Dead Pool 9th June 2013
Afternoon poolers, yet another week has bit the dust, and so have a few more celebrities. Alas none that we needed to score those vital points, but now we’re over the halfway point, scoring is even more important. Don’t worry if you’ve still to score, six months is a very long time in this game. There’s a lot of news to get through this week, so without further ado…
Look who you could have had:
- Graham Walker, 68, British comedian, founder of The Grumbleweeds, cancer.
- Esther Williams, 91, American swimmer (Billy Rose’s Aquacade) and actress (Bathing Beauty, Million Dollar Mermaid, Dangerous When Wet), natural causes.
- Tom Sharpe, 85, British author (Porterhouse Blue, Wilt), complications from diabetes.
- Richard Ramirez, 53, American serial killer, ‘The Night Stalker’, liver failure.
In other news
Michael Douglas spoke candidly about his throat cancer, he believes it came about from giving oral sex. Now, the first thing that came to my mind was, what the hell has Catherine Zeta Jones got down there? Some kind of cancer giving vampire vagina that bit him on the neck? Or is Michael actually telling us she’s actually a man and the constant deep throating has caused his oesophagus to turn on him? Either way, it doesn’t say anything nice about Catherine. Maybe he should have blamed the smoking instead…
Let us begin with Sir David Attenborough. The 87 year old naturalist had to cancel an engagement in Brisbane at short notice to have a pacemaker fitted. I wonder if they made a film about it? Maybe get a lion to rip him open and a gorilla to complete the operation. What am I thinking? It’s the NHS, that’s exactly what is going on anyway!
We also have the Duke of Edinburgh flat out on a slab having exploratory surgery on his abdomen, we’ve been told he’ll be in hospital for two weeks because of it. Sure signs if you ask me! The Queen didn’t seem too bothered though, she went on a jolly to the new BBC TV Centre and managed to photobomb a couple of newsreaders to boot.
Paris Jackson, the daughter of Michael Jackson was admitted into hospital after attempting to kill herself. At 15 she’s a huge potential point scorer, lets hope she tries again next year, she’s so going to be my Maverick! We all know the Jackson family are rather fucked up, looks like it hasn’t skipped a generation either.
Stephen Fry has also spoken about his bipolar condition and admitted that he had attempted to commit suicide last year by using pills and vodka. Now we all love the treasure that is Stephen Fry as much as we love David Attenborough, but I for one will be sending him a case of vodka the next time I see him throwing a spat on Twitter.
Last but not least is Nelson Mandela, things are not looking good for the old South African freedom fighter. Not only is he dying, his family are already fighting over their inheritance. A wonderful legacy to a man who spent half his life in jail to free a nation and they’re quibbling over who gets the TV and the sideboard, not to mention the hundreds of millions of rand he seems to have amassed whilst being in jail.
For those of you who are vaguely interested in celebrity birthdays, you can celebrate the following if you so wish! Johnny Depp (50), Natalie Portman (32) and Michael J, Fox (52). All surprisingly odd ages. I thought Depp and Portman were younger and Fox 60 or something, must be his illness, alas too old to be a maverick now….
2013 League Table
Next week peeps!