Dead Pool 18th December 2022

You now have two weeks to get your shit  together and submit your lists! Tell your friends, get them to join the fun! 

Look Who You Could Have Had:

In Other News

Sharon Osbourne has reportedly been rushed to hospital after suffering a “medical emergency” on a set in California. Multiple monkeys reported that the television personality “fell ill” while filming a new paranormal activity show at The Glen Tavern Inn in Santa Paula on Friday. The X-Factor judge, 70, was reportedly then taken to Santa Paula Hospital in the area. A spokesperson for the local fire department told our Flying Monkey they received a “medical call” from the venue around 6:30pm local time on Friday and transported one person to Santa Paula Hospital. Santa Paula police chief Don Aguilar confirmed that the fire department had brought Osbourne in. Her current condition is unknown. Osbourne celebrated her 40th wedding anniversary with Ozzy Osbourne in July this year. In May, she announced she had contracted Covid-19 and shared a picture of herself hooked up to a drip on Instagram. The post’s caption read: “Fuck Covid.”

A two-year-old boy was swallowed and spat out by a hippo  while playing near his home in Uganda. Paul Iga was clenched in the mouth of the animal around 800 yards away from the edge of Lake Edward. The hippo had grabbed the toddler from the head and swallowed half of his body when a local man noticed and started throwing stones at the animal, according to the Flying Monkeys. The hippo seemed taken aback by the attack and vomited up the child — before trudging back to the water. ‘It took the bravery of one Chrispas Bagonza, who was nearby, to save the victim after he stoned the hippo and scared it, causing it to release the victim from its mouth,’ police added. While Paul was injured and taken to a clinic for treatment, he miraculously survived. It has been reported that the toddler was transferred to a hospital in Bwera but was sent home after taking a rabies vaccine. In a statement, Ugandan Police said: ‘This is the first such kind of incident where a hippo strayed out of Lake Edward and attacked a young child.’ Police told residents of Katwe Kabatoro Town Council, which is located within Queen Elizabeth National Park on the border between Uganda and the Democratic Republic of the Congo, to remain vigilant around hippos. The hippopotamus is the world’s deadliest large land mammal, killing an estimated 500 people per year in Africa. They are aggressive creatures and have very sharp teeth. At up to 2,750kg, the animals can easily crush a human to death. Despite their primarily vegetarian diet, the hippopotamus is extremely aggressive and territorial. The combination of sheer size, sharp teeth and mobility both in and out of water make for a deadly mammal.   

Janey Godley has revealed to fans that her cancer has returned. The Scottish comedian was initially diagnosed with stage three ovarian cancer in November 2021 and underwent a full hysterectomy to treat it in January 2022. In June, she announced that she was cancer-free, telling her supporters in an emotional clip: “There’s no evidence of disease.” However, in a video shared on social media on Tuesday, Godley gave an update on her health and said she’d be resuming cancer treatment. “My recent scan and my blood tests showed that my cancer marker went up, and there’s still a bit of disease in my abdomen,” she said. “So, I want you all to know that I’ll be going through some more chemotherapy.” Godley is due to go on tour in early 2023, and has assured fans of her intentions of going through with the shows. She continued: “I also want you to know that I’m going ahead with the tour in February and March. I am determined to get back on stage. “I’m looking forward to the tour, I think it’s fair and honest to say it might be the last time you see me live on stage. I’m hoping it’s not, but I think it’s a fair estimation.” Fans and colleagues have responded to Godley’s news with encouraging messages. Scottish actor Sean Biggerstaff replied: “Really courageous, Janey. Fingers crossed for the best possible out come, and best of luck for the tour.” 

Freddie Flintoff is “lucky to be alive” following a  crash while filming Top Gear. The presenter and former professional cricketer’s son Corey has shared an update on his father after the Flying Monkeys confirmed he had been “injured in an accident” while filming the motoring series. Corey, 16, said that his dad was “OK”, adding: “I’m not too sure what happened but he is lucky to be alive. It was a pretty nasty crash. It is shocking. We are all shocked but just hope he’s going to be OK.” Flintoff, whose real name is Andrew, was reportedly filming a car review at Dunsfold Park Aerodrome, home of the Top Gear test track, when the incident happened. A spokesperson promised “more details in due course”, stating: “Freddie was injured in an accident at the Top Gear test track this morning – with crew medics attending the scene immediately. He has been taken to hospital for further treatment and we will confirm more details in due course.” Flintoff, 45, narrowly avoided serious injury in an earlier crash not long after joining Top Gear in 2019. In a statement at the time, Flintoff said: “I’m absolutely fine and was back filming today. I go to great lengths to make sure I do well in Top Gear drag races but on this occasion, I went a few lengths too far!” The airfield where the accident occurred is the same one where former Top Gear presenter Richard Hammond crashed in 2006 while piloting a drag racing car. 

On This Day

  • 1981 – First flight of the Russian heavy strategic bomber Tu-160, the world’s largest combat aircraft, largest supersonic aircraft and largest variable-sweep wing aircraft built.
  • 2015 – Kellingley Colliery, the last deep coal mine in Great Britain, closes.
  • 2018 – A meteor exploded over the Bering Sea with a force over 10 times greater than the atomic bomb that destroyed Hiroshima in 1945.


  • 2000 – Kirsty MacColl, British singer-songwriter (b. 1959).
  • 2006 – Joseph Barbera, U.S. animator & producer, co-founded Hanna-Barbera (b. 1911).
  • 2008 – Majel Barrett, American actress and producer (b. 1932).
  • 2016 – Zsa Zsa Gabor, Hungarian-American actress and socialite (b. 1917).

Last Meals

Thomas Edwin Loden Jr, 58, wore a red prison jumpsuit and was covered by a white head sheet during his execution as he became the second inmate to be killed by lethal injection in Mississippi in two years.

His last meal was made up of two fried pork chops, fried okra, a baked sweet potato with butter, Pillsbury Grands biscuits with butter and molasses, peach cobbler with French vanilla ice cream and Lipton sweet tea, the Flying Monkeys reported.

Loden had been condemned to die by lethal injection and spent the last 21 years in prison after pleading guilty for capital murder, on rape and four counts of sexual battery against teenager Leesa Marie Gray.

Wanda Farris, Gray’s mother, attended the execution at the Mississippi State Penitentiary at Parchman, to watch her daughter’s killer die. She said last week that she had forgiven Loden years ago but didn’t believe his apology.

Farris said: ‘I don’t particularly want to see somebody die.  But I do believe in the death penalty… I do believe in justice.’

Before the injection started, Loden said he was ‘deeply remorseful’ for his crime.

‘For the past 20 years, I’ve tried to do a good deed every single day to make up for the life I took from this world,’ Loden said. ‘If today brings you nothing else, I hope you get peace and closure.’

He concluded his last words by saying ‘I love you’ in Japanese, officials said.

Loden had been condemned to die by lethal injection at the Mississippi State Penitentiary at Parchman, ending up on death row in 2001.

He spent the last 21 years in prison after pleading guilty for capital murder, on rape and four counts of sexual battery against teenager Leesa Marie Gray.

During the summer ahead of what should have been Gray’s senior year of high school, she had worked as a waitress at her uncle’s restaurant in northeast Mississippi.

On June 22, 2000, she left work after dark and became stranded with a flat tire on a rural road.

Loden, a Marine Corps recruiter with relatives in the area, encountered Gray on the road around 10:45pm. He stopped and began speaking with the teenager about the flat tire. ‘Don’t worry. I’m a Marine. We do this kind of stuff,’ he said.

Loden told investigators he became angry after Gray allegedly said she would never want to be a Marine, and that he ordered her into his van.

He spent four hours sexually assaulting her before strangling and suffocating her, according to an interview he gave investigators.

Court records show that on the afternoon of June 23, 2000, ‘Loden was discovered lying by the side of a road with the words “I’m sorry” carved into his chest and apparent self-inflicted lacerations on his wrists.’

After pleading guilty in September 2001, Loden told Gray’s friends and family during his sentencing: ‘I hope you may have some sense of justice when you leave here today.’

Wanda Farris, Gray’s mother, described her daughter as a ‘happy-go-lucky, always smiling’ teenager who aspired to become an elementary school teacher.

‘She wasn’t perfect, now, mind you,’ Farris said. ‘But she strived to do right.’ 

Last Week’s Birthdays

Brad Pitt (59), Steven Spielberg (76), Katie Holmes (44), Casper Van Dien (54), Billie Eilish (21), Steve Austin (58), Christina Aguilera (42), Sia (47), Robson Green (58), Keith Richards (79), Katheryn Winnick (45), Milla Jovovich (47), Bill Pullman (69), Giovanni Ribisi (48), Laurie Holden (53), Bernard Hill (78), Ernie Hudson (77), Eugene Levy (76), Krysten Ritter (41), Miranda Otto (55), Billy Gibbons (73), Christopher Biggins (74), Charlie Cox (40), Paul Kaye (57), Don Johnson (73), Helen Slater (59), Garrett Wang (54), Natascha McElhone (53), Vanessa Hudgens (34), Miranda Hart (50), Ted Raimi (57), Vicki Michelle (72), Emma Corrin (27), Taylor Swift (33), Steve Buscemi (65), Jamie Foxx (55), Dick Van Dyke (97), Robert Lindsay (73), Jennifer Connelly (52), Bill Nighy (73), Mädchen Amick (52), Mayim Bialik (47), Sarah Douglas (70), and Kenneth Cranham (78).

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