When I sent out the flying monkeys last week, little did I know that they would reap so many souls! Amongst them Rik Mayall, a true comedy genius and top bloke. I’m sure all of us will miss his comic talents. Sadly the game continues and yes, there are points to be awarded! We shall begin with Rebecca correctly guessing Carla Laemmele would die this year, but being 104 years old only reaps her 46 points, but well done anyway, that’s 46 points more than the rest of us! But this is not all my fellow morbid minions, Lee and Luke correctly surmised that the oldest man in the world would die, again, a small amount of points awarded, 39 each, but an extra 100 to Lee for marking him as his cert. Woo! Just what we needed, a little shake-up in the league table where we now have a new points leader!!

Look Who You Could Have Had:

• Eric Hill, 86, British children’s writer and illustrator (Spot the Dog).
• Alexander Imich, 111, Russian Congress Poland-born American chemist, parapsychologist and supercentenarian, oldest man in the world.
• Veronica Lazăr, 76, Romanian-born Italian actress (Inferno, Last Tango in Paris, The Stendhal Syndrome).
• Rik Mayall, 56, English comedian, writer and actor (The Young Ones, Bottom, The New Statesman), Emmy Award winner (The Wind in the Willows), heart attack.
• Ruby Dee, 91, American Emmy Award-winning actress (Decoration Day), Grammy Award-winner (2007) and civil rights activist, National Medal of Arts laureate (1995).
• Carla Laemmle, 104, American actress (The Phantom of the Opera, The Broadway Melody, Dracula), natural causes.
• Jimmy Scott, 88, American jazz singer.
• Richard Rockefeller, 65, American billionaire physician, plane crash.
• Sam Kelly, 70, British actor (‘Allo ‘Allo!, Porridge).

In Other News

Harrison Ford has been injured on the set of Star Wars:  Episode VII and was taken to hospital, seems the 71 year old has broken his ankle when the door of the Millennium Falcon decided to attack him. His wife, Calista Flockhart is now en-route to be at his bedside as they fear he might have damaged his pelvis too! Filming of the new Star Wars film will continue in his absence but if his recovery is not as straight forward as some reports are suggesting, it looks like the tight scheduling of the shoot might be in danger. We all know what happens when an old fart breaks a hip don’t we!

In birthday news, Prince Philip managed to reach the ripe old age of 93 without any undue mishap. No time to enjoy his birthday though, the old codger has a diary full of events that he has to attend, so it looks like he’s here to stay for a while longer. Not to be outdone, George Bush Snr celebrated his 90th birthday by jumping out of a helicopter, much like The Queen did during the Olympics!! The 41st president of the United States was strapped to an instructor as he can no longer use his legs due to Parkinson’s, but enjoyed the experience immensely.

Casey Kasem is in a bad place. The voice of Shaggy in Scooby-Doo is in the middle of a family feud about his vast fortune and impending death. The courts have decided that his eldest daughter, a millionaire in her own right, is to be his care giver and she’s decided that the 82 year old is to be spared the indignity of treatment, so his food, water and medication have been withheld. So now its just a matter of time, one feels a quick smothering with a pillow would be better for the poor fucker.

The novelist and former MP Jeffrey Archer has revealed that he was diagnosed with prostate cancer late last year. After the diagnosis, he chose to have an operation in which the whole prostate and the cancer would be removed, rather than go through radiotherapy. The 74 year old is now infertile, but I doubt that will cause him any sleepless nights. Sadly he’s still writing crap novels and reckons he’ll survive to see 88. Lets hope for a passing bus shall we?

If you were looking to go see a concert with Morrissey or Paul McCartney any time soon, sell your ticket, both of them are too ill to sing. Paul  has been ill since early May with the squits since visiting Japan, but Morrissey was hospitalised with a respiratory infection. He’s cancelled the rest of his US tour which is a repeat of last year when he cancelled 22 shows due to ill health. His previous ailments have included pneumonia, an ulcer, the throat condition Barrett’s oesophagus and anaemia. Morrissey, being the cunt that he is, publicly blamed his support act Kirsteen Young for passing on a ‘horrendous cold’. She’s obviously a bit angry about these ‘bizarre lies’. Better order some lilies soon…

On This Day

• 1215 – King John of England puts his seal to the Magna Carta.
• 1667 – The first human blood transfusion is administered by Dr. Jean-Baptiste Denys.
• 1752 – Benjamin Franklin proves that lightning is electricity (traditional date, the exact date is unknown).
• 1785 – Jean-François Pilâtre de Rozier, co-pilot of the first-ever manned flight (1783), and his companion, Pierre Romain, become the first-ever casualties of an air crash when their hot air balloon explodes during their attempt to cross the English Channel.
• 1878 – Eadweard Muybridge takes a series of photographs to prove that all four feet of a horse leave the ground when it runs; the study becomes the basis of motion pictures.
• 1970 – Charles Manson Infamous trial for the Sharon Tate murders begin.
• 1996 – The Provisional Irish Republican Army explodes a large bomb in the middle of Manchester, England, United Kingdom.

Deaths

• 1993 – James Hunt, English race car driver (b. 1947)
• 1996 – Ella Fitzgerald, American singer and actress (b. 1917)
• 2008 – Stan Winston, American makeup artist and director (b. 1946)

Death Row Prisoners Last Meals by KoA

This week we’re taking a peek at what Timothy McVeigh had for his parting dinner. You’ll remember him as the chap responsible for the Oklahoma Bombing that killed 168 people and injured 600 more, which is still the worst act of domestic terrorism in the US, the only other that beats it is 9/11, but some Johnny Foreigners were responsible for that one!

McVeigh was an odd sort, his whole reason for the bombing was revenge against the federal government for their  handling of the Waco Siege. He obviously thought they did it wrong.

Like most nut jobs he was bullied at school and had a huge fascination with guns, so obviously his grandfather bought him a gun which he took to school with him. Following dropping out of college he joined the US Army, where they ‘trained him up good’, giving him the skills he needed to finally get his revenge against everything he thought was pissing him off, which included women, as nobody would go out with him, and the government, for making him pay tax.  Following the bombing he was jailed and  sentenced to death.

So here we are at his final meal. He ordered two pints of mint chocolate chip ice cream. Boring or what!?!

McVeigh showed no remorse for his actions and was executed by lethal injection at 7:14 a.m. on June 11, 2001, at the U.S. Federal Penitentiary in Terre Haute, Indiana, the first federal prisoner to be executed by the United States federal government since 1963.

Ice cream! Nom nom…

Last Week’s Birthdays

Kanye West (37), Tim Berners-Lee (59), Nancy Sinatra (74), Joan Rivers (81), Jerry Stiller (87), Barbara Bush (89), Natalie Portman (33), Johnny Depp (50), Michael J Fox (53), Elizabeth Hurley (49), Linda Evangelista (49), Prince Philip (93), Shea LeBeouf (28), Peter Dinklage (45), Hugh Laurie (55), Adrienne Barbeau (69), Gene Wilder (81), Adriana Lima (33), Richard Ayoade (37), George H. W. Bush (90), David Rockefeller (99), Mary-Kate & Ashley Olsen (28), Chris Evans (33), Steve-O (40), Ally Sheedy (52), Tim Allen (60), Richard Thomas (63), Stellan Skarsgård (63), Malcolm McDowell (71), Diablo Cody (36), Steffi Graf (45), Boy George (53), Donald Trump (68), Neil Patrick Harris (41), Ice Cube (45), Courtney Cox (50), Helen Hunt (51) and Jim Belushi (60).

2013 League Table

[confidential]

Next week peeps!

Welcome all, no points to award, but please don’t be downhearted, I’ve sent out the flying monkeys to reap a few souls in readiness for next week. Not many famous people have bit the bullet during the last week, so I’ve padded out the weekly newsletter with two features to keep you interested, I know, I’m awesome!

Look Who You Could Have Had:

• Sir Hugo White, 74, British admiral, Governor of Gibraltar (1995–1997).
• Mary Soames, Baroness Soames, 91, British aristocrat, last surviving child of Winston Churchill. 
• Ann B. Davis, 88, American actress (The Brady Bunch), winner of two Emmy Awards (The Bob Cummings Show), subdural hematoma from a fall.
• Alexander Shulgin, 88, American pharmacologist and chemist, MDMA pioneer, liver cancer.
• Jane Gray, 112, Scottish-born Australian supercentenarian, oldest living Scottish-born person and Australian resident.
• Chester Nez, 93, American Navajo code talker, last remaining Navajo who developed the code, recipient of the Congressional Gold Medal (2000), renal failure.

In Other News

US actor and ‘comedian’ Tracy Morgan is in intensive care after the limousine he was riding was involved in a fatal crash in New Jersey. Six vehicles were involved, including one carrying the 45-year-old former Saturday Night Live and 30 Rock star. One passenger died after the bus overturned on the New Jersey Turnpike early on Saturday, police said. Four are in hospital, three remain critical. A lorry driver is facing criminal charges over the crash.

South Africa’s President, Jacob Zuma, has been admitted to  hospital for tests, his office has announced. “Yesterday President Zuma was advised to rest following a demanding election,” a statement said. Doctors were satisfied with his condition. Mr Zuma, 72, was sworn in for a second term on 24th May following the African National Congress election victory. Lets hope the old codger survives long enough so we can include him on next years lists.  

King Juan Carlos of Spain has announced his intention to abdicate, after nearly 40 years on the throne. “A new generation must be at the forefront… younger people with new energies,” the 76-year-old king said in a televised address. His son, Crown Prince Felipe, 45, will take over the throne. For much of his reign, Juan Carlos was seen as one of the world’s most popular monarchs, but recently many Spaniards have lost confidence in him. We all know what happens to men after they retire, best get him on a list quick!  

In a sure sign of impending death, stars have paid tribute to actress and political activist Jane Fonda as she accepted the American Film Institute’s Life Achievement Award. As she accepted the award, Fonda offered some advice on career longevity for the roomful of celebrities gathered: “Ask questions, stay curious. It’s much more important to be interested than to be interesting.” Well said Jane, I’ll try to keep your words in mind when you need your headstone carved. 

On This Day

• 632 – Muhammad, Islamic prophet, dies in Medina and is succeeded by Abu Bakr who becomes the first caliph of the Rashidun Caliphate.
• 793 – Vikings raid the abbey at Lindisfarne in Northumbria, commonly accepted as the beginning of the Scandinavian invasion of England.
• 1191 – Richard I arrives in Acre (Palestine) thus beginning his crusade.
• 1929 – Margaret Bondfield is appointed Minister of Labour. She is the first woman appointed to the Cabinet of the United Kingdom.
• 1949 – The celebrities Helen Keller, Dorothy Parker, Danny Kaye, Fredric March, John Garfield, Paul Muni and Edward G. Robinson are named in an FBI report as Communist Party members.
• 1949 – George Orwell‘s Nineteen Eighty-Four is published.
• 1953 – The United States Supreme Court rules that restaurants in Washington, D.C., cannot refuse to serve black patrons.
• 1968 – Robert F. Kennedy‘s funeral takes place at the Basilica of St. Patrick’s Cathedral, New York City.
• 1972 – Vietnam War: The Associated Press photographer Nick Ut takes his Pulitzer Prize-winning photo of a naked 9-year-old Phan Thị Kim Phúc running down a road after being burned by napalm.

Deaths

• 632 – Muhammad, Last Prophet of Islam (b. 570)
• 1874 – Cochise, American tribal chief (b. 1805)
• 1924 – Andrew Irvine, English mountaineer (b. 1902)
• 1924 – George Mallory, English lieutenant and mountaineer (b. 1886)
• 2003 – Leighton Rees, Welsh darts player (b. 1940)
• 2006 – Robert Donner, American actor (b. 1931)

Death Row Prisoners Last Meals by KoA

This week we shall be looking at Ronnie Lee Gardner, an awesome individual who received the death penalty for murder in October 1984. He killed a chap called Melvyn John Otterstrom during a robbery in Salt Lake City and while being transported in April 1985 to a court hearing for the homicide, he fatally shot attorney Michael Burdell in an unsuccessful escape attempt. So you can see he’s a stirling upstanding citizen. He spent the best part of 25 years in the system before being executed by firing squad, that in itself was interesting as it was the first one carried out in the U.S. for 14 years.

On June 15, 2010, Gardner ate a last meal of steak, lobster tail, apple pie, vanilla ice cream and 7-Up, before beginning a 48-hour fast while watching The Lord of the Rings film trilogy and reading Divine Justice.  

• Lobster Tail
• Steak
• Apple Pie
• Vanilla Ice Cream
• 7-Up
• Lord of the Rings Trilogy DVD’s
• Copy of Devine Justice
• 48 Hour fasting period

According to his lawyers, the fast was motivated by “spiritual reasons.” As a good inmate, Gardner walked voluntarily to his place of execution.When asked if he had any last words, he responded, “I do not, no.” So they proceeded to shoot the shit out of him.

As you do, a commemorative coin was commissioned for prison staff who participated in the execution. Well done America, way to show us all how to do it!

Human Bindings by KoA

In ‘good news for bibliomaniacs and satanists’, scientists say the binding of 1880s study of the human soul is in fact made of human skin! Scientific analysis of the 19th-century book has proved “without a doubt” that its leather binding is made from human skin, Harvard University has confirmed.

After it emerged in April that, despite an inscription claiming that its binding was formed from “all that remains of my dear friende Jonas Wright”, the 17th-century book Practicarum Quaestionum Circa Leges Regias Hispaniae was actually bound with sheepskin, Harvard set out to test the provenance of an unusual binding on a copy of Arsène Houssaye’s Des destinées de l’ame.

The book includes a note by its binder Dr Ludovic Bouland, which claims it is “bound in human skin parchment on which no ornament has been stamped to preserve its elegance”. “By looking carefully you easily distinguish the pores of the skin,” wrote Bouland. “A book about the human soul deserved to have a human covering: I had kept this piece of human skin taken from the back of a woman.”

Harvard called the discovery “good news for fans of anthropodermic bibliopegy, bibliomaniacs and cannibals alike”. Anthropodermic bibliopegy is the practice of binding books in human skin, something which enjoyed a spate of popularity in the 19th century, but which has occurred since at least the 1500s.

Antiquarian bookseller Tim Bryars, who runs a shop in London’s Cecil Court, said that “anthropodermic biblopegy has a grisly pull on everyone who has heard of it, booksellers included”, but that “identifying the origin of some leathers used historically in bookbinding can be tricky”.

“But does that mean that leather-bound books on your shelves at home might involve human remains? It’s highly unlikely,” said Bryars. “Most examples seem to cover works on anatomy and trial reports (sometimes bound in the skin of the accused), the product of a different age, an entirely different way of thinking, and the provenance is generally well attested, the whereabouts known.”

He pointed to the case of John Horwood, who was hanged for murder in Bristol almost 200 years ago, his skin used to bind an account of the case.

Books, who thought they were boring?

Last Week’s Birthdays

Alanis Morissette (40), Heidi Klum (41), Jonathan Pryce (67), Rene Auberjonois (74), Morgan Freeman (77), Pat Boone (80), Justin Long (36), Zachary Quinto (37), Dana Carvey (59), Rafael Nadal (28), Russell Brand (39), Angelina Jolie (39), Bruce Dern (78), Mark Wahlberg (43), Paul Giamatti (47), Sandra Bernhard (59), Robert Englund (67), Michael Cera (26), Anna Kournikova (33), Bill Hader (35), Prince (56), Liam Neeson (61), Kayne West (37), Tim Berners-Lee (59), Nancy Sinatra (74), Joan Rivers (81), Barbara Bush (89)  and Tom Jones (74).

2013 League Table

[confidential]

Next week  peeps!

Mi Dios!! We have a winner Poolers! Stu correctly  guessed that Manuel Uribe, the   world’s fattest ‘living’ man, would die this year, not only this, he ascribed him as his Maverick! Just to put this in context, nobody in the history of The Dead Pool has successfully scored a Maverick! We’ve come close with various overdoses and suicides, but this is the first time an actual Maverick has kicked the bucket! Well done Stu, a well deserved 192 points, which propels you to the top of the league table!

Look Who You Could Have Had:

• Michael Gottlieb, 69, American film director (Mannequin), screenwriter (Mr. Nanny) and video game producer (Mortal Kombat 4), traffic collision.
• Manuel Uribe, 48, Mexican obese man, was world’s third-heaviest person, liver failure.
• Maya Angelou, 86, American author (I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings), poet (“On the Pulse of Morning“) and civil rights activist.
• Oscar Dystel, 101, American book publishing executive (Bantam Books), pioneered mass marketing of paperbacks.
• Malcolm Glazer, 85, American real estate executive (First Allied Corporation) and sports franchise owner (Manchester United, Tampa Bay Buccaneers).

In Other News

The family and followers of one of India’s wealthiest Hindu spiritual leaders are fighting a legal battle over whether he is dead or simply in a deep state of meditation. His Holiness Shri Ashutosh Maharaj, the founder of the Divya Jyoti Jagrati Sansthan religious order with a property estate worth an estimated £100 million, ‘died’ in January, according to his wife and son. However, his disciples at his Ashram have refused to let the family take his body for cremation because they claim he is still alive. According to his followers, he simply went into a deep Samadhi or meditation and they have frozen his body, as you do, to preserve it for when he wakes up. Unsurprisingly, his son Dilip Jha, 40, claims his late father’s followers are refusing to release his body as a means of retaining control of his vast financial empire. His body is currently contained in a commercial freezer at their Ashram. 

Two members of the Japanese girl group AKB48 were taken to hospital after being attacked by a man wielding a saw at one of the band’s meet-the-fans events. Rina Kawaei, 19, and Anna Iriyama, 18, both broke bones in their right hands and received cuts on their arms and heads caused by the 50cm saw at the event in Iwate in northern Japan. A 24-year-old man, identified as unemployed Satoru Umeta, was arrested on suspicion of attempted murder. AKB48 is part talent show, part pop act, in which a pool of more than 100 young women compete for a spot in the limelight when each new hit is released. Members must strive constantly for popularity if they wish to retain their spot, and girls who contravene strict rules, such as having boyfriends, are dropped back into the general talent pool. One assumes that both Rina and Anna will now be dropped due to their horrible scars and lack of fingers.

AKB48 weren’t the only celebrities attacked this week; Brad Pitt was hit in the face as he signed autographs at the Hollywood premiere of Maleficent, starring his partner Angelina Jolie. Pitt was quietly wielding a pen when Vitalii Sediuk leaped over a fence and hit him in the chops. The actor was not seriously hurt and authorities quickly subdued Sediuk, who was then arrested for misdemeanour battery. Sediuk, 25, is a Ukrainian television reporter who has often pranked celebrities at red carpet events. In previous exploits, Sediuk has hugged actor Leonardo DiCaprio’s crotch, stormed the stage during singer Adele’s Grammy acceptance speech, and been slapped by Will Smith after kissing the actor at a Moscow premiere. I still think Dennis Pennis had more class though… 

Continuing in the same theme, Macaulay Culkin’s band was booed off stage at Nottingham Rock City at the weekend after fans took exception to the performance. The Home Alone star and his bandmates abandoned the show, which was part of the Dot to Dot festival, after just 15 minutes, following a stage invasion and interruption of Culkin’s kazoo solo. The reaction came despite a promise of free pizza for fans in the crowd. The group, who play Velvet Underground songs with pizza-themed lyrics had full pints of beer thrown at them. “Why are you throwing those?” Culkin asked the crowd at the Rock City venue. “I’d rather drink them.” But audience member Patrick Mendes was unrepentant. “I’m glad I lobbed a pint and I’m glad it hit you,” he wrote on the group’s Facebook page. Complaining about their “mockery” of “one of the greatest bands of all time”, he added: “Great art should never be compromised”. 

And finally, you might not have noticed, but we have narrowly escaped nuclear armageddon! BBC Radio 4 failed to broadcast the Shipping Forecast for the first time in more than 90 years. The radio service is something of an institution, broadcasting four forecasts a day since 1924, a routine which failed for the first time at 5.20am on Friday. A technical glitch meant the BBC’s World Service was played in its place. As you all know, the longwave signal is part of the Royal Navy’s system of Last Resort Letters. In the event of a suspected catastrophic attack on Britain, nuclear submarine commanders check for a broadcast signal from Radio 4 on LW 198 to verify the annihilation of organised society in Great Britain, if they don’t hear the expected transmission, they are allowed the mother of all firework displays! Luckily they were able to resolve the issue at 5.40am when it cut back to the Radio 4 programme. Friday morning’s Shipping Forecast eventually aired 6.40am, thus ensuring world peace! 

On This Day

• 1495 – Friar John Cor records the first known batch of Scotch whisky.
• 1533 – Anne Boleyn is crowned Queen of England.
• 1831 – James Clark Ross discovers the Magnetic North Pole.
• 1960 – New Zealand‘s first official television broadcast commences at 7.30 pm from Auckland.
• 1967 – Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band by the Beatles is released.
• 1974 – The Heimlich maneuver for rescuing choking victims is published in the journal Emergency Medicine.

Deaths

• 1960 – Paula Hitler, Austrian-German sister of Adolf Hitler (b. 1896)
• 1968 – Helen Keller, American author and activist (b. 1880)
• 2008 – Yves Saint Laurent, French fashion designer, founded Saint Laurent Paris (b. 1936)

Last Week’s Birthdays

Stevie Nicks (66), Clint Eastwood (84), Brooke Shields (49), Mike Myers (51), Lenny Kravitz (50), Jack McBrayer (41), Kylie Minogue (46), Lea Thompson (53), CeeLo Green (39), Helena Bonham-Carter (48), Colin Farrell (38), Noel Gallagher (47), Anne Heche (45), Tom Berenger (65), Rupert Everett (55), Paul Bettany (43), LaToya Jackson (58), Gladys Knight (70), Philip Michael Thomas (65), Jamie Oliver (39), Colm Meaney (61) and Sharon Gless (71).

2013 League Table

[confidential]

Next week peeps!

Welcome all to a slightly  later than normal Dead Pool round-up, sorry about that but I was busy enjoying myself, you know how it is. But what have we here? Yes, points to be awarded!! Looks like Luke has scored with the death of Wojciech Jaruzelski! Nice one! A spiffing 60 points to your scoreline sir! Which brings your total score up to, er.. 60! Well done that man! 

Look Who You Could Have Had:

• Miss Beazley, 9, American-born Scottish terrier, co-First Dog (2005–2009), euthanized due to lymphoma.
• Jerry Vale, 83, American singer (“Have You Looked into Your Heart“, “The Star-Spangled Banner“) and actor (Goodfellas, Casino).
• Gordon Willis, 82, American cinematographer (The Godfather series, Annie Hall, Manhattan), cancer.
• Sir Jack Brabham, 88, Australian racing driver, triple Formula One world champion (1959, 1960, 1966).
• Matthew Cowles, 69, American actor and playwright (All My Children, Law & Order, Oz).
• Donald Levine, 86, American toy executive, developer of the first action figure and G. I. Joe, cancer.
• Wojciech Jaruzelski, 90, Polish military officer and politician, Prime Minister (1981–1985), Chairman of the Council of State (1985–1989), President (1989–1990).

In Other News

Two-time World Snooker Championship runner-up Ali Carter has been diagnosed with a form of lung cancer. World Snooker announced on Saturday that the 34-year-old from Chelmsford will undergo an intensive course of chemotherapy. The world number 13, who has Crohn’s disease, last year recovered from testicular cancer to resume his career, talk about a spate of bad luck! Carter had been due to play on Saturday in Gloucester, in the qualifying stages of the Wuxi Classic, but pulled out, sadly I think we need to keep an eye on him for next year!  

Paul McCartney has been treated in hospital after falling ill in Japan but the former Beatle is expected to “make a complete recovery” from the viral infection he’s caught. He had already cancelled several Asian tour dates but has since expanded the run of cancellations. McCartney, 71, has been sick for about a week, reporting his first symptoms not long after arriving in Japan on 15th May. Sankei Sports, a local newspaper, reported that the singer had been vomiting and suffering from diarrhoea. Sounds like he’s got a serious bout of the Delhi Belly, better keep drinking lots Paul, make sure that soggy bottom doesn’t dry up! 

The Duke of Edinburgh has had a “minor procedure” carried out on his right hand, Buckingham Palace has announced. A spokeswoman said on Wednesday that the Duke, 92, was continuing his engagements as planned, but the Royal stalwart still arrived at a garden party at the palace with the hand bandaged! No details as to what the procedure was, but one expects it was hurt from punching one of his servants.  

The oldest living American, one of the few living people born in the 19th Century, has marked her 115th birthday. Jeralean Talley was born on 23rd May 1899 and is the world’s second-oldest person, according to a list maintained by the Gerontology Research Group. The oldest is Misao Okawa in Japan, who is 116. Asked how she has lived so long, Ms Talley told the Detroit Free Press: “It’s all in the good Lord’s hands. There’s nothing I can do about it.” She plans to celebrate with family and friends at a local church in Michigan on Sunday.

On This Day

• 240 BC – First recorded perihelion passage of Halley’s Comet.
• 1895 – The playwright, poet, and novelist Oscar Wilde is convicted of “committing acts of gross indecency with other male persons” and sentenced to serve two years in prison.
• 1961 – Apollo program: The U.S. President John F. Kennedy announces before a special joint session of the Congress his goal to initiate a project to put a “man on the Moon” before the end of the decade.
• 1977 – Star Wars (retitled Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope in 1981) is released in theater’s, inspiring the Jediism religion and Geek Pride Day holiday.
• 2011 – Oprah Winfrey airs her last show, ending her twenty-five-year run of The Oprah Winfrey Show.
• 2012 – The Dragon spacecraft became the first commercial spacecraft to successfully rendezvous with the International Space Station.

Deaths

• 1934 – Gustav Holst, English composer (b. 1874)
• 2002 – Pat Coombs, English actress (b. 1926)
• 2006 – Desmond Dekker, Jamaican singer-songwriter (b. 1941)

A Wonderful Comeuppance by KoA

For the first time in 35 years, the San Isidro Festival, which opens the bullfighting season in Spain, had to be suspended because all the matadors had been injured. 

In what could be seen as divine providence, two Half-tonne fighting bulls gored or trampled all three matadors in an extraordinary upset at Madrid’s prestigious Las Ventas bullring, forcing the spectacle to be cancelled. The first bull on the programme, a black, 532kg animal named Deslio, knocked Mora over during a pass as his yellow and pink cape swirled in the wind. 

Mora fell to the sand beneath his cloak, but the bull immediately turned on him, head down, ramming its horn deep into his leg and tossing him over repeatedly.

“The somersault was horrific, shocking, chilling, impossible for the human eye to witness yet evident to the mind,” wrote Antonio Lorca, bullfighting correspondent for the El País newspaper.

Mora suffered a 30cm gash in the thigh and another wound in the armpit, a medical report from the bullring said.

The venue’s surgeon, Maximo Garcia Padros, reportedly said Mora had needed a blood transfusion during a two-hour operation.

“The goring in the femoral vein placed his life in danger. If you don’t act it empties like an open tap, but that’s why we are here,” he said.

The second matador, Antonio Nazare, appeared  before the shocked audience to finish off the animal with his sword.

Nazare then faced his own opponent, however, a 537kg brown bull named Feten. The animal dragged the matador along the sand, injuring his knee and forcing him to seek treatment at the bullring’s hospital, the medical report showed.

The third matador, Saúl Jiménez Fortes, entered the ring to fight the same bull. The animal skewered him in the right leg and the pelvis, leaving three 10cm-deep injuries, the bullring doctor said. Sadly, Fortes managed to kill the beast before he, too, sought medical treatment.

Last Week’s Birthdays

Grace Jones (66), Pete Townshend (69), Busta Rhymes 942), Cher (68), Joe Cocker (70), Gotye (34), Judge Reinhold 957), Mr T (62), Leo Sayer (66), Naomi Campbell (44), Morrissey (55), Marvin Hagler (60), Joan Collins (81), John C Reilly (49), Priscilla Presley (69), Gary Burghoff (71), Bob Dylan (73), Tommy Chong (76), Anne Heche (45), Mike Myers (51), Ian McKellen (75), Helena Bonham Carter (48), Zola Budd (48), Lenny Kravitz (50), Pam Grier (65) and Stevie Nicks (66).

2013 League Table

[confidential]

Next week peeps!

Welcome all, what a strange week! Robert Burns died, no, not  that one, but the   Canadian politician. Also Tom Jones passed, no, not that one, the WWII Navajo soldier and coder, and last but not least, Charlie Brown died, no, not that one, the basketball player, so you can imagine my confusion!

We also said goodbye to Stephen Sutton, a truly inspiring character, whom to date has risen nearly £4 million for cancer charities, if only we all could be so altruistic in our own demises.

Look Who You Could Have Had:

• Mary Stewart, 97, British novelist (Merlin series), heart failure.
• H. R. Giger, 74, Swiss Academy Award-winning surrealist artist (Alien), injuries from a fall.
• Stephen Sutton, 19, British charity fundraiser, colorectal cancer.
• Louise Wilson, 52, British fashion designer.

In Other News

Anyone else found that the tomato sauce in their Heinz Baked Beans has a slight tang in them recently? Well it might be down to Alec Brackenbury, 49, who had his hand chopped off whilst servicing a peeling machine at their factory. I’d assume that the spurting stump would add plenty of its own sauce to their recipe, but please look out if you prefer the Beans with Sausage variety. Nom nom…

Award-winning TV writer and comedian Caroline Aherne is recovering from treatment for lung cancer. Aherne, 50, had eye cancer when she was a child and also revealed that she had been treated for bladder cancer in the past. The poor woman has a very troubled past, a suspected suicide bid in 1998 brought into sharp focus the problems she was having. Following a drug overdose, Aherne admitted she was an alcoholic and had not been aware of what she was doing to herself. A true candidate for the Dead Pool if I ever saw one!

TV personalities Judy Finnigan and husband Richard Madeley have said they have agreed to an assisted death pact should one of them fall seriously ill. Madeley said: “If Judy was really ill and in logical mind…”I wouldn’t give a tuppenny if there was a risk of being prosecuted. I’d do what was right for my wife.” Finnigan added: “And I’d do the same. Stuff it all! We’ve made ourselves give each other a pledge along those lines.” Madeley continued: “If, when the time came… Judy said to me, ‘But what about you? What about the risk of prosecution?’, I’d say, ‘That’s my problem, I’ll deal with that, don’t worry about it.’ And for me, it would be the locked room, the bottle of whisky and the revolver. I wouldn’t want to mess around.” We are all wondering why both of you are waiting for illness, just do it!!

Australian actor Hugh Jackman has had a second cancerous skin growth removed from his nose. The 45-year-old attended the premiere of his latest film, X-Men: Days of Future Past, sporting a bandage on his face in New York on Saturday. The star told reporters he learned the results of a biopsy diagnosing the basal cell carcinoma on Thursday, and had it removed immediately.

You know how we all know who Steve Jobs was, do any of you know who the head of Samsung is? No? Nor did I, but he is in a “stable condition” after undergoing emergency heart surgery. Lee Kun-hee underwent the operation after suffering breathing difficulties late on Saturday night. Mr Lee took over as chairman of South Korea’s biggest business in 1987 after his father’s death. He is credited with turning the company into an international force in the technology market. He has previously undergone lung surgery in the 1990s and has reportedly suffered respiratory problems since then. They guy is worth £6 billion and his son and two daughters have senior positions at Samsung and it is thought that his son, Jay Lee, currently vice-chairman, will eventually succeed him. Who knew eh?

And finally, the Pentagon isn’t letting a little thing like zombies not existing get in the way of their emergency preparedness. The US military has cooked up a plan that would come in handy if the dead happened to rise from their graves to attack the living. “This plan was not actually designed as a joke,” reads a disclaimer in  the recently declassified CONOP 8888, the “Counter-Zombie Dominance” plan devised by US Strategic Command planners in Omaha, Nebraska. But it’s not entirely serious, either. The plan was designed as a training tool for military personnel who would be tasked with assessing threats and protecting civilians in any sort of attack. The military doesn’t actually believe that zombies are a legitimate threat—just that they’re a useful training tool. Yeah, everything has a reason, we all know they have developed a virus that changes us into zombies, they just need to control us!

On This Day

• 1756 – The Seven Years’ War begins when Great Britain declares war on France.
• 1803 – Napoleonic Wars: The United Kingdom revokes the Treaty of Amiens and declares war on France.
• 1812 – John Bellingham is found guilty and sentenced to death by hanging for the assassination of British Prime Minister Spencer Perceval.
• 1910 – The Earth passes through the tail of Comet Halley.
• 1912 – The first Indian film, Shree Pundalik by Dadasaheb Torne is released in Mumbai.
• 1953 – Jackie Cochran becomes the first woman to break the sound barrier.
• 1969 – Apollo program: Apollo 10 is launched.
• 1980 – 1980 eruption of Mount St. Helens: Mount St. Helens erupts in Washington, United States, killing 57 people and causing $3 billion in damage.

Deaths

• 1911 – Gustav Mahler, Austrian composer (b. 1860)
• 1980 – Ian Curtis, English singer-songwriter (Joy Division) (b. 1956)

Horrible Ways to Die #7 – Broken on a Wheel by Dexychik

You’ve probably heard of a Catherine wheel firework. They’re named after the legend of the martyrdom of St Catherine of Alexandria, who was to be broken on a wheel. When the wheel touched her, it broke from miraculous force, so she was beheaded instead. Apparently, she then bled milk.

The first recorded use of the wheel was in Roman times, and they used it to kill slaves and martyrs. A man was laid underneath an iron wheel, which was then smashed into him with a weight. They also practised a form in which the victim was tied to a spiked wheel and then run over more spikes.

Being broken on the wheel was a medieval method of torture and execution across Europe although it was also used as a way to defile the dead well into the 18th century. It was never popular in England, though Scotland used it several times. In Germany, it remained on the statute books until the 19th century.

It had various applications. In its crudest form, the victim was simply run over by the wheel, attached to a cart or similar. The more awful version saw the victim stretched across the wagon wheel (which would be considerably larger than modern ones) and then spun, with their limbs broken in the gaps with a lead weight as they spun past. Some people were broken starting with the neck, which killed them quickly. Others were killed starting at the feet and working upwards- a  slow and painful death.

One of the most revolting uses of the wheel, recorded in Zurich, involved breaking a person’s bones and spine against the wheel as a brace, then threading the useless limbs around the spokes of it, which was then erected on a pole. The still-living victim was then left to die of shock and exposure.

Frequently, people sentenced to die in this manner were mercy-killed either by strangulation before beginning, or being killed by a direct blow to the chest at some point. However, those who suffered the full extent took a long time to die. The more serious the crime, the longer the victim was left on the wheel before being strangled or finished off. It was a very popular spectacle.

Bleurgh! Next time, would you like burned alive or the electric chair? You decide!

Last Week’s Birthdays

Stephen Colbert (50), Stevie Wonder (64), Tony Hawk (46), Stephen Baldwin (48), Emilio Estevez (52), Robert Pattinson (28), George Lucas (70), Tim Roth (53), Pierce Brosnan (61), Janet Jackson (48), Megan Fox (28), Bill Paxton (59), Enya (53), Trent Reznor (49), Jordan Knight (44), Steve Winwood (66), Burt Bacharach (86), Harvey Keitel (75), Brian Eno (66), Mark Zuckerburg (30), Sofia Coppola (43), Robert Zemeckis (62), Tori Spelling (41), Gabriella Sabatini (44), David Boreanaz (45), Olga Korbut (59), Debra Winger (59), Sugar Ray Leonard (58), Tina Fey (44) and Chow Yun-Fat (59).

2013 League Table

[confidential]

Next week peeps!