Dead Pool 10th January 2016

Dead Pool Background

Welcome all, to a slightly controversial start to the scoring this year. As you know, the first death of the year is a highly coveted prize that secures an extra 50 points, so when Laura messaged me that one of her choices had died, I was over the moon. However, one of the rules of the Dead Pool is that your choices must appear in the Wiki Death Pages. Oscar Ray BolinLaura knew from the outset that her choice, Oscar Ray Bolin, a Death Row inmate in Florida, was a dodgy listing. Strangely he has no Wiki page of his own, despite his murderous tendencies and several appeals against his execution. Perhaps someone will take it upon themselves to write one. Saying this, he did pop up briefly on the mobile version of the Wiki Deaths page, he has been subsequently removed for some reason, but we do have pictorial proof, hence my decision to award the points! In the past, the Wiki Death Page has been rather unreliable in its listings, highly notable people are missed whilst obscurities from the world of fly fishing are included. I believe the listings are changed by the demonic power of Jimmy Wales himself, so in future, if you have an obscure listing, the onus is on you to send proof that your dead star was listed on the page, be it the mobile or normal version.

Well done Laura, first death of the year and a relatively young un too. 147 points to start off the season!

Look Who You Could Have Had:

In Other News

Janet JacksonPop star Janet Jackson has used her own lyrics to deny rumours she has throat cancer. Concerns spread earlier this week, when US media reported “sources close to the singer” saying doctors had found a growth on her vocal cords. Jackson responded by quoting her song The Great Forever on social media: “Sources say but where ya gettin’ it? Don’t create the truth you like.” In a statement, she added: “The rumours are untrue. I do not have cancer.” The singer announced just before the new year she would postpone several 2016 dates on her Unbreakable world tour, telling fans she had been advised to have surgery. “I need you to know, I learned today, from my doctors that I must have surgery soon,” she wrote. “It breaks my heart to tell you that I am forced to postpone the Unbreakable tour until the spring.” Jackson didn’t elaborate on her condition at the time, saying: “There will be no further comment.” The cancer rumour originated on US gossip site Radaronline and was rapidly reported by media outlets. The unnamed source was quoted as saying Jackson’s family were “terrified” as they awaited test results. After denying the cancer rumour, the 49-year-old stated: “I’m recovering. My doctors have approved my concerts as scheduled in Europe, and as I promised, the postponed shows will be rescheduled. Thank you for your prayers and love.”

Bob_MortimerBob Mortimer has been cleared by doctors to go on tour with comedy partner Vic Reeves after having a triple heart bypass operation. Vic and Bob cancelled the first leg of their 25th anniversary UK tour last October because he needed surgery. Mortimer wrote on Twitter on Monday: “Doctors just passed me fit to do second leg of tour next month.” The tour, 25 Years Of Reeves And Mortimer: The Poignant Moments, was due to have started in Glasgow on 8th November. At the time, Mortimer wrote: “So sorry to those who bought tickets that we had to cancel 1st leg of tour. Three consultants said I had to have the op immediately.”

USA Paralympic silver medallist Richard Browne has sustained broken ribs and concussion in a car accident. The 24-year-old spent two nights in hospital after his car was in collision with a lorry in Florida. “Richard is badly shaken up and in a lot of pain but he was very lucky,” his manager Ian Byers said in a statement. “Doctors have advised that he should rest for three weeks, which will impact on his winter training and may mean that we have to review his early-season race plans.”

Piers Morgan the cuntDid you know that Tony Hart, presenter of TV shows including Vision On, Take Hart and Hart Beat, died in 2009. Half the people you know on Facebook don’t. The internet apparently has an extremely short memory when it comes to children’s television icons of the 70s and 80s. Piers Morgan was one of the useless cunts that failed to check his sources when he joined in with the latest round of lamentations over the death of Mr Hart, but why would he check his sources, he never bothered when he was running The Tabloids™. The six-year-old story became the most shared page on the Telegraph website on Sunday as huge numbers of readers posted the link to Twitter and Facebook. Well done you if you saw through it!

headAnd finally, in a slightly overthought suicide, a man strangled and dismembered his wife, encased her head in concrete and then used the concrete block to help drown himself in an Austrian lake. Officials said the couple were a 72-year-old man and his 71-year-old wife from near Frankfurt in Germany, but did not identify them further. The corpse and a bag were recovered by police divers from the waters of Traunsee on Monday. A day earlier, two suitcases containing the woman’s remains were found floating close to the lake’s shore near the town of Gmunden. Postmortem examinations suggested that the woman was strangled between 25th December and 1st January and that the man drowned some time later. There was no indication of involvement by a third party. “We believe first and foremost that [the man’s death] was suicide,” state prosecutor Birgit Ahamer said.

On This Day


Last Week’s Birthdays 

Victoria Principal (66), Mel Gibson (60), Michael Stipe (56), Julia Ormond (51), Robert Duvall (85), Diane Keaton (70), Marilyn Manson (47), Bradley Cooper (41), Rowan Atkinson (61), Jeremy Renner (45), Nicholas Cage (52), Kenny Loggins (68), Lewis Hamilton (31), Shirley Bassey (79), Joely Richardson (51), Jimmy Page (72) and Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge (34).

Ceri’s Grisly Corner

pussy knob.pngHello Deadpoolers, I’m attempting to do my bit for our weekly death page by bringing you a weekly peek at the horrible, disgusting and terrifying diseases and conditions that will hopefully prove the downfall of those on your list.

This week we’re looking at a fairly recent threat to our genitals, that is, super gonorrhoea.  Super gonorrhoea (or as I prefer to call it ‘mutant clap’) has been in the news recently, as it emerged amongst some amorous feckers who aren’t sensible enough to wear a raincoat when making the beast with 2 backs.

The clap has been around since at least the 1600’s. It causes yellow or green discharge from yer bits, tummy ache and burny pee.  Obviously it’s a complete bugger to have running riot in your nethers and early treatments included various metals including mercury and weirdly an Indonesian pepper! Ultimately it became less serious and more treatable once penicillin was introduced.  While it isn’t strictly fatal by itself, the associated complications really can be, if not treated in time.

Right, back to the super in super gonorrhoea. In 2015, 16 cases of antibiotic resistant clap were reported in Northern England. This was probably helped by people not sticking to their treatment regimes.  The UK chief medical officer said that ‘gonorrhoea is at risk of becoming an untreatable disease’ and has ‘rapidly acquired resistance’ to the drugs we are using and as there are few alternative options for treatment we may soon be screwed.  Complications can range from sterility to sores on your nads (which if infected can kill).

I don’t know about you guys, but I know I don’t fancy getting gross, green genitals. I think I’ve just killed my libido. Shame that wasn’t on my list, eh?’

Next week peeps!

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