Dead Pool 10th November 2013

p0093wyq_640_360Well, this week is a bit thin on the ground, I could just  about recognise two names from the Wiki list of notable deaths and even then they’re only vaguely famous. I only remembered who John Cole was because he was a Spitting Image puppet and Steve Prescott came up as a potential name for my own list due to cancer. So I will apologise now for the lack of point scoring or deaths of importance this week, even though I sent out those flying monkeys!! However, I will now put you all into shock mode, the original Karate Kid, Ralph Macchio, is now 51 years old!!!

Look Who You Could Have Had:

  • John Cole, 85, British broadcaster and journalist, BBC political editor (1981–1992).
  • Steve Prescott, 39, English rugby league player, stomach cancer.

In Other News

Justin Bieber Performs On NBC's "Today" - June 4, 2010Justin Bieber has incensed fans in Brazil after storming off stage because someone threw a water bottle at him. The bottle knocked the microphone out of the hand of the 19 year old  ‘singer’, who looked into the crowd before turning and walking off without even saying goodbye! A Twitter account created for the offending water bottle already has two million followers. One post read: “Stop judging me, I just wanted to touch Justin like the rest of you.”  I for one wished the bottle was made of glass and smashed him in the skull, alas we’re not that lucky.

bertie-1Ireland’s former prime minister Bertie Ahern was assaulted in a Dublin pub last Friday night. Ahern was attacked with a crutch by a man in his forties inside the Sean O’Casey bar just off O’Connell Street. His attacker, who was said to be extremely drunk, was later arrested by the Garda and detained overnight in a city centre police station. The former Taoiseach has declined to talk about the attack, which comes three years after he was verbally abused by a number of customers in another Dublin pub. Shame this wasn’t a story about Cameron and a gun. *sigh*

On This Day

Deaths

Thank Fuck He’s Dead by Stu

jurgen bartschThis week we have Jürgen Bartsch. Born Karl-Heinz Sadrozinski, this crazy Kraut was adopted at eleven months and his name changed to Jurgen (at least it wasn’t Count Grishnack) by his mother, an OCD clean-freak butcher’s wife from Langenberg. His mother forbade him to play with other children, lest he become dirty, and bathed him herself until he was nineteen – probably a good place to start if you wanted to look for an explanation for his crimes.

He killed his first victim in 1961, at the age of fifteen. He lured his victims, aged between 8 and 13, into an abandoned air raid shelter, where he would undress them and sexually abuse them. Once they were dead, he would dismember the bodies. This hit a snag when he left his fifth victim, Peter Frese, before killing him. Frese managed to burn through his bindings using a candle that had been left by Bartsch and escaped from the shelter.

When he was arrested, Bartsch confessed openly. Originally sentenced to life imprisonment, this was later reduced to ten years of juvenile imprisonment, after which he was placed in psychiatric care.

Psychiatric reports recommended three possible courses of action to rehabilitate Jurgen; psychotherapy, psychosurgery, or castration. After initially refusing any form of surgery, he quickly changed his mind and opted for castration in order to avoid having to spend the rest of his life in a mental hospital. On April 28, 1976, he went into the operating theatre where an inexperienced nurse unfortunately (or fortunately perhaps) gave him a massive accidental overdose of Halothane which killed him. Karma’s a bitch.

Last Week’s Birthdays

Emma Stone (25), Matthew McConaughey (44), Sam Rockwell (45), Sally Field (67), Lamar Odom (34), Dolph Lundgren (56), Brian Adams (54), Gordon Ramsay (47), Ethan Hawke (43), Laura Bush (67), Tara Reid (38), Lou Ferrigno (62), Thandie Newton (41), P Diddy (44), Roseanne Barr (61), Tatum O’Neil (49), Art Garfunkel (72), Famke Janssen (48), Robert Patrick (55), Maria Shriver (58), Loretta Swift (75), Gretchen Mol (41), Rebecca Romijn (41), Tilda Swinton (53), Ralph Macchio (51), Billy Graham (95) and Jack Osbourne (28).

2013 League Table

[confidential]

Next Week peeps!

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