Dead Pool 23rd October 2016

Welcome to this weeks edition of the Dead Pool, where more renowned horses have died than famous people.

Look Who You Could Have Had:

• Junko Tabei, 77, Japanese mountaineer, peritoneal cancer
• Raine Spencer, Countess Spencer, 87, British socialite and politician.
• Steve Dillon, 53, English comic book artist (Preacher, The Punisher).
• Rough Quest, 30, British racehorse, winner of the 1996 Grand National.
• Moscow Flyer, 22, Irish racehorse.
• Monarchos, 18, American thoroughbred racehorse and stallion.

In Other News

Edward Furlong has been spotted looking unrecognisable more than two decades after he shot to fame and became one of Hollywood’s hottest pin-ups. The actor has been pictured at a shopping mall in Los Angeles this week, and he looks a world away from the fresh-faced young man who captured the hearts of fans across the globe. Edward, now 39, looked tired as he walked around the shops with a female friend. He wore a T-shirt, which appeared to be inside out, with frayed jeans and he kept his long hair off his face with a pair of Aviator-style sunglasses. The former movie star carried a plastic carrier bag and appeared preoccupied as he trudged around the mall. He shot to fame playing young John Connor in 1991 blockbuster Terminator 2: Judgment Day, and went on to become one of Tinseltown’s hottest properties. The actor landed roles in movies such as American Heart, American History X and Detroit Rock City, and cemented his place as a Hollywood heartthrob. His popularity waned after the 1990s and he has won less lucrative roles in recent years. Edward also suffered a slew of personal problems including a well-documented battle with drink and drug addiction. He has also served time in jail following numerous brushes with the law, and has been treated in rehab. Next years Maverick anyone?

The latest episode in the serial adventurer Leonardo DiCaprio’s continuous brush with death has been revealed. The Titanic actor ended up being saved by his friend the actor Edward Norton after his oxygen tank began leaking on a diving expedition in 2010. Leonardo found himself unable to breathe and had to share Norton’s tank. Now, we at Dead Pool Towers have never dived, but we assume that you have a visual regulator that tells you how much oxygen you have left, so DiCaprio nearly died of stupidity as he could have easily resurfaced if he knew what he was doing. The hapless DiCaprio also recounted his various near-misses before explaining earlier this year he has nearly died three times. The 41 year old’s list involves an emergency plane landing after he witnessed “the entire wing explode in a fireball,” a great white shark entering his cage in South Africa and his parachute becoming knotted during a skydive.

And finally, a man may have cooked and eaten parts of a police officer’s corpse after strangling him, a court has heard. Stefano Brizzi, 50, is accused of murdering PC Gordon Semple, who had served with the Metropolitan police for 30 years, on 1st April after inviting him round for drug-fuelled sex, as you do. Brizzi admits dismembering and disposing of the 59-year-old police officer’s body, but claims his death was an accident and denies murder. At the Old Bailey on Friday, the prosecutor Crispin Aylett QC said Semple’s DNA was recovered from Brizzi’s oven, a cooking pot and chopsticks found in the flat. Additionally, possible bite marks were found on a rib in the kitchen dustbin and a leg bone showed signs of heat damage, he said. “It could be seen that the handle of the oven was bloodstained. Inside the oven, there was a pool of fat and grease,” Aylett told the jury. “This was found to contain a DNA profile that matched that of Gordon Semple.” One can only assume he tried to make a pulled pork, perhaps a stir-fry.

On This Day

• 1707 – The first Parliament of Great Britain meets.
• 2002 – Moscow theater hostage crisis: Chechen terrorists seize the House of Culture theatre in Moscow and take approximately 700 theatre-goers hostage.
• 2012 – After 38 years, the world’s first teletext service (BBC‘s Ceefax) ceases broadcast due to Northern Ireland completing the digital switchover.

Deaths

• 1915 – W. G. Grace, English cricketer and physician (b. 1848)
• 1950 – Al Jolson, Lithuanian-American actor and singer (b. 1886)
• 1957 – Christian Dior, French fashion designer, founded Christian Dior S.A. (b. 1905)
• 1984 – Oskar Werner, Austrian-German actor (b. 1922)
• 2001 – Josh Kirby, English illustrator (b. 1928)
• 2014 – Alvin Stardust, English singer and actor (b. 1942)

Last Week’s Birthdays

Angela Lansbury (91), Suzanne Somers (70), Tim Robbins (58), Michael McKean (69), George Wendt (68), Eminem (44), Wyclef Jean (47), Jean-Claude Van Damme (56), Zac Efron (29), Martina Navratilova (60), Pam Dawber (65), John Lithgow (71), Evander Holyfield (54), Viggo Mortensen (58), Snoop Dogg (45), Dannii Minogue (45), Judge Judy (74), Carrie Fisher (60), Ken Watanabe (57), Christopher Lloyd (78), Catherine Deneuve (73) and Jesse Tyler Ferguson (41).

The Last Word

“I do not believe in my death.” – Salvador Dali (1904-1989)

Next week peeps!