Dead Pool 21st June 2015

Afternoon my morbid minions, we have points to disburse! Well done Dave and Paul C. for correctly guessing that Jeralean Talley, the worlds oldest living person (now not so much), would kick the bucket this year. 34 points each. I know, not many points, but it’s still 34 more than most of us have.

Look Who You Could Have Had:

• Rick Ducommun, 62, Canadian actor (The ‘Burbs, Scary Movie, Die Hard), complications from diabetes.
• Blaze Starr, 83, American stripper, burlesque comedienne and club owner, subject of Blaze.
• Ron Clarke, 78, Australian long distance runner, Olympic bronze medalist (1964), Mayor of the Gold Coast (2004–2012), kidney failure.
• Nelson Doubleday, Jr., 81, American publisher (Doubleday) and Major League Baseball team owner (New York Mets), pneumonia.
• Jeralean Talley, 116, American supercentenarian, world’s oldest living person.

In Other News

Veteran actor Sir John Hurt has been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. The 75-year-old, who was Oscar-nominated for his role in 1980’s The Elephant Man, said he would continue working despite the diagnosis. “I am undergoing treatment and am more than optimistic about a satisfactory outcome, as indeed is the medical team,” he told the Press Association. “I am continuing to focus on my professional commitments and will shortly be recording Jeffrey Bernard Is Unwell (one of life’s small ironies!) for BBC Radio 4,” he said.

In the same vein, Tommy Chong, one half of the 1970s comedy duo Cheech and Chong, reveals he has rectal cancer. “I have good news and bad news. First the bad  news, the cancer came back and it is a real pain in the butt,” the 77-year-old comedian tweeted. “The good news is I now have to use more marijuana to treat the cancer.” Chong was diagnosed with prostate cancer three years ago, and cited marijuana as a key player in his recovery. It can’t have helped that much if it came back!

Leading on, we have reports of former dance-pop singer George Michael being in rehab over marijuana use. The 51-year-old has checked in to the Switzerland-based Kusnacht Practice to receive treatment for substance abuse, after having “admitted to have consumed up to 25 joints per day”. Once described as “the world’s most expensive rehab clinic”, the facility near to Zurich charges around €100,000 (£72,000) for treatment and has previously been used by other famous clients, including designer John Galliano. The clinic released a statement saying: “We can neither confirm nor deny that George Michael is a patient with us.” In March last year, Michael said he had not used cannabis for “well over a year-and-a-half”, so he must be making up for lost time…

Colin Montgomerie checked into hospital due to chest pains early on Sunday but was cleared in time to play his final round at the Senior Players Championship in Massachusetts. The Briton, considered one of the best players never to have landed a regular major title, has won three major championships in the over-50s ranks since joining the tour in 2013. The Scot said he felt discomfort at the end of his third round but returned to the course on Sunday after treatment. “I decided the prudent thing was to go in and get checked,” Montgomerie said. “I had all these CAT scans and all this stuff. I had two hours to do it this morning and the staff of the hospital was superb.”At 51 years of age, Montgomorie has at least won one major title, that of Oldest Living Scotsman. Anyone feeding him deep fried battered pizza will be disqualified.

In more golfing drama, Australian golfer Jason Day has collapsed on the final hole of his second round at the US Open Championship in Washington with a bout of vertigo! Day was walking down the ninth, his final hole of the day, when he collapsed. After a delay of several minutes, he got back to his feet and made a bogey. Day has been suffering from fatigue and dizzy spells for the better part of a year, withdrawing from last year’s World Golf Championship Bridgestone Invitational after a bout and once again having issues in 2015. The 27-year-old has taken a series of tests over the last month to try to pinpoint the problem but has yet to get an answer. Brain tumour anyone?

Writer and artist Alasdair Gray has been seriously injured after a fall at his home. An ambulance was called to the 80 year old’s house in the West End of Glasgow at around 2am on Thursday, and he was taken to hospital for treatment. He is best known as author of the novel Lanark, but is also regarded for his artwork – including a series of murals. His injuries are not believed to be life threatening at this time but we all know what a fall does to an 80 year old!!

And finally, if you go down to the woods today, you might be in for a huge surprise, like a man taking his regular morning stroll who was killed by an elephant that had escaped from a nearby circus. The 65-year-old was walking in the woods near Buchen, a town in south-west Germany, when the African elephant attacked him shortly after 5am local time. What the fuck he was doing in the woods at 5am wasn’t explained and Police declined to say what injuries the unnamed man suffered. The 34-year-old female elephant, called Baby, was captured and returned to the circus. Police are now investigating whether someone let the elephant out of its secure enclosure, and why the animal acted aggressively toward the man.

On This Day

• 1854 – The first Victoria Cross is awarded during the bombardment of Bomarsund in the Åland Islands.
• 1948 – Columbia Records introduces the long-playing record album in a public demonstration at the Waldorf-Astoria Hotel in New York, New York.
• 1982 – John Hinckley is found not guilty by reason of insanity for the attempted assassination of U.S. President Ronald Reagan.
• 2004 – SpaceShipOne becomes the first privately funded spaceplane to achieve spaceflight.

Deaths

• 1377 – Edward III of England (b. 1312)
• 1652 – Inigo Jones, English architect (b. 1573)
• 2001 – John Lee Hooker, American singer-songwriter and guitarist (b. 1916)

Last Week’s Birthdays

Donald Trump (69), Boy George (54), Steffi Graf (46), Jim Belushi (61), Helen Hunt (52), Courtney Cox (51), Ice Cube (46), Neil Patrick Harris (42), Barry Manilow (72), Newt Gingrich (72), Venus Williams (35), Paul McCartney (73), Isabella Rossellini (63), Alison Moyet (54), Richard Madden (29), Kathleen Turner (61), Paula Abdul (53), Mia Sara (48), Zoe Saldana (37), Olympia Dukakis (84), Martin Landau (87), Danny Aiello (82), Brian Wilson (73), Lionel Richie (66), John Goodman (63), Nicole Kidman (48) and Christopher Mintz-Plasse (26).

Next Week peeps!