Dead Pool 3rd April 2016

Nil points to award this week, mainly because most of the celebrity deaths last week were very unexpected. We’re only into April and we seem to have lost a host of popular names already this year, but our problem is, we never list people we actually like, so all those points go begging! Perhaps the key to winning is to be cruel.

Look Who You Could Have Had:

• Terry Brain, 60, English animator (The Trap Door), cancer.
• Jim Harrison, 78, American author and screenwriter (Legends of the Fall, Wolf).
• Patty Duke, 69, American actress (The Miracle Worker, The Patty Duke Show, Valley of the Dolls), Oscar winner (1962), sepsis.
• Ronnie Corbett, 85, British comedian (The Two Ronnies, The Frost Report) and actor (Casino Royale).
• Dame Zaha Hadid, 65, Iraqi-born British architect, heart attack.
• Douglas Wilmer, 96, English actor (Sherlock Holmes, Octopussy, Jason and the Argonauts).
• Denise Robertson, 83, British writer and television broadcaster (This Morning), pancreatic cancer.
• Cesare Maldini, 84, Italian football player and manager.

In Other News

Supermodel Janice Dickinson, who is currently fighting a legal battle against Bill Cosby over comments made regarding an alleged sexual assault, has been diagnosed with breast cancer.  Dickinson discovered what she described as a  pea-sized lump in her breast at a routine doctor’s appointment on 12th March. Following a biopsy and mammogram, she was told that she had a non-invasive ductal carcinoma – a common form of breast cancer which usually responds well to treatment. She will undergo surgery to remove the lump, as well as radiotherapy. “Initially when the doctor found the lump it hurt, it became quite painful when you touch it, that’s the point when I knew this is serious, when the doctor touched this little lump in my right breast, about the size of a pea, and I went bingo, I have cancer,” “I’m going to get through this,” she added. “I’m going to be just fine, kiddo.” “‘Don’t feel sorry for me, this is not a pity party,” she said. “I’m Janice Dickinson and I’m gonna stick around for a long, long time. You ain’t getting rid of me yet.” Dickinson, who is 61, is often described as being the world’s first supermodel – a term she claims to have invented. She was a judge on America’s Next Top Model, and owned her own modelling agency, the Janice Dickinson Modelling Agency, about which there was a reality TV show. Unsurprisingly, her cancer treatment will also be followed by cameras; a reality TV show called The Doctors will follow her through every step of her treatment.

The band Little Mix have been forced to cancel their Belfast gigs after singer Jesy Nelson became unwell. The girl band was due to play a matinee and evening show at the SSE Arena on Thursday. The cancellation was announced just minutes after the doors opened for the afternoon performance. Fans were later informed by text message that the show would not be going ahead as scheduled. Thousands of 5-8 year olds complained profusely at how the cancellation was handled. “I’m really, really annoyed. Once again they’ve waited until we got here to tell us it was cancelled,” said Tracy, “and I’m really worried the band will re-schedule for an afternoon when were back at school and mum’s back at work!” “It’s not been handled very well,” she said. “There’s absolute bedlam down here now. Surely they could have informed us before we all landed at the place? This was minutes before the show was due to begin.” The local council is somewhat relieved as the River Legan was a tad low, now it’s full of the tears of toddlers.

Singer Tulisa Contostavlos has been charged with drink driving after she allegedly crashed her Ferrari in north London. The former X Factor star’s car collided with a Saab outside Southgate Tube station. The singer was also charged with dangerous driving, a Metropolitan Police spokesman confirmed. A conviction for drink driving could see the former N-Dubz singer banned from driving for up to a year, while a conviction for dangerous driving would result in an obligatory ban of one year. The crash took place at a roundabout outside the tube station shortly before midnight. Officers were called and Ms Contostavlos was breathalysed at the scene. The singer was arrested and held in custody before being released on bail pending further enquiries. Ms Contostavlos had taken possession of the sports car just days before the incident.

Jeremy Clarkson has revealed the results of his “most dangerous stunt” ever: a bloodied nose and blackened face. The former Top Gear host, who is currently filming his new Amazon Prime motoring show, told fans he was attempting a death-defying feat on Thursday night. He wrote: “Tomorrow morning, I’m doing the most dangerous stunt I’ve ever attempted. This may well be a goodbye.” Clarkson, 55, was clearly not joking. He shared a photograph with his 6 million Twitter followers on Friday evening showing blood dripping from his nose. In response to one fan, who accused him of using makeup to create the effect, he wrote: “You’re going to feel silly when you see the show. It so isn’t make-up.”

On This Day

• 1882 – American Old West: Jesse James is killed by Robert Ford.
• 1888 – The first of eleven unsolved brutal murders of women committed in or near the impoverished Whitechapel district in the East End of London, occurs.
• 1895 – The trial in the libel case brought by Oscar Wilde begins, eventually resulting in his imprisonment on charges of homosexuality.
• 1973 – Martin Cooper of Motorola makes the first handheld mobile phone call to Joel S. Engel of Bell Labs, though it took ten years for the DynaTAC 8000X to become the first such phone to be commercially released.
• 1981 – The Osborne 1, the first successful portable computer, is unveiled at the West Coast Computer Faire in San Francisco.
• 2010 – Apple Inc. released the first generation iPad, a tablet computer.

Deaths

• 1882 – Jesse James, American criminal (b. 1847)
• 1897 – Johannes Brahms, German pianist and composer (b. 1833)
• 1991 – Graham Greene, English author, playwright, and critic (b. 1904)

Last Week’s Birthdays

Quentin Tarantino (53), Mariah Carey (46), Jessie J (28), Lady Gaga (30), Dianne Wiest (68), Vince Vaughn (46), Julia Stiles (35), Brendan Gleeson (61), Christopher Lambert (59), Elle McPherson (52), Lucy Lawless (48), Eric Idle (73), Eric Clapton (71), Robbie Coltrane (66), MC Hammer (54), Piers Morgan (51), Christopher Walken (73), Ewan McGregor (45), Al Gore (68), Debbie Reynolds (84), Jimmy Cliff (68), Susan Boyle (55), Linda Hunt (71), Emmylou Harris (69) and Michael Fassbender (39).

The Last Word

Don’t let it end like this. Tell them I said something. – Pancho Villa, Mexican revolutionary, d. 1923

Next week peeps!