Dead Pool 22nd November 2015

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Afternoon all, welcome to this weeks Dead Pool roundup in which we sadly report the shocking death of Jonah Lomu at the too young age of 40!! Although this week in history seemed unbelievably busy for deaths, none of us managed to score a point, and yet the looming end of year results are fast coming upon us! It’s almost time for me to start badgering you to begin researching your lists for 2016, as some of you newcomers have noticed, scratching the surface of celebrity does not cut the mustard. Anyhow, less procrastination, we have a busy newsletter for you!

Look Who You Could Have Had:

In Other News

sounessFormer Liverpool and Rangers manager Graeme Souness has been taken to hospital in Bournemouth, but no details of the 62-year-old’s condition have been made available as of yet. Since leaving his last job in football as manager of Newcastle in 2006, Souness has worked in the media, most notably as a pundit for Sky Sports. His colleague Jeff Stelling opened the station’s Soccer Saturday broadcast by saying: “Souey, if you’re watching, get well very quickly.” He had a triple heart bypass operation in 1992, when he was 38, so one can assume that his Scottish hereditary love for deep fried pizza might have caught up with him.

Kim-CattrallActress Kim Cattrall has pulled out of a play at London’s  Royal Court Theatre, less than a week before opening night on doctors’ orders. The Sex and the City star was due to play the lead role in a new play called Linda, by Penelope Skinner. n a statement, Cattrall said “with great sadness and at the advice of my doctors” she would not be able to continue with the production. The star, 59, thanked the theatre “for allowing me to put my health first”. Royal Court artistic director, Vicky Featherstone, said the theatre was “deeply sorry that Kim is unable to continue with the production”. Again, no real details on what is occurring, so we’ll just have to make up a story next week.

bruce-forsythSir Bruce Forsyth is back at home after undergoing successful keyhole surgery. The former Strictly Come Dancing host underwent a procedure on an abdominal aortic aneurysm last Thursday. “It is anticipated, given the minimally invasive nature of this operation, he will make a speedy recovery,” his manager said. The 87-year-old’s condition was discovered after he had extensive medical checks following a recent fall. “It is not connected in any way with the fall itself from which Sir Bruce has made a full recovery – indeed, he recorded Strictly Come Dancing’s Children In Need Special with Tess Daly, which aired last Friday,” his manager added. Sadly, the surgery is not expected to prevent the veteran entertainer from fronting the show’s upcoming festive edition.

charlie sheenCharlie Sheen has disclosed that he is HIV positive, in a television interview that followed weeks of speculation about his condition. “I am here to admit that I am in fact HIV positive and I have to put a stop to this onslaught, this barrage of attacks, of sub-truths – very harmful … stories that are threatening the health of so many others,” the actor told NBC’s Today show on Tuesday. He said he had learned about the diagnosis “roughly four years ago”, adding: “It’s a hard three letters to absorb.” Asked whether he had transmitted HIV to anyone since his diagnosis, Sheen said: “Impossible.” He also said he was “not entirely” aware of how he contracted the virus. Sheen’s doctor, Robert Huizenga, told the program the actor did not have Aids, yet. Sheen claimed that people who knew his HIV-positive status had extorted money from him to keep it a secret. And the Hollywood star said he would stop paying them now that his HIV status was public, adding: “I release myself from this prison today.”

Tony McCoyTony McCoy, who retired from race-riding earlier this year after 20 consecutive seasons as National Hunt’s champion jockey, escaped unhurt on Wednesday morning after the car he was driving was involved in a pile-up that closed the M4 motorway. McCoy was travelling east between junctions 14 and 15 of the M4 when a van and a car collided immediately in front of him. The van overturned, and all three lanes of the eastbound carriageway and one lane westbound were then closed as emergency services attended the scene and police cleared wreckage. “I’m fine and so is the other person in the car,” McCoy told the Racing Post on Wednesday evening. “We were involved in an accident on the M4 between junctions 14 and 15. A van and a car collided in front of us and I ended up with nowhere to go as a result. Fortunately, nobody was injured but all the vehicles were badly damaged.” However, the crash resulted in your Dead Pool Master being 10 minutes late for work, the bastard!

And finally, Argentina football legend Diego Maradona has had a second gastric bypass operation after his doctor warned that the 55-year-old fat bastard is 75kgs (11st 11lbs) over his ideal weight. Maradona had his first gastric bypass 10 years ago but has since gained weight and developed complications. “He told me he was feeling fine, that he wasn’t in any pain,” said Dr Carlos Felipe Chaux after the procedure. Maradona had surgery in the Venezuelan city of Maracaibo. He will stay in the city for at least eight days before travelling to capital Caracas to complete his recovery.

On This Day


Last Week’s Birthdays

Anni-Frid Lyngstad (70), Chad Kroeger (41), Beverley D’Angelo (64), Martha Plimpton (45), Maggie Gyllenhaal (38), Missi Pyle (43), Martin Scorcese (73), Lorne Michaels (71), Danny DeVito (71), Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio (57), RuPaul (55), Sophie Marceau (49), Rachel McAdams (37), Linda Evans (73), Kim Wilde (55), Owen Wilson (47), Larry King (82), Meg Ryan (54), Jodie Foster (53), Bo Derek (59), Sean Young (56), Ming-Na Wen (52), Goldie Hawn (70), Bjork (50), and Carly Rae Jepsen (30).

Next week peeps!

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