Dead Pool 12th May 2013

May 12th

Welcome one and all to this weeks epic Dead Pool newsletter. Let’s begin by dispensing some points to Shân for correctly guessing that the former Italian president, Giulio Andreotti, would bite the bullet this year, that’s quite a mouthful if you’ve had a glass or wine or three. Well done to her for scoring 56 points, a boo hiss for the rest of us for missing out Ray Harryhausen!  Of course, ol’ Harryhausen has been a stalwart on some lists for years, but as is usual with this frustrating game, he’s been overlooked this year and without any consideration for us sickos, he’s only gone and died! Thanks Ray for entertaining us with your amazing stop motion skills, but you could have waited a few months…

Look who you could have had:

In other news

Kim-Jong-R_jpg_250x1000_q85Some news from North Korea, our newish illustrious leader, Kim Jong-un may have escaped an assassination attempt. According to sketchy reports, Ri Kyong-Sim may have saved Kim from a dodgy traffic accident and thus getting herself awarded the highest honour that North Korea can bestow, the ‘Hero of the Republic’ award!

I’m sure Kim is very grateful to her, although I’m not sure how a small Korean woman would be able to stop a deadly vehicle from doing whatever the fuck it wanted, I can only assume she went all Schwarzenegger on it and managed to produce some kind of small missile launcher out of her chuff! Anyhow, Kim is still alive to tell the tale and ready to be included in next years lists.

patrick-schwarzenegger-bioTalking about Schwarzenegger, his son Patrick seems to be a bit of a cunt. Sources report that he managed to sneak into a nightclub whilst being underage and then proceeded to throw ice cubes at the DJ before being thrown out of the club ranting that he wanted to kill the DJ for some unfathomable reason. Seems the 19 year old needs to grow up somewhat, before some big muscly beefcake goes commando on his arse. A potential Sheen in the making??


We have also heard that The Queen has decided she’s too old to go on long haul flights, although it didn’t stop her jumping out of one during the Olympics. I don’t blame her really, the travel insurance alone must cost her a tiara each time she steps through an airport terminal door. Let’s face it, at 87 she’s at a huge risk of DVT, even on a personal jet, the last thing we need is her dying and allowing Charles access to the throne. I can just envisage him letting the power get to him and going all Joffrey on us, perhaps even shooting prostitutes with a crossbow at King’s Cross… Who knows…

Here are a few birthdays for you to wet yourselves over:

Gabriel Byrne (63), Burt Bacharach (85), Ving Rhames (54), Emilio Estevez (51), Malin Akerman (35), Catherine Tate (45) and Stephen Baldwin (47). It would also have been the gorgeous Katherine Hepburn’s birthday and George Carlin’s too, but they’re dead, so who cares.

2013 League Table


Next week peeps!

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