Dead Pool 16th June 2013
Welcome one and all to a fun-packed edition of the Dead Pool. ‘What have we here?’ I hear you ask, points to be awarded?? Oh yes! The official oldest person on the planet has died, thus giving Paul E 34 points and Paul C, Emily & Dave who all had him as their Cert, a whopping 134 points each!! So this changes the leader board quite extensively, we even have a new leader! I don’t know about you, but if living to be over a hundred makes you look like our unfortunate pictured friends, I’d rather die in my 60’s thank you very much. Look at them! Kimura has lost all muscle use in his mouth, Kozak’s looks like she’s eating a lemon and fuck knows whats happened to Meizhen! We also saw that Iain Banks died of cancer, way too soon for our needs, he could have scored you 191 points if you had him as your Cert, I’m sure the literary world is devastated too, but for different reasons.
Look who you could have had:
- Iain Banks, 59, Scottish author (The Wasp Factory), gallbladder cancer.
- Rory Morrison, 48, British radio announcer and newsreader (BBC Radio 4), lymphoma.
- Luo Meizhen, 127?, Chinese oldest person unverified claimant, natural causes.
- Evelyn Kozak, 113, American supercentenarian, verified seventh-oldest person, heart attack.
- Sir Henry Cecil, 70, British racehorse trainer, stomach cancer.
- Jiroemon Kimura, 116, Japanese supercentenarian, verified oldest man in history, natural causes.
In other news
Ted Dwane, the bassist from Mumford & Sons was rushed to hospital with a blood clot on his brain, having undergone an emergency operation to remove the blood clot early last week he’s already out and recuperating. He’s said to be over the moon to now have conclusive proof that he does actually have a brain.
The Queen had to visit her 92 year old husband in hospital for his birthday. The Duke is said to be recovering well after his abdominal operation but is expected to remain in hospital for another week. Her Majesty had to undertake the Trooping of the Colour alone for the third time since her coronation, I’m sure she missed Philip’s racist remarks terribly.
National Treasure Stephen Fry fell foul of a hoaxer on Twitter trying to get a rise out of him. Some of you may have noticed the @AmandraBynes tweet wishing he died of cancer and some shite about throwing donuts at his house, but the real @AmandaBynes has a slightly different addy, not that our mild mannered wit noticed. If you feel like wasting a few minutes of your life, go see how many celebs have blocked the hoaxer already. Amanda Bynes might be a lot of things but a hater of Stephen Fry she most likely isn’t.
2013 League Table
Next Week peeps!