Dead Pool 29th March 2015

Welcome all, nil points scored this week, so no movement on the board. But as usual, we have produced an amazing newsletter full of nothingness for you to peruse on a rainy Sunday afternoon.

Look Who You Could Have Had:

• Gregory Walcott, 87, American actor (Plan 9 from Outer Space, Norma Rae, Every Which Way but Loose).
• Jackie Trent, 74, English singer-songwriter and actress. Writer of the theme song to TV show, Neighbours.
• Lee Kuan Yew, 91, Singaporean politician, Prime Minister (1959–1990), pneumonia.
• Lil’ Chris, 24, British singer-songwriter, actor and television personality.
• John Renbourn, 70, British guitarist (Pentangle), heart attack.

In Other News

Mad Men star Jon Hamm has recently completed a course of treatment for alcoholism, a spokesperson for the actor has confirmed. Hamm entered rehab to tackle his addiction with the support of his longtime partner, fellow actor and film-maker Jennifer Westfeldt, their publicist Annett Wolf said in a statement released on Tuesday. The 44-year-old actor has played Don Draper, a troubled advertising executive with a dark past and drinking problems of his own, for seven seasons. Seems life is imitating art!

Scotland Yard say they are investigating alleged threats to kill the director general of the BBC, Tony Hall, as the fallout over the decision to sack the Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson took a sinister turn. The BBC’s head of security put out an urgent appeal for ex-Special Forces personnel to take part in an operation to protect Lord Hall, said to cost to licence payers more than £1,000 a day. Hall has received a death threat before. In 1999 when he was head of BBC News, he went into hiding under police protection following a call that said he would be next after the murder of Jill Dando. I bet Oisin Tymon isn’t getting the same level of protection!!

Angelina Jolie has revealed she has had her ovaries and fallopian tubes removed to prevent her from developing ovarian cancer, the illness that killed her mother at the age of 56. Two years ago, Jolie had a double mastectomy because she had inherited the faulty BRCA1 gene, which placed her at high risk of developing breast cancer, and also gave her an elevated lifetime risk of developing ovarian cancer. We’re wondering how much of the 39 year old is left after so much surgery! Is she human anymore?

Black Sabbath have announced one final show before the band bid farewell for good. Ozzy Osbourne, Tony Iommi and Geezer Butler will headline Ozzfest Japan on 22 November – while an invite to Bill Ward, the band’s original drummer, is still pending. The legendary metal group began their reunion in 2012 with the aim to tour the world following the release of their album, 13. Some of the tour dates were scrapped after Iommi was diagnosed with cancer, although they were later able to appear at festivals such as Lollapalooza and Download before headlining a series of dates. Best keep an eye on them.

Anti-UKIP protesters invaded a pub in south London where party leader Nigel Farage was having lunch. They chased Farage and his family out of the pub and jumped on the politician’s car bonnet as he drove away. Mr Farage later branded them “scum”. Mr Farage said: “I hope these ‘demonstrators’ are proud of themselves. My children were so scared by their behaviour that they ran away to hide. Perhaps Mr Farage is well suited for a listing on the Dead Pool, it’s only a matter of time before something gets out of hand, but do you feel sorry for an ardent racist and wanker? No, me neither…

This week we will also be declaring the death of humanity. Yes, comedian Russell Brand has been voted the world’s fourth most important thinker by readers of intellectual magazine Prospect. Which probably means they voted my torn and bleeding arsehole as number two! One thing’s for certain, both Brand and my arsehole have many things in common, both are hairy and produce an amazing amount of shit and neither should be on Question Time! What next? Frankie Boyle as Immigration Ambassador? FFS!

On This Day

• 1849 – The United Kingdom annexes the Punjab.
• 1871 – The Royal Albert Hall is opened by Queen Victoria.
• 1879 – Anglo-Zulu War: Battle of Kambula: British forces defeat 20,000 Zulus.
• 1886 – Dr. John Pemberton brews the first batch of Coca-Cola in a backyard in Atlanta, Georgia.
• 1971 – A Los Angeles, California jury recommends the death penalty for Charles Manson and three female followers.
• 1974 – NASA‘s Mariner 10 becomes the first spaceprobe to fly by Mercury.
• 1974 – Local farmers in Lintong District, Xi’an, Shaanxi province, China, discover the Terracotta Army that was buried with Qin Shi Huang, the first Emperor of China, in the third century BCE.
• 1990 – The Czechoslovak parliament is unable to reach an agreement on what to call the country after the fall of Communism, sparking the so-called Hyphen War.
• 2004 – The Republic of Ireland becomes the first country in the world to ban smoking in all work places, including bars and restaurants.
• 2014 – The first same-sex marriages in England and Wales are performed.

Deaths

• 1788 – Charles Wesley, English clergyman and poet (b. 1707)
• 1891 – Georges Seurat, French painter (b. 1859)
• 1912 – Robert Falcon Scott, English lieutenant and explorer (b. 1868)
• 1972 – J. Arthur Rank, 1st Baron Rank, English businessman, founded Rank Organisation (b. 1888)
• 1982 – Carl Orff, German composer (b. 1895)

Last Week’s Birthdays

Reese Witherspoon (39), William Shatner (84), Andrew lloyd Webber (67), Lena Olin (60), Chaka Khan (62), Amanda Plummer (58), Perez Hilton (37), R. Lee Ermey (71), Donna Pescow (61), Kelly LeBrock (55), Lara Flynn Boyle (45), Jim Parsons (42), Alyson Hannigan (41), Jessica Chastain (38), Tommy Hilfiger (63), Aretha Franklin (73), Sir Elton John (68), Sarah Jessica Parker (50), Vladamir Klitschko (39), Keira Knightley (30), Alan Arkin (81), James Caan (75), Dianna Ross (71), Steven Syler (67), Martin Short (60), Jennifer Grey (55), Larry Page (42), Quentin Tarantino (52), Mariah Carey (45), Fergie (40), Jessie J (27), Lady Gaga (29), Dianne Wiest (67), Vince Vaughn (45) and Julia Styles (34).

Next Week peeps!