Dead Pool 22nd January 2017

Welcome all, another edition hits the press. Well, what a week! Old Trump is still alive after his inauguration, which is a huge surprise to all of us who thought he’d be assassinated as soon as he stood upon that podium. Fair play to those Secret Service guys, they’re still doing their job, even though they obviously hate the cunt.

Look Who You Could Have Had:

In Other News

Former US President George HW Bush and his wife Barbara Bush remain in hospital in Houston, Texas, according to a spokesman. The 41st president, who was admitted with pneumonia on Saturday, is still in the intensive care unit, relying on a ventilator to breathe. The 92-year-old had a breathing tube inserted on Wednesday in a procedure to clear his airway. Wife, Barbara, who has had bronchitis, said she was feeling “1,000% better”. Mrs Bush, 91, was admitted on Wednesday suffering from fatigue and a cough. “President Bush had a good night’s rest,” spokesman Jim McGrath said on Thursday. “We are hopeful he will be discharged from the ICU in a few days.” He said the couple had received “an uplifting visit” from longtime friend former Secretary of State James Baker, who lives in Houston. In a letter addressed 10 January, Mr Bush – the oldest living US president – wrote to Mr Trump to excuse himself from attending his inauguration as 45th US president on Friday. Mr Bush wrote that “my doctor says if I sit outside in January, it will likely put me six feet under”. “Same for Barbara. So I guess we’re stuck in Texas,” he wrote, adding that they will be “with you and the country in spirit”.

Chelsea Manning, whose sentence was commuted by the outgoing president, thanked him “for giving me a chance”. The 29-year-old transgender soldier, born Bradley Manning, gave embarrassing documents to Wikileaks in 2010. At President Obama’s final press conference on Wednesday, he declared that “justice has been served”. She will be freed from the Fort Leavenworth military prison in May – 29 years ahead of her scheduled release in 2045. Republican Speaker of the House Paul Ryan called the decision “outrageous”. “Chelsea Manning’s treachery put American lives at risk and exposed some of our nation’s most sensitive secrets,” Mr Ryan said. We at Dead Pool Towers agree, we listed her as a possible suicide, but now she’s been given hope!

George Michael’s childhood friend Andros Georgiou has linked the singer’s death to drugs. “Hard drugs had been back in his life,” he told the BBC’s Victoria Derbyshire programme, adding that crack cocaine was one of Michael’s “favourite drugs”. Mr Georgiou grew up with Michael and the two referred to each other as cousins. He added: “I just think he took too much of something, mixed with antidepressants.” The star died aged 53 on Christmas Day. A post-mortem examination was “inconclusive”, police have said. More tests are being carried out to determine what led to his death, which is not being treated as suspicious. Mr Georgiou said he believed Michael’s death was an accident. “I believe he had suicidal thoughts, because his mental health was all over the place. But I don’t believe this was suicide,” he told the programme. He described crack cocaine as one of Michael’s “favourite drugs”, adding: “I just think he took too much of something, mixed with antidepressants and other drugs he was on – with alcohol. “I think his heart just stopped beating.”

On This Day


Last Week’s Birthdays

Betty White (95), Kevin Costner (62), Michelle Obama (53), James Earl Jones (86), Zooey Deschanel (37), Jim Carrey (55), Dolly Parton (71), Bill Maher (61), Kate Moss (43), Katey Segal (63), Rainn Wilson (51), Geena Davis (61), Placido Domingo (76), Buzz Aldrin (87), Jack Nicklaus (77), Billy Ocean (67), Mario Van Peebles (60) and Emma Bunton (41),

And Finally…. 

In 2000, a 19-year-old man in Houston, Texas seemed to get the concept of Russian Roulette confused by using a semi-automatic pistol instead of a revolver.

Instead of putting one bullet in a revolver and pulling the trigger, giving him a one-in-six chance of dying, he put the bullet in a semi-automatic pistol (where the bullets are instantly moved into the gun’s chamber), rising those odds to exactly 100 per cent.

Next week peeps!

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