Welcome poolers, to a sadness filled edition of The Dead Pool. The flying monkeys have indeed been busy, taking from us a host of people, but primarily David Bowie and Alan Rickman, both much loved for the work they did. However, the Reaper waits for no man, and we all missed a bunch of points there, in fact with all the deaths last week, everyone failed to score! Luckily we’re experiencing a huge cold snap, you know how old people hate the cold right?

Look Who You Could Have Had:

• David Bowie, 69, English singer-songwriter (“Space Oddity“, Ziggy Stardust, “Heroes“), record producer and actor (Labyrinth), liver cancer.
• William Del Monte, 109, American centenarian, last known survivor of the 1906 San Francisco earthquake.
• David Margulies, 78, American actor (Ghostbusters, The Sopranos, Conversations with My Father).
• Robert Black, 68, Scottish serial killer and kidnapper.
• Brian Bedford, 80, British actor (Robin Hood, Nixon, Much Ado About Nothing), cancer.
• Conrad Phillips, 90, British television and film actor (The Adventures of William Tell).
• René Angélil, 73, Canadian entertainment manager (Celine Dion), throat cancer.
• Alan Rickman, 69, English actor (Harry Potter, Die Hard, Love Actually), pancreatic cancer.
• Robert Banks Stewart, 84, Scottish television writer (Doctor Who, Bergerac, Shoestring), cancer.
• Dan Haggerty, 74, American actor (The Life and Times of Grizzly Adams), spinal cancer.
• Molly Madden, 109, Irish woman, oldest citizen of Ireland (death announced on this date).

In Other News

In what we could only describe as wishful thinking, a radio presenter announced the death of David Cameron in a news report about the death of singer David Bowie. Fiona Winchester, a newsreader across Global Radio-owned stations Heart, Smooth, LBC and Capital, was reading the news for Heart FM on Monday morning when she made the gaffe. A tongue-tied Winchester said “David Cameron has died” before quickly correcting herself and replacing the prime minister’s name with Bowie, who has died of cancer aged 69. If only her story was true! So, now that Bowie is dead, please rush out to buy all of his albums, because you never appreciated him when he was alive as you’re a sheep following the masses.

We’d better keep an eye on Celine Dion, because days after her husband and manager died of cancer, a family spokesman said on Saturday that the Canadian singer lost a brother to cancer too! Daniel Dion was 59. He was the eighth of 14 Dion siblings, so she does have some to spare. Strangely, both men suffered from throat cancer. Mr Angelil’s funeral will be held on Friday at the Notre-Dame Basilica in Montreal where the couple married. The following day a memorial service will be held for her late brother, with a formal funeral a few days after that, the family spokesman said.  I’m sure Celine’s heart will go on…

Former Israeli President Shimon Peres has undergone a “successful minor surgery” after suffering small heart attack, officials have said. Mr Peres, 92, was treated for a constricted artery that had caused chest pain, his spokesman Ayelet Frisch said. The veteran politician is said to be “conscious and in stable condition” in hospital in Tel Aviv. Mr Peres twice served as prime minister and was president from 2007 to 2014. His personal physician Raphi Walden said he was expected to stay in the Tel Hashomer hospital for “a few days”. Despite his age, Mr Peres has maintained an active public schedule, mostly through his non-governmental Peres Centre for Peace, which promotes closer ties between Israel and the Palestinians.

Bob Mortimer came so close to death he was given special permission to marry his long-term girlfriend just half an hour  before undergoing a triple heart bypass. The comedian, one half of double act Reeves and Mortimer, was told last autumn he needed surgery because his arteries were 95 percent blocked. He wed his partner of 22 years Lisa Matthews on the morning of the operation. Couples are usually required to give 28 days’ notice to their local register office before the ceremony, but special dispensation can be granted if the bride or groom is suffering from a terminal illness or has an operation for a serious illness scheduled. Mortimer, 56, said: “I found out on the Thursday that I needed surgery, so I made a will on the Friday. My consultant said I was incredibly ill, so the registrar in London gave me permission to get married on the Monday. So I got married at 9.30am on the Monday, and went to hospital at 10am to have my operation.” His comedy partner Vic Reeves did not have the opportunity to be his best man because the only guests at the ceremony were the couple’s two children, Harry and Tom. The news of his heart problems “came completely out of the blue” after visiting the doctor with a suspected chest infection, he said. He added: “I’ve just redone all my tests and they said if I was a builder or a scaffolder I would be absolutely fine to do the show. And we don’t do anything like heavy labour in it.” But Mortimer still has to monitor his health, with a device that gives a constant reading of his heart rate. If it goes above a certain limit, he would have to stop the show.

And finally, a British man received quite a shock when the courier service that was supposed to be delivering a Kindle to his address sent him a package containing a tumour tissue sample from America instead. The sample was supposed to be sent to the Royal Free Hospital in London, yet somehow ended up in Bristol at the home of James Potten, who had been expecting to receive the e-reader, which he had ordered online. FedEx had initially delivered the package to Mr Potten’s door while he was out, so he contacted the courier asking them to return once he got home. The driver then headed back to the house, bearing a package with the recipient’s name and address. However, when Mr Potten opened the parcel, he discovered a box marked “patient tumour – specimen enclosed.” After seeing this, the still Kindle-less environmental consultant got back in touch with FedEx, asking them to retrieve the package and deliver it to the correct address. Meanwhile, the Royal Free Hospital has confirmed that a package destined for one of its institutions had been erroneously delivered to an address in Bristol, and says it will now seek “answers from the delivery company as to how this mistake was made.” Apparently there is still no sign of the Kindle.

On This Day

• 1912 – Captain Robert Falcon Scott reaches the South Pole, one month after Roald Amundsen.
• 1929 – Popeye the Sailor Man, a cartoon character created by E. C. Segar, first appears in the Thimble Theatre comic strip.
• 1949 – The Goldbergs, the first sitcom on American television, airs for the first time.

Deaths

• 1874 – Chang and Eng Bunker, Thai conjoined twins (b. 1811)
• 1893 – Rutherford B. Hayes, American general, lawyer, and politician, 19th President of the United States (b. 1822)
• 1964 – T. H. White, English author (b. 1906)
• 2003 – Richard Crenna, American actor, singer, director, and producer (b. 1926)

Ceri’s Grisly Corner

Generally we think of rabies as something that happens somewhere else, mainly because it does, however the population of our lists are fairly elsewhere (other than incarcerated ones) in nature too or at least travel a lot.

Rabies, or bitey frothy mouth disease is caused by a virus passed between mammals when the infected creature bites, scratches or otherwise passes the virus into the uninfected one. It causes fever and tingling in the site of infection leading to inability to move body parts or jerky movement, excitement, confusion, fear of water and aggression. All lovely symptoms to have, I’m sure you’d agree!

Once you have been bit, scratched or even licked by something that might be infected you need to have the vaccine as soon as possible as other than a few recent cases treated with the ‘Milwaukee protocol’ (mainly involving an induced coma) its 100% fatal once it gets to the brain.

Rabies (from the Latin for madness) leads to inflammation of the brain where it causes behaviour changes and movement problems. Animals infected with Rabies will often change their normal routine such as being active during the day if nocturnal or the reverse, leading to an increased chance of encountering other animals and so being more likely to pass on the virus. Moral being don’t let a drooling lurchy animal into your house!

Rabies has been around since at least 2000 BCE and has always been a source of fear leading to owners of rabid dogs being heavily fined if their dog bit a person, I’m not sure if you’d be fined if your own dog bit you though. There were many culls of stray dogs and cats carried out during the 18^th century however as people like fluffy animals in general the culls were not fully enforced and so were not particularly helpful in reducing the spread; idiots! During the 19^th century the increased understanding of dogs and disease led to more helpful initiatives such as quarantine which is the main reason behind the UK being rabies free and is still used today.

Over the years many stories and fantasy creatures have evolved from our collective fear of rabies, especially the behaviour changes. Werewolves (people acting more like dogs with rabies presumably), Vampires (people biting people) and even Zombies (lurching body movements, biting and aggression while having their personality destroyed) are thought to have emerged from legends and myths surrounding rabies.

It’s a rather nasty condition and I probably wouldn’t wish it on anyone on my list really. Even the pretty nasty ones, however I guess the ones in prison are kind of quarantined anyway so if it were to happen at least it wouldn’t lead to a zombie plague!

Last Week’s Birthdays

Rod Stewart (71), Kate Moss (42), Jason Bateman (47), Faye Dunaway (75), Orlando Bloom (39), Kirsty Alley (65), Pat Benatar (63), Howard Stern (62), Mary J. Blige (45), George Forman (67), Liam Hemsworth (26), LL Cool J (48), Dave Grohl (47), Carl Weathers (68), Melanie Chisholm (42), Pixie Lott (25), Amanda Peet (44) and Evan Handler (55).

Next week peeps!

Welcome all, to a slightly controversial start to the scoring this year. As you know, the first death of the year is a highly coveted prize that secures an extra 50 points, so when Laura messaged me that one of her choices had died, I was over the moon. However, one of the rules of the Dead Pool is that your choices must appear in the Wiki Death Pages. Laura knew from the outset that her choice, Oscar Ray Bolin, a Death Row inmate in Florida, was a dodgy listing. Strangely he has no Wiki page of his own, despite his murderous tendencies and several appeals against his execution. Perhaps someone will take it upon themselves to write one. Saying this, he did pop up briefly on the mobile version of the Wiki Deaths page, he has been subsequently removed for some reason, but we do have pictorial proof, hence my decision to award the points! In the past, the Wiki Death Page has been rather unreliable in its listings, highly notable people are missed whilst obscurities from the world of fly fishing are included. I believe the listings are changed by the demonic power of Jimmy Wales himself, so in future, if you have an obscure listing, the onus is on you to send proof that your dead star was listed on the page, be it the mobile or normal version.

Well done Laura, first death of the year and a relatively young un too. 147 points to start off the season!

Look Who You Could Have Had:

• Robert Stigwood, 81, Australian band manager (Bee Gees, Cream) and film producer (Grease, Saturday Night Fever, Evita).
• Sian Blake, 42–43, British actress (EastEnders), head and neck injuries.
• André Turcat, 94, French aviator, first man to fly the Concorde.
• Pat Harrington, Jr., 86, American actor (One Day at a Time, The Inspector, Captain Caveman and the Teen Angels), complications from a fall and Alzheimer’s.
• Otis Clay, 73, American R&B and soul singer (“Tryin’ to Live My Life Without You“, “The Only Way Is Up“), heart attack.
• Ed Stewart, 74, British broadcasting personality (Top of the Pops, Crackerjack), stroke.

In Other News

Pop star Janet Jackson has used her own lyrics to deny rumours she has throat cancer. Concerns spread earlier this week, when US media reported “sources close to the singer” saying doctors had found a growth on her vocal cords. Jackson responded by quoting her song The Great Forever on social media: “Sources say but where ya gettin’ it? Don’t create the truth you like.” In a statement, she added: “The rumours are untrue. I do not have cancer.” The singer announced just before the new year she would postpone several 2016 dates on her Unbreakable world tour, telling fans she had been advised to have surgery. “I need you to know, I learned today, from my doctors that I must have surgery soon,” she wrote. “It breaks my heart to tell you that I am forced to postpone the Unbreakable tour until the spring.” Jackson didn’t elaborate on her condition at the time, saying: “There will be no further comment.” The cancer rumour originated on US gossip site Radaronline and was rapidly reported by media outlets. The unnamed source was quoted as saying Jackson’s family were “terrified” as they awaited test results. After denying the cancer rumour, the 49-year-old stated: “I’m recovering. My doctors have approved my concerts as scheduled in Europe, and as I promised, the postponed shows will be rescheduled. Thank you for your prayers and love.”

Bob Mortimer has been cleared by doctors to go on tour with comedy partner Vic Reeves after having a triple heart bypass operation. Vic and Bob cancelled the first leg of their 25th anniversary UK tour last October because he needed surgery. Mortimer wrote on Twitter on Monday: “Doctors just passed me fit to do second leg of tour next month.” The tour, 25 Years Of Reeves And Mortimer: The Poignant Moments, was due to have started in Glasgow on 8th November. At the time, Mortimer wrote: “So sorry to those who bought tickets that we had to cancel 1st leg of tour. Three consultants said I had to have the op immediately.”

USA Paralympic silver medallist Richard Browne has sustained broken ribs and concussion in a car accident. The 24-year-old spent two nights in hospital after his car was in collision with a lorry in Florida. “Richard is badly shaken up and in a lot of pain but he was very lucky,” his manager Ian Byers said in a statement. “Doctors have advised that he should rest for three weeks, which will impact on his winter training and may mean that we have to review his early-season race plans.”

Did you know that Tony Hart, presenter of TV shows including Vision On, Take Hart and Hart Beat, died in 2009. Half the people you know on Facebook don’t. The internet apparently has an extremely short memory when it comes to children’s television icons of the 70s and 80s. Piers Morgan was one of the useless cunts that failed to check his sources when he joined in with the latest round of lamentations over the death of Mr Hart, but why would he check his sources, he never bothered when he was running The Tabloids™. The six-year-old story became the most shared page on the Telegraph website on Sunday as huge numbers of readers posted the link to Twitter and Facebook. Well done you if you saw through it!

And finally, in a slightly overthought suicide, a man strangled and dismembered his wife, encased her head in concrete and then used the concrete block to help drown himself in an Austrian lake. Officials said the couple were a 72-year-old man and his 71-year-old wife from near Frankfurt in Germany, but did not identify them further. The corpse and a bag were recovered by police divers from the waters of Traunsee on Monday. A day earlier, two suitcases containing the woman’s remains were found floating close to the lake’s shore near the town of Gmunden. Postmortem examinations suggested that the woman was strangled between 25th December and 1st January and that the man drowned some time later. There was no indication of involvement by a third party. “We believe first and foremost that [the man’s death] was suicide,” state prosecutor Birgit Ahamer said.

On This Day

• 1810 – Napoleon Bonaparte divorces his first wife Joséphine.
• 1863 – The London Underground, the world’s oldest underground railway, opens between London Paddington station and Farringdon station.
• 1927 – Fritz Lang‘s futuristic film Metropolis is released in Germany.
• 1929 – The Adventures of Tintin, one of the most popular European comic books, is first published in Belgium.
• 1985 – Sir Clive Sinclair launches the Sinclair C5 personal electric vehicle, which became a notorious commercial failure and later a cult collector’s item.
• 2015 – A mass poisoning at a funeral in Mozambique involves beer that was deliberately contaminated with crocodile bile leaving at least 56 dead and nearly 200 hospitalised.

Deaths

• 1862 – Samuel Colt, American businessman; founded Colt’s Manufacturing Company (b. 1814)
• 1917 – Buffalo Bill, American soldier and hunter (b. 1846)
• 1971 – Coco Chanel, French fashion designer (b. 1883)

Last Week’s Birthdays 

Victoria Principal (66), Mel Gibson (60), Michael Stipe (56), Julia Ormond (51), Robert Duvall (85), Diane Keaton (70), Marilyn Manson (47), Bradley Cooper (41), Rowan Atkinson (61), Jeremy Renner (45), Nicholas Cage (52), Kenny Loggins (68), Lewis Hamilton (31), Shirley Bassey (79), Joely Richardson (51), Jimmy Page (72) and Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge (34).

Ceri’s Grisly Corner

Hello Deadpoolers, I’m attempting to do my bit for our weekly death page by bringing you a weekly peek at the horrible, disgusting and terrifying diseases and conditions that will hopefully prove the downfall of those on your list.

This week we’re looking at a fairly recent threat to our genitals, that is, super gonorrhoea.  Super gonorrhoea (or as I prefer to call it ‘mutant clap’) has been in the news recently, as it emerged amongst some amorous feckers who aren’t sensible enough to wear a raincoat when making the beast with 2 backs.

The clap has been around since at least the 1600’s. It causes yellow or green discharge from yer bits, tummy ache and burny pee.  Obviously it’s a complete bugger to have running riot in your nethers and early treatments included various metals including mercury and weirdly an Indonesian pepper! Ultimately it became less serious and more treatable once penicillin was introduced.  While it isn’t strictly fatal by itself, the associated complications really can be, if not treated in time.

Right, back to the super in super gonorrhoea. In 2015, 16 cases of antibiotic resistant clap were reported in Northern England. This was probably helped by people not sticking to their treatment regimes.  The UK chief medical officer said that ‘gonorrhoea is at risk of becoming an untreatable disease’ and has ‘rapidly acquired resistance’ to the drugs we are using and as there are few alternative options for treatment we may soon be screwed.  Complications can range from sterility to sores on your nads (which if infected can kill).

I don’t know about you guys, but I know I don’t fancy getting gross, green genitals. I think I’ve just killed my libido. Shame that wasn’t on my list, eh?’

Next week peeps!

Welcome all to the brand new 2016 Dead Pool!! Please welcome all the new players and nod your head towards the old guard. We have now fully migrated to the new domain www.TheDeadPool.rip, so please update your bookmarks. Also the email has changed to mail@TheDeadPool.rip. After some teething trouble earlier this week, everything is now fully operational, pretty much like The Death Star!

Look Who You Could Have Had:

2015

• John Bradbury, 62, English drummer (The Specials). 
• Meadowlark Lemon, 83, American Hall of Fame basketball player (Harlem Globetrotters).
• Lemmy, 70, English rock musician (Motörhead, Hawkwind), cancer.
• Ian Murdock, 42, American software engineer, founder of the Debian Project. 
• Pavel Srníček, 47, Czech footballer (Newcastle United, national team), complications from heart attack
• Natalie Cole, 65, American Grammy-winning singer (“This Will Be“, “Sophisticated Lady“, Unforgettable… with Love) and actress, heart failure.
• Steve Gohouri, 34, Ivorian footballer (Wigan Athletic, national team).
• Wayne Rogers, 82, American actor (M*A*S*H, Cool Hand Luke, House Calls), complications from pneumonia.

2016

• Nimr al-Nimr, 56, Saudi Shia religious leader, executed
• Faris Ahmed Jamaan al-Showeel al-Zahrani, 38, Saudi al-Qaeda member, executed

In Other News

Irish broadcaster Gay Byrne is said to be feeling better  after suffering a heart attack earlier this week and has thanked members of the public for their support. The 81-year-old was taken to hospital on Tuesday. He is best known for presenting The Late Late Show on Irish television between 1962 and 1999. Since then, he has continued to work for the Irish state broadcaster RTÉ, working on television and radio shows. “I’m feeling better and on the road to recovery. Thanks to all for the well wishes,” he said. High-profile RTÉ colleagues have expressed relief at news of the improvement in his condition, and the station said “all his friends and colleagues across RTÉ are thinking of him and wish him all the best with his recovery”. Despite cutting back on his workload in recent times, Byrne continues to host a weekly show on RTÉ Lyric FM as well as the ‘Meaning of Life’ television series on RTÉ One. The family have requested privacy following the incident.

Nigel Farage has said police suspected sabotage after a wheel on his Volvo fell off while he was driving on a motorway. The Ukip leader claimed nuts on all of the wheels of his V70 were found to be loose after the “frightening” crash on a road near Dunkirk in France. He described how he was forced to stop after losing control on the motorway, fleeing the car and darting over a barrier to avoid oncoming traffic. “It was in the middle of bloody nowhere, and I was caught in a very bad position. There was a huge section of roadworks with cars going back and forth on the same side of the carriageway. “I suddenly realised I was losing steering but there was no hard shoulder to pull on to. I slowed down, put the hazards on and then one of the wheels came off. I jumped over the wall as quickly as I bloody well could to get away from lorries and everything.” When police arrived, they reportedly told him the cause was a malicious act but he decided not to take action. He has received death threats in the past but, when asked who he thought might be responsible, said: “I haven’t got a clue. Quite frankly, the way my life’s been over the past two and a half years, nothing surprises me.”

The favourite dog of Thailand’s ailing monarch has died. The dog, called Tongdaeng (Copper), became both a household name and a publishing sensation in Thailand after King Bhumibol Adulyadej adopted her as a stray puppy and penned a heartfelt book about her attributes in 2002. She was praised for her loyalty and obedience, with the book widely interpreted at the time as a parable about how Thais should live and remember their place within the kingdom’s rigid society. Her death was announced in a statement from the veterinary faculty of Kasetsart University late Monday. “While Khun Tongdaeng was sleeping and relaxing, she died peacefully on 26th December 2015 at 11:10pm at Klai Kangwon Palace,” the statement read. The statement added that she had been ill for the last few years and was just over 17 years old when she passed away. An unnamed official at the university confirmed that the statement was genuine. She regularly featured in palace photographs while the book about her outsold bestsellers such as Harry Potter in Thailand.

A clip shared by boxing legend Mike Tyson on Twitter shows the moment he tried out his daughter Milan’s ‘hoverboard’. At first, he manages to ride and spin the self-balancing scooter, however, he soon appears to lose control and ends up crashing to the floor. His daughter may have seen it coming, as she is heard saying: “Daddy, I don’t want you to fall.” Tyson, 49, posted the video on Twitter and said: “Seemed like a good idea to ride my daughter #milantyson #cyboard #hoverboard but guess not…” His fall, which sounded like a pound of wet flesh splatting on a hard concrete floor, proved popular on social media with thousands of shares.

A man died on Christmas Day in Germany after he was hit in the head by a flying piece of metal from a condom machine that he and two accomplices blew up in an apparent robbery attempt, police said on Monday. The 29-year-old man was taken to hospital in the western town of Schöppingen, near the Dutch border, by the two other men who fled the scene of the explosion in a car, leaving behind condoms and money scattered around the gutted vending machine. The two men told hospital officials that their friend had fallen down the stairs, injuring his head. Suspicious of their story, the officials called the police. During questioning, police said, one of them admitted that the three had blown up the condom machine, and that their fellow conspirator was hit in the head by metal as he tried to take cover. They should have taken precautions…

On This Day

• 1957 – The Hamilton Watch Company introduces the first electric watch.
• 1977 – Apple Computer is incorporated.
• 1996 – The Motorola StarTAC, the first flip phone and one of the first mobile phones to gain widespread consumer adoption, goes on sale.
• 2009 – The first block of the blockchain of the decentralized payment system Bitcoin, called the Genesis block, was established by the creator of the system, Satoshi Nakamoto.

Deaths

• 1795 – Josiah Wedgwood, English potter, founded the Wedgwood Company (b. 1730)
• 1903 – Alois Hitler, Austrian civil servant (b. 1837)
• 1967 – Jack Ruby, American murderer (b. 1911)
• 1979 – Conrad Hilton, American businessman, founded the Hilton Hotels & Resorts (b. 1887)
• 2014 – Phil Everly, American singer and guitarist (The Everly Brothers) (b. 1939)

Last Week’s Birthdays

John Amos (76), Gerard Depardieu (67), Masi Oka (41), Stan Lee (93), Maggie Smith (81), Denzel Washington (61), Sienna Miller (34), Noomi Rapace (36), Marianne Faithfull (68), Ted Dansen (68), Jude Law (43), Danny McBride (39), Fred Ward (73), Patti Smith (69), Tracey Ullman (56), Jay Kay (46), Eliza Dushku (35), Ellie Goulding (29), Heidi Fleiss (50), LeBron James (31), Anthony Hopkins (78), Ben Kingsley (72), Val Kilmer (56), Verne Troyer (47), Tia Carrera (49), Cuba Gooding Jr. (48) and Kate Bosworth (33).

Next week peeps!

How’s this for commitment eh? A not-so-special post-Boxing Day edition of the Dead Pool. Yup, I spent half my Crimbo writing up this piece of tat just to keep you happy. Don’t worry though, I had plenty of time spare as they overlooked my space at the dining table and I had next to no presents to open, so here we are. I hope you all got to see The Queen looking as doddery as her husband at 3pm, surely 2016 is the year for both of them, but there’s only one way to find out, list them and send your deadly thirteen to me!

Look Who You Could Have Had:

• Patricia Elliott, 77, American actress (A Little Night Music, One Life to Live), Tony Award winner (1973), leiomyosarcoma.
• Carol Burns, 68, Australian actress (Prisoner), cancer.
• Brooke McCarter, 52, American model and actor (The Lost Boys, Thrashin’), alpha 1-antitrypsin deficiency.
• Don Howe, 80, English football player (West Bromwich Albion, Arsenal, national team) and coach.

In Other News

Singer Janet Jackson has put her Unbreakable world tour on hold until spring to have surgery. Jackson said her doctors told her she needs an operation “soon”. “Please pray for me, my family and our entire company during this difficult time,” the 49-year-old asked fans. She said she would not be giving any details of her health condition. In 2008, Jackson cancelled a string of concert dates after developing migraine-associated vertigo, which might suggest that she’s got a brain bubble. “It breaks my heart to tell you that I am forced to postpone the Unbreakable Tour,” she said, adding that fans should hold on to their tickets. “They will be honoured in a special way when the new schedule is announced.” Would that be your funeral Janet?

Former Newcastle goalkeeper Pavel Srnicek is in a critical  condition in hospital after suffering cardiac arrest in the Czech Republic. According to information received by his agent Steve Wraith, the 47-year-old collapsed while out jogging in Ostrava on Sunday, which doesn’t surprise anyone. “I spoke to his family in the Czech Republic who said his heart had stopped,” Wraith told BBC Sport. “He is in a critical condition in hospital and remains unconscious.” Srnicek became a fans’ favourite during his first spell with the Magpies between 1991 and 1998. He was signed by manager Jim Smith and played under Ossie Ardiles, Kevin Keegan and latterly Kenny Dalglish, all of which are amazing names for your list!

The downhill skiing champion Marcel Hirscher escaped unharmed after a drone carrying a camera fell from the sky and narrowly missed him on his way down the slope during a race in Italy. The Austrian, who has won the overall World Cup title for the past four seasons, was on his second run of the slalom event at Madonna di Campiglio in Italy when the machinery smashed into the snow metres behind him. Hirscher appeared not to notice and continued his run, but afterwards he said: “This is horrible. This can never happen again. This can be a serious injury.” But we’re all hoping that it will!

And finally, a Montana man has been arrested on suspicion of threatening to shoot a student for divulging a plot line from the newly released Star Wars epic. Police say Arthur Roy, of Helena, got “angry” with a student he had befriended on Facebook after the boy gave up a subplot to Star Wars: The Force Awakens during an online conversation last week. During the online fight that ensued, Roy is alleged to have posted a photo of himself in which he appears to brandish a gun, which he indicates is a Colt 1911 with a “hair trigger”, according to a probable cause affidavit. The affidavit also says the boy was fearful Roy was going to come to “shoot him”. Roy also said he was “coming to find” the boy, whose school was placed on security “lockdown” after officials saw the exchange. Roy was arrested on Friday on suspicion of assault with a weapon, a felony. He made an initial appearance in Lewis and Clark county justice court on Monday, after which he was ordered held on $10,000 (£6,750) bail. Such a waste of resources, I could have easily told you that Chewy dies and Yoda’s babies have infiltrated the Imperial HQ as green larvae that need seeding by Luke’s special sauce, Oh, jesus turns up with a light sabre too!! Seriously, the film is that shit!

Oh… Michael Schumacher is still alive, just about. Whatever you have heard is false.

On This Day

• 1799 – Four thousand people attend George Washington‘s funeral where Henry Lee III declares him as “first in war, first in peace and first in the hearts of his countrymen.”
• 1846 – Trapped in snow in the Sierra Nevadas and without food, members of the Donner Party resort to cannibalism.
• 1862 – The largest mass-hanging in U.S. history took place in Mankato, Minnesota, 38 Native Americans died.
• 1898 – Marie and Pierre Curie announce the isolation of radium.
• 1982 – Time‘s Man of the Year is for the first time a non-human, the personal computer.
• 2004 – A 9.3 magnitude earthquake creates a tsunami causing devastation in Sri Lanka, India, Indonesia, Thailand, Malaysia, the Maldives and many other areas around the rim of the Indian Ocean, killing over 230,000.

Deaths

• 1972 – Harry S. Truman, American colonel and politician, 33rd President of the United States (b. 1884)
• 1977 – Howard Hawks, American director and screenwriter (b. 1896)
• 2001 – Nigel Hawthorne, English actor and producer (b. 1929)
• 2005 – Vincent Schiavelli, American actor (b. 1948)
• 2006 – Gerald Ford, American commander, lawyer, and politician, 38th President of the United States (b. 1913)
• 2012 – Gerry Anderson, English director, producer, and screenwriter (b. 1929)

Last Week’s Birthdays

Jane Fonda (78), Kit Harington (29), Samuel L. Jackson (67), Kiefer Sutherland (49), Jonah Hill (32), Sissy Spacek (66), Ricky Martin (44), Jared Leto (44), Annie Lennox (61), Phil Spector (76), Harry Shearer (72), July Delpy (46), Chris Evert (61), Phil Donohue (80), Ralph Fiennes (53), Vanessa Paradis (43), Lars Ulrich (52), He,ena Christensen (47), Dido (44), Stephenie Meyer (43) and Lemmy Kilmister (70).

End of year round up next folks!