Welcome minions! Yet another week flies by, yet more  pointless deaths. As per usual, we have a few pieces of news and for this week only, a job offer you cannot refuse! Without further ado:

Look Who You Could Have Had:

• Alain Siritzky, 72, French film producer (Emmanuelle film series).
• Bob Orrison, 86, American stunt performer (Stargate, Road House, Speed), traffic collision.
• Gary McLarty, 73, American stunt performer (The Terminator, Jurassic Park, Beverly Hills Cop), traffic collision.
• Graham Miles, 73, English snooker player.
• Mark Bell, 43, British musician and house music producer (LFO), complications from surgery.
• Isaiah “Ikey” Owens, 38, American keyboardist, heart attack.
• Elizabeth Peña, 55, American actress (The Incredibles, Rush Hour, Jacob’s Ladder).
• Sumi Haru, 75, American actress (MASH).
• John Spencer-Churchill, 11th Duke of Marlborough, 88, British peer, custodian of Blenheim Palace.

In Other News

Muhammad Ali was known as the “Louisville Lip”, thanks to his sharp patter and devastating wit which skewered his opponents both in and out of the ring. These days the boxing legend is so stricken by the ravages of Parkinson’s disease that he can hardly speak, his brother has announced. He did not attend the Holly­wood premier of a new film about his life, I Am Ali, last week and was unable to take part in any filming although he is said to have given the project his support. Rahman Ali said that the boxer, who lives in Arizona with his wife, Lonnie, had become increasingly frail in the past year and was now largely housebound. In January, his son, Ali Jr, said he considered there was “no chance” of his father living another year.

Country musics legendary rhinestone cowboy, Glen Campbell, is taking his last bow this autumn. The 78-year-old, who was diagnosed with Alzheimers disease in  2011, said farewell to fans on a Goodbye Tour in 2012, but this week marked the official sunset of Campbells professional music career with the release of his final single, a heartbreaking ballad called I’m Not Gonna Miss You. Very much in the vein of Johnny Cash’s last single, whom died very soon after the release of his last single, a cover of Nine Inch Nails’ Hurt, we rather hope Campbell makes it to January!

The president of Brazil was forced to sit down and be revived live on television after a challenging 90-minute debate with her rival for the presidency. Dilma Rousseff, 66, who is running for re-election in a vote to be held on October 26th, battled her way through a demanding debate with Aecio Neves. After the discussion had ended, she was interviewed by Brazil’s SBT television, but was evidently feeling unwell. She was ushered to a chair by the presenter, who continued to talk to the live television audience, telling them: “The president is feeling ill.” Apparently she was suffering from low blood pressure, we’re thinking it’s more serious!

After more than six weeks of global speculation, the people of North Korea can at last relax: their beloved leader has finally been seen in public once more. State media reported early on Tuesday local time that Kim Jong-un visited a newly built residential district and the Natural Energy Institute of the State Academy of Sciences. Kim was pictured walking with the aid of a black cane – lending weight to the theory that he has been receiving treatment for a leg injury or illness that has affected his ability to walk unaided.

And finally, a woman was horrified to receive a text message from her grandmother’s phone number – three years after her death. When Lesley Emerson died in 2011 some of her favourite things were buried with her, including her mobile phone. Sheri Emerson, of South Shields, said she found comfort in texting her but was stunned to get a reply, saying: “I’m watching over you.”

It emerged her grandmother’s number had been given to another user who replied, thinking friends were playing pranks. Ms Emerson said that following her grandmother’s death, rather than visit her grave at Harton Cemetery in South Shields, she would text small, personal messages as a “way of being close to her”. However, she was “upset and distressed” to receive a reply saying: “I’m watching over you and it’s all going to get better. Just push through.” When a family member rang the number the man who answered explained he had recently acquired the number and thought the text messages from Ms Emerson had been from prankster friends. O2 said numbers disconnected and not reconnected within a short period of time were placed in a general pool for reassignment. Oh my life!

On This Day

• 1216 – King John of England dies at Newark-on-Trent and is succeeded by his nine-year-old son Henry.
• 1900 – Max Planck, in his house at Grunewald, on the outskirts of Berlin, discovers the law of black-body radiation (Planck’s law).
• 1943 – Streptomycin, the first antibiotic remedy for tuberculosis, is isolated by researchers at Rutgers University.
• 1960 – Cold War: The United States government imposes a near-total trade embargo against Cuba, which remains in effect today.
• 1988 – The British government imposes a broadcasting ban on television and radio interviews with members of Sinn Féin and eleven Irish republican and Ulster loyalist paramilitary groups.

Deaths

• 1216 – John, King of England (b. 1167)
• 1745 – Jonathan Swift, Irish priest and poet (b. 1667)
• 1937 – Ernest Rutherford, New Zealand-English physicist and chemist, Nobel Prize laureate (b. 1871)
• 1994 – Martha Raye, American actress and singer (b. 1916)
• 2010 – Tom Bosley, American actor and singer (b. 1927)

Get Your Arse to Mars! by KoA

You may or may not have heard of there Mars One mission. As the title suggests, it’s a mission to get man on mars within our lifetime. However, there’s one little snag, it’s a one way trip and researchers at MIT say that the settlers, if they even manage to reach Mars, will only live for a couple of months at most.

The Dutch non-profit foundation that’s behind the Mars One mission say that they already have the technology to achieve this and they can launch a preliminary expedition in 2018, which will be sending toilet-like cubicles to provide food and facilities for the group of stupid humans that make the journey.

The first four settlers will take off in 2024 and land in 2025 after a seven month journey, they will presumably eat whatever food was sent, then starve to death.

Who would make such a journey? Well, 200,000 people have applied, 1,058 have made it through to round two. They are a bunch of healthy adults from around the world and eventually the final six groups of four will be chosen by an international reality TV contest, yes, you will finally be  able to vote for someone to die with barely a whim and a few terms & conditions.

I suppose there is a certain glory involved, your name will go down in history as the first group of people to reach Mars, you will also be known as the first group of people to have died on Mars, or maybe the only one left on Mars after eating your shipmates.

If you hate humanity as much as these 200,000 people, you could have signed up, unfortunately they are not taking any more names, so you will just have to kill yourself instead.

Last Week’s Birthdays

Zac Efron (27), Marie Osmond (55), Hugh Jackman (46), Angela Lansbury (89), Paul Simon (73), Roger Moore (87), Tim Robbins (56), Sarah Ferguson (55), Eminem (42), Suzanne Somers (68), Flea (52), Chuck Berry (88), Sacha Baron Cohen (43), Pam Dawber (63), Michael McKean (67), George Wendt (66), Martina Navratilova (58), Jean-Claude Van Damme (54), Wyclef Jean (45), Steve Coogan (49), Margot Kidder (66), Matt Damon (44) and Luke Perry (48).

2014 League Table

[confidential]

Next week peeps!

Sunday again, and as sure as the tides, here we are speculating over the demises of the famous. Another slack week I’m afraid, however, we have more than enough to entertain the most morbid of you. I’ll remind you now that there is little over two months to go, so get your thinking caps on for next year because this years scoring has been abysmal so far. Either celebrities are healthier than they used to be or we are shit at this game!

Look Who You Could Have Had:

• Andrea de Cesaris, 55, Italian racing driver (Formula One), traffic collision.
• Geoffrey Holder, 84, Trinidadian actor (Live and Let Die), choreographer (The Cosby Show) and director (The Wiz), pneumonia.
• Peg Griffin, 110, New Zealand supercentenarian, was nation’s oldest person, complications from a stroke.
• Jan Hooks, 57, American comedienne and actress (Saturday Night Live, Designing Women, Batman Returns).

In Other News

Marussia driver Jules Bianchi remains in “critical but stable” condition, almost a week after his crash at the Japanese Grand Prix. The 25-year-old was unconscious when he was taken to hospital from Suzuka. Bianchi lost control close to where Sauber driver Adrian Sutil had spun and hit the tyre barrier. As a recovery vehicle was lifting Sutil’s car, Bianchi travelled across the run-off area and hit the back of the tractor. Although a statement earlier this week from his family, through the Marussia team, said Bianchi had sustained a diffuse axonal injury, no further updates have been given. It is unclear how serious his condition remains.

Michael Schumacher is “fighting” in his recovery, according to former Ferrari boss and current FIA president Jean Todt who believes the world champion’s condition will improve. “He will probably no longer be able to drive in Formula One. Voilà, that’s what we can say,” Todt said. When asked if Schumacher would be able to live a normal life again Todt said: “we have to hope for that”.

Blues guitarist BB King has called off the remaining eight  performances of his current tour after being diagnosed with dehydration and exhaustion. According to his website, the 89-year-old was taken ill during a performance in Chicago on Friday. The tour was to have included two shows at his own blues club in New York. The veteran bluesman, known for such hits as The Thrill is Gone and Every Day I Have the Blues, has diabetes and was briefly in hospital in 2007. Earlier this year, King issued a public apology to fans after an erratic performance in St Louis led to audience catcalls and early departures. His publicists called it “a bad night for one of America’s living blues legends”, we call it a calling to deaths door.

Singer Morrissey has revealed he has had four medical procedures he has described as “cancer-scrapings”. The ex-Smiths star has recently battled bouts of ill health but revealed the cancer news during an email interview with Spanish newspaper El Mundo. “I have had four cancer-scrapings, but so what. If I die, I die,” he wrote. “If I don’t, then I don’t. As I sit here today I feel very well.” He continued, ”I know I look quite bad on recent photographs, but I am afraid this is what illness does to the overall countenance. I will save relaxation for when I’m dead.” Morrissey, cheerful as always.

Thailand’s King Bhumibol Adulyadej is improving following an operation at a Bangkok hospital to remove his gallbladder, say officials. The 86-year-old king is revered as a near-deity in Thailand and news of his latest illness has sparked concern across the country. The king has been admitted to the Siriraj Hospital several times in recent years. He was treated there for stomach inflammation last month. In 2009 he was admitted for a lung infection, and spent nearly four years living in a special suite in the hospital.

And finally, where is North Korea’s Kim Jong-un? Nobody has seen him in weeks! According to South Korean newspaper The Chosun ilbo, the North Korean ruler fractured his ankles after putting on weight from regularly consuming imported Swiss cheese. It’s suggested that he is dead already and that Kim Jong-un’s younger sister may have stepped up to wrest control of the secretive country. This poses a quandary for us Poolers, without confirmation of his fatness dying, no points can be awarded! Anyone fancy taking a holiday?

On This Day

• 1216 – John, King of England loses his crown jewels in The Wash, probably near Fosdyke, perhaps near Sutton Bridge.
• 1492 – Christopher Columbus‘s expedition makes landfall in the Caribbean, specifically in The Bahamas. The explorer believes he has reached the Indies.
• 1582 – Because of the implementation of the Gregorian calendar this day does not exist in this year in Italy, Poland, Portugal and Spain.
• 1773 – America’s first insane asylum opens for ‘Persons of Insane and Disordered Minds’ in Virginia.
• 1799 – Jeanne Geneviève Labrosse was the first woman to jump from a balloon with a parachute, from an altitude of 900 meters.
• 1823 – Charles Macintosh of Scotland sells the first raincoat.
• 1901 – President Theodore Roosevelt officially renames the “Executive Mansion” to the White House.
• 1979 – The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, the first of five books in the Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy comedy science fiction series by Douglas Adams is published.
• 1984 – Brighton hotel bombing: The Provisional Irish Republican Army attempt to assassinate Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher and her cabinet. Thatcher escapes but the bomb kills five people and wounds 31.

Deaths

• 1845 – Elizabeth Fry, English social reformer and philanthropist (b. 1780)
• 1870 – Robert E. Lee, American general (b. 1807)
• 1971 – Gene Vincent, American singer-songwriter, guitarist, and actor (b. 1935)
• 1978 – Nancy Spungen, American murder victim, girlfriend of Sid Vicious (b. 1958)
• 1997 – John Denver, American singer-songwriter, guitarist, and actor (Chad Mitchell Trio and The John Denver Band) (b. 1943)

Last Week’s Birthdays

Kate Winslet (39), Simon Cowell (55), Jesse Eisenberg (31), Sigourney Weaver (65),  Paul Hogan (75), Chevy Chase (71), Matt Damon (44), Bruno Mars (28), Emily Deschanel (38), Luke Perry (48), Britt Ekland (72), David Lee Roth (60), Joan Cusack (52), Guy Pearce (47), Jane Krakowski (46), Elisabeth Shue (50), Bob Geldof (63), Karen Allen (63), Stephen Moyer (45), Desmond Tutu (83), Thom Yorke (46), Rev. Jesse Jackson (73), Sharon Osbourne (62), Tony Shalhoub (61), Scott Bakula (60) and Sean Lennon (39).

2013 League Table

[confidential]

Next Week peeps!

Hi folks, a very quiet week this time, so I’ve pulled out all the stops to produce what I can only call an epic saga of news and entertainment for your perusal. I know, there’s no need to thank me, honestly, I know I’m particularly more awesome than your next door neighbour, so let’s just get on with is shall we?

Look Who You Could Have Had:

• Sheila Tracy, 80, British broadcaster and musician (Big Band Special).
• Lynsey de Paul, 64, English singer-songwriter (“Won’t Somebody Dance with Me“), brain haemorrhage.
• Rob Skipper, 28, British rock musician (The Holloways).
• Jean-Claude Duvalier, 63, Haitian politician, President (1971–1986), heart attack.

In Other News

The television presenter Michaela Strachan has revealed she was diagnosed with breast cancer. Sadly, the Springwatch host said she was forced to have both breasts removed after the cancer was discovered in a mammogram at the start of the year. The 48-year-old, who is set to undergo reconstructive surgery, stressed that her experience showed the importance of regular checkups.

Walmart – owners of the truck that crashed into Tracy Morgan’s limousine contend that his injuries and the death of a passenger were partly their own fault because the 30 Rock comic was not wearing a seatbelt, so nothing to do with the fact that their speeding/sleeping driver hadn’t slept for over 24 hours and managed to total seven vehicles in the crash. I don’t know about how you feel about these things, but these lawyers sometimes talk out of their arses! I’m voting Walmart as cunt of the week!

The British National Party says it has expelled its ex-leader Nick Griffin. In a statement, the BNP accused him of trying to “destabilise” the party and “harassing” party members, so nothing to do with the fact the guy is a twat! The report also suggested that he had ignored warnings from Adam Walker, the party’s chairman, that he was bringing the BNP into disrepute! Disrepute!!!! We better keep an eye on Griffin, or try to, hard to look the man in the face with that massive squint, he’s pretty much on a downward spiral, having being declared bankrupt, fired from his job and now being ignored by his racist friends. A suicide in the making?

Sir Bobby Charlton has been taken to hospital after complaining of stomach pains whilst playing in the Alfred Dunhill Championship pro-am event in Scotland. A source at the hospital said that the Manchester United director, 76, was treated for stomach pains in the accident and emergency department but was then discharged and allowed home. The episode was described as ‘a bit of a turn’, maybe a strong Vindaloo the night before, perhaps its a tumour, who knows, let’s see how it pans out.

Michael Caine has said he is ready to retire at the end of the year, and we all know what happens to men that retire! Caine has had a glittering career that has seen him win two Oscars and become one of Hollywood’s best-known British actors. The 81-year-old has acted in more than a hundred films including Alfie, Zulu, The Italian Job and Get Carter admitted that “I’ve retired, sort of. I’m doing a second one of Now You See Me, a picture I did about magicians,” he said. “I do that in December and then I stop.” We’re wondering if he’s talking about acting or life…

Following news of AC/DC guitarist Malcolm Youngs permanent departure from the band, his family have now confirmed that he’s being treated for dementia. The announcement follows news of AC/DC’s 17th studio album, Rock or Bust, which is produced by Brendan O’Brien and will be released on 1 December. It is the first AC/DC album not to feature Young, most likely because he forgot where he left his guitar.

Good news for us, actor Lynda Bellingham, 66, has decided to stop taking chemotherapy for her cancer riddled body at the end of November with the hope she’ll make it to the end of January, so it  looks like all of us will be starting off the year with 84 points. Let’s hope she has an awesome Christmas and I’m sure you would all like to join me in wishing her well until January.

The long, complicated saga of Casey Kasem’s final resting place has taken another turn as his daughter, Kerri, announced on Twitter that the funeral home in Oslo, Norway has refused to bury the late radio star. The Top 40 star passed away in June in Gig Harbor, Washington, one wonders what’s left to bury after four months of rotting and globe trotting, however, I’m sure that the family know what they are doing, so feel free to sign the petition to have the slightly fluid and bony corpse flown back to the loving arms of his children.

More good news, Oklahoma prison officials unveiled new execution procedures on Tuesday to replace those used in April when an inmate writhed and moaned before being declared dead 43 minutes after his lethal injection began. The new guidelines allow the state to keep using the sedative midazolam, so you wont have to listen to the inmate moan and watch him writhe on the table as he dies. I’m sure all of those on Death Row will be so pleased to hear this news, they will still feel all the pain, but those watching wont have a clue! Well done Oklohoma!

I’m sure some of you have seen footage of Larry Evans on social media, he’s the 57 stone guy who’s sharing his workouts with the world like some kind of inspirational guru. Obviously we can’t disparage his attempts at getting fit and back into shape, but 57 stone and rigorous exercise don’t mix very well. Will he be famous enough to cut the mustard? Will his next dive into the pool cause that fatal coronary? Will bench pressing those hamburgers cause a stroke? Who knows, let’s watch and find out, but as someone who has a slight strain lifting his wine to his mouth, I’m not holding out much hope for this guy.

On This Day

• 1914 – World War I: first aerial combat resulting in an intentional fatality.
• 1947 – The first televised White House address is given by U.S. President Harry S. Truman.
• 1962 – Dr. No, the first in the James Bond film series, is released.
• 1962 – The Beatles‘ first single, “Love Me Do” backed with “P.S. I Love You“, is released in the United Kingdom.
• 1969 – The first episode of Monty Python’s Flying Circus airs on BBC One.

Deaths

• 1983 – Earl Tupper, American inventor and businessman, founded the Tupperware Corporation (b. 1907)
• 2011 – Steve Jobs, American businessman, co-founder and of Apple Inc. (b. 1955)
• 2011 – Charles Napier, American actor (b. 1936)

Five diseases far deadlier than Ebola found in the US by KoA

Since Ebola has reached Texas, I thought we would cover some other diseases that are already killing thousands in the US – let’s look at five currently or recently observed in the US with higher fatality rates.

Amoebic Meningoencephalitis

A rare but highly lethal disease which sees the nervous system infected by a type of amoeba which can be found in warm, stagnant freshwater including swimming pools and lakes. Only five people have ever survived the disease, representing a 97 per cent fatality rate. Infection can occur if contaminated water enters deep into the sinus cavities. There are few symptoms in the first few days of infection beyond a loss of sense of smell, but most of those infected die within 14 days of exposure.

Rabies

Rabies is still present in all parts of the world except for Japan, parts of Western Europe and Australasia, and Antarctica, killing 55,000 annually. Spread by bites or scratches from infected animals, the disease in nearly always fatal once symptoms develop, typically one to three months after infection. A range of animals found in the US can also spread the disease, including bats, skunks, raccoons, foxes, coyotes and even groundhogs. Run now, run for the hills!

Anthrax

Anthrax used to kill hundreds of thousands around the world every year. However, the vaccine developed by Louis Pasteur has seen this vastly diminish. The disease is usually picked up by grazing animals from spores of bacteria in the soil, which can turn into inhalational anthrax, which was known as “woolsorters’ disease” due to the risk of inhaling spores suffered by those in the wool trade. Without treatment, only about 10 – 15% of patients with inhalation anthrax survive.

The Plague

We all remember this from school history lessons, the 14th-century Black Plague was just one of three global pandemics in history, which have collectively killed up to 200 million people. But it is still around, even in America! From 1990-2005, a total of 107 cases of plague were reported in the United States. Mortality from pneumonic plague approaches 100 per cent when untreated, while some strains of bubonic plague can be as high as 70 per cent.

HIV/AIDS

New research this week has claimed the first ever case of the HIV/AIDS pandemic can be traced to Kinshasa in the DR Congo in the 1920s. Since then it has spread across the world infecting some 75 million people and killing 36 million of them. It’s hard to put an exact figure on mortality as treatments vary substantially around the world and are constantly developing, while many die years or even decades after infection, however, the Control of Communicable Diseases Manual puts the case fatality rate among those untreated in a developed country at 80 to 90 per cent in the first five years.

Last Week’s Birthdays

Victoria Silvstedt (40), Brigitte Bardot (80), Mira Sorvino (47), Hilary Duff (27), Dita Von Teese (42), Jerry Lee Lewis (80), Johnny Mathis (79), Julie Andrews (79), Randy Quaid (64), Jimmy Carter (90), Sting (63), Gwen Stefani (45), Neve Campbell (41), Seann William Scott (38), Clive Owen (50), Lena Headey (41), Jackie Collins (77), Susan Sarandon (68) and Alicia Silverstone (38).

2014 League Table

[confidential]

Next Week peeps!

Welcome again to this weeks amazing holiday edition of the Dead Pool. Well, I’m on holiday, so it’s a holiday edition. So, this week we find no new deaths, but discover that Luke Skywalker is 58 years old and that Catherine Zeta-Jones is regretting marrying a 69 year old Michael Douglas! Oh, not to mention that Draco Malfoy is 27 years old… Brian Ferry 69!!! Fuck off!!!

Look Who You Could Have Had:

• Audrey Long, 92, American film actress (Tall in the Saddle).
• Eric the Midget, 39, American dwarf, member of The Wack Pack.
• George Sluizer, 82, Dutch filmmaker (The Vanishing), cardiovascular disease.
• Frieda Szwillus, 112, German supercentenarian, oldest living person in Germany.
• Deborah Cavendish, Dowager Duchess of Devonshire, 94, British duchess, last surviving Mitford sister.
• Toby Balding, 78, American-born British racehorse trainer.
• Rezső Gallai, 110, Hungarian supercentenarian, oldest man in Europe.

In Other News

In an unprecedented announcement from the North Korean media, they have admitted that their illustrious leader, Kim Jong-un, is ill. That Kim Jong-un, 31, is carrying a few extra pounds has been blindingly obvious since he became North Koreas leader in late 2011. But speculation that his increasing weight is apparently the result of a weakness for cheese that has brought on debilitating spells of gout rose dramatically this week after he failed to attend an important parliamentary session. Rumours that Kim, reputedly a heavy smoker, is in less than robust health came after Kim’s continuing three-week public absence after he was shown limping and wearing loose clothes during inspections of military units and factories. A source said to be familiar with North Korean affairs said that Kim was suffering from gout, diabetes and high blood pressure, surely an excellent cocktail of ailments for our purposes!

Remember Phil Spector? You know, the convicted murderer and former Wall of Sound record producer, yup, I barely  remember him either. However, the California Department of Corrections and Rehabilitation have seen fit to issue a recent photograph of him for our pleasure, soo very kind of them. The fact that he looks like Gollum is clearly apparent, but let’s be honest here, you would never trust that man with your child would you? Spector , 74, was found guilty of shooting the 40-year-old actress Lana Clarkson, and is currently serving 19 years to life.

Lynda Bellingham has revealed she has just weeks to live after deciding to end her chemotherapy treatment. The actress, 66, who is best known for playing the mother in the Oxo TV adverts, has been battling colon cancer since July last year. Sadly the cancer spread to her lungs and liver, so there is no hope in sight. The question is now, will she live long enough for us to list her for next year? Or will she be another Iain Banks?

And finally, If you consider yourself an adventurous eater, there’s a burger that’s got your name on it. A pop-up venture in London is offering diners the chance to try a “human flesh” burger. Before you fall off your chair in horror, don’t panic, the burger isn’t actually made of people, but is simply meant to taste like it. The unsavoury treat has been concocted by Messhead, a collaboration between chef James Tomlinson of London Mess and Miss Cakehead. Thankfully, the pair didn’t have to nibble human flesh themselves to create their burger: instead, they read accounts from various cannibals about what human flesh tastes like. Inspiration came from flesh munchers including William Seabrook, an explorer who described human flesh as tasting like “good, fully developed veal, not young, but not yet beef” and the murderer Issei Sagawa, who said it “melted in my mouth like raw tuna in a sushi retsaurant”. The final recipe for the patties included pork, veal, bone marrow and chicken livers. Nom nom…

On This Day

• 935 – Saint Wenceslas is murdered by his brother, Boleslaus I of Bohemia.
• 1066 – William the Bastard (as he was known at the time) invades England beginning the Norman conquest of England.
• 1889 – The first General Conference on Weights and Measures (CGPM) defines the length of a meter as the distance between two lines on a standard bar of an alloy of platinum with ten percent iridium, measured at the melting point of ice.
• 1912 – Corporal Frank S. Scott of the United States Army becomes the first enlisted man to die in an airplane crash. He and pilot Lt. Lewis C. Rockwell are killed in the crash of an Army Wright Model B at College Park, Maryland.
• 1924 – First round-the-world flight completed.
• 1928 – The U.K. Parliament passes the Dangerous Drugs Act outlawing cannabis.
• 1928 – Sir Alexander Fleming notices a bacteria-killing mold growing in his laboratory, discovering what later became known as penicillin.
• 1971 – The Parliament of the United Kingdom passes the Misuse of Drugs Act 1971 banning the medicinal use of cannabis.
• 2008 – SpaceX launches the first private spacecraft, the Falcon 1 into orbit.

Deaths

• 1891 – Herman Melville, American author and poet (b. 1819)
• 1895 – Louis Pasteur, French chemist and microbiologist (b. 1822)
• 1914 – Richard Warren Sears, American businessman, co-founded Sears (b. 1863)
• 1953 – Edwin Hubble, American astronomer (b. 1889)
• 1956 – William Boeing, American businessman, founded the Boeing Company (b. 1881)
• 1964 – Harpo Marx, American comedian, actor, and singer (b. 1888)
• 1970 – Gamal Abdel Nasser, Egyptian colonel and politician, 2nd President of Egypt (b. 1918)
• 1978 – Pope John Paul I (b. 1912)
• 1991 – Miles Davis, American trumpet player, composer, and bandleader (Miles Davis Quintet) (b. 1926)
• 2003 – Elia Kazan, Turkish-American actor, director, producer, and screenwriter (b. 1909)
• 2012 – Michael O’Hare, American actor (b. 1952)

Last Week’s Birthdays

Gwyneth Paltrow (42), Michael Douglas (69), Avril Lavigne (30), Bill Murray (64), Bruce Springsteen (65), Mark Hamill (62), Heather Locklear (53), Will Smith (45), Olivia Newton-John (66), Catherine Zeta-Jones (45), Serena Williams (33), Meatloaf (67), Liam Gallagher (42), Michael Madsen (56), Faith Hill (56), Stephen King (67), Nick Cave (57), Joan Jett (56), Andrea Bocelli (56), Jim Caviezel (46), Tom Felton (27), Bryan Ferry (69) and Linda Hamilton (58).

2013 League Table

[confidential]

Next week peeps!

Welcome Poolers, alas this week is very thin on the ground for celebrity deaths. I blame the glut of deaths last week, we just can’t keep the momentum going. However, we wont let that stop us from enjoying the news and other features we have become accustomed to. I would suggest that you might like to start thinking about next years list, we have little over three months to go, so get your thinking caps on.

Look Who You Could Have Had:

• Angus Lennie, 84, Scottish actor (The Great Escape, Crossroads, Doctor Who).
• Nicholas Romanov, Prince of Russia, 91, French-born Russian claimant to the headship of the House of Romanov.
• Anatoly Berezovoy, 72, Soviet cosmonaut (Soyuz T-5).
• Douglas E. Smith, 54, American video game designer (Lode Runner).
• Darrell Zwerling, 86, American character actor (Chinatown, Grease, Capricorn One).
• Buster Jones, 71, American voice actor (Super Friends).
• Will Radcliff, 74, American businessman, creator of the Slush Puppie.
• Polly Bergen, 84, American singer and actress (Cape Fear, Desperate Housewives, The Winds of Wat), Emmy winner (1958).

In Other News

After last weeks revelation that Toronto Mayor Rob Ford had a tumour, it’s now come to light that he has been diagnosed with a “fairly aggressive” rare cancer. Mr Ford, 45, has a malignant liposarcoma in his abdomen and will begin chemotherapy as soon as possible. According to reports he has a 12cm by 12cm sized tumour in his abdomen and another smaller 2cm tumour in his left buttock, which are believed to have grown within the last three years. His doctor said on Wednesday that it was “impossible to predict” how chemotherapy was going to affect Mr Ford. So a very good candidate for next year, if he lasts…

Swedish King Carl XVI Gustaf has been involved in a car  crash, but is not hurt, the royal palace says. The king was being driven to an airport in Stockholm on Wednesday morning when the collision took place. The car was badly damaged but the king was uninjured and continued his journey in another car, local media said. There have been no reports of other injuries. Photos published in local media showed damage to the front of the car, a dark blue Mercedes, with one air bag deployed. The 68-year-old ascended the throne in 1973. He is best known abroad for presenting the annual Nobel Prizes.

The Newcastle United winger Jonás Gutiérrez has been sent messages of support by former team-mates and supporters groups after revealing he is being treated for testicular cancer in his native Argentina. The 31-year-old midfielder told Argentinian TV he has undergone chemotherapy after having surgery following the discovery of a tumour, which was first noticed last year. Let’s hope his balls recover for long enough so we can list him next year.

An 81-year-old Austrian billionaire, known for the famous partners he invites to the annual Vienna Opera Ball, has married 24-year-old Playboy model Cathy Schmitz. The pair wedded at Schönbrunn palace – a 1,441-room summer residence in Vienna – after meeting in February this year and becoming engaged in August. Billionaire Richard Lugner acknowleged their 57-year age gap, but  “Apart from the big age difference, everything fits,” he said. Cathy announced her marriage on her Facebook page with the words “In love, engaged, married!” along with a picture of her wedding ring. She later wrote that the day was “an incredible and unforgettable experience” whilst listening to imaginary cash register sounds in her vacuous head.

A Belgian man serving a life sentence for rape and murder will be allowed to have doctors end his life, after a landmark ruling which could become European Law. Unable to control his violent sexual urges, Frank Van Den Bleeken, who is 50, argued he would never be freed. This opens the doors to many other ‘lifers’ who would rather die than pay for their crimes by rotting in jail. Should this become a president in law, the Dead Pool could become a busy place!

And finally, a 65-year-old woman from Bangkok has killed herself by jumping into a pit of crocodiles at a reptile farm near the capital. In an inspired but stupid notion, witnesses saw Wanpen Inyai jumping into a pond at Samut Prakarn Crocodile Farm and Zoo on Friday. Staff failed to rescue her. According to reports, she took off her shoes before jumping into the middle of a pond said to be up to 3m deep that contained hundreds of adult crocodiles. At least we can learn from her death, if you’re going to kill yourself, make sure you don’t ruin your shoes.

On This Day

• 1937 – J. R. R. Tolkien‘s The Hobbit is published.
• 1961 – Maiden flight of the CH-47 Chinook transportation helicopter.
• 2003 – Galileo mission is terminated by sending the probe into Jupiter‘s atmosphere, where it is crushed by the pressure at the lower altitudes.

Deaths

• 19 BC – Virgil, Roman poet (b. 70 BC)
• 1998 – Florence Griffith-Joyner, American runner (b. 1959)

Do Not Believe What You Read On T’Internet  by Nickie

(Ever)… 

For those of you who take Twitter as it comes, then seeing a ‘celebrity death’ tweet piques your interest, yes? Even more so if you’re into dead stuff!

Now, maybe football doesn’t really tickle your fancy (it doesn’t float my boat) but when you see a name from your nostalgic past and the word “death or died” in the same tweet sentence then your nostalgic sense pricks up.

Then this is what happens…

You retweet the RIP Tweet

Then you tweet something which includes the words “#deadpool @kingofankh”

You then doubt your retweet but forget about it and drink wine

Then someone (*cough @kingofankh cough*) remembers that the said famous person died 10 years ago and you sink into your settee with shame

Then you look up “died in 2004 IMDB” on Google and you find this

http://www.imdb.com/search/name?death_date=2004

And you go… Holy shit… Christopher Reeve, OMG… Rodney Dangerfield , Fuck me.. Marlon Brando, Aawww… Jerry Orbach

And you keep scrolling and realise that it’s okay to “forget” about famous people dying but it’s also okay to randomly remember how good they were too… So good that you forgot that they were already dead and you’re shocked that you forgot.

*(Ed) Just like Brian Clough… *ahem*

Last Week’s Birthdays

Sophia Loren (80), Twiggy (64), Jimmy Fallon (40), Jeremy Irons (66), Adam West (86), Lance Armstrong (43), Jada Pinkett Smith (43), Elvira, Mistress of the Dark (63), Mickey Rourke (62), David Copperfield (58), Prince Harry (30), Tommy Lee Jones (68), Sam Neill (67), Oliver Stone (68), B.B. King (87), George R.R. Martin (66), David McCallum (81), Baz Luhrmann (52) and Bryan Singer (49).

2013 League Table

[confidential]

Next week peeps!