Dead Pool 22nd December 2019

A quick roundup this week, I’m sure you’re all very busy with your Christmas preparations and compiling your lists. If any of you want to email them in, please send your 13 names to, I shall try to respond as soon as I can to confirm your entry. If you haven’t had a response within 24 hours, I might have died or I didn’t get your email. 

Look Who You Could Have Had:

In Other News

The Duke of Edinburgh has been taken to hospital for treatment for a ‘pre-existing condition’, Buckingham Palace has said. Prince Philip, 98, travelled from Sandringham, where he spends much of his time since retiring, to the King Edward VII Hospital in London on Friday morning as a precautionary measure on advice of his doctor. He was not taken by ambulance and it was a planned admission, right before Christmas, yeah… The palace announcement came as the uncaring Queen arrived at the Norfolk estate for her Christmas break after carrying out her duties at the State of Opening of Parliament on Thursday, telling journalists to ‘Fuck orf! I can’t stand the doddering old twat….’

A Buckingham Palace statement said: “The Duke of Edinburgh travelled from Norfolk this morning to the King Edward VII Hospital in London for observation and treatment in relation to a pre-existing condition. “The admission is a precautionary measure, on the advice of His Royal Highness’ Doctor.” The duke is expected to be in hospital for a few days. “The palace will not give details about the condition he’s being treated for, but the decision to send him to hospital in London may be related to where his consultants are based, the KEVII Hospital is particularly well known for their seamless lizard eye reduction therapy. The prince has suffered quite a few bouts of ill health in recent years: 

  • 2008: Philip was admitted to hospital for a chest infection and was discharged three days later.
  • 2011: Two days before Christmas, Philip was taken to hospital from Sandringham with chest pains. He had surgery and was discharged four days later. 
  • 2012: During the Queen’s Diamond Jubilee celebrations Philip was taken to hospital with a bladder infection and discharged five days later. Two months later the infection recurred and he was taken to hospital as a precautionary measure.  
  • 2013: Philip had an exploratory operation on his abdomen, spending 11 days in hospital.  
  • 2014: Philip appeared in public with a bandaged right hand after a “minor procedure”.  
  • 2017: The Prince was taken to hospital with an infection.  
  • 2018: The Duke of Edinburgh was admitted to hospital for a planned operation on his hip.

Not to mention his recent car crash. If I were a betting man, I’d give you 2/1 on a bucket kicking by the New Year.   

This week saw the attention seeking Jaden Smith forcibly sat down in a TV studio whilst his family addressed concerns over his vegan diet. The 21-year-old admitted he has intense stomach issues and wanted to get to the bottom of it, so the family hired Dr. Mark Hyman and nutritionist Mona Sharma to perform an in-depth analysis. Jaden said he was apprehensive about partaking because of some backlash he got for going vegan, not because this should have been a private intervention, or the good punch in the face he needs. Dr. Hyman explained that Jaden’s nutritional deficiencies were from eating the wrong types of food and his health status can be adjusted by switching up his diet and taking supplements. Specifically, he was told that gluten and dairy were both “big problems” for him. Also, because Jaden doesn’t eat meat, he has vitamin and omega-3 deficiencies. Will and Jada were concerned over his extreme diet after he was hospitalised for nausea and dizziness. “Will and I had a bit of an intervention with Jaden because he’s a vegan now, but we realised he wasn’t getting enough protein,” Jada said at the time. “So he was wasting away. He just looked drained, he was just depleted. He wasn’t getting the nutrients.” “He had the dark circles under his eyes, there was even a little greyness to his skin. And we got really nervous,” Will said. 

Well, stop enabling your son and send him out into the real world to find a job and earn his way through life, perhaps he’ll then spend less time wearing dresses and reciting shit poetry and eating a balanced diet. 

On This Day

  • 856 – An earthquake near the Persian city of Damghan kills an estimated 200,000 people, the sixth deadliest earthquake in recorded history.
  • 1989 – Berlin’s Brandenburg Gate re-opens after nearly 30 years, effectively ending the division of East and West Germany.
  • 2001 – Richard Reid attempts to destroy a passenger airliner by igniting explosives hidden in his shoes aboard American Airlines Flight 63.


  • 1880 – George Eliot, English novelist and poet (b. 1819)
  • 1943 – Beatrix Potter, English children’s book writer and illustrator (b. 1866)
  • 1965 – Richard Dimbleby, English journalist (b. 1913)
  • 1989 – Samuel Beckett, Irish author, poet, and playwright, Nobel Prize laureate (b. 1906)
  • 2014 – Joe Cocker, English singer-songwriter (b. 1944)

Last Week’s Birthdays

Ralph Fiennes (56), Vanessa Paradis (46), Samuel L. Jackson (70), Jane Fonda (81), Kiefer Sutherland (52), Julie Delpy (49), Phil Donahue (83), Jonah Hill (35), Jenny Agutter (66), Nicole de Boer (48), Jake Gyllenhaal (38), Jennifer Beals (55), Kristy Swanson (49), Alyssa Milano (46), Richard Hammond (49), Brad Pitt (55), Steven Spielberg (72), Ray Liotta (64), Katie Holmes (40), Casper Van Dien (50), Billie Eilish (17), Christina Aguilera (38), Steve Austin (54), Robson Green (54), Sia (43), Keith Richards (75), Katheryn Winnick (42), Ernie Hudson (74), Milla Jovovich (44), Bill Pullman (66), Eugene Levy (73), Laurie Holden (50), Bernard Hill (75), Krysten Ritter (38), Miranda Otto (52), Billy Gibbons (70), and Christopher Biggins (71).

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