Dead Pool 1st July 2018

Lets begin by dispensing some points to Debbie & Mark, 61 points each for Joe Jackson. This doesn’t upset the league table much, but points is points! In days past, today seems to be a very popular day for celebrities to die, so keep your eyes on the news! 

Look Who You Could Have Had:

  • Richard Benjamin Harrison, 77, American pawnbroker and reality television personality (Pawn Stars), Parkinson’s disease.   
  • Harlan Ellison, 84, American writer (A Boy and His Dog; I Have No Mouth, and I Must Scream) and screenwriter (“The City on the Edge of Forever”).   
  • Joe Jackson, 89, American band manager (The Jackson 5), patriarch of the Jackson family, pancreatic cancer.  
  • Matt Cappotelli, 38, American professional wrestler (WWE), brain cancer.  
  • Goran Bunjevčević, 45, Serbian footballer, stroke.  
  • Helen Griffin, 59, British actress (Twin Town, Doctor Who).

In Other News

Linehan proudly showing us the cage he intends to keep his cancerous bollock in

Father Ted co-creator Graham Linehan has been given the all-clear following his testicular cancer diagnosis. He told Twitter followers he had seen his oncologist on Thursday and was told “everything’s clear”. The previous day, he had revealed his diagnosis to his Twitter followers.  Linehan added they “got rid of it all pretty quickly, along with a ball” and he would undergo a course of chemo. However, he has now been told that is not necessary. “No chemo! Can’t believe it! NO CHEMO!” he wrote. “Have been organising my life around the idea that next three months were just gone!” The Irishman has thanked his fans for their messages of support. “Thanks to everyone who sent kind words,” he wrote. “I’m annoyed now that I worried you all unnecessarily. AND I cancelled my Australian events. Dohhhhh. Still though. CANCER FREE I BE!” Irish comedian Dara O Briain was among those to offer support, joking that Linehan would be “sleeker through water” as a result of his surgery. “You seem to be taking this all in your stride, which is all the more impressive, given how tricky striding must be,” joked the actor Rufus Hound. I suppose there is a chance of recurrence on his other ball…  

However, Bucks Fizz star Jay Aston may not be so lucky as she has revealed that she has mouth cancer and fears it could stop her talking and singing. The singer is due to have part of her tongue removed but is concerned she may need more extensive surgery if more cancer is found. “I think if they take more of my tongue away the chances of me singing, even talking, will be very slim,” she told us at Dead Pool Towers. The 57-year-old found out she had cancer just under two weeks ago. “After they told me, I got on the train and bawled my eyes out. Everyone was looking at me. I called my husband, and then Cheryl. The thought of rejoining the band is now keeping me going. Being on stage with them is my happy place. Whatever you go through, it doesn’t matter when you are on stage.” Jay has been doing gigs across the UK with original bandmates Cheryl and Mike Nolan. She said she had mimed on stage at a show last week after a meeting with her surgeon. “I went home, got changed and went to the gig,” she said. “That’s showbusiness. The thing that’s stood me in good stead is that in the 1980s you mimed for TV. Cheryl has been singing with me where I do solo stuff to give it some welly.” On the possibility of no longer being able to perform, Jay adds: “Cheryl and Mike aren’t getting a replacement, they say they will carry on as two. I would want them to carry on without me.” Jay will have skin removed from her thigh to reconstruct her tongue and she’s hopeful she won’t need more surgery.  

Newsreader Natasha Kaplinsky has been seriously hurt when the family’s boat went up in flames off Corfu. Ms Kaplinsky’s daughter, Angelica, was so badly injured that she was flown back to Britain for emergency treatment. Another family member, thought to be the girl’s grandfather, was less seriously hurt. The family were rescued by local fishermen, who helped put out a fire that had spread from the engine room spread to the rest of the boat. He also towed them ashore. The former BBC and ITN newsreader, who was the first winner of Strictly Come Dancing in 2004, owns a holiday home on the Greek island with her husband, Justin Bower. “The girl suffered serious burns. Ms Kaplinsky and a man, thought to be the girl’s grandad, suffered lighter wounds,” a source at the port told us. “At first the girl was rushed to hospital in Corfu town with burns to her face and hands.  

Nielsen with her new baby

Danish actress Brigitte Nielsen has given birth to her fifth child and first daughter at the age of 54. She and her Italian husband, Mattia Dessi, 39, said they were overjoyed by the birth of baby Frida in Los Angeles on Friday. The midwife managed to retrieve Nielsen’s battered uterus from the baby’s teeth and reinstalled it for future pummelling. Her husband is said to be thrilled that her prolapsed rectum will now be capable of cushioning his balls when they make love as previously her arsehole looked and felt like Sylvester Stallone’s chin. In recent years, she has appeared in various reality television shows. She came third on the UK’s Celebrity Big Brother in 2005, after Bez from the band Happy Mondays and Blazin’ Squad rapper Kenzie. In 2008 she took part in Celebrity Rehab with Dr Drew, which saw her and other celebrities deal with recovery from drug and alcohol addictions. Let’s hope that baby Frida will appreciate her relapsed 70-yo mother taking her to the prom in 2034.

On This Day

  • 1908 – SOS is adopted as the international distress signal.  
  • 1916 – World War I: First day on the Somme: On the first day of the Battle of the Somme 19,000 soldiers of the British Army are killed and 40,000 wounded.  
  • 1972 – The first Gay pride march in England takes place.  
  • 1979 – Sony introduces the Walkman.   
  • 2007 – Smoking in England is banned in all public indoor spaces.


  • 1860 – Charles Goodyear, American chemist and engineer (b. 1800)  
  • 1925 – Erik Satie, French pianist and composer (b. 1866)   
  • 1974 – Juan Perón, Argentinian general and politician, President of Argentina (b. 1895)  
  • 1991 – Michael Landon, American actor, director, and producer (b. 1936)  
  • 1997 – Robert Mitchum, American actor (b. 1917)  
  • 2000 – Walter Matthau, American actor (b. 1920)  
  • 2004 – Marlon Brando, American actor and director (b. 1924)  
  • 2005 – Luther Vandross, American singer-songwriter and producer (Change) (b. 1951)  
  • 2009 – Mollie Sugden, English actress (b. 1922)  
  • 2015 – Val Doonican, Irish singer and television host (b. 1927)

Last Week’s Birthdays

Vincent D’Onofrio (59), Mike Tyson (52), Cheryl Cole née Tweedy whatever the fuck her name is (35), Katherine Ryan (35), Gary Busey (74), Maria Conchita Alonso (61), Amanda Donohoe (56), Katherine Jenkins (38), John Cusack (52), Mel Brooks (92), Felicia Day (39), Kathy Bates (70), Alice Krige (64), Elon Musk (47), Tobey Maguire (43), J.J. Abrams (52), Meera Syal (57), Ariana Grande (25), Ricky Gervais (57), Michael McShane (63), Carly Simon (73), Peter Weller (71), Iain Glen (57), Nancy Allen (68) and Mick Fleetwood (71).

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