Points!!! Points have  been scored!!! Woo!!! Well done to Sylvia, Kaz and Stu, all guessing that B.B. King would play his last riff this year. But extra props to Sylvia who had him as her Cert. Well done all of you!

Look Who You Could Have Had:

• Elizabeth Wilson, 94, American actress (The Birds, The Graduate, 9 to 5), Tony Award winner (1972).
• Isobel Varley, 77, British tattooed woman, world’s most tattooed senior, Alzheimer’s disease.
• Olympe Amaury, 113, French supercentenarian, nation’s oldest person.
• B.B. King, 89, American Hall of Fame blues guitarist, singer and songwriter (“The Thrill Is Gone“), complications from diabetes.

In Other News

Rob Ford, the former Toronto mayor, has undergone surgery to remove a cancerous tumour in his abdomen. Doctors removed the growth in an intensive operation that kept him under anaesthesia for about 10 hours, Ford’s chief of staff said. “There were no new growths, the cancer had not spread beyond what they were already aware of, and they were able to remove all the existing growths without causing damage to any internal structures.” Ford’s surgery comes after several rounds of chemotherapy and radiation that he said had shrunk his tumour to an operable size. He has said he could be out of commission for four months. Ford, whose admitted drug and alcohol abuse and outrageous behaviour earned him international notoriety, was forced out of his mayoral re-election bid in September 2014 when doctors discovered his rare, aggressive malignant liposarcoma. He ran successfully for his old city council seat instead.

As Mad Max: Fury Road debuts across the globe, actor Tom Hardy has opened up about his struggle with drugs. Hardy spoke about his addictions to both alcohol and drugs, stating: “I would have sold my mother for a rock of crack.” Alas the actor has now been clean and sober since 2003 and claims that it was a very clear statement that got him back to a better place. But there is every chance of a remission, amirite?

The man once dubbed the world’s fattest has had between three and four stone (22 to 27kg) of skin removed. Paul Mason, 54, from Ipswich, used to weigh 70 stone (440kg) but has lost about 45 stone (285kg). He is currently in New York recuperating after a nine-hour operation to remove his loose skin. Asked by BBC Radio Suffolk about the removal of so much tissue, he said: “I just think ‘good riddance’.” About half of the skin removed was from Mr Mason’s right leg with further significant surgery to what he described as his “apron”, which covered his midriff. Mr Mason, who used to have £75-worth of takeaways and chocolate delivered to his door daily, had the operation thanks to a donation of time by Dr Jennifer Capla.

U2’s latest world tour got off to an unsteady start in Vancouver on Thursday night, when lead guitarist The Edge fell off the edge of the stage. The guitarist fell during the last song of the night, which the rest of his caring bandmates continued to play while he was helped up by security guards. The Edge later posted on Instagram a picture of his grazed and cut right arm, with the message: “Didn’t see the edge, I’m OK!!” Twat!

And finally, a family was left waiting in torrential rain at their mother’s graveside after an “amazing coincidence” saw fellow mourners follow the wrong hearse for nine miles. A group of relatives lost the right hearse, belonging to 71-year-old Mair Howard, after getting stuck in traffic at a roundabout and becoming separated from the rest of the cortege. The three cars, containing Mrs Howard’s nephews and pall-bearers, proceeded to trail the wrong coffin along the A50 in Wales for nine miles, only realising their mistake when family members waiting at the graveside called to ask where they were. Mrs Howard’ son Gareth said his mother would have found the mix-up amusing. He said: “It was, of course, a sad occasion but despite getting soaking wet everyone had a good laugh – and I know Mam would have as well.”

On This Day

• 1536 – The annulment of Henry VIII and Anne Boleyn’s marriage.
• 1792 – The New York Stock Exchange is formed under the Buttonwood Agreement.
• 1902 – Greek archaeologist Valerios Stais discovers the Antikythera mechanism, an ancient mechanical analog computer.
• 1915 – The last British Liberal Party government (led by Herbert Henry Asquith) falls.
• 1984 – Prince Charles calls a proposed addition to the National Gallery, London, a “monstrous carbuncle on the face of a much-loved and elegant friend”, sparking controversies on the proper role of the Royal Family and the course of modern architecture.
• 1990 – The General Assembly of the World Health Organization (WHO) eliminates homosexuality from the list of psychiatric diseases.
• 2004 – The first legal same-sex marriages in the U.S. are performed in the state of Massachusetts.

Deaths

• 1886 – John Deere, American blacksmith and businessman, founded the Deere & Company (b. 1804)
• 2012 – Donna Summer, American singer-songwriter (b. 1948)

Last Week’s Birthdays

Bono (55), Linda Evangelista (50), Burt Bacharach (87), Emilio Estevez (53), Gabriel Byrne (65), Jason Biggs (37), Stephen Baldwin (49), Steve Winwood (67), Tony Hawk (47), Ving Rhames (56), Harvey Keitel (76), Stevie Wonder (65), Stephen Colbert (51), Robert Pattinson (29), Dennis Rodman (54), George Lucas (71), Tim Roth (54), Cate Blanchett (46), Natalie Appleton (42), Mark Zuckerberg (31), Zara Phillips (34), Pierce Brosnan (62), Debra Winger (60), Janet Jackson (49), Megan Fox (29) and George Clooney (54).

Next Week peeps!

Alas no points this week, even with a few big names on this weeks listing, one of those evil flying monkeys must have been still about, either that or Orville and Chuckles decided to bring some in on their way to their final destination. Without further ado…

Look Who You Could Have Had:

• Grace Lee Whitney, 85, American actress (Star Trek, Some Like It Hot).
• Blanche Cobb, 114, American supercentenarian.
• Michael Blake, 69, American author and screenwriter (Dances with Wolves).
• Ellen Albertini Dow, 101, American actress (The Wedding Singer, Patch Adams, Wedding Crashers), pneumonia.
• Errol Brown, 71, Jamaican-born British singer (Hot Chocolate), liver cancer.
• Nigel Terry, 69, British actor (The Lion in Winter, Excalibur, Troy), emphysema.

In Other News

The former Tottenham Hotspur and England striker Jimmy Greaves is out of intensive care following a severe stroke on Sunday and is able to sit up in bed, according to his family. Greaves was admitted to intensive care on Sunday and on Tuesday his wife Irene disclosed that he was conscious and aware of the seriousness of his condition but that he was unable to speak. He suffered a minor stroke in 2012 but appeared to have made a full recovery. Greaves was due to be inducted into the Tottenham Hotspur Hall of Fame on 13th May at a sellout ceremony at White Hart Lane, but we doubt he’s going to be fit enough.

In more footballing news, Brazil legend and three-time World Cup winner Pele has left hospital in Sao Paolo after undergoing prostrate surgery. The  74-year-old was admitted to the Albert Einstein Hospital in Sao Paolo on Tuesday for the second time in six months. Pele, the three-time World Cup winner, was treated for a urinary infection in November 2014 after having kidney stones removed, which was a wordy because he only one kidney, having had one removed towards the end of his playing career. I suspect he hasn’t got half his asshole now either.

Another guy leaving hospital is King Bhumibol Adulyadej, after recovering from a gall bladder operation since last October. He must have really liked hospital food or the nurses were super friendly. However, crowds lined the streets and cheered as the 87-year-old king was driven from the capital, Bangkok, to the royal palace in the coastal town of Hua Hin. It is not the first time he has had a long stay in hospital – he spent four years getting treatment before being released in 2013, those nurses must be something else!

Blues guitarist BB King has told fans he is receiving hospice care at his home following a short stay in hospital. The 89-year-old has lived with type II diabetes for more than 20 years, and has had several spells in hospital in recent months. A message on his website said: “I am in home hospice care at my residence in Las Vegas. Thanks to all for your well wishes and prayers.” He was forced to cancel the remainder of a tour last October when he fell ill during a show, and was later diagnosed with dehydration and exhaustion, so there’s no wonder he’s in need of a sexy hospice nurse to look after him.

And finally a nice little tale to sweeten your afternoon. You might not have heard of Ryan McHenry, but he died last week at the age of 27 of bone cancer. He was the genius that created the ‘Ryan Gosling won’t eat his cereal’ meme. Look them up, it’s hilarious. However, upon hearing of McHenry’s death, Ryan Gosling Vined himself eating cereal to honour his passing. Well done sir!

On This Day

• 1869 – The First Transcontinental Railroad, linking the eastern and western United States, is completed at Promontory Summit, Utah (not Promontory Point, Utah) with the golden spike.
• 1872 – Victoria Woodhull becomes the first woman nominated for President of the United States.
• 1893 – The Supreme Court of the United States rules in Nix v. Hedden that a tomato is a vegetable, not a fruit, under the Tariff Act of 1883.
• 1908 – Mother’s Day is observed for the first time in the United States, in Grafton, West Virginia.
• 1924 – J. Edgar Hoover is appointed first Director of the United States’ Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI), and remains so until his death in 1972.
• 1954 – Bill Haley & His Comets release “Rock Around the Clock“, the first rock and roll record to reach number one on the Billboard charts.
• 1960 – The nuclear submarine USS Triton completes Operation Sandblast, the first underwater circumnavigation of the earth.
• 1962 – Marvel Comics publishes the first issue of The Incredible Hulk.
• 1975 – Sony introduces the Betamax videocassette recorder in Japan.
• 1994 – Nelson Mandela is inaugurated as South Africa’s first black president.

Deaths

• 1863 – Stonewall Jackson, American general (b. 1824)
• 1977 – Joan Crawford, American actress (year of birth disputed)
• 1994 – John Wayne Gacy, American criminal (b. 1942)
• 2010 – Frank Frazetta, American illustrator and painter (b. 1928)

Last Week’s Birthdays

Adele (27), George Clooney (54), Christina Hendricks (40), Will Arnett (45), Candice Bergen (69), Don Rickles (89), Rosario Dawson (36), Billy Joel (66), Enrique Iglesias (40), Chris Brown (26), Frankie Valli (81), Traci Lords (47), Roy McIlroy (26), Michael Palin (72), Henry Cavill (32), Richard E. Grant (58), Albert Finney (79),  James L. Brooks (75), Glenda Jackson (79), David Attenborough (89),  Alan Dale (68), John Rhys-Davies (71), Lance Henriksen (75) and Rob Brydon (50).

Next Week peeps!

I said last week that I’d be sending out the evil flying monkeys and they haven’t disappointed in supplying a few big names. Alas, none of us managed to score. How on earth did we all fail to name any of them astounds me! I’m a bit reticent to send out the monkeys again this week, but I shall if you moribund minions demand it!

Look Who You Could Have Had:

• Jayne Meadows, 95, American actress (I’ve Got a Secret, Undercurrent, Song of the Thin Man).
• Suzanne Crough, 52, American actress (The Partridge Family).
• Jack Ely, 71, American singer (“Louie Louie”).
• Andrew Lesnie, 59, Australian cinematographer (The Lord of the Rings, I Am Legend, The Water Diviner), Oscar winner (2002), heart attack.
• Keith Harris, 67, British ventriloquist (Orville the Duck, Cuddles the Monkey), cancer.
• François Michelin, 88, French businessman, CEO of Michelin (1955–1999).
• Jean Nidetch, 91, American businesswoman, founder of Weight Watchers.
• Ben E. King, 76, American soul and R&B singer (“Stand by Me“, “Spanish Harlem“), coronary heart disease.
• Ruth Rendell, 85, English author.

In Other News

Canadian singer-songwriter Joni Mitchell is “alert and… has her full senses” and is “not in a coma”, a statement on her official website says. The statement followed reports the 71-year-old, hospitalised last month after being found unconscious at home, was not able to care for herself. A friend filed a petition this week to become Mitchell’s guardian, in which the singer was said to be unresponsive. The petition was reportedly accompanied by a doctor’s declaration stating that the singer would be unable to attend a court hearing for four to six months. All sounds very contrived…

In a creepy, ‘I can’t let go of my ex’ story, Modern Family actress Sofia Vergara is in a legal battle with her former fiancé, who wants to have children from the couple’s frozen embryos. Nick Loeb said he wants a surrogate to carry and give birth to two embryos he and Vergara created through in vitro fertilisation before they split up. He said the actress, who plays Gloria in the ABC comedy, has refused. Vergara, who has been named the highest-earning actress on TV for the last three years, declined to comment. So, we’re in a position now to finally solve the eternal case of ‘is an egg a person’. Are embryos allowed to be counted on the Dead Pool?? Over to you!

North Korea’s Kim Jong-un ordered the execution of 15 senior officials this year, including several who complained about his policies. Those executed include two vice-ministers, both were punished for opposing or complaining about Kim’s directives, the legislators confirmed, adding that a vice-minister from the forestry department was executed for complaining about Kim’s forestation plan. Four members of North Korea’s Unhasu orchestra, where Ri Sol-ju, Kim’s wife, once worked as a singer, were also executed in March. They were killed by firing squad on spying charges. Now, if only we could find out who is close to Kim, we could rake in the points!!

Alain Robert has been at it again. The self-styled French ‘Spiderman’ who has climbed some of the world’s tallest buildings without permission, scaled Paris’s tallest building, the 210-metre-high Montparnasse Tower, on Tuesday. Robert says he did the stunt to express support for the victims of the earthquake in Nepal. Robert reached the top of the tower in less than 50 minutes, putting up a Nepal flag en route, before being met by police. The guy can’t keep this up, he’s bound to slip one day…

On This Day

• 1913 – Raja Harishchandra the first full-length Indian feature film is released, marking the beginning of the Indian film industry.
• 1937 – Gone with the Wind, a novel by Margaret Mitchell, wins the Pulitzer Prize for Fiction.
• 1978 – The first unsolicited bulk commercial e-mail (which would later become known as “spam“) is sent by a Digital Equipment Corporation marketing representative to every ARPANET address on the west coast of the United States.
• 1979 – After the general election, Margaret Thatcher forms her first government as Prime Minister of the United Kingdom.
• 2000 – The sport of geocaching begins, with the first cache placed and the coordinates from a GPS posted on Usenet.

Deaths

• 1758 – Pope Benedict XIV (b. 1675)
• 1969 – Zakir Hussain, Indian politician, 3rd President of India (b. 1897)
• 1972 – Leslie Harvey, Scottish guitarist (Stone the Crows) (b. 1944)

Last Week’s Birthdays

Jessica Alba (34), Dwayne Johnson (43), Kirsten Dunst (33), Daniel Day-Lewis (58), Willie Nelson (82), Penelope Cruz (41), Jerry Seinfeld (61), Uma Thurman (45), Jay Leno (65), Michelle Pfeiffer (57), Channing Tatum (35), David Beckham (40), Ellie Kemper (35), Jamie Dornan (33), Ann-Margret (74), Kevin James (50), Sheena Easton (56), Harper Lee (89), Andre Agassi (45), Mary McDonnell (63), Lily Allen (30), Julie Benz (43), Wes Anderson (46), Burt Young (75), Jet Li (52), Joan Chen (54) and Giancarlo Esposito (57).

Next Week peeps!

Short and sweet this week, not many notables have died and hardly any news of worth, but hopefully we’ve managed to put something together that will tickle your fancy on a Sunday afternoon. No points this week as you may have surmised, so with a certain amount of trepidation, we shall let loose the evil flying monkeys, you all know what happens when we do that!!

Look Who You Could Have Had:

• Betty Willis, 91, American graphic designer (Welcome to Fabulous Las Vegas sign).
• Peter Howell, 96, British actor (Emergency – Ward 10).
• Rex Robinson, 89, British actor (Doctor Who, Yes Minister, Only Fools and Horses).
• Sawyer Sweeten, 19, American actor (Everybody Loves Raymond), suicide by gunshot.
• Władysław Bartoszewski, 93, Polish politician and resistance fighter, Auschwitz concentration camp prisoner.

In Other News

Bobby Brown has said that his daughter Bobbi Kristina Brown is “awake” nearly three months after the 21-year-old was found unconscious in a bath. At a concert in Dallas on Saturday, Brown told the audience that “Bobbi is awake” and that “she is watching me”. Few details have been released about Bobbi Kristina’s health since she was taken to hospital on 31st January. There were unconfirmed reports at the time that Bobbi Kristina had been put in a medically-induced coma to reduce swelling on the brain but it’s believed she was released from hospital last month.

comedian, actress and TV star Roseanne Barr has revealed that she is suffering from glaucoma and macular degeneration and is slowing going blind. The outspoken, Emmy award-winning star of the 1990s hit comedy show Roseanne said that her vision “is closing now”. Barr, 62, said she smokes marijuana to help relieve the pressure she suffers in her eyes and also believes it opens her mind. Let’s hope the weed also helps her from tripping at the top of the stairs…

UKIP leader Nigel Farage has revealed that he is undergoing treatment for back  pain after speculation about his health. He insisted he was in good enough shape to fight the general election despite being on Temazepam, 65 pints of ale and 200 fags whilst receiving hospital treatment twice a week for the recurrence of serious back pain. In his recent autobiographical book, Purple Revolution, he revealed that several health scares including testicular cancer, a car accident and a light aircraft crash had left him with the body of a 70-year-old. So claiming to be as “fit as a flea” and accusing his political rivals of spreading untruths about his wellbeing was a lie as well…

And finally, The Queen spent her 89th birthday on Tuesday celebrating quietly with members of the Royal family at Windsor Castle as she took a rare week off from official engagements. Her Majesty still went through her daily quota of government red boxes, as she does every day except Christmas Day, but was otherwise able to relax with the Duke of Edinburgh as she entered her 90th year, much to the disappointment of many of the Poolers. Looks like she’s here to stay folks!

On This Day

• 1803 – Thousands of meteor fragments fall from the skies of L’Aigle, France; the event convinces European science that meteors exist.
• 1865 – Union cavalry troopers corner and shoot dead John Wilkes Booth, assassin of President Lincoln, in Virginia.
• 1933 – The Gestapo, the official secret police force of Nazi Germany, is established.
• 1986 – A nuclear reactor accident occurs at the Chernobyl Nuclear Power Plant in the Soviet Union (now Ukraine), creating the world’s worst nuclear disaster.
• 1989 – The deadliest tornado in world history strikes Central Bangladesh, killing upwards of 1,300, injuring 12,000, and leaving as many as 80,000 homeless.

Deaths

• 1717 – Samuel Bellamy, English pirate (b. 1689)
• 1865 – John Wilkes Booth, American actor, assassin of Abraham Lincoln (b. 1838)
• 1970 – Gypsy Rose Lee, American actress, dancer, and playwright (b. 1911)
• 1976 – Sid James, South African-English actor (b. 1913)
• 1989 – Lucille Ball, American actress and producer (b. 1911)
• 1999 – Jill Dando, English journalist (b. 1961)

Last Week’s Birthdays

Kate Hudson (36), Jack Nicholson (78), Jessica Lange (66), Al Pacino (75), Carmen Electra (43), Tony Danza (64), Queen Elizabeth II (89), Andie MacDowell (57), Lee Majors (76), Shirley MacLaine (81), Renee Zellweger (46), George Takei (78), Maria Sharapova (28), James Franco (37), Hayden Christensen (34), Andy Serkis (51), Ryan O’Neal (74), Iggy Pop (68), James McAvoy (36), Charles Grodin (80), Michael Moore (61), Hank Azaria (51), Talia Shire (69), Bjorn Ulvaeus (70), Djimon Hounsou (50), John Waters (69), Glenn Campbell (79) and Tim Curry (69).

Next Week peeps!

Alas a quiet week for points, which feels rather odd after the points bonanza of the last few weeks. I’ll also refrain from making that joke about the inventor of the Sledge Hammer again, well, until M.C. Hammer bites the bullet that is…

Look Who You Could Have Had:

• Judith Malina, 88, German-born American actress (Dog Day Afternoon, Awakenings, The Addams Family) and director, lung disease.
• Herb Trimpe, 75, American comic book artist (The Incredible Hulk, Thor), co-creator of Wolverine. 
• Ronnie Carroll, 80, Northern Irish Eurovision singer and political candidate.
• Orma Slack, 112, Canadian supercentenarian, nation’s oldest living person.
• Percy Sledge, 74, American R&B singer (“When a Man Loves a Woman“), liver cancer.

 In Other News

Spiderman, aka Alain Robert, has been up to his old tricks again. This time the 52 year old scaled one of Dubai’s tallest skyscrapers, relying on just chalk and sticky tape on his fingertips to help him up the 75-storey high Cayan Tower in the emirate’s glitzy marina area. He completed climbing the 1007-foot (307 meter) high structure in just 70 minutes on Sunday. He had no harness and little space for his feet on the ledges of the tower, which twists as it ascends. One day we’ll see him in the previous section…

Sue Perkins has said she is taking a break from Twitter because she has received death threats after speculation she might replace Jeremy Clarkson on Top Gear. The Great British Bake Off presenter – who also hosts an ITV chatshow with co-star Mel Giedroyc – tweeted on Tuesday to say that she was “off Twitter for a bit”. And you can’t blame her since seeing tweets wishing she would burn to death. Of course, the story of her taking over Top Gear is totally fabricated, so it makes all those people double douchebags. At least James May is of sound mind, the former presenter tweeted the trolls to ‘do the world a much bigger favour by killing yourself’ adding that ‘we don’t want them as fans’. I’ll not mention Clarkson’s cancer scare, we all know he’s pandering for sympathy.

Florence Welch has revealed she suffered a broken foot while leaping off stage during her energetic live set at Coachella last weekend. The Florence and the Machine singer promises ‘stripped back’ live performances, with her Glastonbury show only two months away! Who knows what she’ll try then, perhaps bouncing on her head? However, it’s not all bad news from Coachella, Justin Bieber and his entourage were stopped by security and denied entry to Drake’s headline show, leading to an argument with festival staff. Not even an army of Beliebers could protect the little cunt from being put in a chokehold and getting kicked out!

Formula 1 driver Jules Bianchi’s fight to recover from injuries sustained in a crash last year is the equivalent of “running a marathon every day”, according to his father. Bianchi, 25, remains in a coma, six months after the accident in Japan. He sustained a severe head injury when he crashed into a recovery vehicle at the Japanese Grand Prix and is now under the care of neurosurgeons in his native Nice. His father concluded the interview by saying “From a medical point of view, his condition is stable. All of his organs are working without assistance. But, for now, he remains unconscious.

And finally a warning to all potential MP’s. A Tory councillor is recovering at home after having three fingers severed by a dog when she tried to put electoral junk mail through a letterbox. Cllr Jane Chitty was left in agony when the Staffordshire bull terrier clamped down onto her hand on Friday lunchtime in an effort to defend his home from attack. The dog is fine but Cllr Chitty was quickly rushed to the specialist plastic surgery unit at East Grinstead Hospital in West Sussex where she underwent a five-hour operation. Cllr Chitty, who represents Strood, near Rochester, Kent, was handing out lies in support of Rochester and Strood candidate Kelly Tolhurst. The councillor will be reporting the incident to the Police when she is ready, after all she shouldn’t have been trespassing and littering to begin with and the dog should be praised for its actions.

On This Day

• 1770 – Captain James Cook sights the eastern coast of what is now Australia.
• 1919 – Leslie Irvin of the United States makes the first successful voluntary free-fall parachute jump using a new kind of self-contained parachute.
• 1927 – Mae West is sentenced to ten days in jail for obscenity for her play Sex.
• 1943 – Swiss chemist Dr. Albert Hofmann deliberately takes LSD for the first time.
• 1987 – The Simpsons premieres as a short cartoon on The Tracey Ullman Show.
• 1993 – The 51-day FBI siege of the Branch Davidian building outside Waco, Texas, USA, ends when a fire breaks out. Eighty-one people die.
• 2011 – Fidel Castro resigns from the Communist Party of Cuba‘s central committee after 45 years of holding the title.

Deaths

• 1824 – Lord Byron, English-Scottish poet (b. 1788)
• 1881 – Benjamin Disraeli, English politician, Prime Minister of the United Kingdom (b. 1804)
• 1882 – Charles Darwin, English biologist and theorist (b. 1809)
• 1989 – Daphne du Maurier, English author and playwright (b. 1907)
• 1992 – Frankie Howerd, English actor (b. 1917)
• 2004 – Norris McWhirter, English author and activist co-founded the Guinness World Records (b. 1925)

Last Week’s Birthdays

Samantha Fox (49), Emma Thompson (56), Adrien Brody (42), Sarah Michelle Gellar (38), Emma Watson (25), Loretta Lynn (83), Saoirse Ronan (21), David Cassidy (65), Jennifer Morrison (36), David Letterman (68), Claire Danes (36), Andy Garcia (59), Paul Sorvino (76), Ex-Pope Benedict (88), Ellen Barkin (51), Matin Lawrence (50), Sean Bean (56), Jennifer Garner (43), Rooney Mara (30), Victoria Beckham (41), Conan O’Brien (52) and James Woods (68).

Next Week peeps!