Dead Pool 17th July 2016

Although plenty of people have died last week, none of the fuckers were famous. We’re literally scraping the bottom of the proverbial bucket this week. Luckily for us, plenty of news to be getting on with, but I’m on the verge of sending out those flying monkeys again!

Look Who You Could Have Had:

• Héctor Babenco, 70, Argentine-born Brazilian film director, producer and screenwriter (Kiss of the Spider Woman, Ironweed, Carandiru), heart attack.
• Qandeel Baloch, 26, Pakistani model and social media celebrity, strangled.
• Emma Cohen, 69, Spanish actress (The Glass Ceiling, Voyage to Nowhere, The Grandfather), cancer. 
• Helen Bailey, 51, British author. (body discovered on this date)
• Alan Vega, 78, American singer and musician (Suicide).

In Other News

The Aerosmith guitarist Joe Perry has been rushed to hospital after collapsing on stage during a gig in New York. Perry, 65, was performing with his Hollywood Vampires bandmates Alice Cooper and Johnny Depp at The Amphitheater in Brooklyn when he suddenly slumped onto the drum stage before staggering off. One witness described how Perry went behind a small wall and then passed out in a post on Instagram. “FDNY and NYPD carried him off quickly,” the user named ‘leeniepics’ wrote. Cooper said Perry is in a “stable condition” and “under the best care” in hospital. Perry, Cooper and Depp joined forces in 2015 to form the Hollywood Vampires. Perry’s agent could not immediately be contacted for comment.

Chaka Kahn and her sister have entered an intensive rehabilitation programme to tackle an addiction to prescription pain killers. The  Grammy-award winning singer said she was entering a programme voluntarily with her sister Yvonne Stevens, also known as Taka Boom. Khan, 63, said the death of her friend Prince had forced her into action. Khan’s 1984 cover of Prince’s “I Feel For You” is one of her most famous songs and the pair were friends for decades before his death aged 57 in April. Autopsy results showed the iconic musician had died of an overdose of an opioid painkiller. Khan told the press she had been struggling with an addiction to the same prescription drugs used by Prince. “Unfortunately, I will miss concert appearances over the summer,” she said in a statement. “However, it’s vital that I put my health and well-being first. I know that I am disappointing some of my fans, but I also know they would want me to recover and be well and healthy. “The tragic death of Prince has had us both rethinking and reevaluating our lives and priorities. We knew it was time to take action to save our lives. My sister and I would like to thank everyone for their support, love and prayers.”

England batsman c has been diagnosed with a cancerous tumour, his county Hampshire have confirmed. The 35-year-old was sent for tests after missing this week’s County Championship match against Warwickshire because he felt unwell. He will have more examinations before receiving treatment. Hampshire chairman Rod Bransgrove said: “I would like to send him and his family our very best wishes at this very difficult time.” Left-hander Carberry missed an England Performance Programme tour in late 2010 and part of the 2011 season because of blood clots on a lung.

Japan’s Emperor Akihito has expressed his desire to abdicate in the next few years, public broadcaster NHK reports. The 82-year-old, who has had health problems in recent years, reportedly does not wish to remain emperor if he has to reduce his official duties. But a palace spokesman denied that there is any official plan for the monarch to abdicate in what would be an unprecedented move in modern Japan. Crown Prince Naruhito, 56, is next in line to the Chrysanthemum Throne. An unnamed government source told Japan’s Kyodo news agency that the emperor, who plays a largely ceremonial role but is respected deeply by many Japanese, has been contemplating the move for about a year. His family had accepted his decision, an unnamed palace source told NHK. Emperor Akihito had surgery for prostate cancer in 2003 and a heart bypass operation four years ago, so there’s no wonder he wishes to take a rest.

US Army whistleblower Chelsea Manning tried to kill herself in prison last week, her lawyers have confirmed. Ms Manning, who is transgender, is serving a 35-year sentence at an all-male military facility. Her lawyers accused the US military of violating her privacy by revealing that she had been admitted to hospital. The army had not disclosed the reason for the hospital admission but it was linked to a suicide attempt in media reports. Ms Manning’s legal team said in a statement: “Last week, Chelsea made a decision to end her life. “She would have preferred to keep her private medical information private, and instead focus on her recovery. “She knows that people have questions about how she is doing and she wants everyone to know that she remains under close observation by the prison and expects to remain on this status for the next several weeks.” A tweet was sent from Ms Manning’s account on Monday, reading: “I am okay. I’m glad to be alive. “Thank you for all your love. I will get through this.”

And finally, a campaign to prevent the slaughter of the mother of the bull that killed a Spanish matador has attracted thousands of supporters. Victor Barrio, 29, became the first bullfighter to die in the ring in 30 years when he was gored to death by a bull on live television while fighting in Madrid on Saturday. The matador was fatally pierced in the chest by the animal in the eastern town of Teruel. The bull was subsequently killed. According to Spanish tradition, the mother of any bull that kills a human is also destined to be slaughtered, in order to “kill off the bloodline”. But animal rights campaigners have protested against the killing of the bull’s mother, named Lorenzo, in a movement that has attracted swathes of support through social media. PACMA, a political party in Spain that defends the rights of animals, has set up a petition to oppose the killing and promoted it under the hashtag #SalvemosALorenza – “save Lorenzo” – which has been trending across Spain. Carmen Fraile Martin wrote: “It is shameful that the mother is killed because her son killed a human being. That is absurdity! The fate of Lorenzo is not clear, but Spanish media is reporting that Lorenza is already dead.

On This Day

• 1902 – Willis Carrier creates the first air conditioner in Buffalo, New York.
• 1918 – The RMS Carpathia, the ship that rescued the 705 survivors from the RMS Titanic, is sunk off Ireland by the German SM U-55; five lives are lost.
• 1955 – Disneyland is dedicated and opened by Walt Disney in Anaheim, California.
• 1975 – Apollo–Soyuz Test Project: An American Apollo and a Soviet Soyuz spacecraft dock with each other in orbit marking the first such link-up between spacecraft from the two nations.
• 1989 – First flight of the B-2 Spirit Stealth Bomber.

Deaths

• 1959 – Billie Holiday, American singer-songwriter and actress (b. 1915)
• 2003 – David Kelly, Welsh weapons inspector (b. 1944)
• 2004 – Pat Roach, English wrestler and actor (b. 1937)
• 2005 – Edward Heath, English colonel and politician, Prime Minister of the United Kingdom (b. 1916)
• 2009 – Walter Cronkite, American journalist and actor (b. 1916)

Last Week’s Birthdays

Suzanne Vega (57), Leon Spinks (63), Richard Simmonds (68), Cheryl Ladd (65), Anna Friel (40), Michelle Rodriguez (38), Patrick Stewart (76), Harrison Ford (74), Cheech Marin (70), Harry Dean Stanton (90), Jackie Earle Haley (55), Linds Ronstadt (70), Forest Whitaker (55), Brigitte Nielsen (53), Dianne Kruger (40), Jesse Ventura (65), Michael Flatley (58), Phoebe Cates (53), Will Farrell (49) and Corey Feldman (45).

The Last Word

“It’s okay! Gun’s not loaded… see?” – Johnny Ace, 1950s rhythm and blues singer.

• Ace was playing Russian roulette (or something similar; exact accounts vary) with his revolver on Christmas Day 1954, during a backstage break in his concert that day. Contrary to Ace’s assertion, there was a bullet in the chamber, which, when he pulled the trigger with the barrel of the gun to his face, killed him instantly.

Next week peeps!