Dead Pool 14th June 2020

Sadly the evil flying monkeys failed to find a massive celebrity for us, they’re still hiding from the virus. However, a few ‘oh, I vaguely know them’ stars are listed below. 

Look Who You Could Have Had:

In Other News

If anybody gives a shit, the royal family has been paying tribute to the Duke of Edinburgh on his 99th birthday. While Prince Philip’s birthday celebrations are likely to be low-key this year due to the ongoing coronavirus lockdown, several members of the family have publicly marked the milestone occasion by posting online tributes. The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge were among the first to share a message of celebration on their Kensington Royal social media accounts. “Wishing a very happy 99th Birthday to His Royal Highness The Duke of Edinburgh!”, Prince William and Kate Middleton wrote alongside two photos of them with the royal. The duke’s eldest son and heir to the throne, Prince Charles, also shared a tribute to his father on social media. “Wishing The Duke of Edinburgh a very happy 99th birthday!” a message from the Clarence House Instagram account read. In a recent interview Prince Charles said he was missing his family and revealed that he hasn’t seen his father for months. “Well I haven’t seen my father for a long time. He’s going to be 99 next week…it’s terribly sad,” Charles said. We’re not sure why he thinks his father turning 99 is sad, maybe he’s still pining for that throne. To mark Prince Philip’s birthday, the royal family released an official photo of the duke and The Queen posing side-by-side outside Windsor Castle. The portrait was the first public image of the duke for nearly six months as he was last seen leaving hospital on Christmas Eve following a four-night admission for an undisclosed but “pre-existing condition”.    

BBC journalist George Alagiah has confirmed his bowel cancer has spread to his lungs. The 64-year-old newsreader, who joined the BBC in 1989, was first diagnosed with bowel cancer in 2014 and later said it spread to his liver and lymph nodes. After 17 courses of chemotherapy and five operations, it appeared the cancer had cleared – but it returned in 2018. He revealed doctors told him at the end of April the cancer has now spread to his lungs in an interview with The Times. Mr Alagiah also spoke about testing positive for coronavirus after he developed a fever on 17th March. “My doctors have never used the word ‘chronic’ or ‘cure’ about my cancer,” he said. “They’re never used the word ‘terminal’ either. “I’ve always said to my oncologist, ‘Tell me when I need to sort my affairs out’, and he’s not told me that, but what he did tell me is that the cancer is now in a third organ. It is in my lungs.” Mr Alagiah said his previously low dose of chemotherapy has been increased to “the grown-up stuff”. “I said to my doctor, ‘You’re going to have to do the worrying for me’. I don’t want to fill my mind with worry. I just know that he’s a clever guy, doing everything he can.”    

Shaun Ryder has opened up about his cancer scare after he discovered a painful growth in his testicle during lockdown. The Celebrity Gogglebox and The Happy Mondays frontman, 57, immediately thought the worst after finding the uncomfortable lump. It turned out the sudden growth was non-cancerous. But in spite of the good news, the medical issue has left Shaun in constant pain amid the coronavirus pandemic. Due to health service restrictions, the star has been unable to receive surgery to remove the growth which is situated in his testicle. Instead, the much-loved star has had to put up with the pains it has caused him over the past number of months. Shaun admitted he wasn’t too worried as he can have the lump removed when hospitals revert to normality again. He told us: “This non-malignant growth in my testicle is pressing on a nerve. It’s like having really bad toothache in your b***s. “I can have the growth chucked out but I should’ve gone before lockdown started.” Despite the ongoing pain and the shock of his circumstances, his cancer scare has made Shaun realise the value of life. The star – who became famous for his love of sex, drugs and rock and roll – has been hit with the reality he is not invinsible. Father-of-six Shaun admitted that he’s not afraid of dying but he is afraid of leaving his young children behind. “I now think I’m not invincible. It doesn’t worry me about dying, it’s just that because I’ve got young kids. I don’t want to go because of them. That’s what I panic about the most.” The Celebrity Gogglebox star has suffered a long list of health problems over the past number of years. Shaun has dealt with fighting severe pain due to arthritis, as well as battling a thyroid problem and enduring panic attacks.

On This Day

  • 1789 – Mutiny on the Bounty: HMS Bounty mutiny survivors including Captain William Bligh and 18 others reach Timor after a nearly 7,400 km (4,600 mi) journey in an open boat.  
  • 1822 – Charles Babbage proposes a difference engine in a paper to the Royal Astronomical Society.  
  • 1962 – The European Space Research Organisation is established in Paris – later becoming the European Space Agency.   
  • 1966 – The Vatican announces the abolition of the Index Librorum Prohibitorum (“index of prohibited books”), which was originally instituted in 1557.


Execution Styles

To be hanged, drawn and quartered was, from 1352, a statutory penalty in England for men convicted of high treason, (Boris?) although the ritual was first recorded during the reign of King Henry III (1216–1272). The convicted traitor was fastened to a hurdle, or wooden panel, and drawn by horse to the place of execution, where he was then hanged (almost to the point of death), emasculated, disembowelled, beheaded, and quartered (chopped into four pieces). His remains would then often be displayed in prominent places across the country, such as London Bridge, to serve as a warning of the fate of traitors. For reasons of public decency, women convicted of high treason were instead burned at the stake.

The severity of the sentence was measured against the seriousness of the crime. As an attack on the monarch’s authority, high treason was considered a deplorable act demanding the most extreme form of punishment. Although some convicts had their sentences modified and suffered a less ignominious end, over a period of several hundred years many men found guilty of high treason were subjected to the law’s ultimate sanction. They included many English Catholic priests executed during the Elizabethan era, and several of the regicides involved in the 1649 execution of Charles I.

Although the Act of Parliament defining high treason remains on the United Kingdom’s statute books, during a long period of 19th-century legal reform the sentence of hanging, drawing, and quartering was changed to drawing, hanging until dead, and posthumous beheading and quartering, before being abolished in England in 1870. Sadly, the death penalty for treason was abolished in 1998, so lying to The Queen won’t get you into trouble Boris… 

Last Week’s Birthdays

Will Patton (65), Donald Trump (73), Yasmine Bleeth (51), Boy George (58), Alan Carr (43), Steffi Graf (50), Chris Evans (38), Ally Sheedy (57), Stellan Skarsgård (68), Malcolm McDowell (76), Richard Thomas (68), Tim Allen (66), Simon Callow (70), Kathy Burke (55), Shia LaBeouf (34), Joshua Jackson (42), Hugh Laurie (61), Peter Dinklage (51), Adrienne Barbeau (75), Jane Goldman (50), Elizabeth Hurley (55), Jürgen Prochnow (79), Johnny Depp (57), Natalie Portman (39), Michael J. Fox (59), Eddie Marsan (52), Griffin Dunne (65), Nancy Sinatra (80), and Kanye West (43).

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