Dead Pool 1st December 2013

Dead Pool BackgroundAnother week, another newsletter. This week we have no points to award but we are now in the final month countdown with Dave in the lead with an impressive 531 points, correctly predicting six out of thirteen deaths, consisting of the first death of the year and both his Cert and Woman. Embarrassingly I’m in second place with 355 points with Emily hot on my heels with 349. All to play for with the cold weather in front of us with plenty of points still to be had, so Dave’s seemingly unassailable lead could easily crumble.

Now onto 2014. If you need a rules refresher, please visit http://thedeadpool.rip/the-rules/ You can also point anyone who wants to join in for 2014 in that direction.

For 2014, I’d like you to fill in a spreadsheet I’ve prepared to help on the admin side, because there’s quite a few of us nowadays it would save me a lot of time if you could download the form and fill it in. There are various formats there for you to choose from, if you have any problems just contact me. These forms can be downloaded from http://thedeadpool.rip/downloads/.

I can’t stress enough that you must get your entries in by the closing date, you may not realise how much actual work goes into producing all of this on a weekly basis so the less time I have to spend chasing you for 13 names the better 😛

I’m also looking for guest editors, Stu has been amazing with his weekly TFHD, which I’m sure you all enjoy reading, I know I do, if you have an idea you would like to try please let me know. It doesn’t have to be a weekly thing, maybe a monthly or quarterly edition, every little helps as Tesco’s are so fond of saying, although those cunts prefer to screw both their suppliers, workers and customers, with me I’ll just want to screw you… 😛

Look Who You Could Have Had:

 In Other News

Vinnie-Jones-in-LiquidatorHot on the heels of last weeks revelation by Hugh Jackman that he contracted skin cancer, Vinnie Jones decided he wanted in on some of that hot shit. The 48-year-old, who turned to acting after hanging up his football boots says cancer is his ‘toughest and scariest opponent yet’. Vinnie found a lump under his eye, and did’t know whether it was a wart or a spot until he went to get it checked out. Turns out this pimple was CANCER!!! Since his diagnosis he’s had three operations to remove two patches under his eye and one on the back of his head. Unsurprisingly he’s also advocating you should get things checked out, unlike a real man who just chews the cancer off his face between a snakes fang and a polar bear canine, whilst they are both still alive!

Dappy-N-DubzThe N-Dubz rapper Dappy has been hospitalised after a horse he was riding kicked him in the face His doctors reported they found it hard to notice any difference between the before and after pictures. Apparently he was riding the horse at his Hertfordshire home when it threw him and stamped on his face, I can only empathise with the horse, as I’m sure you do. Lets hope that a tractor takes exception to him next time…

Brian-Griffin-not-coming-backFor fans of Family Guy, we are all shocked at the news that Brian the Dog is being killed off. He might have been just an eight-year-old animated labrador to some, but to devotees of the show, Brian Griffin was top dog in the world of cartoon canines and will be sorely missed. Brian will be killed by a car. On the plus side, this means the troubled mutt never get’s to use the gun he always carried in case he needed to commit suicide. On the downside, the Griffins have apparently already bought a new dog called Vinny as a replacement. Monsters!

209174-lostprophets-singer-ian-watkins-pleads-guilty-to-child-sex-offencesWe also have Ian Watkins of The Lost Prophets found guilty of fucking a baby. Yeah, I know, shame we can’t just send him off to hell as soon as possible, along with those two mothers who let this happen due to ‘celeb eyes’. He’s going to be sentenced shortly, so without doubt he will be jailed in a top security prison which will hopefully put him in harms way from the other inmates. My guess is he’ll last all of three minutes, nobody likes a manipulative cunt, let alone a paedophile.  I only feel sorry for H from Steps, who shares his name, sadly he received a barrage of abuse online and a case of mistaken identity when his photo was used by Entertainment Online instead of the real cunto! *sigh*

On This Day

Deaths

Thank Fuck He’s Dead by Stu

Hungerford Massacre - 1987- Michael Ryan the infamous gunman involved in the Hungerford Massacre-823754This weeks TFHD is homegrown “hero” Michael Ryan. The unemployed labourer and (apparently) antiques dealer was responsible for the Hungerford massacre on 19th August, 1987.

Like so many of these lunatics I’ve written about in the past few weeks, Ryan had what was described as an unhealthy relationship with his mother, the Guardian wrote that she spoiled him, and that he was a “mummy’s boy”

His first victim was Susan Godfrey, who was out having a picnic with her children, aged 2 & 4. He spared the children, who sought help from a pensioner they met, telling her “a man in black has shot our mummy”

ed_censorship_19After a failed attempt to kill a petrol station cashier, he returned home to load his car with guns, shoot the dogs and torch the place. The car wouldn’t start, so he shot that too. He made his way through the town, shooting young and old indiscriminately as he went. He shot at PC Roger Brereton 23 times, hitting him with four bullets. The officer died sat in his car radioing for help. A couple who drove into the step rest just after the police car were shot at, but managed to escape with their lives.

Ryan’s mother soon turned up, and was understandably shocked to find half the street on fire and dead bodies everywhere. She tried to reason with her son, so he shot and killed her too. An old lady in a house nearby narrowly escaped with her life after coming outside to tell Ryan to keep the bloody noise down.

In the town centre he continued his rampage, shooting at drivers who had ironically been diverted through the scene of the carnage as police attempts to contain the spree started to go tits-up. He killed Douglas Wainwright, the constable who had signed Ryan’s gun license extension only two weeks before. A brave soldier, Carl Harries, was in the town at the time and attempted to give first aid to those who were wounded and dying.

Hungerford+Massacre+-+1987-+Daily+Mirror+front+page+Thursday+20th+August+1987Michael Ryan’s end came in the school he went to as a child. After locking himself inside, police surrounded the building, and sensing no escape, he stuck his beretta in his mouth and pulled the trigger.

The Hungerford massacre was one of the worst firearms atrocities committed in the UK, alongside Dunblaine and the Cumbria Shootings, and led to the Firearms (Amendment) 1988.

There are many references to the Hungerford massacre in popular culture, including the Radiohead song Sulk, Marvel comics antihero Pete Wisdom’s backstory includes his mother being one of the victims, Morrissey continued his long standing tradition of cheerfulness with Michael’s Bones and the Goldie Lookin Chain song Guns Don’t Kill People, Rappers Do includes the line “Like Michael Ryan about to snap, guns don’t kill people, it’s just rap”

Last Week’s Birthdays

Ben Stiller (48), Don Cheadle (49), Christina Applegate (42), Ed Harris (63), Tina Turner (74), Jon Stewart (51), Elisha Cuthbert (31), Billy Idol (58), Anna Faris (37), Judd Nelson (54), Randy Newman (70), Tom Sizemore (52), Robin Givens (49), Stephen  Merchant (39), Katie Cassidy (27), Joel Cohen (59), Kathryn Bigelow (62), Mandy Patinkin (61), Riley Scott (76), Percy Sledge (72), Bruno Tonioli (58), Peter Facinelli (40), Natasha Bedingfield (32) and Bill Nye (58).

2013 League Table

[confidential]

Next Week peeps!

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