to put in the truck bed during the “rolling wake.” Bengaard told the Juneau Empire that the body was supposed to be en route to the mortuary, but “for some reason she decided to not go directly to the mortuary and had been driving around with him for a couple days.” “My understanding is kind of — leading up to the events of the last couple days — there’s been a rolling wake or viewing. It was pointed out to me that, evidently, she had stopped at a couple of the canneries and got ice and filled the bed of the truck with ice to keep the body chilled.” The woman is not facing any charges, police said. The man had died of natural causes.

On This Day

• 1567 – Mary, Queen of Scots, is forced to abdicate and replaced by her 1-year-old son James VI.
• 1911 – Hiram Bingham III re-discovers Machu Picchu, “the Lost City of the Incas”.
• 1950 – Cape Canaveral Air Force Station begins operations with the launch of a Bumper rocket.
• 2001 – Simeon Saxe-Coburg-Gotha, the last Tsar of Bulgaria when he was a child, is sworn in as Prime Minister of Bulgaria, becoming the first monarch in history to regain political power through democratic election to a different office.

Deaths

• 1862 – Martin Van Buren, American lawyer and politician, 8th President of the United States (b. 1782)
• 1962 – Wilfrid Noyce, English mountaineer and author (b. 1917)
• 1980 – Peter Sellers, English actor, singer, director, and screenwriter (b. 1925)

Last Week’s Birthdays

Donald Sutherland (81), David Hasselhoff (64), Camilla, Duchess of Cornwall (69), Vin Diesel (49), Kirsten Bell (46), Richard Branson (66), John Glenn (95), Jared Padalecki (34), Benedict Cumberbatch (40), Kim Carnes (71), Louise Fletcher (82), Danny Glover (70), Don Henley (69), Willem Dafoe (61), Rhys Ifans (49), Selena Gomez (24), Woody Harrelson (55),  Alison Krauss (45) and Daniel Radcliffe (27).

The Last Word

I’m in no pain. No pain. Don’t cry for me, Rahaman. I’m going to be with Allah. I made peace with God, I’m okay… Rahaman, how do I look? – Muhammad Ali

Next week peeps!

Although plenty of people have died last week, none of the fuckers were famous. We’re literally scraping the bottom of the proverbial bucket this week. Luckily for us, plenty of news to be getting on with, but I’m on the verge of sending out those flying monkeys again!

Look Who You Could Have Had:

• Héctor Babenco, 70, Argentine-born Brazilian film director, producer and screenwriter (Kiss of the Spider Woman, Ironweed, Carandiru), heart attack.
• Qandeel Baloch, 26, Pakistani model and social media celebrity, strangled.
• Emma Cohen, 69, Spanish actress (The Glass Ceiling, Voyage to Nowhere, The Grandfather), cancer. 
• Helen Bailey, 51, British author. (body discovered on this date)
• Alan Vega, 78, American singer and musician (Suicide).

In Other News

The Aerosmith guitarist Joe Perry has been rushed to hospital after collapsing on stage during a gig in New York. Perry, 65, was performing with his Hollywood Vampires bandmates Alice Cooper and Johnny Depp at The Amphitheater in Brooklyn when he suddenly slumped onto the drum stage before staggering off. One witness described how Perry went behind a small wall and then passed out in a post on Instagram. “FDNY and NYPD carried him off quickly,” the user named ‘leeniepics’ wrote. Cooper said Perry is in a “stable condition” and “under the best care” in hospital. Perry, Cooper and Depp joined forces in 2015 to form the Hollywood Vampires. Perry’s agent could not immediately be contacted for comment.

Chaka Kahn and her sister have entered an intensive rehabilitation programme to tackle an addiction to prescription pain killers. The  Grammy-award winning singer said she was entering a programme voluntarily with her sister Yvonne Stevens, also known as Taka Boom. Khan, 63, said the death of her friend Prince had forced her into action. Khan’s 1984 cover of Prince’s “I Feel For You” is one of her most famous songs and the pair were friends for decades before his death aged 57 in April. Autopsy results showed the iconic musician had died of an overdose of an opioid painkiller. Khan told the press she had been struggling with an addiction to the same prescription drugs used by Prince. “Unfortunately, I will miss concert appearances over the summer,” she said in a statement. “However, it’s vital that I put my health and well-being first. I know that I am disappointing some of my fans, but I also know they would want me to recover and be well and healthy. “The tragic death of Prince has had us both rethinking and reevaluating our lives and priorities. We knew it was time to take action to save our lives. My sister and I would like to thank everyone for their support, love and prayers.”

England batsman c has been diagnosed with a cancerous tumour, his county Hampshire have confirmed. The 35-year-old was sent for tests after missing this week’s County Championship match against Warwickshire because he felt unwell. He will have more examinations before receiving treatment. Hampshire chairman Rod Bransgrove said: “I would like to send him and his family our very best wishes at this very difficult time.” Left-hander Carberry missed an England Performance Programme tour in late 2010 and part of the 2011 season because of blood clots on a lung.

Japan’s Emperor Akihito has expressed his desire to abdicate in the next few years, public broadcaster NHK reports. The 82-year-old, who has had health problems in recent years, reportedly does not wish to remain emperor if he has to reduce his official duties. But a palace spokesman denied that there is any official plan for the monarch to abdicate in what would be an unprecedented move in modern Japan. Crown Prince Naruhito, 56, is next in line to the Chrysanthemum Throne. An unnamed government source told Japan’s Kyodo news agency that the emperor, who plays a largely ceremonial role but is respected deeply by many Japanese, has been contemplating the move for about a year. His family had accepted his decision, an unnamed palace source told NHK. Emperor Akihito had surgery for prostate cancer in 2003 and a heart bypass operation four years ago, so there’s no wonder he wishes to take a rest.

US Army whistleblower Chelsea Manning tried to kill herself in prison last week, her lawyers have confirmed. Ms Manning, who is transgender, is serving a 35-year sentence at an all-male military facility. Her lawyers accused the US military of violating her privacy by revealing that she had been admitted to hospital. The army had not disclosed the reason for the hospital admission but it was linked to a suicide attempt in media reports. Ms Manning’s legal team said in a statement: “Last week, Chelsea made a decision to end her life. “She would have preferred to keep her private medical information private, and instead focus on her recovery. “She knows that people have questions about how she is doing and she wants everyone to know that she remains under close observation by the prison and expects to remain on this status for the next several weeks.” A tweet was sent from Ms Manning’s account on Monday, reading: “I am okay. I’m glad to be alive. “Thank you for all your love. I will get through this.”

And finally, a campaign to prevent the slaughter of the mother of the bull that killed a Spanish matador has attracted thousands of supporters. Victor Barrio, 29, became the first bullfighter to die in the ring in 30 years when he was gored to death by a bull on live television while fighting in Madrid on Saturday. The matador was fatally pierced in the chest by the animal in the eastern town of Teruel. The bull was subsequently killed. According to Spanish tradition, the mother of any bull that kills a human is also destined to be slaughtered, in order to “kill off the bloodline”. But animal rights campaigners have protested against the killing of the bull’s mother, named Lorenzo, in a movement that has attracted swathes of support through social media. PACMA, a political party in Spain that defends the rights of animals, has set up a petition to oppose the killing and promoted it under the hashtag #SalvemosALorenza – “save Lorenzo” – which has been trending across Spain. Carmen Fraile Martin wrote: “It is shameful that the mother is killed because her son killed a human being. That is absurdity! The fate of Lorenzo is not clear, but Spanish media is reporting that Lorenza is already dead.

On This Day

• 1902 – Willis Carrier creates the first air conditioner in Buffalo, New York.
• 1918 – The RMS Carpathia, the ship that rescued the 705 survivors from the RMS Titanic, is sunk off Ireland by the German SM U-55; five lives are lost.
• 1955 – Disneyland is dedicated and opened by Walt Disney in Anaheim, California.
• 1975 – Apollo–Soyuz Test Project: An American Apollo and a Soviet Soyuz spacecraft dock with each other in orbit marking the first such link-up between spacecraft from the two nations.
• 1989 – First flight of the B-2 Spirit Stealth Bomber.

Deaths

• 1959 – Billie Holiday, American singer-songwriter and actress (b. 1915)
• 2003 – David Kelly, Welsh weapons inspector (b. 1944)
• 2004 – Pat Roach, English wrestler and actor (b. 1937)
• 2005 – Edward Heath, English colonel and politician, Prime Minister of the United Kingdom (b. 1916)
• 2009 – Walter Cronkite, American journalist and actor (b. 1916)

Last Week’s Birthdays

Suzanne Vega (57), Leon Spinks (63), Richard Simmonds (68), Cheryl Ladd (65), Anna Friel (40), Michelle Rodriguez (38), Patrick Stewart (76), Harrison Ford (74), Cheech Marin (70), Harry Dean Stanton (90), Jackie Earle Haley (55), Linds Ronstadt (70), Forest Whitaker (55), Brigitte Nielsen (53), Dianne Kruger (40), Jesse Ventura (65), Michael Flatley (58), Phoebe Cates (53), Will Farrell (49) and Corey Feldman (45).

The Last Word

“It’s okay! Gun’s not loaded… see?” – Johnny Ace, 1950s rhythm and blues singer.

• Ace was playing Russian roulette (or something similar; exact accounts vary) with his revolver on Christmas Day 1954, during a backstage break in his concert that day. Contrary to Ace’s assertion, there was a bullet in the chamber, which, when he pulled the trigger with the barrel of the gun to his face, killed him instantly.

Next week peeps!