Dead Pool 3rd August 2014

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Welcome all to yet another edition of the Dead Pool Newsletter, and for once a worthy celebrity for our attentive needs has decided to die before I have finished writing the bloody thing and not after I have pressed the send button! I’d like to take this opportunity to thank all those who have sent interesting articles for the newsletter, it’s very appreciated, and you will see them slowly trickling through to print eventually, so please keep sending them in! I’d rather have a backlog of stories than sitting here with writers block crying into my wine. Without further ado…

Look Who You Could Have Had:

In Other News 

Rock band Status Quo have been forced to cancel six concerts on their European tour because of illness affecting guitarist Rick Parfitt. The group had been due to play in Pula, Croatia, where Parfitt, 65, is now in hospital receiving treatment. No details have been given about his condition but the band’s manager, Simon Porter, said Status Quo did not “cancel shows lightly”. “In this instance we have no option but to follow medical advice,” he said. Parfitt had a quadruple heart bypass in 1997 after doctors said he was in danger of dying as a result of his lifestyle. After surgery, Parfitt said he was not planning on becoming a “born-again Christian” and would still have the “odd pint”. Unbelievably, the band have recorded 64 British hit singles since 1968, more than any other band. 

Orlando-Bieber_2990661bActor Orlando Bloom allegedly took a swing at the Canadian ‘singer’ Justin Bieber at a restaurant in Ibiza in the early hours of Wednesday morning. Details as to what kicked off the mini-fight are hazy. Some say Bloom refused to shake Bieber’s hand and then tried to land a punch as he walked away. Others, that Bieber provoked Bloom with a comment about sleeping with the Lord of the Rings actor’s ex-wife, the model Miranda Kerr. What happened after, however, is well documented. In a video of the aftermath, Bieber can be heard shouting, “What’s up, bitch?” to his supposed love-rival. Not content with that zinger, he then took to Instagram to post a picture of Miranda Kerr in a bathing suit, followed by another of Bloom crying. As with all the best social media missives, the post of Kerr in her bikini has since been deleted. Nobody comes out of this with their dignity intact. Not weak-punch-cry-baby Legolas, nor baby-baby-baby-instagram-burn Bieber. However my estimation of Bloom has increased sevenfold.  

30184_web_mcgroarty_large_obit_photo_20140725Not that you would know the chap, but Kevin McGroarty, a longtime veteran of the advertising industry died on July 22nd. He had a certain way with words as his farewell proved as he announced that he’d recently moved into his “new address” at Mount Olivet Cemetery. News of his relocation is among the many gems in McGroarty’s obituary, written by the man himself. About 300 people attended McGroarty’s memorial service Monday, though there’s no mention how many were present for the “brief rant of how the government screwed up all of the Bugs Bunny Cartoons trying to censor violence” which was presented by his attorney.

On This Day


Struck by Lightning by KoA

Lightning_hits_treeIt’s a type of death that is apparently so rare it has become a metaphor for extremely bad luck. A lightning strike hit Venice beach in Los Angeles on Sunday afternoon, killing a man in his 20s, leaving another in a critical condition and injuring a dozen more.

According to the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration, it was the 15th death by lightning strike in the US this year. However, it represents a steady decrease year-on-year, possibly due to the fall in the numbers of people working outdoors and improvements in health and safety. In 2006, the overall number for the year was 48 and stood at 35 by this time in July.

Most victims are men, with 223 male deaths compared with 53 female deaths since 2006. Perhaps Thor hates men more than women… Thirteen of the total died on beaches, so you now know where not to be during a storm. 

Almost two-thirds were people enjoying outdoor activities, although the common belief that golfers make up a high number of victims of lightning does not hold up when you look at the figures. Between 2006 and 2013, fishermen accounted for more than three times as many deaths as golfers, which is a shame as golfers deserve death more than fishermen just for wearing stupid clothes in my book.

spain_lightning_fishermanIn the eight years since 2006, the US have  recorded 30 fishing deaths, 16 camping deaths and 14 boating deaths from lightning strikes. Of the sports activities, football saw the highest number of deaths with 12, compared with golf’s eight fatalities. Twelve people were killed working in gardens and 14 people died working on a farm. It’s a shame that the lighting hasn’t taken out a few more Premiership footballers if you ask me…

Summer is the peak time for lightning deaths. More than 70% occurred in June, July and August, with Saturdays and Sundays the most deadly. 

doubleBut just because these numbers seem a lot does not mean it is common. NOAA puts the odds of being killed by lightning in any given year at 1 in 1.9m and the odds of being struck in your lifetime at 1 in 12,000. In comparison, the odds for winning the jackpot on the Lotto is 1 in 13,983,816. But you would have the same chance of being born with Downs Syndrome or hitting a hole in one at 1 in 12,000 too. 

The UK has fewer deaths from lightning strikes. According to the tornado and storm research organisation (Torro) database, 30 to 60 people are struck by lightning each year, with an average annual death toll of less than five. Lightning strikes tend to be concentrated in the south-east, Yay! Death to all Londeners! because of the warmer average temperatures. East Anglia is most likely to experience thunderstorms, according to the Met Office, and north-west Scotland the least likely.

So, if you intend to stay alive during the next thunder storm, don’t play go fishing around Norwich this month! 

Last Week’s Birthdays

Dean Cain (48), J.K. Rowling (49), Wesley Snipes (52), Lisa Kudrow (51), Laurence Fishburne (53), Arnold Schwarzenegger (67), Paul Anka (73), Wes Craven (75), Kevin Smith (44), Edward Furlong (37), Sam Worthington (38), Jason Monma (35), Sam Mendes (49), Michael Biehn (58), Christopher Nolan (44), Hilary Swank (40),  Jean Reno (66), Richard Linklater (54), Frances de la Tour (70), Carel Struycken (66), Wil Wheaton (42), David Warner (73) and Nikolaj Coster-Waldau (44).

2013 League Table


Next week peeps!

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