Dead Pool 13th April 2014

Bit of a slow week this week, maybe because I  robbed Mickey Rooney and Peaches Geldof from Monday onto last weeks newsletter, I only have myself to blame, I should write things on time! So we only have the sad deaths of Adrian Mole creator, Sue Townsend, and the early death of The  Ultimate Warrior to entertain us. With Warriors demise, its perhaps pertinent to take a look at the ageing WWF wrestlers, all of which will be struggling to keep their steroid addled hearts going, and lets face it, all that shouting and brutal jumping around in front of the American public is enough to put a strain on anyone!

Look Who You Could Have Had:

• The Ultimate Warrior, 54, American Hall of Fame professional wrestler (WWE).
• Sue Townsend, 68, British novelist and playwright (Adrian Mole series), stroke.
• And a whole horde of others that I didn’t recognise at all!

In Other News

By the time you have read this we will know if Mo Farah has won the London Marathon to not, or perhaps he’s actually dead a mile before the finishing line if last month’s collapse at the New York Marathon is anything to go by! Mo was unconscious for three minutes after finishing second and carted off in a wheelchair, all because he suffered a slight fall and got a bit cold. Doesn’t sound all that fit to me! Let’s wish him well anyway, nobody has him on their lists, so him dying would be a bit of a waste!

The former Bishop of Gloucester, The Rt Rev Peter Ball was due to appear in court to answer allegations of sex offences dating back to the 1970’s but was too unwell to appear. The 82 year old faces charges of fucking little boys in his care. I think this is the same guy I agreed to spend the evening with incarcerated in a prison cell for charity, thank fuck that fell through, otherwise if he’d tried anything I’d have been one facing a lengthy jail sentence for the murder of a Bishop! Let’s hope the dirty old cunt dies in jail.

It’s sad to hear that the remains of Mickey Rooney are being fought over by his relatives. The 93 year old disinherited his wife and all of his children in his last will, leaving is £10k legacy to his stepson who served as his caregiver until he died. I bet when they began all their court litigations they expected to find a bit more than £10,000. Looks like the lawyers are going to win and the family will end up with large bills and a rotting corpse to deal with.

On This Day

• 1111 – Henry V is crowned Holy Roman Emperor.
• 1613 – Samuel Argall captures Native American princess Pocahontas in Passapatanzy, Virginia to ransom her for some English prisoners held by her father.
• 1796 – The first elephant ever seen in the United States arrives from India.
• 1960 – The United States launches Transit 1-B, the world’s first satellite navigation system.
• 1964 – At the Academy Awards, Sidney Poitier becomes the first African-American male to win the Best Actor award for the 1963 film Lilies of the Field.
• 1970 – An oxygen tank aboard Apollo 13 explodes, putting the crew in great danger and causing major damage to the spacecraft while en route to the Moon.
• 1997 – Tiger Woods becomes the youngest golfer to win the Masters Tournament.

Deaths

• 1975 – Larry Parks, American actor (b. 1914)
• 2001 – Robert Moon, American postal inspector, created the ZIP code (b. 1917)
• 2004 – Caron Keating, English-Irish television host (b. 1962)

Death Row Prisoners Last Meals by KoA

This week we take a look at what Ángel Nieves Díaz ate before he was lethally injected for the crime of murder, even though he protested his innocence until he  died.  On December 13, 2006, Nieves Díaz was executed at the Florida State Prison in Raiford. He did not order a last meal, but was served a prison menu of shredded turkey with taco seasoning, shredded cheese, rice, pinto beans, tortilla shells, apple crisp, and iced tea. He also refused this meal. So facing his death on an empty stomach, the poor chap was injected straight through the vein and instead of dying within the stipulated 7.5 minutes, it took over an hour. I bet he regretted his decision not to eat then…

Horrible Ways to Die #5 – Rabies!  by Dexychik

Rabies is a disease generally associated with dogs, but any mammal can catch it, including humans. It’s more commonly passed on by bat bite than dog. It’s always been rare in the west, but is not eradicated: up to 55,000 people a year die of it worldwide, mainly in Africa and Asia. There is no treatment, except for vaccination, which can be administered after a bite. The vaccine is notable because it was one of the earliest invented, second only to smallpox.

The bugger of rabies is that it can take a very long time to manifest. Usually it’s within a few months, sometimes as soon as a week, but it has been reported up to six years after exposure. Although the vaccine is generally successful at preventing it, if it gets to your central nervous system, you die.

The early symptoms are a fever and a bit of irritation around the entry site. However, once it reaches the brain or spinal cord, it is dramatic. You suffer paralysis and insanity, usually of the paranoid, terrified type, before lapsing into unconsciousness. It used to be called hydrophobia, because it’s common to develop an absolutely hysterical fear of water. This isn’t helped by the mouth overproducing saliva, which is what gives rabid dogs the characteristic ‘foaming at the mouth’ appearance. If a drink is so much as suggested to someone with rabies, their whole throat and larynx spasms.

Thankfully, death follows within 10 days in almost all cases, so you don’t have to suffer long. But probably best to cough up for a vaccine if you’re travelling to areas where it’s common.

Next time! Being broken on a wheel!

Last Week’s Birthdays

Kirsten Stewart (24), Dennis Quaid (60), Jenna Jameson (40), David Letterman (67), Shannen Doherty (43), Hugh Hefner (88), Paul Rudd (45), Claire Danes (35), Russell Crowe (50), Ed O’Neill (68), Zach Braff (39), Robin Wright (48), Andy Garcia (58), Billy Dee Williams (77), Steven Seagal (62), Saoirse Ronan (20), John Ratzenberger (67), Francis Ford Coppola (75), Jackie Chan (60), Julian Lennon (51), Joss Stone (27), Jennifer Morrison (35), James Garner (86), Wayne Rogers (81), Patricia Arquette (46), Max von Sydow (85), Omar Sharif (82), Haley Joel Osment (26) and Lisa Stansfield (48).

2013 League Table

[confidential]

Next Week peeps!