Dead Pool 26th January 2014
Welcome once again to the Dead Pool Newsletter, alas the list of notable deaths is a vastly shorter one than last weeks. As you can imagine, no points to be awarded so placements on the league table remain the same.
With these quiet weeks it’s even more important for our little community to pull together, so if any of you fancy guest writing an
article, like a few of you already have, feel free to submit a little something.
This week we have a new feature written by Sophie, who will be submitting a suitably morbid rendition every now and then. I hope you enjoy it, I did! 😀
So without further ado…
Look Who You Could Have Had:
- Dennis Frederiksen, 62, American rock singer (Angel, Le Roux, Toto), liver cancer.
- Sir Christopher Chataway, 82, British athlete, broadcaster, politician and businessman, MP for Lewisham North (1959–1966) and Chichester (1969–1974), cancer.
- James Jacks, 66, American film producer (The Mummy franchise), heart attack.
In Other News
Former basketball star Dennis Rodman has checked into an alcohol rehabilitation centre, days after returning from a controversial trip to North Korea. Rodman’s agent, Daniel Prince said Rodman was in “pretty rough shape emotionally”. He had suffered from pressure to be a “super-human political figure” during his visit. I would argue that he brought all of it upon himself by visiting North Korea in the first place. One thing is for sure, he’s fully in the crosshairs of the Dead Pool now!
Ossie Ardiles says he is “fine and doing well” after a car crash left the ex-Tottenham midfielder needing more than 20 stitches in his head. Ardiles, 61, was believed to have been driving on the Falkland Islands with fellow ex-Argentinean midfielder Ricky Villa as a passenger. Reports suggest he swerved to avoid hitting a sheep, which makes sense as it was the Falklands after all…
Moors Murderer Ian Brady has broken two bones in a fall at the Merseyside psychiatric hospital where he is being held. A spokesman for Mersey Care NHS Trust, which runs Ashworth Hospital, said Brady, 76, was admitted to a “general hospital” on Tuesday. Brady has been on hunger strike in recent years, being force-fed daily to keep him alive, which is a very good use of tax payers money in my opinion, let the cunt suffer some more. You may have also heard that his appeal to be moved from the hospital to general prison population has also been refused on the grounds that his a fucking loony! Looks like the justice system is working somewhat.
Argentina’s president, Cristina Fernández, has spoken publicly for the first time in 42 days, ending a long silence that has led to speculation about her health following head surgery. She is known for her constant tweets on various topics but Fernández made her last comments on Twitter on 13th December. The uncharacteristic silence fed speculation in Argentina that she’d died. Some opponents even questioned who was really running the country! Alas, she is still alive.
The press offices of the Queen and the Prince of Wales are expected to merge in what is being described in media reports as the latest step in Prince Charles’ preparations for the day he becomes king. Or what they are really telling us is, Betty is on her way out and Charlie needs to get his arse into gear.
And finally, researchers say that the poorest people in society cannot afford to pay the costs of funerals. Apparently the average cost of dying – including funeral, burial or cremation and state administration – stands at £7,622, having risen by 7.1% in the past year. They estimate that more than 100,000 people will struggle to pay for a funeral this year. Now, personally, if anyone spends seven grand on my funeral, you are going to need your head examined. Bung me in a bin liner and let the bin men take me to landfill, or if you have concerns over that, save some money and use my body as a Guy on November 5th. Shit the bed, you could even process me as Soylent Green, just don’t pay those cunts a penny!
On This Day
- 1788 – The British First Fleet, led by Arthur Phillip, sails into Port Jackson (Sydney Harbour) to establish Sydney, the first permanent European settlement on the continent. Commemorated as Australia Day.
- 1808 – Rum Rebellion, the only successful (albeit short-lived) armed takeover of the government in Australia.
- 1841 – The United Kingdom formally occupies Hong Kong.
- 1905 – The world’s largest diamond ever, the Cullinan weighing 3,106.75 carats (0.621350 kg), is found at the Premier Mine near Pretoria in South Africa.
- 1915 – The Rocky Mountain National Park is established by an act of the U.S. Congress.
- 1998 – Lewinsky scandal: On American television, U.S. President Bill Clinton denies having had “sexual relations” with former White House intern Monica Lewinsky.
Deaths
- 1823 – Edward Jenner, English physician (b. 1749)
- 1885 – Edward Davy, English physician and inventor (b. 1806)
- 1891 – Nikolaus Otto, German engineer, invented the Internal combustion engine (b. 1833)
- 1932 – William Wrigley, Jr., American businessman, founded the Wrigley Company (b. 1861)
- 1973 – Edward G. Robinson, American actor (b. 1893)
- 1992 – José Ferrer, Puerto Rican actor (b. 1912)
Horrible Ways To Die #1 – Scurvy – by Sophie
Scurvy, as any fule kno, is a disease caused by lack of Vitamin C. In ye olden times, it was particularly prevalent on ships, where the diet mostly consisted of rum, beer, ‘hard tack’ biscuits (dried out biscuits full of protein-giving weevils – as tasty as they sound) and salted meat. Fresh vegetables and fruit were hard to come by. A wise soul called James Lind worked out it was a dietary deficiency causing the illness, and started getting sailors to consume lemons and limes. Scurvy as a deadly disease was all but eradicated. But what does scurvy actually DO?
First of all, it turns you bloaty, pale and lethargic, but otherwise well. Not too bad… Then your legs stiffen, movement becomes painful and you turn yellow. Your gums swell and bleed, before becoming putrid. Your skin dries out and develops spots, of varying colours. Your legs swell, along with your genitals. Finally, your skin becomes dark and bruised in colour. And this is only the first stage, quickly reversible on administration of some lemon juice.
Second stage scurvy attacks the muscles and tendons of the legs, causing them to contract and, on the slightest movement, to cause you to faint with the pain, and sometimes die of it.
If you’re unlucky enough to progress to the final stage, ulcers and blisters break out and burst all over your body, and you haemorrhage from everywhere. You defecate and vomit blood, your veins spontaneously burst, your nervous system goes into rigor and breathing becomes increasingly difficult. And then, mercifully, you die.
It was not uncommon to lose half the crew to scurvy on a standard, long distance voyage, before the good Dr Lind discovered the cure in around 1750. Who knows how many thousands died, in bloody agony, before that? Now, eat your five a day.
NEXT TIME: Ebola
(Description of scurvy adapted from A Treatise on Scurvy by James Lind, 1753)
Last Week’s Birthdays
Alecia Keys (33), Dolly Parton (68), Rainn Wilson (48), Neil Diamond (73), Mischa Barton (28), Geena Davis (58), Emma Bunton (38), Katey Segal (60), Bill Maher (58), Skeet Ulrich (44), Buzz Aldrin (84), Billy Ocean (64), Placido Domingo (73), Jack Nicklaus (84), John Hurt (74), Piper Laurie (82), DJ Jazzy Jeff (49), Linda Blair (55), Rutger Hauer (70) and Aaron Neville (73).
2013 League Table
Next week peeps!
Dead Pool 19th January 2014
What’s all this Dave, you’ve got points to give out? Yes, Stu correctly guessed that Mae Young would depart for the spectral wrestling ring in the sky at the age of 90, thus garnering himself 60 points. Well done that bloke, only just missing out on the first death of the year.
We’ve also said goodbye to the longest list of notables for a while, there must have been something in the air last week but they’ve been dropping like flies! Poor old Trigger fell foul of the reaper and that litigious bastard, Lord McAlpine also departed us, which now makes Twitter a safer place to cast aspersions. We also lost the last female Munchkin, but I thought that happened last year, so maybe we will find another one soon enough.
Also I’d like to share this little story that Nickie found about John Button, Jenson’s father, one of the true characters left in F1. Jenson was away for a few days and left his luxury home in the care of his father. He came back to find his dad asleep on the sofa. On waking him Jenson asks if he’s borrowed his watches as they weren’t in his bedroom. Or the car, as it wasn’t in the garage. And what happened to the TV that was on the wall? It seemed that John had been on such an epic drinking session that he didn’t notice the house being cleaned out as he slept on the sofa….
Look Who You Could Have Had:
- Sam Berns, 17, American high school student, progeria sufferer and documentary subject, progeria.
- Alexandra Bastedo, 67, British actress (The Champions) and animal welfare advocate, cancer.
- John Button, 70, British racing driver, suspected heart attack.
- John Horsley, 93, British actor (The Fall and Rise of Reginald Perrin, The Box of Delights, ’).
- Frank Marth, 91, American actor (The Honeymooners, Hogan’s Heroes, Gunsmoke), heart failure and Alzheimer’s disease.
- Mae Young, 90, American professional wrestler, WWE Hall of Fame inductee (2008).
- John Dobson, 98, American astronomer.
- Roger Lloyd-Pack, 69, English actor (Only Fools and Horses, The Vicar of Dibley), pancreatic cancer.
- Cassandra Lynn, 34, American model, Playmate Miss February 2006, apparent drug overdose.
- Ruth Duccini, 95, American actress (The Wizard of Oz), natural causes.
- Russell Johnson, 89, American actor (Gilligan’s Island), kidney failure.
- Dave Madden, 82, Canadian-born American actor (The Partridge Family, Alice), heart and kidney failure.
- Hiroo Onoda, 91, Japanese Imperial Army WWII intelligence officer, did not surrender until 1974.
- Lord McAlpine of West Green, 71, British businessman, politician and author, Treasurer of the Conservative Party (1975–1990).
- Komla Dumor, 41, Ghanaian journalist and news presenter (BBC World News, Focus on Africa).
In Other News
France’s First Lady, Valerie Trierweiler, has left the Paris hospital where she was admitted a week ago after reports emerged of an affair between President Francois Hollande and an actress. Ms Trierweiler had been admitted to hospital on 10 January, in a reported state of shock at the allegations. Apparently she suffered an anxiety attack according to the French media and needed to be hospitalised for a week. Now I don’t know about you, but finding out a Frenchman is cheating on you is hardly a shock-worthy event. I’m going out on a limb here and I’m going to suggest a suicide attempt.
Do I need to mention the ongoing cases of celebrity kiddie-fiddling? At this present time we have William Roache, Rolf Harris and Dave Lee Travis in court trying to defend themselves from allegations of fucking little children. True or not, those of us who have been following the stories as they unfold have certainly seen some devastating testimonies. Time will tell if they survive the mauling that the British Justice System is putting them through. You might need to keep an eye on Freddie Starr too, he’s been re-arrested as well. Dirty bastards!
Michel Roux, the Michelin star rated chef has revealed that he’s been secretly battling bowel cancer since 2008. The 72-year-old Frenchman is revered, alongside his brother, Albert, as one of the godfathers of modern restaurant cuisine in the UK, luckily for him his six year battle has ended with him being given the all clear. However, these things have a habit of rearing their ugly heads again from time to time. Best keep an eye on him.
Everyones favourite ‘musician’, Justin Bieber, is in trouble once again. This time he’s been accused of egging a neighbours house. Bit immature, but nothing you wouldn’t put past the little cunt. He almost injured a 13 year old girl as he was doing it! Almost, as in he didn’t. His big mistake though was to forget to hide the cocaine at his house, obviously he feels that he’s bigger than the Los Angeles Police Department, whom I’m sure enjoyed every second of trashing his shitty little mansion. Let’s hope he goes down for his insolent behaviour and is made into a cock-sucking jail bitch and thus increasing the enjoyment of music for mankind.
Do you remember Hiroo Onoda? I do, he was the idiot who didn’t believe that WWII was over and continued to fight the war for a further 30 years! He was sent with some other units to the underpopulated Philippine island of Lubang in 1944. One year later, the Japanese Army dropped flyers to tell the soldiers that the war was over. Onoda believed that those papers were dropped by Allied planes and lived in the jungle for the next 29 years, the twat! When a backpacker named Norio Suzuki found him in 1974, Onoda refused to believe that WWII had ended in 1945. Suzuki returned to the island with the soldier’s ex-commander to tell him the truth. I bet he felt like a right cunt then. Anyhow, he’s dead now, so who cares…
Lastly, I’d just like to mention former Tory, now a UKIP councillor, David Silvester. He seems to believe that Britain’s recent storms and floods are “divine retribution for the government’s decision to legalise gay marriage”. He even warned David Cameron of this very likely outcome should the bill come to pass. Now, I’m not one to bullshit anyone’s beliefs, but this cunt takes the biscuit. He’s an elected official in our government, yet he still believes that passing a law that he disagrees with has such cosmic ramifications that the Winter weather will change for the worse! People, before you sign your cross in the next election, please make sure you vote for someone who understands there’s no connection between two people who are in love and the weather. Being a bigoted cunt who doesn’t understand the causality of the seasons on this planet should be enough for you not to vote for him anyway.
On This Day
- 1840 – Captain Charles Wilkes circumnavigates Antarctica, claiming what became known as Wilkes Land for the United States.
- 1883 – The first electric lighting system employing overhead wires, built by Thomas Edison, begins service at Roselle, New Jersey.
- 1915 – Georges Claude patents the neon discharge tube for use in advertising.
- 1915 – World War I: German zeppelins bomb the towns of Great Yarmouth and King’s Lynn in the United Kingdom killing more than 20, in the first major aerial bombardment of a civilian target.
- 1935 – Coopers Inc. sells the world’s first briefs.
- 1937 – Howard Hughes sets a new air record by flying from Los Angeles, California to New York City in 7 hours, 28 minutes, 25 seconds.
- 1953 – 71.7% of all television sets in the United States are tuned into I Love Lucy to watch Lucy give birth.
- 1977 – Snow falls in Miami, Florida. This is the only time in the history of the city that snow has fallen. It also fell in the Bahamas.
- 1978 – The last Volkswagen Beetle made in Germany leaves VW’s plant in Emden. Beetle production in Latin America continues until 2003.
- 1983 – Nazi war criminal Klaus Barbie is arrested in Bolivia.
- 1983 – The Apple Lisa, the first commercial personal computer from Apple Inc. to have a graphical user interface and a computer mouse, is announced.
- 1986 – The first IBM PC computer virus is released into the wild. A boot sector virus dubbed (c)Brain, it was created by the Farooq Alvi Brothers in Lahore, Pakistan, reportedly to deter piracy of the software they had written.
- 2012 – The Hong Kong-based file-sharing website Megaupload is shut down by the FBI.
Deaths
- 2000 – Hedy Lamarr, Austrian-American actress and mathematician (b. 1913)
- 2006 – Wilson Pickett, American singer-songwriter (The Falcons) (b. 1941)
- 2008 – John Stewart, American singer-songwriter and guitarist (The Kingston Trio) (b. 1939)
Only in America by KoA
In a story I’d normally sympathise with, a retired Florida policeman has been charged with murder after allegedly shooting a man who texted during a film. Authorities said Curtis Reeves, 71, and Chad Oulson, 43, got into an argument before the screening of the film Lone Survivor when Reeves asked Oulson to stop texting.
“Somebody throws popcorn. I’m not sure who threw the popcorn,” said witness Charles Cummings. “And then bang, he was shot.” Oulson told Reeves he was texting his three-year-old daughter and then they started arguing. Popcorn mind, nobody throws the popcorn!
Cummings, who had blood on his clothes, said the trailers before the film were still showing when the men started raising their voices and popcorn was thrown. The fucking film hadn’t even started yet!
Authorities said Reeves took out a gun, Oulson’s wife put her hand over her husband and Reeves fired his weapon, striking Nichole Oulson in the hand and her husband in the chest.
“I can’t believe people would bring a pistol, a gun, to a movie,” Cummings said. I can, it’s fucking America! “I can’t believe they would argue and fight and shoot one another over popcorn. Over a cellphone.” Again, it doesn’t surprise me in the slightest!
Cummings said Oulson fell on to him and his son. Another man grabbed the gun, and the suspect did not attempt to get away. I’d have liked to see a 71 year old doing a runner though…
Chad Oulson died in hospital. His wife’s injuries were not life-threatening.
Last Week’s Birthdays
Michelle Obama (50), Kevin Costner (59), Kate Moss (40), Betty White (92), Orlando Bloom (37), Zooey Deschanel (34), Faye Dunaway (73), Jason Bateman (45), LL Cool J (46), Howard Stern (60), Rush Limbaugh (63), Melanie Chisholm (40), Dave Grohl (45), Kirstie Alley (63), Muhammad Ali (72), James Earl Jones (83), Kid Rock (43), Susanna Hoffs (55), Jim Carrey (52), Jason Segal (34), Pixie Lott (23), Carl Weathers (66), Skrillex (26) and Sade Adu (55).
2013 League Table
Next week peeps!
Dead Pool 12th January 2014
One week in and I’m already dispensing points! Yes, you may have heard that Ariel Sharon has finally been allowed to die by the Israeli government. Eight years in a coma, many years on peoples lists, I personally had him on my own list last year but gave up as I was convinced that the Israelis were going to keep him alive indefinitely. So, Rebecca and Paul C are up and running already, scoring 65 points each for correctly predicting his death and 50 points each for getting the first death of the season. Well done both of you!
I shouldn’t mention an excited Stu emailing me mid-week saying Mae Young has been reported dead, alas, after looking her up she was very much still alive, albeit no longer on life support. She looked like she was going to be the first death of the year and Stu was in line for a points bonanza, but as this game is a cruel beast, he’s still on a big fat zero and she’s having the last laugh!
Look Who You Could Have Had:
- Eusébio, 71, Portuguese footballer, top goalscorer at the 1966 World Cup, heart failure.
- Larry Speakes, 74, American journalist, de facto White House Press Secretary (1981–1987), Alzheimer’s disease.
- Ariel Sharon, 85, Israeli statesman and general, Minister of Defense (1981–1983), Prime Minister (2001–2006), heart failure.
In Other News
Seems that Germans can’t ski. Firstly we had Michael Schumacher falling off-piste and bouncing on his head, thus putting himself in a coma which is now into its second week. Now we have Angela Merkel keeling over and breaking her pelvis whilst attempting a cross-country ski in Switzerland. Sources report that she’s broken her pelvis on the left, rear part with severe bruising. In other words, she has broken her arse. Being a politician, she won’t be able to do any work now as all they do is sit on their fat arses making each other rich! Perhaps now is a good time to invade Germany… Or maybe not, as we don’t have an Army anymore since the Tories have been cutting away at our heroes. At least she’s still able to give us a Nazi salute, well done Angela.
You may have heard of the big freeze in the US, although it’s a tad on the cold side, it hasn’t really affected any of our celebrities, yet. But in an amazing example of Darwinism in action, several Americans have been admitted into A&E with severe burns after trying out a simple stunt. Yes, throwing boiling water into freezing air to instantly create snow. But the majority of these amazingly intelligent Yanks failed to throw the water away from themselves. Yes, boiling water, even in cold conditions is still hot. Only in America!
Are you still alive? If so, pat yourself on the back as you have survived the deadliest week in the British year! More British people die during the first full week of the year than at any other time. But perhaps surprisingly, it’s not as simple as blaming the cold weather. Britain has a 15% rise in deaths during that week but nobody knows why. I postulate it’s because everyone is trying out their New Years resolutions, going on a diet or trying some ungodly exercise, or even worse, quitting alcohol! You see, exercise and healthy consumption is bad for you, stick to the 40 a day and the two bottles of wine diet, you’ll be fine!
Fidel Castro has made a rare public appearance, his first in nine months. The 87 year old made a surprise visit to the opening of an arts studio on Havana. The old codger managed to walk into the venue with a stick but remained seated throughout the engagement. Sadly he did look rather spry for his age, but be heartened by the fact he couldn’t do a handstand.
On This Day
- 1895 – The National Trust is founded in the United Kingdom.
- 1908 – A long-distance radio message is sent from the Eiffel Tower for the first time.
- 1915 – The Rocky Mountain National Park is formed by an act of U.S. Congress.
- 1915 – The United States House of Representatives rejects a proposal to give women the right to vote.
- 1967 – Dr. James Bedford becomes the first person to be cryonically preserved with intent of future resuscitation.
- 2010 – The 2010 Haiti earthquake occurs killing an estimated 316,000 and destroying the majority of the capital Port-au-Prince.
Deaths
- 1665 – Pierre de Fermat, French mathematician and lawyer (b. 1601)
- 1976 – Agatha Christie, English author (b. 1890)
- 2003 – Maurice Gibb, English singer-songwriter, guitarist, and producer (Bee Gees) (b. 1949)
Thank Fuck He’s Not Alive to Eat Me! by Vic
While randomly googling I’ve come across Lolong, the worlds largest captive crocodile.
Now I know it technically wouldn’t have eaten me in captivity but it was only caught a couple of years ago by some brave (stupid or suicidal) men who wanted it to stop eating fishermen and to help boost their tourism. (Which means it was free to eat who the hell he wanted beforehand!) Weighing in at a tonne and measuring 21ft I’m quite sure anyone strolling through the remote Philippine village wouldn’t have stood much of a chance at getting away if they met him!
Now unfortunately the townspeople of Bunawan didn’t really have a clue how to care for a crocodile and it died in February after eating a nylon cord and having the shits for 3 weeks. You would have thought they would have maybe called a vet at this point but they waited until it was floating upside down before calling one, by then it was too late and it was so long Lolong.
The mayor of the town reportedly hugged the dying creature in his arms as he was so attached to him. (dickhead)
They are now hoping to stuff the crocodile and put him on display to keep the tourism going!
Last Week’s Birthdays
Bradley Cooper (39), Kate Middleton (32), Vinnie Jones (49), Nigella Lawson (45), Robert Duvall (83), Jemaine Clement (40), Rod Stewart (69), R Kelly (47), Pat Benatar (61), Norman Reedus (45), Mary J Blige (43), Nicholas Cage (50), Jimmy Page (70), Marilyn Manson (45), Kenny Loggins (66), David Bowie (67), Joely Richardson (49), Rowan Atkinson (59), Shirley Bassey (77), George Foreman (65), Dianne Keaton (68) and Lewis Hamilton (29).
2013 League Table
Next week peeps!
Dead Pool 5th January 2014
2014 already, a new year and a bunch of new lists to memorise. We have almost doubled in number this year, which does mean I’m now having to remember forty lists which is technically over 500 names, luckily some of them are the same. So due to the unprecedented participation this year, you will have to help me by pointing out if you have an obscure death on your list. I don’t expect you to shout from the rooftops if this years favourite, Prince Philip, finally kicks the bucket, I’m sure I’ll notice him on your lists, just those easily missable ones. Anyhow, without further ado, let’s kick off this year by having a quick look at the demises you should have foretold!
Look Who You Could Have Had:
- James Avery, 68, American actor (The Fresh Prince of Bel Air, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles), complications from surgery.
- John Fortune, 74, British comedian (Bremner, Bird and Fortune) and actor (Match Point), leukaemia.
- Juanita Moore, 99, American actress (Imitation of Life).
- Dorothy Baldwin, 111, British supercentenarian.
- Saul Zaentz, 92, American film producer (One Flew over the Cuckoo’s Nest, The English Patient) and music executive, Alzheimer’s disease.
- Alicia Rhett, 98, American actress (Gone with the Wind) and portrait painter, natural causes.
- Phil Everly, 74, American singer and musician (The Everly Brothers), lung disease.
In Other News
If you haven’t heard that Michael Schumacher was in a small skiing mishap last week, then may I suggest you crawl back under your stone. Currently he’s in an induced medical coma to try and relieve the swelling on his brain which will hopefully stop him becoming a cabbage. Let’s be honest here, if there is one man who is capable of surviving this kind of trauma, Schumacher is that man. He has previously endured some epic F1 crashes with barely a scratch, the man is super fit and undoubtedly has millions to help that wonderful private healthcare he’s receiving. Lesser men like myself would have already been cremated after sub-standard treatment by the NHS.
Everyones favourite ‘alleged paedophile’, Rolf Harris, is being charged with a further three counts of fucking children. The 84 year old entertainer is due in court on the 14th of January and is said to be contesting all allegations. At 84, the stress of a public trial could easily push the man towards the reaper. I bet he regrets singing about those two little boys now.
Former First Lady Barbara Bush is currently in hospital with pneumonia. The 88 year old is said to be doing well and is receiving excellent care. The wife of the 41st President and mother of the 43rd has not had it easy health wise. In 2009 she underwent heart surgery for a narrowing of the main heart valve, she also underwent surgery on 2008 for a perforated ulcer. She has more recently been hospitalised after having a mild relapse of Graves disease as well. Just goes to prove that Obamacare does work!
Doctors say that the condition of former Israeli Prime Minister, Ariel Sharon has deteriorated. Sharon has been a stalwart of the Dead Pool since 2006 after he suffered a series of strokes and slipped into a coma, where he’s been ever since in a vegetative state. According to reports his kidneys have finally given up on him, I bet he’s over the moon, I know I would be.
Pakistan’s former military ruler Pervez Musharraf is in hospital after his lawyers said he suffered chest pains on his way to court for his treason trial. The 70-year-old was transferred to the Armed Forces Cardiology Hospital in Rawalpindi and is undergoing tests. It’s the third time the former president has failed to appear in court following two previous security scares. He is the first former military ruler to face trial for treason in Pakistan, which has a history of army rule. If found guilty, he could be sentenced to death or life in prison. There’s been no word on his condition.
On This Day
- 1066 – Edward the Confessor dies childless, sparking a succession crisis that will eventually lead to the Norman conquest of England.
- 1757 – Louis XV of France survives an assassination attempt by Robert-François Damiens, the last person to be executed in France by drawing and quartering, the traditional and gruesome form of capital punishment used for regicides.
- 1914 – The Ford Motor Company announces an eight-hour workday and a minimum wage of $5 for a day’s labor.
- 1919 – The German Workers’ Party, which would become the Nazi Party, is founded.
- 1933 – Construction of the Golden Gate Bridge begins in San Francisco Bay.
- 1940 – FM radio is demonstrated to the Federal Communications Commission for the first time.
- 1944 – The Daily Mail becomes the first transoceanic newspaper.
- 1972 – United States President Richard Nixon orders the development of a Space Shuttle program.
Deaths
- 1066 – Edward the Confessor, English king (b. 1004)
- 1922 – Ernest Shackleton, Irish explorer (b. 1874)
- 1933 – Calvin Coolidge, American politician, 30th President of the United States (b. 1872)
- 1941 – Amy Johnson, English aviator (b. 1903)
- 1998 – Sonny Bono, American singer-songwriter, producer, actor, and politician (Sonny & Cher) (b. 1935)
Thank Fuck He’s She’s Dead by KoA
Serial killers tend to be men by an overwhelming margin. In fact, there’s no definitive profile for female serial killers. But if history and evidential testimony are correct, a woman is the most prolific serial killer of all time.
Erzsébet (Elizabeth) Bathory, a Hungarian countess, is believed to have killed as many as 650 people during the 54 years she lived. And exactly how the world’s most prolific serial killer took the lives of her victims has proven grisly fodder for storytellers.
Bram Stoker is believed to have been inspired by the countess: His Count Dracula is supposedly a hybrid of Wallachian prince Vlad Tepes and Bathory.
The woman who came to be known as the “Blood Countess,” was born into Hungarian nobility in 1560. She is said to have suffered from fits and outbursts of rage, possibly even epilepsy.
From an early age, she witnessed her father’s officers torture the peasantry that lived near her family’s estate. Most historical analysis of the countess includes young Elizabeth as a witness to a captured thief being sewn into the stomach of a dying horse and left to perish.
Bathory had a penchant for torturing young girls in particular; historians posit that she was bisexual and gained sexual gratification from torture. The acts she committed ranged from driving needles through her servants’ lips and fingernails, to leaving her victims naked in the snow, dousing them with water and letting them freeze to death. One servant girl was beaten by Bathory and an accomplice for stealing a pear. The clubbing was so bloody that Bathory had to change her shirt. The girl was beaten for hours and finally stabbed to death with a pair of scissors.
Perhaps the most notorious legend about Bathory is that she bathed in her victims’ blood. Inevitably, this led to rumours that the countess was a vampire. The official testimony of the murders, which is still in existence in Hungarian archives, is both questionable and convicting in nature.
Late in 1610, Elizabeth’s cousin conducted a raid on her castle. Inside, there were already dead victims and some imprisoned, supposedly awaiting death. Bathory’s accomplices were arrested and put on trial, she never was. Instead, she was walled into her room, with just enough space for air and food to pass through. She spent the remaining four years of her life there, until she was found dead on the floor in 1614.
Last Week’s Birthdays
Ted Danson (66), Marianne Faithfull (67), Danny McBride (37), Julia Ormond (48), Jude Law (41), Patti Smith (67), Michael Nesmith (71), Tracey Ullman (54), Jon Voight (75), Jay Kay (44), Ellie Goulding (27), Eliza Dushku (33), Tiger Woods (38), Ben Kingsley (70), Anthony Hopkins (75), Val Kilmer (54), Frank Langella (76), Verne Troyer (45), Psy (36), Dabney Coleman (82), Tia Carrere (47), Mel Gibson (58), Cuba Golding Jnr (46), Kate Bosworth (31), Michael Schumacher (45) and Michael Stipe (54).
2013 League Table
Next week peeps!
2013 Review
2013 was a bittersweet year for many of us, but at least we are still here to play the game. Here’s a review of the people we lost and scored points with over the last year.
January
We saw Death Wish director and food critic Michael Winner die at the age of 77 from liver problems that had plagued him for many years. Conrad Bain (pictured between Todd Bridges and Gary Coleman), best known as the affable dad in 1980s sitcom Diff’rent Strokes, passed away aged 89. And British actress Sophiya Haque, a West End star who had appeared in Coronation Street, died aged 41 having been diagnosed with cancer before Christmas.
February
Richard Briers (top left), star of TV’s The Good Life, Ever Decreasing Circles and Monarch of the Glen, died aged 79. Reg Presley (right), who as the lead singer with 1960s band The Troggs had hits with Wild Thing and Love is All Around, died at 71. And US classical pianist Van Cliburn passed away aged 78, two years after being honoured by President Obama with the National Medal of Arts.
March
Actor Richard Griffiths, who died in March aged 65, was beloved by one generation as Uncle Monty in Withnail and I and celebrated by another as Vernon Dursley in the Harry Potter films. Frank Thornton (top centre), who was 92 at the time of his death, played stern characters in Are You Being Served? and Last of the Summer Wine. In March we also said goodbye to British horror author James Herbert (right) and jazz trumpeter Kenny Ball (bottom), who died aged 69 and 82 respectively.
April
April saw Ruth Prawer Jhabvala (left), the Oscar-winning screenwriter of such acclaimed Merchant Ivory productions as Howards End and A Room with a View, died aged 85. George Jones (top right), the US country singer who had a string of number one songs between the 1950s and 1990s, died aged 81. And the veteran movie reviewer Roger Ebert, the first man to receive a Pulitzer Prize for film criticism, finally lost his long battle with cancer at the age of 70.
May
The world bid farewell to 92-year-old Ray Harryhausen (top left), the visual effects master whose stop-motion wizardry enhanced such movies as Jason and the Argonauts and Clash of the Titans, and 34-year-old Chris Kelly, better known as one half of 1990s rap duo Kris Kross. Two sitcom giants also went to the great green room in the sky: Dad’s Army star Bill Pertwee (bottom left), who died aged 86, and Hi-de-Hi! actor Paul Shane (bottom right), who died aged 72.
June
The death of Scottish author Iain Banks at the age of 59 came just two months after his announcement that he had terminal cancer. The same month also saw The Sopranos star James Gandolfini succumb to a heart attack in Italy aged 51. Blott on the Landscape author Tom Sharpe passed away in Spain at the age of 85, while swimming champion-turned-movie star Esther Williams died in her sleep in Los Angeles aged 91.
July
The entertainment world was rocked in July by the sudden demise of Glee star Cory Monteith (left), who died from a heroin and alcohol overdose in a Vancouver hotel aged 31. The same month saw (clockwise from top middle) Bernie Nolan die at the age of 52 following a long battle with breast cancer, comedian Mel Smith die of a heart attack aged 60, former policeman turned “tough guy” actor Dennis Farina die aged 69 and former EastEnders actress Anna Wing die at the age of 98.
August
Two literary giants signed off during the month of August: the Irish poet and Nobel laureate Seamus Heaney (top left), who died aged 74, and the crime and western author Elmore Leonard (top right), who passed away aged 87. Jon Brookes (bottom left), drummer with British indie band The Charlatans, died aged 44, while Sid Bernstein, the concert promoter who staged the Beatles and the Rolling Stones’ early US shows, died aged 95.
September
September saw us bid farewell to two broadcasting Davids. The month began with the news that Sir David Frost, the veteran interlocutor who interviewed countless presidents, prime ministers and celebrities, had died aboard the Queen Elizabeth cruise liner at the age of 74. His passing was followed by that of 87-year-old David Jacobs, the veteran radio presenter with the soothing voice whose career spanned seven decades.
October
October took with it the British sculptor Sir Anthony Caro, who died of a heart attack at the age of 89, the best-selling US author Tom Clancy, who died in Baltimore at the age of 66, and singer and former Velvet Underground frontman Lou Reed, who died at the age of 71. The month also saw the sad deaths of British film director Antonia Bird and the actor Nigel Davenport, aged 54 and 85 respectively.
November
Fans of US actor Paul Walker (left), star of the Fast and the Furious films, were stunned when he perished in a car crash on 30 November at the age of 40 along with his friend and business partner Roger Rodas. The month had earlier seen the deaths of the British Nobel Prize-winning author Doris Lessing (top right) at the age of 94 and the leading British composer Sir John Tavener at the age of 69.
December
The end of the year brought the sad departures of the legendary Lawrence of Arabia actor Peter O’Toole (left) at the age of 81, Hollywood actress Joan Fontaine, star of the Alfred Hitchcock thrillers Rebecca and Suspicion, at the age of 96, and the distinguished sports commentator David Coleman (right), who died aged 87. We also said goodbye to Paul Torday, the British author who gave us Salmon Fishing in the Yemen.
And of course, we can’t end without mentioning the passing of one of the greatest men to have walked upon this earth, Nelson Mandela. Nothing need to be said about the man, but history will remember him.
The above was blatantly ripped off the BBC News Website, they can go fuck themselves over copyright, I don’t give a fuck! 😛
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