Dead Pool 23rd December 2018

Apologies for the short issue this week, like most of you I am immensely busy with this thing we call Christmas. Like all of you, I will not be celebrating the birth of Jesus, but will be celebrating consumerism by buying too much food and spending too much money on gifts that dwarf the value of what the Three Mages initially proffered to the ‘virgin’ Mary on the birth of her son, conceived by an angel, so she said… Apparently condoms were in short supply back then and blatant lies were easily believed and turned into a world  dominating religion capable of setting humanity back by hundreds of years and killing vast amounts of people for little more than being a female with a slight interest in science. 

Anyhow, I hope you have a fantastic capitalist holiday, forgetting the meaning of ‘christianity’ by overfilling yourself stupidly whilst some people suffer and starve whilst we sell their governments arms to kill them. 

On another note, get your lists in! I’m too tired to chase you this year. Tell your friends, tweet the fuck out of the website, mumble in pubs, wee on your work colleagues. Generally, do what you normally do. Merry Amazon Day! 

Look Who You Could Have Had:

• Colin Kroll, 34, American businessman (Vine, HQ Trivia).  
• Penny Marshall, 75, American actress (Laverne & Shirley) and director (Big, A League of Their Own), complications from diabetes.  
• Donald Moffat, 87, British-born American actor (The Thing, The Right Stuff, Clear and Present Danger), complications from a stroke.

In Other News

In some American news that didn’t concern Donald Trump, Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg underwent surgery on Friday morning for early stage lung cancer, the Supreme Court confirmed in a statement. According to the court’s public information office, Ginsburg underwent a pulmonary lobectomy at New York’s Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer Center. “Two nodules in the lower lobe of her left lung were discovered incidentally during tests performed at George Washington University Hospital to  diagnose and treat rib fractures sustained in a fall on November 7th,” read the statement. The statement also said that both nodules removed during surgery were found to be malignant on initial pathology evaluation. However, “post-surgery, there was no evidence of any remaining disease,” the statement continued. “Scans performed before surgery indicated no evidence of disease elsewhere in the body.” Time to hedge your bets people! Currently, no further treatment is planned for 85-year-old Ginsburg, who is “resting comfortably” and is expected to remain at the hospital for a few more days. Ginsburg previously beat cancer twice; she was treated for colorectal cancer in 1999 and pancreatic cancer in 2009. So never say I don’t give you great chances to score!    

Former glamour model Katie Price has been charged with being drunk in charge of a motor vehicle. Ms Price, 40, from Horsham, Sussex, will appear at Bromley Magistrates’ Court on 7th January. She was charged by postal requisition last week, after her arrest on suspicion of drink-driving in south-east London two months ago. The Met Police said officers had come across a damaged car on Shooters Hill Road in Woolwich on 10th October. This is one of many signs that Ms Price is fast falling from grace and is quickly superseding ‘The Sheen’ for being a superb Maverick. Along with being sexually abused by her own son on a constant basis, she’s currently seeing some toy boy fuck thing and will be attempting to stay sober at a wedding over the New Year celebrations. Even the scumbag tabloid ‘The Sun’ has now lost track of how many marriages she’s managed in the last year, but one assumes the amount of man-muck that’s been fired up her and sticky white love piss she’s ingested over the years will finally catch up on her, either through severe indigestion or fanny rot, who can tell. Let’s not forget the rehab session of 24 hours for PTSD and drink and drug binges. For your information, the coke this lass likes isn’t available at McDonalds and to  be sure, anyone who makes Peter Andre looks good has to be fucked. 

On This Day

• 1919 – Sex Disqualification (Removal) Act 1919 becomes law in the United Kingdom. 
• 1947 – The transistor is first demonstrated at Bell Laboratories.  
• 1954 – First successful kidney transplant is performed by J. Hartwell Harrison and Joseph Murray.  
• 1970 – The North Tower of the World Trade Center in Manhattan, New York, New York is topped out at 1,368 feet (417 m), making it the tallest building in the world. Little over thirty years later, it was demolished by the CIA. 
• 1972 – The 16 survivors of the Andes flight disaster are rescued after 73 days, having reportedly survived by cannibalism.  
• 1986 – Voyager, piloted by Dick Rutan and Jeana Yeager, lands at Edwards Air Force Base in California becoming the first aircraft to fly non-stop around the world without aerial or ground refuelling.

Deaths

• 1973 – Charles Atlas, Italian-American bodybuilder and model (b. 1892)  
• 2006 – Charlie Drake, English actor (b. 1925) 
• 2013 – Mikhail Kalashnikov, Russian general and weapons designer, designed the AK-47 rifle (b. 1919)