Dead Pool 9th February 2014
I think it goes without saying that this weeks big news is the unexpected death of Philip Seymour Hoffman from what appears to be a heroin overdose, I think the hypodermic needle poking out of his arm may have given that away… A sad loss to his family and the thespian community, plus a bit of an embuggerance for the producers of the current film he was acting in, The Hunger Games: Mokingjay – Part 2, where he still had one major scene to complete. But thanks to todays CGI they will be able to finish the film. Much to everyones horror, the film will be released in 2015.
Look Who You Could Have Had:
- Luis Aragonés, 75, Spanish football player and manager
- Philip Seymour Hoffman, 46, American actor (Capote, The Master, Doubt) and producer, winner of Academy Award for Best Actor (2005), suspected heroin overdose.
- Richard Bull, 89, American actor (Little House on the Prairie), natural causes.
- Gloria Leonard, 73, American pornographic actress and magazine publisher (High Society), complications from a stroke.
- Samantha Juste, 69, British television personality (Top of the Pops), stroke.
- Hazel Sampson, 103, American linguist, last native speaker of the Klallam language.
In Other News
Star Trek star Leonard Nimoy aka Spock, has revealed that he is suffering from a potentially fatal lung disease. The revelation comes after the 82-year-old was seen in a wheelchair in New York last month. In a post on Twitter he said: ‘I quit smoking 30 years ago. Not soon enough. I have COPD. Grandpa says, quit now!! LLAP (Long Live and Prosper)’. As you all know, chronic obstructive pulmonary disease, which makes it increasingly difficult to breathe is a progressive condition, which does not bode well for Nimoy.
A 102-year-old Frenchman, Robert Marchand, broke his own world record in the over-100s category by riding a bicycle 16.7 miles in one hour. Mr Marchand improved on the record breaking distance he achieved two years ago, by more than 1.5 miles. The cyclist is a retired firefighter and also holds the record for someone over the age of 100 riding 62 miles, which he did in four hours, 17 minutes and 27 seconds in 2012. Fair play to the old codger, I don’t think I could manage a mile in a year! Best keep an eye on him though, prime contender for a heart attack.
The president of the UAE is in a “stable and reassuring” condition after surgery following a stroke late last month. Sheikh Khalifa bin Zayed Al Nahyan had “passed through a difficult crisis” but has “overcome it”. The 66-year-old ruler of Abu Dhabi suffered the stroke on the 24th January. He’s not made a public appearance since then.
Long-time US television host Jay Leno has taped his final episode of The Tonight Show, and we all know what happens to men when they retire… Leno, 63, appeared emotional as he thanked viewers for their loyalty after his 22 years as host. He was joined by high-profile guests including Billy Crystal, Oprah Winfrey and Garth Brooks, who all looked like they were about to croak themselves. The show is being taken over by the young Jimmy Fallon, not that anybody cares.
On This Day
- 1555 – Bishop of Gloucester John Hooper is burned at the stake.
- 1959 – The R-7 Semyorka, the first intercontinental ballistic missile, becomes operational at Plesetsk, USSR.
- 1964 – The Beatles make their first appearance on The Ed Sullivan Show, performing before a “record-busting” audience of 73 million viewers.
- 1965 – Vietnam War: The first United States combat troops are sent to South Vietnam.
- 1969 – First test flight of the Boeing 747.
- 1981 – Bill Haley, American singer-songwriter and guitarist (Bill Haley & His Comets) (b. 1925)
- 1984 – Yuri Andropov, Soviet politician (b. 1914)
- 1999 – Bryan Mosley, English actor (b. 1931)
- 2002 – Princess Margaret, Countess of Snowdon (b. 1930)
- 2005 – Robert Kearns, American engineer, invented the windscreen wiper (b. 1927)
- 2010 – Walter Frederick Morrison, American toymaker, invented the Frisbee (b. 1920)
Horrible Ways To Die #2 – Ebola by Sophie
Ebola, I’m not gonna lie, scares the bejeesus out of me. It is almost exclusive to central Africa, and is contracted from handling the bodies of primates, and possibly also bat shit, in places of poor sanitation. It can be airborne, but that hasn’t been demonstrated in humans yet.
It is hideously contagious between humans, and infective. It doesn’t tend to spread around much, both because the areas affected are isolated, and because its contagious period coincides with the onset of horrible, awful symptoms. Let me illuminate you…
It starts, relatively innocently, like the flu with added hiccups. But then, the brain gets affected and you become agitated, get violent headaches and sometimes seizures. You may fall into a coma ,if you’re lucky.
But this is nothing compared to what’s going on with your skin. Ebola is a hemorrhagic disease. This means that your blood loses its ability to clot, and everything bleeds. Your nose, your gums, your tongue, your oesophagus and stomach, your eyes, any open wounds, even if they’re pinpricks, even your vagina. The skin develops a spotty rash, with bruises and haematomas (blood filled lumps) all over the place. But you don’t bleed to death, no.
Instead, you develop multiple organ failure, due to tiny blood clots all over your system, and from tissue death. There’s no treatment, although attempts at creating a vaccine are in progress. Survival rates are understandably low (around 30%) but some people make a complete recovery.
Wouldn’t want to try my luck though…
NEXT TIME: Back to the history books with Hung, Drawn and Quartered.
What Kind of Meat is Human? by KoA
If you were to base your answer on taste alone, you might be tempted to conclude that human flesh most closely resembles that of pork. For example, it’s been said that cannibals on the Marquesas Islands of Columbia referred to human meat as “long pig,” on account of its likeness to pork and the infamous German cannibal Armin Meiwes once described human flesh as tasting like pork, only “a little bit more bitter, stronger. It tastes quite good.
But taste isn’t everything. Another way of approaching this question might be to ask what human meat looks like. For instance, is human meat red or white?
New York Times reporter William Buehler Seabrook, in his 1931 book Jungle Ways, describes a hunk of raw human flesh, as closely resembling beef. Arguably more surprising, however, is that Seabrook later roasted the meat and ate it himself, resulting in one of the most detailed culinary descriptions of human flesh ever penned. When cooked, he wrote, the meat turned greyish in a manner not unlike lamb, and while it smelled like cooked beef, the taste, contrary to popular opinion, was not like pork, but “good, fully developed veal, not young, but not yet beef.” It was a similarity he described colourfully and repeatedly:
“It was so nearly like good, fully developed veal that I think no person with a palate of ordinary, normal sensitiveness could distinguish it from veal. It was mild, good meat with no other sharply defined or highly characteristic taste such as for instance, goat, high game, and pork have. The steak was slightly tougher than prime veal, a little stringy, but not too tough or stringy to be agreeably edible. The roast, from which I cut and ate a central slice, was tender, and in colour, texture, smell as well as taste, strengthened my certainty that of all the meats we habitually know, veal is the one meat to which this meat is accurately comparable.”
So, the next time you’re in a plane crash and having to make that decision of noshing down on the tasty looking lass in that 1st class window seat, now you know what to expect.
Last Week’s Birthdays
Shakira (37), Nick Nolte (73), Isla Fisher (38), Ashton Kutcher (36), Christie Brinkley (60), Chris Rock (49), Morgan Fairchild (64), Garth Brooks (52), James Spader (54), Barbara Hershey (66), Axl Rose (52), Rebel Wilson (28), Alice Cooper (66), Bobby Brown (45), Jennifer Jason Leigh (52), Michael Sheen (45), Natalie Imbruglia (39), Seth Green (40), John Grisham (59), Zsa Zsa Gabor (97), Cristiano Ronaldo (29), Charlotte Rampling (68) and Rip Torn (83).
2013 League Table
I’d like to finish with an awesome tweet from the horror writer Stephen King.