Dead Pool 17th August 2014

Dead Pool BackgroundAfternoon all. With  the sad loss of Robin Williams last week, this is one of those times that I don’t particularly like being the editor of this little publication, but onwards we must go. Obviously nobody had him on their lists, just goes to show how unexpected his death was and how loved he was by everyone, nobody picks the people they really like after all…

But as I said, time waits for no man, and it’s my duty to dole out the points nevertheless. Paula was the only one this year to have Lauren Bacall on her list, well done her. 81 points and off her duck for this year. As was pointed out to me earlier this week, with the death of Lauren Bacall, everyone who is named on Madonna’s song Vogue has now died! Sounds like she’s doing better than the rest of us at this little game. With little over four months left to go, we’re all struggling a bit, more than half of us are yet to score! Worry not though, Winter is coming…

Look Who You Could Have Had:

In Other News

73403758cb102-night-of-a-thThe ongoing saga of Casey Kasem is still progressing. The latest news is that his body is heading to Europe, specifically Oslo, as reported by Norwegian newspaper VG. A government official told the newspaper that an application to inter the remains of the DJ at the city has been lodged. Nobody seems to know why Oslo has been chosen, nobody in the Kasem family have ties to Norway whatsoever, but as we know, Kasem’s widow is somewhat unhinged. Let’s watch and see how it all unfolds! 

Bt9-cF9IAAEtFvO.jpg-largeTalking about Norway, the most prestigious international tournament in chess, The Chess Olympiad in Tromsøat, in which the world’s top players compete alongside amateurs to win honours for their country, has ended on a sombre note after two players died suddenly within hours of each other, one while he was in the middle of a match. Kurt Meier, 67, a Swiss-born member of the Seychelles team, collapsed on Thursday afternoon during his final match of the marathon two-week contest. Despite immediate medical attention at the scene he died later in hospital. Hours later, a player from Uzbekistan who has not yet been named was found dead in his hotel room. The Norwegian police and the event’s organisers said on Friday they were not treating the deaths as suspicious…  

lou-doillon-vs-celine-dionIn a boon to music, Céline Dion has cancelled all concert dates, including a major upcoming tour, in order to care for her husband, their family, and associated health issues. The singer will postpone all show business activities for the indefinite future, explaining that the day-to-day challenges were just too much. Dion’s main concern is her husband, 72-year-old René Angélil, who had a cancerous tumour removed last December. Our concern is that she returns to the stage. But Dion is herself fighting an undisclosed illness. It has caused “inflammation in her throat muscles”, there’s a crass joke there, I’ll let you make it.  

article-2379981-1B0447F4000005DC-776_634x837That little cunt, Justin Bieber, has agreed to take anger management classes after pleading guilty to careless driving and resisting arrest in Miami. The ‘singer’ was held by police in Florida in January after a street drag race. Prosecutors agreed to drop a charge of driving under the influence in exchange for the guilty pleas. Bieber’s also agreed to pay court fees and give £30,000 to charity. A very lenient sentence indeed, I’d have had him castrated and force fed his little cock and balls to him in front of his adoring fans, who he has such disdain for he spits at them. Cunt!  

Music - Status Quo - Wembley ArenaFollowing the cancellation of six tour dates, details of Rick Parfitts medical condition have been revealed. Results from tests confirm that the Status Quo members health was recently impaired by a problem regarding his quadruple heart bypass in 1997. Tests carried out at the Royal Brompton Hospital in London showed that one of the grafts inserted during his original quadruple heart bypass had become “furred”, but the situation “has been remedied by the insertion of a stent and Rick is now recuperating.” Woo! 

Untitled-1Frank Maloney, the transsexual former boxing promoter who guided Lennox Lewis to the world heavyweight title, tried to kill herself as she struggled to cope with her secret life, it has emerged. The 61-year-old – now known as Kellie – took a mixture of alcohol and prescription pills following the collapse of her marriage due to her wish to live as a woman. Maloney’s comments come after she went public with her new female identity. As a former Ukip candidate who is twice married and has three daughters, said she had been living as a female for more than a year. Fair play to her, but let’s be honest here, I wouldn’t shag her.  

ezheadshothersmanNobody has ever heard of this cunt, but Ethan Zuckerman has a lot to answer for. He’s the chap who invented and programmed the vexatious form of online advertising now known as the Pop-up!!! Last week he admitted his sin and even admits that he’s frustrated by them himself. I’ve never wished ill will upon anyone, but if anyone runs into this arsehole, do the world a favour.  

Wang the polar bearAnd finally, Wang, the last polar bear in Africa, has died at Johannesburg Zoo after months of “pining” for his longtime mate who passed away earlier this year, the bear’s keepers have said. The 30-year-old polar bear was said to be heartbroken and depressed after the death of a female named GeeBee in January. The two bears had shared an enclosure for 27 years. Wang was suffering heart and liver failure, and on Wednesday veterinarians made the “very tough decision” to euthanise him. Thankfully, Johannesburg Zoo officials say the polar bears will not be replaced, a decision made in partnership with other African zoos, which is the first bit of common sense I have heard anyone speak this year. Fucking Polar Bears in Africa, you’re having a laugh! 

On This Day


The Biggest Threats to Human Existence: Part 2 by KoA

1. Bioengineered Pandemic 

biohazard_warningsNatural pandemics have killed more people than wars. However, natural pandemics are unlikely to be existential threats: there are usually some people resistant to the pathogen, and the offspring of survivors would be more resistant. Evolution also does not favour parasites that wipe out their hosts, which is why syphilis went from a virulent killer to a chronic disease as it spread in Europe.

Unfortunately we can now make diseases nastier, and we all know some cunt out there will have a go. One of the more famous examples is how the introduction of an extra gene in Mousepox – the mouse version of Smallpox – made it far more lethal and able to infect vaccinated individuals. Recent work on bird flu has demonstrated that the contagiousness of a disease can be deliberately boosted.

Right now the risk of somebody deliberately releasing something devastating is low. But as biotechnology gets better and cheaper, more groups will be able to make diseases worse, and there’s nothing we can do to stop them!!

10f0039Most work on bio-weapons have been done by governments looking for something controllable, because wiping out humanity is not militarily useful, yet. But there are always some people who might want to do things  because they can. Others have higher purposes. For instance, the Aum Shinrikyo cult tried to hasten the apocalypse using bio-weapons beside their more successful nerve gas attack. Some people think the Earth would be better off without humans, and so on…

The number of fatalities from bioweapon and epidemic outbreaks attacks looks like it has a power-law distribution – most attacks have few victims, but a few kill many. Given current numbers the risk of a global pandemic from bioterrorism seems very small. But this is just bioterrorism: governments have killed far more people than terrorists with bio-weapons (up to 400,000 may have died from the second world war Japanese bio-war program). And as technology gets more powerful in the future nastier pathogens become easier to design. Yay!

Last Week’s Birthdays

Jennifer Lawrence (24), Ben Affleck (42), Madonna (56), Steve Carell (52), Mila Kunis (31), Steve Martin (69), Halle Berry (48), Hulk Hogan (61), Antonio Banderas (54), Debra Messing (46), Chris Hemsworth (31), George Hamilton (75), James Cameron (60), Julie Newmar (81), Princess Anne (64), Magic Johnson (55), David Crosby (73), Pete Sampras (43) and Rosanna Arquette (55).

2013 League Table


Next week peeps!

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