Dead Pool 2nd June 2013

Let me begin by apologising for the lack of a newsletter last week, alas my laptop died, none of you had it on your lists though, so no points to anyone! So this week should be a double dose of fun! I’m sure you’re itching to see who’s died…

Look who you could have had:

• Steve Forrest, 87, American actor (Dallas, North Dallas Forty, S.W.A.T).
• Phil Buerstatte, 46, American heavy metal rock drummer (White Zombie).
• Ray Manzarek, 74, American rock musician (The Doors), bile duct cancer.
• Eddie Braben, 82, British comedy writer (Morecambe and Wise, Ken Dodd).
• Richard Thorp, 81, English actor (Emmerdale).
• Mick McManus, 93, English professional wrestler.
• James Sisnett, 113, Barbadian supercentenarian, world’s second oldest man.
• Marshall Lytle, 79, American rock and roll musician (Bill Haley & His Comets), inducted into Rock and Roll Hall of Fame (2012), lung cancer.
• Jack Vance, 96, American science fiction author.
• Bill Pertwee, 86, British radio and television actor (Dad’s Army, You Rang, M’Lord?) and author.

In other news

George Michael has left hospital after he mysteriously ‘fell’ out of a moving car on the M25. According to reports his mishap occurred whilst he was trying to adjust the door. Following the accident the 48 year old singer was said to be lying in the road covered in blood and had to be protected by a conscientious mini driver who protected his prone body from being run over by other cars. I think George is an ideal candidate as a Maverick for next year, he’s terribly accident prone and seems to be on a death wish. He just scrapes in age wise and could be the next Amy Winehouse, albeit without the talent.

We’ve also heard that everyones favourite cross-dresser, Tim Curry, has had a stroke. The 67 year old actor, who is famously very private, has not disclosed how bad it is. One hopes he recovers sufficiently so we can continue to enjoy his thespian endeavours and perhaps to add him to next years lists.

More bad news on the Angelina Jolie frontage, her Aunt Debbie has died of breast cancer. Seems that Jolie’s decision to lop off her norks might have been a good one after all. I’m sure Jolie, 37, didn’t really want to see her boobies drift southwards anyway, especially if they became lumpy as well.

Lou Reed, the driving force behind The Velvet Underground is recovering after a liver transplant. The 71 year old singer was said to be as close to death as is possible to get. Reed is a well known alcoholic and drug user, so I’m wondering why they wasted a perfectly good liver on a deadbeat 71 year old who has abused his own liver to the point of death! I’ll tell you why, it’s so we can list him next year!

Shall I just mention the name Amanda Bynes. Make of that what you will.

2013 League Table

[Confidential]

Next Week peeps!