Dead Pool 30th July 2017

Another pointless week, to be fair, I could walk past any of this weeks deceased and not notice them. However, they are all more famous than I am, so lets celebrate their demises by not scoring any points whatsoever! But, from reading this weeks news, we now know not to eat cherry stones as they have enough cyanide in three of them to kill you, so make sure you offer cherries to any celebrities you happen to meet, just on the off chance like..

Look Who You Could Have Had:

  • Clarence Matthews, 111, American supercentenarian, oldest living man in the US.
  • Michael Johnson, 72, American singer (“Bluer Than Blue”, “Give Me Wings”, “The Moon Is Still Over Her Shoulder”), songwriter and guitarist.
  • Barbara Sinatra, 90, American fashion model, showgirl and philanthropist.
  • Patti Deutsch, 73, American comedian and voice actress (The Smurfs, Match Game, Tattletales), cancer.
  • June Foray, 99, American voice actress (The Rocky and Bullwinkle Show, Looney Tunes and Merrie Melodies, Cinderella).
  • Rob Anker, 27, English dancer (Diversity), winner of Britain’s Got Talent (2009), car crash.
  • Charlie Gard, 11 months, British infant, subject of life support and parental rights case, MDDS.

In Other News

Troubled Ant McPartlin has been allowed on trips out of rehab after making progress on overcoming his addictions. The TV favourite, 41, shocked fans last month by telling the media of his substance abuse, prescription drugs and booze issues. But smiling Ant, who has had surgery to fix an injured right knee, has been on walks to a park and shops after four weeks staying inside the clinic. A source said: “He’s doing very well considering everything he’s been through and is happy at being allowed to leave the centre with one of the staff. He is in good spirits and on the road to recovery.” Ant admitted to being hooked on painkillers he took for knee pain. He also turned to substance abuse while depressed after years of being unable to conceive with wife Lisa. Ant checked into rehab after confessing to her and TV partner Declan Donnelly about his problems and is expected to remain at the clinic for up to three months. The source added: “Ant has had no visitors — not even Lisa or Dec. “It was judged best that he battled through this on his own. It has been very tough for him, but he really wants to get better and promised to do whatever that takes. There is still a way to go, but he is making real progress.”

Olivia Newton-John’s daughter Chloe Lattanzi has revealed that cannabis oil is helping her recover from cancer. Fans everywhere were devastated when the Grease star announced the return of her cancer in May, being forced to postpone her US and Canada tour as the cancer has now spread to other areas of her body. Olivia’s daughter, Chloe Lattanzi, revealed that her mother would be trying alternative courses of medicine – including cannabis oil to try and treat her, so in all likelihood she wont be around for our lists for 2018. Chloe, Olivia’s only child, owns a legal marijuana farm in Oregon with her fiancé, and discussed how effective the cannabis oil had been. She said: “She’s using it, it inhibits cancer cell growth. It’s an amazing plant and I’m much more for natural medicine than I am for traditional western medicine. “I think a combination of both is good. My mum and I more lean towards the natural remedies.” She said in a totally impartial way that didn’t promote her money making scheme over her mothers health.

And finally, just when you thought it was safe to go out at night once more, police in the US state of Maine have arrested a drunk, one-armed clown who was brandishing a machete. Corey Berry, 31, from the town of Hollis, was spotted walking down a road in a black hooded sweatshirt and a clown mask, holding the weapon. He had duct-taped the machete to his arm, which police say had been amputated. Worried residents began calling 911 at around 18:00 on Tuesday. Local media said Mr Berry ran off into the woods, where police struggled to apprehend him as further emergency calls came in. State Trooper Adam Schmidt said the clown was highly intoxicated, but cooperative. He told police he had been inspired by previous creepy clown sightings and was trying to play a prank. While sightings have died down this year, summer and autumn 2016 saw a wave of “killer clown” stunts that spread across the US, UK, Canada, and Australia.

On This Day

  • 762 – Baghdad is founded by caliph Al-Mansur.
  • 1733 – The first Masonic Grand Lodge in the future United States is constituted in Massachusetts.
  • 1965 – U.S. President Lyndon B. Johnson signs the Social Security Act of 1965 into law, establishing Medicare and Medicaid.
  • 1971 – Apollo program: Apollo 15 Mission: David Scott and James Irwin on the Apollo Lunar Module Falcon land on the Moon with the first Lunar Rover.
  • 1975 – Jimmy Hoffa disappears from the parking lot of the Machus Red Fox restaurant in Bloomfield Hills, Michigan, a suburb of Detroit, at about 2:30 p.m. He is never seen or heard from again.
  • 2003 – In Mexico, the last ‘old style’ Volkswagen Beetle rolls off the assembly line.
  • 2006 – The world’s longest running music show Top of the Pops is broadcast for the last time on BBC Two. The show had aired for 42 years and as many as 30,000 children were fucked by the presenters.

Deaths

  • 1898 – Otto von Bismarck, Lawyer and politician, 1st Chancellor of Germany (b. 1815)
  • 2007 – Ingmar Bergman, Swedish director, producer, and screenwriter (b. 1918)

Last Week’s Birthdays

Wil Wheaton (45), David Warner (76), Elizabeth Berkley (43), Nikolaj Coster-Waldau (47), Taylor Schilling (33), Jonathan Rhys Meyers (40), Donnie Yen (54), Bryan Fuller (48), Kate Beckinsale (44), Jason Statham (50), Kevin Spacey (58), Sandra Bullock (53), Helen Mirren (72), Nana Visitor (60), Eve Myles (39), Mick Jagger (74), Matt LeBlanc (50), Iman (62), Lynda Carter (66), Anna Paquin (35), Summer Glau (36), Jennifer Lopez (48), Danny Dyer (40), Woody Harrelson (56), Daniel Radcliffe (28), Charisma Carpenter (47), Ronny Cox (79), Slash (52) and Selena Gomez (25).

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