Not good news for Eurovision fans, two related deaths this week, perhaps this is the tip of the iceberg for shit singers to perish. However, you are forgiven for not knowing anyone on the list this week. Obviously nil points to award this week.

Look Who You Could Have Had:

• Yann Arnaud, 38, French Cirque du Soleil acrobat (Totem, Volta), fall.
• Sudan, 45, Kenyan northern white rhinoceros, last known male of his subspecies, euthanised.
• Katie Boyle, 91, Italian-born British actress, television personality and game-show panelist.
• Fergus Anckorn, 99, British magician, longest-serving member of The Magic Circle.
• Charles Lazarus, 94, American toy store executive (Toys “R” Us), respiratory failure.
• Debbie Lee Carrington, 58, American actress and stuntwoman (Return of the Jedi, Total Recall, Bride of Chucky).
• Lys Assia, 94, Swiss singer, winner of the first Eurovision Song Contest (1956).

In Other News

TV presenter Ant McPartlin has been charged with drink driving, the Metropolitan Police have confirmed. It follows his arrest after a collision on Sunday involving three vehicles in south-west London, where minor injuries were recorded. Mr McPartlin attended Kingston police station on Wednesday, where he was interviewed under caution. The presenter will appear at Wimbledon Magistrates’ Court on 4th April. The TV star could face up to six months in prison, an unlimited fine and a minimum driving ban of a year, if found guilty. Police said a 42-year-old man was arrested at the scene of the incident after failing a roadside breathalyser test. Mr McPartlin’s publicist subsequently confirmed the presenter would be taking time off from his TV commitments “for the foreseeable future” and would seek further treatment. He entered rehab in June 2017, after developing an addiction to prescription painkillers following a knee operation in 2015. He later said he was “overwhelmed” by the public support. Meanwhile, ITV confirmed on Wednesday that Declan Donnelly will present Saturday Night Takeaway on his own for the rest of this series. This Saturday’s show was cancelled after Mr McPartlin’s arrest, but the following two episodes, which will air on 31st March and 7th April, will now be presented solo by Donnelly.

Having cheated death five times, Colonel Gaddafi’s son is reportedly planning to run for the Libyan presidency. Saif al-Islam Gaddafi has already survived being sentenced to death by firing squad for alleged crimes that included incitement to murder and rape. The dictator’s son also appears to have been lucky to survive a Nato airstrike that wounded but didn’t kill him a month before his capture. Before that, in August 2011 he had been absent when a Nato airstrike flattened the country mansion near Tripoli where he kept and played with white tigers. He also seems to have counted himself lucky to have avoided the fate of his father, who in October 2011 after the fall of Tripoli was dragged from a drainage pipe near Sirte, sodomised with a bayonet and shot. Now his spokesman has reportedly announced he will be standing as presidential candidate on the ticket of the Popular Front for the Liberation of Libya, a party formed in December 2016 with a promise to liberate the country “from control of terrorist organisations”. If he were elected it would represent yet another turn in the fortunes of the 45-year-old who as a young man was regarded as “the Prince of Libya”, his father’s designated successor.

Another week passes, another snake charmer nearly dies after his python tried to strangle him during a live performance in Mau, a town in the northern Indian state of Uttar Pradesh. The man, whose name is not know, passed out in front of an audience after the snake wrapped itself around his neck. Those watching were unaware it was not part of the man’s act until he failed to get up. Onlookers then managed to wake the snake charmer with water while moving the snake away. He was taken to hospital in the nearby city of Varanasi. As you may remember, earlier this month, a Malaysian man famous for handling snakes died after being bitten by a cobra.

On This Day

• 1199 – Richard I is wounded by a crossbow bolt while fighting France, leading to his death on April 6th.
• 1306 – Robert the Bruce becomes King of Scots (Scotland).
• 1655 – Saturn’s largest moon, Titan, is discovered by Christiaan Huygens.
• 1807 – The Swansea and Mumbles Railway, then known as the Oystermouth Railway, becomes the first passenger-carrying railway in the world.

Deaths

• 1857 – William Colgate, English-American businessman and philanthropist, founded Colgate-Palmolive (b. 1783)
• 1918 – Claude Debussy, French composer (b. 1862)
• 2006 – Richard Fleischer, American film director (b. 1916)

What would happen if an astronaut took off their helmet in space? 

Hint: it’s not good news… If an astronaut’s helmet was to accidentally come loose or come off completely in space, then obviously, this would be very bad news indeed. Remember that space is a vacuum, meaning that there are no particles floating around. When you are exposed to this, the air in your lungs has no choice but to be forced out through your mouth. Not too long after, your breathing motions will seem fairly normal despite their being no air to breathe until you die of oxygen deprivation. Contrary to popular science fiction, you won’t freeze instantly and your eyeballs won’t explode but you will become aware of the spit on your tongue boiling away, as well as your sweat. On the whole, you’ll experience a kind of fizzy feeling – almost like drinking a carbonated drink. Slightly more boring than what Hollywood would like you to believe.

 Last Week’s Birthdays

Jessica Chastain (41). Lara Flynn Boyle (48), Alyson Hannigan (44), Jim Parsons (45), Kelly LeBrock (58), The Undertaker (53), Mary Berry (83), Amanda Plummer (61), Joanna Page (40), Chaka Khan (65), Reese Witherspoon (42), William Shatner (87), M. Emmet Walsh (83), Andrew Lloyd Webber (70), Gary Oldman (60), Sonequa Martin-Green (33), Matthew Broderick (56), Timothy Dalton (72), Jaye Davidson (50), Rosie O’Donnell (56), Ruby Rose (32), David Thewlis (55), Holly Hunter (60), Spike Lee (61), William Hurt (68), Freema Agyeman (39), Carl Reiner (96), John de Lancie (70), Bruce Willis (63), Harvey ‘The Rapist’ Weinstein (66), Glenn Close (71), Ursula Andress (82), Brad Dourif (68), Luc Besson (59) and Irene Cara (59).

Points!!! Lots of Points!!! With the sad passing of Stephen Hawking, Christine, Sarai, Lee, Paul C, Paula, and Neil all score 74 points. Jemm was the only one to list Ken Dodd, so 60 points to her. I even scored myself with Jim Bowen, 70 points to me!! Well done everyone! Half of us have now scored, not too shabby a showing for so early in the year.

Look Who You Could Have Had:

• Sir Ken Dodd, 90, English comedian (Diddy Men), singer (“Tears”) and actor (Hamlet), chest infection.
• Hubert de Givenchy, 91, French fashion designer (Givenchy).
• Claudia Fontaine, 57, English singer (Afrodiziak) and backing vocalist (Pink Floyd, Elvis Costello).
• Jim Bowen, 80, English television presenter (Bullseye) and comedian (The Comedians).
• Stephen Hawking, 76, English theoretical physicist, professor (University of Cambridge) and writer (A Brief History of Time).
• Adrian Lamo, 37, American computer hacker (WikiLeaks).
• Abu Zarin Hussin, 33, Malaysian snake handler, cobra bite.

In Other News

It didn’t take long for the leader of far-right group Britain First to be punched by fellow inmates in jail. Paul Golding, 36, was attacked in HMP Elmley on the Isle of Sheppey and moved to a care and separation unit after the attack on Wednesday afternoon. It was reported that Golding was left with a suspected broken nose when he was attacked by two fellow inmates. Kent Police, which is investigating the attack, said Golding suffered “minor facial injuries which wont make him any uglier”. Golding and Britain First deputy leader Jayda Fransen, 32, were jailed earlier this month after being convicted of religiously aggravated harassment. Fransen was only handed a 36-week sentence and Golding was jailed for a measly 18 weeks.

Bollywood actor Irrfan Khan has revealed on Twitter that he has been diagnosed with a neuroendocrine tumour. He had tweeted on 6th March that he was suffering from a “rare disease” but did not say what it was. Khan, 51, has acted in more than 100 films including Bollywood hits Piku, Maqbool, Haasil and Paan Singh Tomar. His English language films include Life Of Pi, Jurassic World, Slumdog Millionaire and The Amazing Spider-Man. Health experts say neuroendocrine tumours can develop in many different organs in the body and can be cancerous or non-cancerous. Some tumours can cause abnormally large amounts of hormones to enter the bloodstream and cause symptoms such as heart problems, changes in blood pressure or cramps.

God didn’t take kindly to a gathering of his flock last week as he produced a lightning strike which killed at least 16 people and injured dozens more at a Seventh-Day Adventist church in Rwanda on Saturday. Most of the victims died instantly when lightning hit the church in the southern district of Nyaruguru, local mayor Habitegeko Francois said. 140 people were rushed to hospital and health centres. The weather ‘accident’ in the mountainous region near the border with Burundi took place around midday on Saturday while parishioners of the town of Gihemvu were at a church service. “Doctors say that only three [more churchgoers] are in critical condition but they are getting better.”

A man’s claim that he is alive has been rejected by a Romanian court after he was officially registered as deceased. Constantin Reliu, 63, moved to Turkey for work in 1992 and did not have any contact with his family for almost two decades. After his wife heard nothing from him since 1999, she presumed he had died and got a death certificate drawn up in 2016. Mr Reliu was then arrested in Turkey as his permission to stay in the country had expired and he was subsequently deported. Upon arriving back in Romania, he discovered he had been declared dead and was therefore unable to work. Mr Reliu took the issue to court but lost his case because his appeal was deemed to have been made too late. “I am officially dead, although I’m alive, I have no income and because I am listed dead, I can’t do anything,” he said. Mr Reliu has said he wishes to return to Turkey where he owns a business but first needs to get his identity back and the death certificate annulled in order to leave the country.

On This Day

• 1925 – The Tri-State Tornado hits the Midwestern states of Missouri, Illinois, and Indiana, killing 695 people.
• 1937 – The New London School explosion in New London, Texas, kills 300 people, mostly children.
• 1965 – Cosmonaut Alexey Leonov, leaving his spacecraft Voskhod 2 for 12 minutes, becomes the first person to walk in space.
• 1980 – A Vostok-2M rocket at Plesetsk Cosmodrome Site 43 explodes during a fuelling operation, killing 48 people.

Deaths

• 978 – Edward the Martyr, English king (b. 962)
• 1745 – Robert Walpole, English scholar and politician, Prime Minister of the United Kingdom (b. 1676)
• 1845 – Johnny Appleseed, American gardener and missionary (b. 1774)
• 2009 – Natasha Richardson, English-American actress (b. 1963)
• 2017 – Chuck Berry, American guitarist, singer and songwriter (b. 1926)

Last Week’s Birthdays

Kurt Russell (67), Rob Lowe (54), John Boyega (26), Gary Sinise (63), Patrick Duffy (69), Alan Tudyk (47), Jerome Flynn (55), Erik Estrada (69), Judah Friedlander (49), Jimmy Nail (64), Eva Longoria (43), David Cronenberg (75), Fabio (59), Will.i.am (43), Michael Caine (85), Sasha Grey (30), Billy Crystal (70), Quincy Jones (85), William H. Macy (68), Annabeth Gish (47), Danny Masterson (42), Jaimie Alexander (34), Aaron Eckhart (50), Liza Minnelli (72), Ron Jeremy (65), Thora Birch (36), Alex Kingston (55), John Barrowman (51), Johnny Knoxville (47) and Nina Hartley (59).

No points to award this week, in fact, the deaths are somewhat lacklustre to be sure. Luckily Trevor Baylis thought he’d help us out by being the only pictured death this week, as I doubt very much you could pick out the others in a line up. However, there’s plenty to read and discuss, so without further ado…

Look Who You Could Have Had:

• Russell Solomon, 92, American retail executive, founder of Tower Records.
• J. Paul Raines, 53, American retail executive, CEO of GameStop (2010–2017), brain cancer.
• Sir William McAlpine, 6th Baronet, 82, British engineering construction executive, Managing Director of Sir Robert McAlpine.
• Trevor Baylis, 80, British inventor (windup radio).
• Huguette Masson, 113, French supercentenarian.

In Other News

After performing the first of two scheduled live stand-up shows last Sunday night, ‘filmmaker’, comic book writer, and actor Kevin Smith suffered a near-fatal heart attack. A week later, in his first Facebook post after breaking the news of the heart attack, Smith revealed that he was recovering at home from the hospital, and also that he was in his second day as a vegetarian. The fat cunt said he was feeling well, and that his heart was actually getting more oxygen than it had in a long time. He thanked his friends and fans for the support and kind words they’d sent, and then he signed the message, “from Vegetarian Kev, Day 2.” Smith said he’d had a 100-percent blockage of his LAD artery, which is also called “the Widow-Maker.” He was lucky to survive, and wrote, “This is all a part of my mythology now and I’m sure I’ll be facing some lifestyle changes.”

Former BBC Breakfast presenter Bill Turnbull has revealed he has been diagnosed with prostate cancer. The 62-year-old said it was found in November and  cancer has spread to his legs, hips, pelvis and ribs. Turnbull told the Dead Pool media team that he wanted to encourage people to get tested, saying: “Maybe if I’d got it earlier and stopped it at the prostate, I’d be in a much better state.” He said he had put long-term aches and pains down to “old age”. Turnbull said in his interview he had had prostate tests when he was aged 40 and 50. But he said he was “cross” for having prided himself on not visiting a GP in four years and only sought help when his pains could no longer be alleviated with pills. Turnbull said it “saddens me that I’m not going to be around as much as I thought with my wife and family… I realised if things progress as they do on average, I can’t plan beyond 12 years”. So he’ll be dead at the age of 74, I bet Michael Jackson would trade places with him in a heartbeat.

Remember Poo Watch? Well, the man suspected of swallowing a stash of drugs has won his freedom – and a stand-off with police – after refusing to go to the toilet for 47 days. Lamarr Chambers was arrested in Harlow, Essex on 17th January and charged with two counts of possessing class A drugs with intent to supply. The 24-year-old refused to take laxatives or be X-rayed during his time in custody, but continued to eat and drink. Essex Police tweeted daily updates of what they described as “poo watch”. But officers decided to release Mr Chambers from custody on Monday “following medical and legal advice”, and the Crown Prosecution Service (CPS) dropped the charge. Although Mr Chambers was rearrested on a separate charge of being concerned in the supply of a Class A drug, he was released on bail and taken by police car to hospital for medical treatment.

A top South African triathlete is battling to save his legs after assailants cut into them with a blunt saw, causing severe injuries, while he cycled to training. Mhlengi Gwala, 27, successfully underwent surgery after the attack which occurred in the early hours of Tuesday morning in the coastal city of Durban, confirmed Dennis Jackson, director of the elite athlete program in KwaZulu-Natal province. Multiple attackers pulled Gwala from his bicycle as he cycled up a steep hill and sawed into his right calf, damaging muscle, nerves and bone, according to Jackson, who spoke by phone to the triathlete about the ordeal. The assailants missed a main artery and surgeons are confident they can save the leg, Jackson said. The attackers also started sawing into Gwala’s left leg before fleeing, enabling the athlete to crawl to a road and flag down a passing car to take him to a hospital. The grisly attack has alarmed athletes in Durban who routinely get up in the early morning darkness to train when few people are on the roads, and there was no immediate explanation for why Gwala was targeted. The athlete had offered his cell phone, wallet and bicycle to the assailants, who still went for his legs and were speaking in a language that Gwala could not understand.

And finally, Martin Shkreli, the former drug firm executive found guilty of defrauding investors, has been sentenced to seven years in prison. The 34-year-old wept at a hearing as a federal court judge in Brooklyn, New York, handed down the prison term. Shkreli was convicted last year of sending fake account statements to investors while concealing huge losses from two hedge funds he ran. He first became notorious in 2015 for hiking the price of a lifesaving drug. His lawyers had asked the judge to impose a sentence of 12 to 18 months, while prosecutors were seeking at least 15 years. “I’ve got my begging voice on,” Shkreli’s lawyer Benjamin Brafman told the judge on Friday, while acknowledging his client could be annoying. “There are times when I want to hug him and hold him and comfort him and there are times when I want to punch him in the face,” said Mr Brafman. After a jury found him guilty in August last year, Shkreli was allowed to remain free pending sentencing. But a month later he offered social media followers $5,000 if they could bring him hair from former US presidential candidate Hillary Clinton, who repeatedly criticised him during her campaign. A judge revoked bail and Shkreli was jailed. Prosecutors moved to seize $7.4m of his assets, including a single copy of an album by American hip hop group the Wu-Tang Clan that the disgraced executive is said to have paid $2m for at auction in 2015. Lets hope Big Brenda in cell 13 gets hold of him.

On This Day

• 1702 – The Daily Courant, England’s first national daily newspaper is published for the first time.
• 1864 – The Great Sheffield Flood kills 238 people in Sheffield, England.
• 2004 – Madrid train bombings: Simultaneous explosions on rush hour trains in Madrid, Spain, kill 192 people.
• 2011 – An earthquake measuring 9.0 in magnitude strikes 130 km (81 mi) east of Sendai, Japan, triggering a tsunami killing thousands of people. This event also triggered the second largest nuclear accident in history, and one of only two events to be classified as a Level 7 on the International Nuclear Event Scale.

Deaths

• 1955 – Alexander Fleming, Scottish biologist, pharmacologist, and botanist, Nobel Prize laureate (b. 1881)
• 2006 – Slobodan Milošević, Serbian lawyer and politician, 3rd President of the Federal Republic of Yugoslavia (b. 1941)

Last Week’s Birthdays

Sharon Stone (60), Jon Hamm (47), Chuck Norris (78), Robert Llewellyn (62), Juliette Binoche (54), Aidan Quinn (59), Cynthia Rothrock (61), Micky Dolenz (73), Rachel Weisz (48), Bryan Cranston (62), T.J. Thyne (43), E.L. James (55), Rob Reiner (71), Shaquille O’Neal (46), Amy Okuda (29), Alan Davies (52), Jolene Blalock (43), Eva Mendes (44), Matt Lucas (44), Paul Blackthorne (49), Fred Williamson (80), Penn Jillette (63), Patsy Kensit (50) and Dominique Pinon (63).

This week was turning out to be a washout, luckily, when I woke up this morning quite a few notables had passed on. Luckily for us, we even have some points to dispense! Nickie and Nicola both guessed that Roger Bannister would make his final run and score them both 62 points each. Well done both of you!

Look Who You Could Have Had:

• Scott Westgarth, 31, British boxer, injuries sustained in match.
• Lance Clark, 81, British shoemaker (Clarks).
• Peter Miles, 89, English actor (Z-Cars, Doctor Who, Blake’s 7).
• David Ogden Stiers, 75, American actor (M*A*S*H, Beauty and the Beast, Better Off Dead), bladder cancer.
• Davide Astori, 31, Italian footballer, heart attack.
• Sir Roger Bannister, 88, British middle-distance athlete and first person to run a sub-four-minute mile

In Other News

I hope you all had some fun in the snow last week, unlike actress Sarah Parish who has broken a leg while trying to snowboard on a plastic sledge. The TV star of Broadchurch and Mistresses is spending a second day at the Royal Hampshire Hospital in Winchester following her accident. Parish, 49, posted a message on Instagram on Saturday alongside footage of her being treated by paramedics. She told fans she had been given “enough morphine to knock the Navy out but still in pain”. In her message, she added: “Note to self: cheap plastic sledges are for sitting in and gently trundling down primary slopes NOT a substitute for a stand up snowboard.” Doctors were due to operate on her on Saturday and place a pin through her shin, Parish said. The actress joined Broadchurch for its third season last year, playing the role of Cath Atwood – a friend of rape victim Trish.

Missy Elliot and Snoop Dogg are among the stars praying for hospitalised rapper Rick Ross. The 42-year-old is in hospital in Miami, with unconfirmed reports from some US media suggesting he’s in a critical condition. “Prayers up for my guy Rick Ross”, Snoop wrote. “Hope you pull thru my brotha.” It’s unclear what his condition currently is. Reports from TMZ claim that doctors have put Rick Ross on extracorporeal membrane oxygenation – also known as extracorporeal life support, a technique of providing prolonged cardiac and respiratory support. The publication claims someone from his home called 911 in the early hours of Thursday and said the person in distress was breathing heavily and was unresponsive. The caller said the man in distress had a history of seizures — something we know Rick Ross has suffered from before – and they were trying to wake him up but he was ‘slobbering at the mouth’. However, not every star wished him well, 50 Cent outraged Ross’ fans by posting a picture of Rocky IV character Ivan Drago at the point he famously utters “if he dies, he dies” after beating Apollo Creed to death.

Cancer-stricken Linda Nolan will turn down chemotherapy so she can live the last months of her life pain-free – after seeing the agony sister Bernie went through. Linda was diagnosed as incurable a year ago this week and has no idea how long her illness will remain treatable. Now she reveals she could not bear the same ordeal her sister faced as she died of secondary breast cancer five years ago. Yesterday the 59-year-old singer told how she wants to live more than ever. But she wants that life to be as enjoyable as possible, partying with friends and family, and even enjoying a little revenge on those who’ve wronged her. Linda – one of the six Nolan Sisters – first found a lump in her breast in 2005, and was told she had an aggressive stage three cancer. After gruelling treatment she was given the all-clear a year later, but 12 months ago she was told the disease was back and she had secondary cancer in her hip. The same condition claimed 52-year-old Bernie’s life in 2013 after it spread to her lungs, liver and brain.

On This Day

• 1519 – Hernán Cortés arrives in Mexico in search of the Aztec civilisation and its wealth.
• 1899 – Cyclone Mahina sweeps in north of Cooktown, Queensland, with a 12 metres (39 ft) wave that reaches up to 5 kilometres (3.1 mi) inland, killing over 300.
• 1908 – The Collinwood school fire, Collinwood near Cleveland, Ohio, kills 174 people.

Deaths

• 1238 – Joan of England, queen of Scotland (b. 1210)
• 1994 – John Candy, Canadian comedian and actor (b. 1950)
• 2008 – Gary Gygax, American game designer, co-created Dungeons & Dragons (b. 1938)

Last Week’s Birthdays

Julie Bowen (48), Miranda Richardson (60), Charlie Brooker (47), Brian Cox (50), Bryce Dallas Howard (37), Daniel Craig (50), Rebel Wilson (38), Gates McFadden (69), Jon Bon Jovi (56), Chris Martin (41), Alexander Armstrong (48), Lupita Nyong’o (35), Ron Howard (64), Javier Bardem (49), Jensen Ackles (40), Zack Snyder (52), Dirk Benedict (73), Justin Bieber (24), Harry Belafonte (91), Roger Daltrey (74), Paul Hollywood (52), John Turturro (61), Rae Dawn Chong (57), Stephanie Beacham (71), Kate Mara (35), Timothy Spall (61), Adam Baldwin (56), Michael Bolton (65), Sean Astin (47) and Téa Leoni (52).

Points!!!! Lots too! Lets begin with 183 points to Sylvia for predicting the demise of Catherine Nevin, fantastic score due to her relatively low age and that Sylvia stuck her in as her Woman. 51 points to Mark, Laura, Lee, Julie and Nicola for guessing Billy Graham. Surprisingly, the stalwart of the Dead Pool didn’t score that many points given that he has refused to die over the countless years we’ve been running The Dead Pool. Well done all of you who scored!

Look Who You Could Have Had:

• Catherine Nevin, 67, Irish murderer, brain tumour.
• Emma Chambers, 53, English actress (The Vicar of Dibley, Notting Hill, How Do You Want Me?).
• Billy Graham, 99, American evangelist and Southern Baptist minister.
• Eddy Amoo, 74, British soul singer (The Real Thing).
• Sridevi, 54, Indian actress (English Vinglish), heart attack.
• Barbara Alston, 74, American singer (The Crystals, Da Doo Ron Ron), complications from influenza.

In Other News

Stephen Fry is recovering from surgery for prostate cancer and said “it all seemed to go pretty well”. The broadcaster, who had his operation in early January, said on his website: “They took the prostate out,” adding: “So far as we know it’s all been got.” He said it was an “aggressive” cancer but it “doesn’t seem” to have spread. The former QI host added: “For the moment I’m fit and well and happy and I just wanted to let you know because rumours had started to swirl.” In the video on his site, he said: “You have to recover and that’s what I’ve been doing.” He said his family and “my darling, darling husband” Elliott Spencer had been “just marvellous”. “Here’s hoping I’ve got another few years left on this planet because I enjoy life at the moment and that’s a marvellous thing to be able to say, and I’d rather it didn’t go away,” he added. His condition was given a Gleason Score – a scale used to rate the aggressiveness of prostate cancer – of nine out of 10 before the operation, in which surgeons removed 11 lymph nodes.

To paraphrase the great American humourist Mark Twain, Twitter reports of Sylvester Stallone’s death are an exaggeration. Stallone and his brother confirmed on social media the actor was alive and well after he was the victim of a “death hoax”. Death hoaxes usually originate from a website or person intending to spread the rumour,  and go viral as web-users are duped into believing the claim. In Stallone’s case, pranksters even mocked up fake pictures showing the actor in his “final days”. The hoax, which started overnight in the US while the actor and his representatives were asleep, raced across the internet. By morning, Stallone was already being mourned by a legion of adoring fans. However Rocky refused to stay down. The 71-year-old actor and his brother took to social media to debunk the prank. “Please ignore this stupidity,” Stallone wrote in an Instagram post. “Alive and well and happy and healthy.”

An attempted execution in Alabama was halted after medical personnel repeatedly jabbed the death row inmate in the ankles, lower legs and groin but failed to find a usable vein, according to a court filing by his lawyer. The dramatic night began with a temporary stay of execution at around 6pm local time – lifted by the US Supreme Court just three hours later – and ended in confusion as 61-year-old Doyle Lee Hamm was returned to his cell shortly before midnight on Thursday. Lawyer Bernard Harcourt, who has represented Hamm for 28 years, said he was seeking information about what happened during the attempted execution. “He’s in great pain from yesterday evening, physically, from all of the attempts to access his veins in his lower extremities and in his groin,” Mr Harcourt said. He has long argued that his client, who was diagnosed with lymphoma in 2014, should not face lethal injection as his veins were “severely compromised” due to the cancer and treatment, and the procedure would cause severe and unnecessary pain.

And finally, a suspected drug dealer has refused to use the toilet for 37 days and is now at “risk of death”, a court has been told. Lamarr Chambers, 24, allegedly swallowed the drugs while being chased by police in Essex and has since rejected laxatives and an X-ray but has continued to eat and drink. Essex Police officers have been tweeting daily updates of the operation they described as “poo watch” since the man was arrested in Harlow on 17th January. He has been charged with two counts of possessing class A drugs with intent to supply. Police said they would continue to apply to court for custody extensions until he empties his bowels or allows doctors to retrieve the package he is suspected of swallowing. Chelmsford Magistrates’ Court has now been told that Mr Chambers was being kept in a normal prison cell with two police officers with him at all times and has therefore not had the privacy to use the toilet. His defence lawyers claimed there was “the potential of something going seriously wrong. We’re in an arena of risk of death.” They added that the drugs that Mr Chambers had allegedly swallowed was not necessarily crucial evidence. The situation has been described as “unprecedented” and the previous record for avoiding emptying the bowels was thought to have been 33 days.

On This Day

• 1336 – Four thousand defenders of Pilėnai commit mass suicide rather than be taken captive by the Teutonic Knights.
• 1797 – Colonel William Tate and his force of 1000–1500 soldiers surrender after the Last invasion of Britain.
• 1994 – Mosque of Abraham massacre: In the Cave of the Patriarchs in the West Bank city of Hebron, Baruch Goldstein opens fire with an automatic rifle, killing 29 Palestinian worshippers and injuring 125 more before being subdued and beaten to death by survivors.

Deaths

• 1246 – Dafydd ap Llywelyn, Welsh king (b. 1212)
• 1723 – Christopher Wren, English architect, designed St Paul’s Cathedral (b. 1632)
• 1983 – Tennessee Williams, American playwright, and poet (b. 1911)
• 2017 – Bill Paxton, American actor (b. 1955)

Last Week’s Birthdays

Billy Zane (52), Edward James Olmos (71), Dennis Waterman (70), Emily Blunt (35), Dakota Fanning (24), Kelly Macdonald (42), Peter Fonda (78), Aziz Ansari (35), Drew Barrymore (43), Thomas Jane (49), Jeri Ryan (50), Julie Walters (68), Kyle MacLachlan (59), James Hong (89), Jenna Haze (36), Sheila Hancock (85), Nigel Planer (65), Niki Lauda (69), Sophie Turner (22), Tuppence Middleton (31), Kelsey Grammer (63), William Baldwin (55), Tyne Daly (72), Anthony Daniels (72), Rihanna (30), Brenda Blethyn (72), Sidney Poitier (91), Anthony Head (64), Cindy Crawford (52), Mike Leigh (75), Trevor Noah (34), Ivana Trump (69), Benicio Del Toro (51), Jeff Daniels (63), Ray Winstone (61), Leslie Ash (58), Seal (55) and Smokey Robinson (78).