Dead Pool 22nd December 2013
Welcome all to the pre-Christmas edition of the Dead Pool. This edition is specially written for you, not from the deepest darkest depths of Hell, but Wales. One can argue the differences on another occasion, I for one can’t see any!
Anyhow, points! Lots of points! Two stalwarts of the Dead Pool have passed away this week, must be the cold weather. I told you there’s a lot to play for! Liz was the only one who had Joan Fontaine this year, plus she selected her as her Woman, thus garnering her 154 points! Also with Ronnie Biggs biting the bullet, Wendy, Martin, Paul C, Dave and Rebecca all scored a further 66 points. With this bout of scoring we now have two clear frontrunners with ten days to go.
Yes! 10 days to go! Do I need to remind you to get your lists sorted out and submitted? I hope not. Now if you did submit one last week to the firstname.lastname@example.org email address and didn’t get a reply from me, please resubmit it, I seemed to have had issues there so I may not have received it.
*edit* I forgot to mention Peter O’Toole, he died on the cusp of writing last weeks and publishing the blog. I thought I covered him last week, but alas I didn’t, so to make up for it, he gets his very own mention and also Ken who had him also scores 69 points!
Look Who You Could Have Had:
- Joan Fontaine, 96, British-American Oscar-winning actress (Rebecca, Suspicion), natural causes.
- Harold Camping, 92, American evangelist and doomsday predictor.
- Ronnie Biggs, 84, English criminal (Great Train Robbery) and fugitive.
- David Coleman, 87, British television sports commentator and presenter.
- Lord Infamous, 40, American rapper (Three 6 Mafia).
- Peter O’Toole, 81, British-Irish actor (Lawrence of Arabia, The Lion in Winter, Becket, Troy).
In Other News
London had a bad week of it, firstly theatre goers got squished by falling plaster at The Apollo, must have been a very good show to bring the house down! *ahem*. Shame it only came down on the audience, imagine the carnage if the lighting rig above the stage came down during a high profile show! So many dead actors! Andrew Lloyd Webber commented that most of London’s theatres are in such disrepair that he was surprised something like this hadn’t already happened! Maybe a list full of theatre actors is the way to go! Jimmy Carr isn’t such a long shot anymore!
I could also mention the bus crash, but lets face it, how many celebs would be found dead on a bus? Yeah… Let us look more closely at cycling celebs, mainly politicians trying to be eco-friendly and shaming us into trying it out for ourselves but mostly looking like self-righteous cunts because we all know we’re much safer in our cars. I’d be tempted to make a list of cycling politicians and somehow finding myself hiring cars in the London area, sadly this contravenes the rules of the Dead Pool. *sigh*
Unhappily, I can’t ignore the fact that a countryman of mine has been doing terrible things. Yes, Ian ‘H’ Watkins from the band Steps has been making music again… Seriously now, I actually mean Ian Watkins, the lead singer of The Lost Prophets. You may have heard that he’s been sentenced to 35 years for fucking a baby boy. A sentence that in this day and age is one I can almost agree upon, at least it wasn’t 10 years with parole in 5 like they usually get, although I’d much prefer guys like him to be slowly broken on the wheel over the course of a decade. Death is certainly too good for that cunt! Luckily the prison system will not favour a person of his tastes and fame, I’m giving him a couple of months before he gets shanked at the least. I’m sure that will be Mega Lolz for him. Cunt!
On This Day
- 1956 – Colo, the first gorilla to be bred in captivity, is born at the Columbus Zoo and Aquarium in Ohio.
- 1965 – In the United Kingdom, a 70 mph speed limit is applied to all rural roads including motorways for the first time. Previously, there had been no speed limit.
- 1989 – Berlin‘s Brandenburg Gate re-opens after nearly 30 years, effectively ending the division of East and West Germany.
- 2001 – Richard Reid attempts to destroy a passenger airliner by igniting explosives hidden in his shoes aboard American Airlines Flight 63.
- 2010 – The repeal of the Don’t ask, don’t tell policy, the 17-year-old policy banning homosexuals serving openly in the United States military, is signed into law by President Barack Obama.
- 1880 – George Eliot, English author and journalist (b. 1819)
- 1943 – Beatrix Potter, English author and illustrator (b. 1866)
- 1965 – Richard Dimbleby, English journalist and broadcaster (b. 1913)
Thank Fuck He’s Dead by Stu
Now this may come as quite a surprise to you. It came as somewhat of a surprise to me too, but it was something of a stab in the dark really, when I realise that I haven’t done my TFHD and it’s almost 10pm on Saturday evening… That’s right, it’s everybody’s favourite conspicuously-Caucasian Middle-Eastern Jew, Jesus Christ.
JC (as my dad calls him) was born right at the start of it all in the year 1. Some believe him not to have been born at all, and others think he was born four years before or after his own birth. Whatever the timing, it made a lot of people very angry, and has widely been regarded as a bad move.
Not a lot is known about Jesus’ early years, as the council of Nicaea voted on which gospels to include in the bible, and basically vetoed anything that didn’t portray Jesus as being the literal son of God. The story kind of skips his adolescent years, until we catch up again with Jesus in his twilight years (his early thirties) hanging around with a bunch of dudes wearing dresses. He is believed to have performed miracles such as walking on water, trapping mobile phones in glass bottles and walking down the side of a skyscraper.
It could be said that Jesus was the first hippy. Maybe everybody was just tripping on LSD when he showed up at Woodstock in AD29 trying to feed five thousand people with a couple of fish sandwiches. To cut a long story short, he preached a different kind of Judaism, that cut out all the blood-and-thunder anger and vengeance of the Old Testament.
The Jewish elders didn’t take to this too kindly, especially Jesus’ claims to be a direct line to God – they wanted the monopoly on salvation all to themselves. They tag-teamed with the Roman governor Pontius Pilate to have Jesus arrested and crucified as an example to others who would dare try to usurp their power and authority.
Whether you believe Jesus was the literal son of God, or that he was just some crazy fucker who woke up one day with dreams of appearing on some Texan woman’s toast, if he hadn’t pissed off the Jews and gotten himself killed then there would be no Christmas. Fair enough, there wouldn’t be any Christians either, and the world would have probably been a much more peaceful place for the last 2000 years, but when it comes down to a toss up between world peace and free socks, I know what I would choose.
Don’t try to pretend you wouldn’t make the same choice as me. Thank fuck he’s dead, and merry Christmas to all you sick fuckers.
Last Week’s Birthdays
Tim Conway (80), Cindy Birdsong (74), Dave Clark (71), Don Johnson (64), Stuart Townsend (41), Liv Ullman (75), Benny Anderson (67), Billy Gibbons (64), Bernard Hill (69) Ernie Hudson (68), Eugene Levy (67), Paul Rodgers (64), Bill Pullman (60), Sarah Dallin of Bananarama (52), Laurie Holden (44), Milla Jovovich (38), Keith Richards (70), Steven Spielberg (67), Leonard Maltin (63), Ray Liotta (58), Brad Pitt (50), Katie Holmes (35), Christina Aguilera (33), Jennifer Beals (50), Kristy Swanson (44), Alyssa Milano (41), Jake Gyllenhaal (33), John Hillerman (81), Jenny Agutter (61), Jonah Hill (30), Phil Donahue (78), Jane Fonda (76), Samuel L. Jackson (65), Kiefer Sutherland (47) and Julie Delpy (44).
2013 League Table
Next Week peeps!