Dead Pool 5th January 2014

Dead Pool Background

2014 already, a new year and a bunch of new lists to memorise. We have almost doubled in number this year, which does mean I’m now having to remember forty lists which is technically over 500 names, luckily some of them are the same. So due to the unprecedented participation this year, you will have to help me by pointing out if you have an obscure death on your list. I don’t expect you to shout from the rooftops if this years favourite, Prince Philip, finally kicks the bucket, I’m sure I’ll notice him on your lists, just those easily missable ones. Anyhow, without further ado, let’s kick off this year by having a quick look at the demises you should have foretold!

Look Who You Could Have Had:

In Other News

schumi_2778133bIf you haven’t heard that Michael Schumacher was in a small skiing mishap last week, then may I suggest you crawl back under your stone. Currently he’s in an induced medical coma to try and relieve the swelling on his brain which will hopefully stop him becoming a cabbage. Let’s be honest here, if there is one man who is capable of surviving this kind of trauma, Schumacher is that man. He has previously endured some epic F1 crashes with barely a scratch, the man is super fit and undoubtedly has millions to help that wonderful private healthcare he’s receiving. Lesser men like myself would have already been cremated after sub-standard treatment by the NHS.

article-2316039-1968FF67000005DC-536_306x423Everyones favourite ‘alleged paedophile’, Rolf Harris, is being charged with a further three counts of fucking children. The 84 year old entertainer is due in court on the 14th of January and is said to be contesting all allegations. At 84, the stress of a public trial could easily push the man towards the reaper. I bet he regrets singing about those two little boys now.

Barbara Bush HospitalizedFormer First Lady Barbara Bush is currently in hospital with pneumonia. The 88 year old is said to be doing well and is receiving excellent care. The wife of the 41st President and mother of the 43rd has not had it easy health wise. In 2009 she underwent heart surgery for a narrowing of the main heart valve, she also underwent surgery on 2008 for a perforated ulcer. She has more recently been hospitalised after having a mild relapse of Graves disease as well. Just goes to prove that Obamacare does work!

MIDEAST-ISRAEL-SHARONDoctors say that the condition of former Israeli Prime Minister, Ariel Sharon has deteriorated. Sharon has been a stalwart of the Dead Pool since 2006 after he suffered a series of strokes and slipped into a coma, where he’s been ever since in a vegetative state. According to reports his kidneys have finally given up on him, I bet he’s over the moon, I know I would be.

Pervez-Musharraf-46_786927cPakistan’s former military ruler Pervez Musharraf is in hospital after his lawyers said he suffered chest pains on his way to court for his treason trial. The 70-year-old was transferred to the Armed Forces Cardiology Hospital in Rawalpindi and is undergoing tests. It’s the third time the former president has failed to appear in court following two previous security scares. He is the first former military ruler to face trial for treason in Pakistan, which has a history of army rule. If found guilty, he could be sentenced to death or life in prison. There’s been no word on his condition.

On This Day

Deaths

Thank Fuck He’s She’s Dead by KoA

blood-countess-elizabeth-bathorySerial killers tend to be men by an overwhelming margin. In fact, there’s no definitive profile for female serial killers. But if history and evidential testimony are correct, a woman is the most prolific serial killer of all time.

Erzsébet (Elizabeth) Bathory, a Hungarian countess, is believed to have killed as many as 650 people during the 54 years she lived. And exactly how the world’s most prolific serial killer took the lives of her victims has proven grisly fodder for storytellers.

Bram Stoker is believed to have been inspired by the countess: His Count Dracula is supposedly a hybrid of Wallachian prince Vlad Tepes and Bathory.

The woman who came to be known as the “Blood Countess,” was born into Hungarian nobility in 1560. She is said to have suffered from fits and outbursts of rage, possibly even epilepsy.

From an early age, she witnessed her father’s officers torture the peasantry that lived near her family’s estate. Most historical analysis of the countess includes young Elizabeth as a witness to a captured thief being sewn into the stomach of a dying horse and left to perish.

2Bathory had a penchant for torturing young girls in particular; historians posit that she was bisexual and gained sexual gratification from torture. The acts she committed ranged from driving needles through her servants’ lips and fingernails, to leaving her victims naked in the snow, dousing them with water and letting them freeze to death. One servant girl was beaten by Bathory and an accomplice for stealing a pear. The clubbing was so bloody that Bathory had to change her shirt. The girl was beaten for hours and finally stabbed to death with a pair of scissors.

Perhaps the most notorious legend about Bathory is that she bathed in her victims’ blood. Inevitably, this led to rumours that the countess was a vampire. The official testimony of the murders, which is still in existence in Hungarian archives, is both questionable and convicting in nature.

Late in 1610, Elizabeth’s cousin conducted a raid on her castle. Inside, there were already dead victims and some imprisoned, supposedly awaiting death. Bathory’s accomplices were arrested and put on trial, she never was. Instead, she was walled into her room, with just enough space for air and food to pass through. She spent the remaining four years of her life there, until she was found dead on the floor in 1614.

Last Week’s Birthdays

verne1Ted Danson (66), Marianne Faithfull (67), Danny McBride (37), Julia Ormond (48), Jude Law (41), Patti  Smith (67), Michael Nesmith (71), Tracey Ullman (54), Jon Voight (75), Jay Kay (44), Ellie Goulding (27), Eliza Dushku (33), Tiger Woods (38), Ben Kingsley (70), Anthony Hopkins (75), Val Kilmer (54), Frank Langella (76), Verne Troyer (45), Psy (36), Dabney Coleman (82), Tia Carrere (47), Mel Gibson (58), Cuba Golding Jnr (46), Kate Bosworth (31), Michael Schumacher (45) and Michael Stipe (54).

2013 League Table

[confidential]

Next week peeps!

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