Just a handful of vaguely familiar notables for you this week, but as always we’re bursting at the seems with amazingly interesting stories and a bunch of giggles and facts. Pretty much like the very recent plane crash in Belgium where ten skydivers, fully kitted out, died when the plane went down. Did none of them think if bailing out? Anyhow, without further ado, lets get on with it!

Look Who You Could Have Had:

• Terry Rhoads, 61, American actor (Liar Liar, Hitchcock, The Day After Tomorrow), amyloidosis.
• Hans Riegel, 90, German entrepreneur (Haribo).
• Sean Edwards, 26, British racing driver, racetrack collision.
• Ed Lauter, 74, American actor (The Artist, The Rocketeer, Family Plot), mesothelioma.
• Lou Scheimer, 84, American television producer (He-Man and the Masters of the Universe), co-founder of Filmation.
• Felix Dexter, 52, British comedian (The Real McCoy), multiple myeloma.

In Other News

Five days after undergoing brain surgery to remove a brain clot, President Cristina Fernandez de Kirchner proves she can still count to five and has been allowed home to recover. She’s under strict instructions to rest for a minimum of thirty days, hence why I’ve sent her a Pilates DVD and hired a personal trainer for her. Has anyone else noticed that Argentina has stopped being a pain in the arse since she became ill? Women in power eh? First Thatcher now this one… Back into the kitchen with all of you! *runs for the hills*

For those of you who pay attention, you may remember former Nazi Erich Priebke from last week. There’s been a slight problem in putting his body into the ground as more than 500 people clashed with his hearse and Nazi sympathisers during his funeral in Italy.

Argentina, where Priebke lived for 50 years before being extradited to Italy to face charges for war crimes, have also refused to take his body even though he has a plot next to his wife there. Now ‘the man who followed orders’ is chilling in a fridge at an Italian airbase.  The Vatican, that shrine dedicated to paedophilia, has also issued a ban on interring him on Roman Catholic land, I wonder what will happen to ex-Pope Nazi Benedict when he dies? His family have demanded his body back but due to so many protests and even Germany itself being a bit scared of his rotting corpse, things are looking like this will be a continuing saga for some time to come. Maybe he should have shown some remorse and apologised…

The Transformers director Michael Bay got himself into a spot of bother in Hong Kong last week. As the story goes he was twatted one in the chops by an irate shop owner for missing him out on the embuggerance fee for filming on their patch. The little Chinese man demanded over £8k for the privilege of filming in front of his shitty little shop, no doubt Bay told him where to go as he’s famously known to be a bit of a firebrand himself. Anyhow, it all came to blows, Bay was floored and three Police officers also needed hospital treatment. I’m wondering if this little Chinese man was Jackie Chan…

On This Day

Sixty six years ago today Senator Joe McCarthy begins investigating Communists in Hollywood; 58 years ago The Return of the King by J.R.R. Tolkien is published; 45 years ago Jackie Kennedy marries Aristotle Onassis; 35 years ago the rock group The Police make their debut performance in the US and lastly, Libyan dictator General Gadaffi is killed by rebel forces, ending nearly 42 years of his rule.  So who died on this day? The aforementioned Muanmar al-Quaddafi a mere two years ago! The 31st President of The United States Herbert Hoover (1964) and Burt Lancaster (1994).

Thank Fuck He’s Dead by Stu

Today’s TFHD is Daniel Camargo Barbosa

Not the captain of the Black Pearl, this Barbosa was a Columbian who, in the seventies and eighties preyed on children, raping and murdering between 70-150.

Dismayed to find his lover, Esperanza, was not a virgin, he did what any other rational human being would and roped her into finding him young girls in order to drug and rape them. He told police after his arrest that he chose young virgins “because they cried”

Like an idiot, he failed to tie up loose ends and his fifth victim reported him to the police. After serving eight years for the rapes, he decided to add murder to his CV when he committed an impulse-rape whilst passing by a school.

His favourite trick was to pretend to be a lost old man, trying to find a church to deliver a large sum of money to. He would offer the girls money and the possibility of employment if they would help him find his destination. Upon entering the local woods “trying to find a short cut”  he would then rape his victim, before killing them and hacking, slashing and crushing the bodies with a machete, just to make sure they were really, really dead this time.

He was finally caught after going back to retrieve some television sets he was trying to sell, that he had accidentally left next to one of his victims (duh!) He was sentenced to 16 (sixteen!?) years in 1989, but thankfully somebody had the good sense to incarcerate him alongside the cousin of one of his victims, who did the world a favour and shanked him in 1994.

Last Week’s Birthdays

Marie Osmond (54), Zac Efron (26), Pam Dawber (62), Roger Moore (86), Sacha Baron Cohen (42), Suzannw Somers (67), Paul Simon (72), Angela Lansbury (88), George Wendt (65), Jon Favreau (47), John Lithgow (62), Flea (51), Wyclef Jean (44), Tim Robbins (55), Eminem (41), Nancy Kerrigan (44), Margot Kidder (65), Dominic West (44), Evander Holyfield (51), Jean-Claude van Damme (53), Martina Natratilova (57), Steve Coogan (48), Chuck Berry (87), Sarah Ferguson (54), Trey Parker (44), Ralph Lauren (74), Ernie Els (44), Jason Reitman (36), John le Carrê (82) and Sammy Hagar (66).

2013 League Table

[confidential]

Next week peeps!

This week is full of deadly goodness for you my evil little poolers, we have points to be awarded and a new (hopefully) weekly section that is being written by one of our newest poolers, Vic. Please let her know your appreciation as writing for the Dead Pool isn’t an easy task. If anyone else has any submissions or ideas, please send them through.

So, onto the points!!! Yes, Erich Priebke, that very famous WWII SS Captain has died, thus giving Ashley his first points of the season and Dave even more points to widen the gap at the top of the table. Congratulations to both of you for scoring 50 points. That leaves only two of you yet to score with little less than two months to go but with both of you having Nelson Mandela on your lists, I’m sure we will have everyone scoring this year.

Look Who You Could Have Had:

• Phil Chevron, 56, Irish musician (The Pogues), esophageal cancer.
• Chopper Read, 58, Australian crime figure and author, liver cancer.
• Scott Carpenter, 88, American test pilot, astronaut and aquanaut, complications from a stroke.
• Erich Priebke, 100, German Nazi SS captain and war criminal.
• María de Villota, 33, Spanish racing driver, cardiac arrest.

In Other News

Tom Hanks has revealed he has Type II Diabetes due to being a fatty. Hard to believe since he looked like a Biafran in Castaway. The 57 year old actor say’s he’s managing things with diet and exercise. I’m sure we all wish him well, imagine a world without Tom Hanks films… Hang on… He should die for inflicting The Da Vinci Code on us!

The Argentinian President, Cristina Fernández de Kirchner has undergone surgery to remove blood from her brain following complications from a fall in August. To everyones surprise they actually found a brain hiding in there. This illness comes hot on the heels of her recent operation for thyroid cancer in 2011 which turned out to be a misdiagnosis, but there must be something going on if you ask me. Perhaps she should stop looking for a fight with us and start paying off her country’s debt.

In a sure death sentence, Sir Christopher Lee will soon be awarded the fellowship award from the BFI. The 91 year old iconic actor is said to be bemused, seeing that his 68 year career spanning over 200 films is finally being recognised after such young actors as Saoirse Ronan have already been awarded the prize after appearing in a handful of shit films. Well done old man, I’m sure the statuette will look good collecting bird shit at the bottom of your garden.

On This Day

1959 years ago today Nero was crowned emperor of Rome, two months shy of his 17th birthday, we all know how that panned out. Even worse was 90 years ago today, the US enforced the Volstead Act, prohibiting the production, sale and transport of alcohol! What were they thinking?? Luckily The Beatles appeared on Sunday Night at the Palladium 50 years ago today, thus launching Beatlemania and the stellar rise of the Fab Four. But who died on this day? Nobody interesting, just Ed Sullivan, Le Duc Tho and Milton Hershey.

Thank Fuck He’s Dead by Vic

This evil looking gnome is Joachim Kroll a German serial killer born in 1933. He was nicknamed the Ruhr Cannibal due to the fact he butchered and ate parts of his 14 victims as he claimed it was the best way for him to save money on his groceries when money was a bit tight! He obviously didn’t have access to value ranges! His favourite parts seemed to be slices of women’s buttocks! Finally arrested in 1976 officers found him simmering parts of his last victim, a 4 year old child called Marion Kettner in a pan, the rest of her was in his fridge.  Thankfully he died of a heart attack in prison in 1991.

Last Week’s Birthdays

Emily Deschanel (37), Simon Cowell (54), Sharon Osbourne (61), Matt Damon (43), Britt Ekland (71), Sigourney Weaver (64), Joan Cusack (51), Hugh Jackman (45), Jane Krakowski (45), Bruno Mars (28), Elizabeth Shue (50), Chevy Chase (70), Luke Perry (50), David Lee Roth (59), Paul Hogan (74), Scott Bakula (59), Daryl Hall (67), Tony Shalhoub (60), Thom Yorke (45), Stephen Moyer (44), Sean Lennon (38) and PJ Harvey (44).

2013 League Table

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Next week peeps!

Welcome one and all to this week’s edition of The Dead Pool. Another slow week points-wise, but there is a few things to cover. Many have mentioned the death of Dawn Berry, who committed suicide at the age of 36 due to alcoholism and depression. Alas, the most popular contestant on Come Dine With Me doesn’t cut the mustard on the Wiki list, so she’s officially not famous enough so her death means even less. *gulps on his very sad glass of wine* All that I can think to say about that is “I outlived her! Ner!”

Look who you could have had:

• Jay Robinson, 83, American actor (Dracula, Star Trek, The Waltons, The Robe).
• Tom Clancy, 66, American author (The Hunt for Red October, Patriot Games).
• Vo Nguyen Giap, 102, Vietnamese general and politician, Minister of Defence (1976–1980).
• Anton Benning, 95, German World War II Luftwaffe ace.
• Ruth Maleczech, 74, American actress (Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist, The Crucible), cancer.

In other news

Some of you may have noticed that Bruce Forsyth was missing from his regular slot on Strictly Come Dancing last night. The old doddering fool has the flu apparently. I for one welcomed the sight of Claudia Winkleman for the first time ever, which goes to show how much I hate old Brucie. Let’s hope the old cunt dies and gives us all a rest from his three hundred year old ‘entertainment’ career. I really feel sorry for his wife, a former Miss World!! Imagine the horror of having Brucie on top of you firing his dusty white love piss into you. I can only liken it to being fucked by an Egyptian Mummy!! The horror…

Not to be outdone by Angelina Jolie and Sharon Osbourne, Anastasia has followed suit toremove both her breasts. The 45 year old singer has previously survived a bout of cancer in 2003 and was thought to have had the all clear, alas her tits turned on her. As some of you know, I’m a boob man and this news is probably more devastating to me than to her. So please send your sympathies to me at the usual address…

Phillip, The Duke of Edinburgh, is said to be in ‘rude’ health as he began his first official engagement since having his exploratory operation to remove his soul. The 92 year old will be undertaking a further 13 official engagements this October, but most of them are at Buckingham Palace, just to make sure he doesn’t over-exert himself.  However the old fart had to use a walking stick, this is a very good sign for us.

On This Day

The 6th of October is renowned as the day that Charlotte Brontë published Jane Eyre, a mere 166 years ago, but this was overshadowed by Al Jolson starring in The Jazz Singer, the first ever talking movie in 1927, which wowed the audience of its day! So who died on this day? Alfred Tennyson (1892), W.K. Kellogg (1951), Anwar el-Sadat (1981) and Bette Davis (1989). It’s also been two years yesterday since Steve Jobs died. Doesn’t time iFly!

Last Week’s Birthdays

Gwen Stefani (44), Zach Gallflanakis (44), Kate Winslet (38), Jerry Lee Lewis (78), Susan Sarandon (67), Marion Cotillard (38), Tommy Lee (51), Julie Andrews (78), Eric Stoltz (52), Lorraine Bracco (59), Guy Pierce (46), Alicia Silverstone (37), Sting (62), Annie Leibovitz (64), Jesse Eisenberg (30), Neve Campbell (40), Chubby Checker (72), Lena Headey (40), Randy Quaid (63), Bob Geldoff (62), Karen Allen (62), Clive Owen (49), Liev Schreiber (46), Johnny Mathis (78), Monica Bellucci (49), Seann William Scott (37), Jackie Collins (76), Jimmy Carter (89) and Martina Hingis (33).

2013 League Table

[confidential]

Next week peeps!

I’ll have to admit, today has been a bit of a struggle to find anything interesting at all. It seems that last week was bereft of notable deaths, unless you’re into unknown prelates or American sports, both of which I know nothing about. But I’m not one to baulk at the lack of material, if pushed I’ll make it up, after all, you lot never read this far, you just look at the pictures, but just to confuse you I haven’t added any this week 😛

Look who you could have had:

• Christopher Koch, 81, Australian novelist (The Year of Living Dangerously), cancer.
• Kofi Awoonor, 78, Ghanaian poet and diplomat, shot.

In other news

Maggie Thatcher has finally been officially put to rest, or as some would say, thrown into the burning depths of hell.  Am I the only one wondering why it took five months to burn her body? I suppose all of Satan’s Minions are rather flame-proof…  She’s now in a small box a few feet underground at the Royal Infirmary in Chelsea if anyone is interested, perhaps it’s a good place to keep an eye out for the beginnings of the apocalypse.

Our old friend Nelson Mandela is still hanging on, which makes my prediction that heonly had four days to go seem silly now. President Zuma seems to think he’s doing quite well, but no real news as he wants us all to respect his privacy and dignity. I can only imagine that he’s already dead with a machine keeping him alive, which posts an interesting question, do I award the points??

On This Day

After last week’s amazingness of interesting facts, this week is rather shit again. This day is renowned in history as the day that Pope John Paul II went to Ireland *yawn* and we also saw the deaths of W.H. Auden in 1973 and Roy Lichtenstein in 1997. Seems that this newsletter was destined for utter mediocreness since time began!

Last Week’s Birthdays

Gwyneth Paltrow (41), Will Smith (45), Naomi Watts (45), Michael Douglas (69), Catherine Zeta-Jones (44), Mickey Rooney (93), Avril Lavigne (29), Bruce Springsteen (64), Heather Locklear (52), Mark Hamill (62), Joan Jett (55), Olivia Newton-John (65), Serena Williams (32), Julio Iglesias (70), Ditta Von Teese (41), Michael Madsen (56), David Coverdale (62), Mira Sorvino (46), Bryan Ferry (68), Hilary Duff (26), Meat Loaf (66), Tom Felton (26), Jim Caviezel (45), Brigitte Bardot (79), Bam Margera (34) and Andrea Bocelli (55).

2013 League Table

[confidential]

Next week peeps!

No points yet again this week, with only 14 weeks left to go it’s all to play for. Perhaps it’s time to put on your thinking caps and decide who will be on next years lists. You all know how difficult it is to be at the top of the league table now, so you need to do some homework if you want to avoid being on nil points again next year. If anyone has any bright ideas to liven up the Dead Pool for 2014, see what I did there?, please let me know.

Look who you could have had:

• Jackie Lomax, 69, English guitarist and singer-songwriter.
• Patsy Swayze, 86, American dancer and choreographer, mother of Patrick Swayze, complications from a stroke.
• Ken Norton, 70, American heavyweight boxer and actor (Mandingo, Drum), heart failure.
• Hiroshi Yamauchi, 85, Japanese businessman, President of Nintendo (1949–2002, 2002–2005), owner of Seattle Mariners, complications from pneumonia.

In Other News 

Last week’s big news was the announcement by The Big Yin aka Billy Connolly that he’s had an operation for prostate cancer and has been diagnosed with Parkinson’s. The operation on the 70 year old comedian’s arse was a total success, however, the Parkinson’s is here to stay. Ironic that his career first took off after appearing on Parkinson’s chat show, now it looks like it’s going to end with Parkinson’s too.

Stephen Hawking has come out in support of assisted suicide, is he trying to tell us something here? Apparently not, he’s still an advocate of living life to the full regardless of whatever condition you may be suffering from, ‘there is still hope’, he opined. At 71 he’s been a stalwart of the Dead Pool for many years, initially only given ten years to live, fifty years ago! I would imagine his consultant got fired for that error. Perhaps he’s finally thinking of even deeper questions. Perhaps a good shout for next year?

Here’s a nice bloke for you to wish death upon, his name is Geoffrey Portway, a Brit living in the States. He’s just been jailed for 26 years for plotting to kidnap, rape, kill and eat a small child. Now, I’m not one to like paedophiles at the best of times, but this sad individual is even taking kiddie fiddling to a new level. Eating a kid? Really? Mind you, from the photo he looks like he could quite easily devour a small human.

On This Day

After last week’s disastrous new debut feature, I thought I’d give it another try, hopefully it will be more interesting today. September 22nd is mostly renowned for Abraham Lincoln issuing the Emancipation Proclamation, freeing all slaves in the US, but let’s be honest, that was 151 years ago, we’re more interested in the comedy show Friends being first aired and CBS being fined $550k over Janet Jackson’s boob on live TV.  But who died on this day I hear you ask, George C. Scott (1999), Marcel Marceau (2007), Eddie Fisher (2010) and Irvine Berlin (1989). See, it wasn’t so shit this time..

Last Week’s Birthdays 

Faith Hill (46), Tommy Lee Jones (67), Prince Harry (29), Jada Pinkett Smith (42), Elvira Mistress of the Dark (62), Victoria Silvstedt (39), Mickey Rourke (61), Sophia Loren (79), Lauren Bacall (89), Adam West (85), Bill Murray (63), Jennifer Tilly (55), Liam Gallagher (41), Ricki Lake (45), Stephen King (66), B.B. King (88), Alphonso Ribeiro (42), Jeremy Irons (65), Twiggy (64), Lance Armstrong (42), David Copperfield (57) and Oliver Stone (67).

2013 League Table

[confidential]

Next week peeps!