Dead Pool 11th August 2024

Looks like none of the Fascist rioters have managed to cause any famous deaths, perhaps they don’t socialise in the same circles… Maybe they could do with a succulent Chinese meal to calm down. 

Look Who You Could Have Had:

• Charles Cyphers, 85, American actor (Halloween, Assault on Precinct 13, Major League).  
• Graham Thorpe, 55, English cricketer (Surrey, national team). 
• Ron Bain, 79, Scottish actor (Naked Video, A Kick Up the Eighties).   
• Connie Chiume, 72, South African actress (Black Panther, Rhythm City, The Air Up There). 
• Jack Karlson, 82, Australian criminal and meme inspiration (“democracy manifest“), prostate cancer. 
• Patrice Laffont, 84, French television presenter (Des chiffres et des lettres, Fort Boyard), heart attack. 
• Kevin Sullivan, 75, American professional wrestler, blood clot. 
• Susan Wojcicki, 56, American business executive, CEO of YouTube (2014–2023), lung cancer.

In Other News

The world of chess has been rocked after a Russian chess champion allegedly attempted to poison her childhood rival by covering her pieces in deadly mercury. Now facing a possible prison sentence, Amina Abakarova, 43, was caught on a security camera appearing to smear her rival’s pieces with the substance ahead of a tournament in Makhachkala, southern Russia last week. According to the World Health Organisation, even minor exposure to mercury can have serious health consequences. In the shocking footage, Ms Abakarova can be seen looking suspiciously around a room full of chess boards to ensure no one else was present. She then approaches her opponent’s table, takes what appears to be a vial from her bag, and pours the substance on the pieces before looking around the room again. The victim required medical treatment after experiencing “severe dizziness and nausea” during the game, but she was able to continue with the tournament. It is claimed that Ms Abakarova poisoned Umayganat Osmanova in an act of revenge after she insulted her last Friday. She is now facing up to three years behind bars for the incident. Sazhid Sazhidov, a Dagistani sports official, said: “We have video proof showing that one of the players at the Dagestani chess championship, Amina Abakarova from the city of Makhachkala, applied an unidentified substance, which later turned out to contain mercury, to the table where Umayganat Osmanova from the city of Kaspiisk was set to play against her.” Malcolm Pain of the English Chess Federation told The Flying Monkeys that there is no other recorded case in the history of chess of an attempted poisoning during a game. “Like many others, I am perplexed by what happened, and the motives of such an experienced competitor as Amina Abakarova are incomprehensible,” he said. “The actions she took could have led to a most tragic outcome, threatening the lives of everyone who was present, including herself. Now she must answer for what she did by the law.” The Russian Chess Federation is now considering giving Ms Abakarova a lifetime ban.  

Oasis singer Noel Gallagher, 57, has made a dark prediction about his future saying he would be “lucky” to make it to 60. The “Wonderwall” singer reflected on his health and lifestyle habits, particularly his alcohol consumption, as he explained the reasons behind the bleak prognosis. Comparing himself to 81-year-old Mick Jagger of the Rolling Stones, he told the Flying Monkeys, “Just because Jagger is mincing around at 103 doesn’t mean everyone can.” The Manchester musician continued, “Well, I mean, they’ve got to be pushing, what, 70 now, innit? “I mean, the way I feel fucking now, I mean I’ll be fucking lucky if I make it to 60.” Reflecting on his health and alcohol intake, he explained he had also noticed some weight gain, and added, “I could do with getting off the booze, let’s put it that way,” he said. Gallagher previously said he didn’t want to live past 75 as he told BBC Radio 1 in 2022, “Do I want to live another 50 years? No. Just think how shit the world is now. I would rather not live through it. At 75 I want to go.” At the time he shared a bucket list of goals he’d like to tick off before he dies, including making a song with Johnny Marr and meeting Bob Dylan. Last month, he revealed he was set to go under the knife because of his “bad knees”. Although he didn’t explain the details of the procedure, the news came after his brother, Liam, has also been open about the arthritis affecting his knees suggesting the condition could be genetic.  

Sir Rod Stewart has cancelled his 200th residency celebration show due to a bout of the bacterial infection strep throat. The 79-year-old singer was set to bring his The Hits show at The Colosseum at Caesars Palace to a close on Wednesday after performing at the venue across the last 13 years. However, Sir Rod withdrew hours before what was meant to be his last show at the venue, saying he was “desperately sorry”. He added: “Most people can work with strep throat but obviously not me. I’m absolutely gutted. I’ve been looking forward to this concert for so long. My deepest regrets for any inconvenience this has caused. Thankfully we’ll now be returning in 2025 and I hope to see you all there,” he vowed. According to the NHS, a strep infection can mean patients having a sore throat, a rash, nausea and vomiting and muscle aches. It is often not a serious illness and can be treated with antibiotics. Sir Rod is a member of the US Rock & Roll Hall of Fame and was knighted by the Queen in 2016. Reflecting on his incredible legacy, Rod – who turns 80 in January – recently acknowledged his “days are numbered.” “I’m aware my days are numbered but I’ve got no fear. We have all got to pass on at some point, so we are all in the same basket. I am going to be enjoying myself for these last few years as much as I can. I say few — probably another 15. I can do that easy mate, easy.”

On This Day

• 1929 – Babe Ruth becomes the first baseball player to hit 500 home runs in his career with a home run at League Park in Cleveland, Ohio.
• 1934 – The first civilian prisoners arrive at the Federal prison on Alcatraz Island.
• 1942 – Actress Hedy Lamarr and composer George Antheil receive a patent for a Frequency-hopping spread spectrum communication system that later became the basis for modern technologies in wireless telephones, two-way radio communications, and Wi-Fi. 
• 1962 – Vostok 3 launches from the Baikonur Cosmodrome and cosmonaut Andrian Nikolayev becomes the first person to float in microgravity.

Deaths

• 1956 – Jackson Pollock, American painter (b. 1912).
• 1988 – Anne Ramsey, American actress (b. 1929).
• 1994 – Peter Cushing, English actor (b. 1913).
• 2014 – Robin Williams, American actor and comedian (b. 1951).
• 2022 – Anne Heche, American actress (b. 1969).

Last Week’s Birthdays

Chris Hemsworth (41), Viola Davis (59), Anna Gunn (56), Ian McDiarmid (80), Hulk Hogan (71), Rosanna Arquette (65), Antonio Banderas (64), Bill Skarsgård (34), Anna Kendrick (39), Gillian Anderson (56), Sam Elliott (80), Rhona Mitra (48), Eric Bana (56), Melanie Griffith (67), Dan Levy (41), Audrey Tautou (48), Dustin Hoffman (87), Charlize Theron (49), Michael Shannon (50), Abbie Cornish (42), Harold Perrineau (61), David Duchovny (64), Tobin Bell (82), M. Night Shyamalan (54), Michelle Yeoh (62), and Mark Strong (61).