Dead Pool 29th December 2013

Dead Pool Background

Welcome to the very last newsletter of 2013, and if you don’t get your lists in pronto, it will be the last one you’ll see. This is how it works, I only send out the email to the people who take part, so no list, no email and you will be forever forgotten, much like an X-factor winner from 2007.

Lets dispense some points shall we? Moomin has improved upon his ‘always score nothing’ in predicting his second death of the year! He correctly guessed Mikhail Kalashnikov would bite the bullet thus scoring himself a tidy 56 points, boosting him from the bottom of the table to the bottom quarter of the table, a giddy high for him 😛

Unless something drastic happens, with little over two days left to go, I am provisionally going to declare Dave the winner with 597 points, Rebecca second with 519 points and last years winner, Paul C, coming third with 453 points.

The rest of us are just rather shit at this game, better luck next time. I’ve included a .pdf of the lists with the email, so if you would like to double check your list, just in case I’ve missed someone, if I have, you can shout at me that I’m a shite Death Master who can’t count.

I know that Dave will not let you rest on your laurels, I’m sure his list will be as successful in 2014, so the rest of us need to get our thinking caps on, we can’t have him winning two years in a row, once is enough as he surely wont stop mentioning the fact down the pub as it is…

Look Who You Could Have Had:

In Other News

MMA_Girlfriends_Alex_ReidKatie Price aka Jordan has revealed that she’s feeling a bit poorly. The glamour model has had a “nightmare” in the run up to Christmas having visited the hospital over the weekend after she posted a message on her Twitter page in the early hours of Saturday morning saying she had been put on a drip by doctors. She wrote “Still soo poorly problem getting worse no meds are helping such s*** times 🙁 … Great in hospital on a drip.” She later added: “Out of hos go back again in 48 hours mri scan had morning of needles my worst nightmare, time to concentrate on getting ready for christmas.” Surely that’s the most pricks she’s seen in some time! Let’s hope she recovers, nobody would want to take her place as her son’s punchbag/sextoy.

article-2530175-1A4FA04F00000578-704_634x974In a quest to find another news story, I stumbled upon Paul McCartney taking a swim, who’d have thought the Daily Mail would publish such things! The sad thing is, the former Beatle, who is 71, looks far better than I do.  Must have something to do with having a younger wife, but even at 52, she also looks better than me. Maybe it’s the millionaires lifestyle, I’m sure I’d be running with joy through the surf if I had heaps of cash and a young wifelet who’s only after one thing, but who cares, she has to put up with the old man sex before she gets Linda’s share of the cash.

On This Day

Deaths

Thank Fuck He’s Dead by KoA

dzhum_000Nikolai Dzhumagaliev is a Kazakh serial killer and cannibal known as “Metal Fang” for his unusual white metal teeth. He was found to have killed seven women before he was caught in 1980 and it was suspected that he may have killed many more, some sources put the total number of victims at 50-100. He apparently made it his mission to rid the world of prostitutes, perhaps if he’d used their services from time to time he wouldn’t have ended up like he did.

He would stalk his victims in secluded areas in Uzun-Agach, break into their houses, then kill them. He would cannibalise his victims, drink their blood and practiced necrophilia,  sometimes fucking the stab wounds he inflicted. He would often kill his female victims with an axe, carve the meat and serve it to his friends at dinners. Nom nom…

Dzhumagaliev’s crimes were discovered when two drunk friends, whom he invited over to his house for “snacks”, found a human head and intestines in his fridge. He was found not responsible for his murders due to insanity, and he was committed to a mental institution in Tashkent.

He escaped in 1989 while being transported to another facility. It’s unknown if Dzhumagaliev committed murders during the time he was on the run, but it was suspected that he might have traveled as far as Moscow, so anything is possible.

He was re-captured in 1991 in Fergana but Dzhumagaliev’s fate in the 1990’s is unclear. Some sources said that he was released and returned to Uzun-Agach, where people remembered his crimes and humiliated him. There is no record how the Kazakh people humiliate their serial killers so we will have to use our imaginations.  However it must have been horrendous as he asked to be taken back to the asylum.

During the mid 2000’s, Dzumagaliev remained in a psychiatric clinic but doctors believed that he was cured and could be released. Dead or alive, nobody is sure where he is today…

Last Week’s Birthdays

harry-shearerRalph Fiennes (51), Harry Shearer (70), Dave Murray (57), Lemmy (68), Ricky Martin (42), Stephenie Meyer (40), Ryan Seacrest (39), Louis Tomlinson (22), Jimmy Buffett (67), Sissy Spacek (64), Annie Lennox (59), Shane McGowan (56), Dido (42), Caroll Spinney (Big Bird on Sesame Street) (80), Phil Spector (74), Lars Ulrich (50), Jared Leto (42), Gerard Depardieu (65), David Knopfler (61), Stan Lee (91), Nichelle Nichols (81), Maggie Smith (79), Denzel Washington (59) and Sienna Miller (32).

2013 League Table

[confidential]

Next Week peeps!

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