2019

Dead Pool 20th January 2019

We’re off to a flying start this year with the second batch of points to award. Both Dave and Paul C had Masazo Nonaka as a Cert, so they both get 137 points!! Good work gentlemen, it certainly looks like the supercentenarian’s are paying off very well this month. 

Look Who You Could Have Had:

 In Other News

Norfolk Police say they have spoken to the Duke of Edinburgh after he was pictured driving without a seat belt, 48 hours after he failed his Bird Box Challenge near Sandringham in Norfolk. A spokeswoman said “suitable words of advice have been given to the driver”. Meanwhile, Emma Fairweather, who broke her wrist in the crash, said the duke has not even apologised; not realising the Queen could have her hung drawn and quartered for treasonously trying to kill her husband. The crash on the A149, in which Prince Philip’s Land Rover Freelander landed on its side after a collision with a Kia, happened on Thursday. Two days later, pictures in the media appeared to show the duke, 97, driving alone on a road near the entrance to the Sandringham estate in a replacement Freelander, without a seat belt. Let’s see if he dies within the next few weeks of shock, I’m sure Diana would appreciate the karma. 

Ten months after his arrest for drink driving, a once drug addled Ant McPartlin has joined TV partner Declan Donnelly at the auditions for ITV’s Britain’s Got Talent. They posted a picture of themselves on their first day working together for almost a year. It seemed to be a selfie taken in a car en route to the London Palladium, where the pair are hosting auditions for the new series, luckily Ant wasn’t driving. “Audition day 1. The boys are back in town!” read the accompanying message. It is Ant McPartlin’s first day on the job since his arrest and conviction for drink driving last spring, after which he took time off to go to rehab. If you remember, Ant, 43, was involved in a three-car collision in south-west London on 18th March last year.  

A zookeeper was killed in the alligator enclosure of the Naples Zoo, while he was attempting to sexually assault a 12-foot long reptile. According to Captain Henri White, spokesman of the Naples Police Department, 24-year old Jimmy Olsen was engaged in full sexual intercourse with one of the younger reptiles, when he was surprised by one of the larger animals which attacked from behind. The young man was caught by the throat by the alligator who dragged him underwater and drowned him. Jimmy Olsen’s death took place around 6:00 AM in the morning, but his disappearance was only noticed hours later by other employees. They finally discovered his dismembered body floating in the pool of the alligator enclosure around 8:30am. “The images captured by the security cameras show that Mr. Olsen had clearly placed himself in a very vulnerable position,” Captain White told reporters. “He had his pants around his knees and was lying down on top of one the animals, with his back to the others. The poor guy didn’t stand a chance! We can see him being dragged into the water, then he disappears from sight. He was probably dead within thirty seconds of the attack.”  Jimmy Olsen had been working with the reptiles at Naples Zoo for the last two years, and was considered a reptile specialist. He was killed, by a 24-foot long male alligator named Brutus while he was engaged in sexual intercourse with one of the smaller specimens. Apparently this isn’t unusual for zoo keepers, but Olsen is the first zoo worker to die while having sexual intercourse with an animal. In 2002, three employees of the Columbus zoo were condemned after it was revealed that the zookeepers allowed people into the zoo after business hours for the purpose of fornicating with the animals in exchange for money.

On This Day

  • 1265 – The first English parliament to include not only Lords but also representatives of the major towns holds its first meeting in the Palace of Westminster, now commonly known as the “Houses of Parliament”. This meeting of twats hasn’t changed since.  
  • 1936 – King George V of the United Kingdom dies. His eldest son succeeds to the throne, becoming Edward VIII. The title Prince of Wales is not used for another 22 years.  
  • 1992 – Air Inter Flight 148, an Airbus A320-111, crashes into a mountain near Strasbourg, France killing 87 of the 96 people on board.

Deaths

Last Week’s Birthdays

Dave Bautista (50), Kevin Costner (64), Mark Rylance (59), Jason Segel (39), Jane Horrocks (55), Jim Carrey (57), Zooey Deschanel (39), Betty White (97), James Earl Jones (88), Kelly Marie Tran (30), Michelle Obama (55), John Carpenter (71), Kate Moss (45), Sade (60), James May (56), James Nesbitt (54), Claudia Winkleman (47), DJ Jazzy Jeff (54), Jason Bateman (50), Faye Dunaway (78), Carl Weathers (71), Dave Grohl (50), Ruth Wilson (37), Liam Hemsworth (29), Michael Peña (43), Orlando Bloom (42), Bill Bailey (54), and William B. Davis (81).


Dead Pool 13th January 2019

We have a winner! Unbelievably, the oldest woman in the US has died and one of us listed her! Sometimes the simplest approaches are the best. Well done Trish, 36 points to start off the year, plus an extra 50 for getting the first death of the year! 

Look Who You Could Have Had:

In Other News

Three-time Formula 1 world champion Niki Lauda is in hospital in Vienna with influenza, five months after having a lung transplant. It is understood doctors are taking every precaution given the serious nature of Lauda’s surgery. Austrian Lauda, 69, was given his transplant in August after doctors found he had “severe lung disease”. Doctors said after the transplant that he would have had between three and seven days to live without the surgery. Lauda, a Mercedes F1 non-executive chairman, has legendary status in F1 not just for his 25 race wins and three championships – two with Ferrari and one for McLaren – but his recovery from a fiery accident at the 1976 German Grand Prix. Lauda was given the last rites after he was trapped inside his burning Ferrari at the Nurburgring, suffering severe burns to his face, hands and lungs. He raced in Italy 40 days later. Doctors said the illness this year was not a consequence of the accident. 

Wayne Rooney’s arrest for public intoxication was a result of feeling “disorientated” after taking sleeping tablets on a flight while drinking, says his spokesman, and we all know where that combination can lead! The former England and Manchester United captain was arrested on 16th December at Dulles International Airport in Virginia after returning from a one-day trip to Saudi Arabia. Rooney, 33, was charged and paid a $25 fine and $91 costs on 4th January, according to court documents from Loudoun General District Court. In a statement, his spokesman said: “During the flight Wayne took a prescribed amount of sleeping tablets mixed with some alcohol consumption and consequently was disorientated on arrival, he certainly wasn’t being a cunt on purpose. “He was approached by police who arrested him on a minor misdemeanour charge. “He received a statutory automatic fine and was released shortly afterwards at the airport. The matter is now at an end.  

Reality TV star Katie Price has denied being almost twice the legal alcohol limit while in charge of a vehicle. The 40-year-old was arrested by police who found a damaged Range Rover at the roadside on Shooters Hill Road, Greenwich, at about 02:00 GMT on 10th October last year. Ms Price, of Horsham, Sussex, was in the vehicle and had 69 micrograms of alcohol per 100 millilitres of breath, Bromley Magistrates’ Court heard. The legal limit is 35 micrograms. The court heard a man in a nearby block of flats concluded an “accident of some sort” had occurred involving his parked black car, which had pink paint on when he later inspected it. CCTV footage appeared to show the Range Rover was in the vicinity of his vehicle, District Judge Nigel Dean told the court. Judge Dean said Ms Price will rely on the defence that “there was no likelihood of driving while the level of alcohol exceeded the proscribed limit”. At the hearing, Ms Price spoke only to deny the charge and give her name, address and date of birth, and then flashed her tits on the off-chance a media photographer was there. 

On This Day

  • 1842 – Dr. William Brydon, an assistant surgeon in the British East India Company Army during the First Anglo-Afghan War, becomes famous for being the sole survivor of an army of 4,500 men and 12,000 camp followers when he reaches the safety of a garrison in Jalalabad, Afghanistan.
  • 1915 – The 6.7 Mw  Avezzano earthquake shakes the Province of L’Aquila in Italy with a maximum Mercalli intensity of XI (Extreme), killing between 29,978–32,610. 
  • 1950 – British submarine HMS Truculent collides with an oil tanker in the Thames Estuary, killing 64 men. 
  • 1985 – A passenger train plunges into a ravine in Ethiopia, killing 428 in the worst railroad disaster in Africa.  
  • 2012 – The passenger cruise ship Costa Concordia sinks off the coast of Italy due to the captain Francesco Schettino’s negligence and irresponsibility. There are 32 confirmed deaths.

Deaths

  • 858 – Æthelwulf, king of Wessex  
  • 1929 – Wyatt Earp, American police officer (b. 1848)
  • 1941 – James Joyce, Irish novelist, short story writer, and poet (b. 1882)  
  • 2009 – Patrick McGoohan, Irish-American actor, director, and producer (b. 1928)

Last Week’s Birthdays

Rachael Harris (51), Kirstie Alley (68), Rob Zombie (54), Howard Stern (65), Jeff Bezos (55), Pixie Lott (28), Melanie C (45), Amanda Peet (47), Jason Connery (56), Rachel Riley (33), John Sessions (66), Jemaine Clement (45), Evan Handler (58), Rod Stewart (74), Joely Richardson (54), Imelda Staunton (63), Jimmy Page (75), Michelle Forbes (54), Shirley Bassey (82), Christian Bale (44), Olivia Colman (44), Nicolas Cage (55), Jeremy Renner (48), Erin Gray (69), Eddie Redmayne (37), Rowan Atkinson (64) and Norman Reedus (50).


Dead Pool 6th January 2019

Afternoon all, welcome to the first newsletter of 2019!!! Lots of the usual stuff but alas no points to award just yet! Thank you to those of you who have already donated to the running costs this year, every little helps! If you would like to contribute, you can do so on the website. 

Look Who You Could Have Had:

In Other News

Olivia Newton-John has dismissed recent reports speculating about her health. The Australian actor – who shot to fame after a starring role in the musical Grease – revealed in September she had been diagnosed with cancer for the third time in three decades. Media outlets in the US began reporting last month that she only had “weeks” to live. Responding to the reports in a video posted to Facebook, Newton-John assured fans she is “doing great”. “Happy New Year everyone, this is Olivia Newton-John and I just want to say that the rumours of my death have been greatly exaggerated, to quote a very famous quote,” she said. “And I am doing great and want to wish all of you the happiest, healthiest 2019 as possible and thank you all for your wonderful love and support for me and for my Olivia Newton-John Cancer Wellness Centre in Melbourne, Australia.” Newton-John announced she had been diagnosed once again with cancer last year, telling Australian news programme Sunday Night that doctors found a tumour in her lower back in 2017 while she was undergoing a medical evaluation. The 70-year-old said she was treating the cancer with “modern” medicines along with natural remedies. She said she had cut sugar completely from her diet and was using marijuana to help with the physical pain. Her husband, John Easterling, founded the Amazon Herb Company and grows cannabis at their Californian ranch.

Argentina legend Diego Maradona has been released from hospital after being admitted with internal bleeding in his stomach, his daughter said. The 58-year-old was having a routine medical in his home country when doctors discovered the problem. However, his family said the diagnosis was not serious. “For those who were really worried about my dad I can tell you that he is well,” his daughter Dalma said. “He is going home soon.” Reuters news agency later reported Maradona had left the hospital. Maradona, who captained Argentina to World Cup victory in 1986, is coach of Mexican second division side Dorados de Sinaloa. He was taken ill during Argentina’s victory over Nigeria at last year’s World Cup in Russia but later said he was “fine”.  

Pop star Jimmy Osmond is being treated for a stroke that was diagnosed after he came off stage following a pantomime performance on Thursday. Osmond, 55, was playing Captain Hook in Peter Pan at the Birmingham Hippodrome. His spokesperson said the star went to hospital after “pushing through” the evening’s performance. There are no further details about his condition. He is part of the famous Osmond family and had chart hits including 1972’s Long Haired Lover From Liverpool. His spokesperson said: “On the evening of Thursday 27th December, after pushing through the evening’s performance of Peter Pan at Birmingham Hippodrome, Jimmy Osmond was driven straight to hospital and diagnosed with a stroke. “He is grateful for all the well wishes and will be taking time out in the new year.” Known as “Little” Jimmy, he is the youngest member of the Osmond family and became the youngest person to have a UK number one single when Long Haired Lover From Liverpool hit the top spot.  

Sir Billy Connolly has spoken candidly about death and living with Parkinson’s disease. The 76-year-old was diagnosed with the degenerative neurological condition in 2013 and announced his retirement from touring last month. Appearing on the BBC documentary series Made in Scotland, which sees Connolly reflect on his life and career, the revered comedian said: “My life, it’s slipping away and I can feel it and I should. “I’m near the end. I’m a damn sight nearer the end than I am the beginning. But it doesn’t frighten me, it’s an adventure and it is quite interesting to see myself slipping away. “As bits slip off and leave me, talents leave and attributes leave. I don’t have the balance I used to have, I don’t have the energy I used to have. I can’t hear the way I used to hear, I can’t see as good as I used to. I can’t remember the way I used to remember. “And they all came one at a time and they just slipped away, thank you. It is like somebody is in charge of you and they are saying ‘right, I added all these bits when you were a youth, now it is time to subtract’.” Glasgow-born Connolly, nicknamed The Big Yin, was a welder in his home city before becoming a globally renowned comedian. He is known for his energetic performing style but said Parkinson’s prevented him from moving around the stage like he did at his peak. Speaking about Parkinson’s on the BBC programme, he says: “It takes a certain calm to deal with, and I sometimes don’t have it. I sometimes get angry with it, but that doesn’t last long, I just collapse in laughter.” 

On This Day

Deaths

  • 1852 – Louis Braille, French educator, invented Braille (b. 1809) 
  • 1884 – Gregor Mendel, Czech geneticist and botanist (b. 1822)
  • 1919 – Theodore Roosevelt, American colonel and politician, 26th President of the United States (b. 1858)
  • 1949 – Victor Fleming, American director, producer, and cinematographer (b. 1883)
  • 1993 – Dizzy Gillespie, American singer-songwriter and trumpet player (b. 1917)  
  • 1993 – Rudolf Nureyev, Russian-French dancer and choreographer (b. 1938)  
  • 2012 – Bob Holness, South African-English radio and television host (b. 1928)

Last Week’s Birthdays

Bradley Cooper (44), January Jones (41), Clancy Brown (60), Diane Keaton (73), Robert Duvall (88), Hayao Miyazaki (78), Vinnie Jones (54), Marilyn Manson (50), Julia Ormond (54), Matt Frewer (61), Julian Sands (61), Michael Stipe (59), Mel Gibson (63), Victoria Principal (69), Tia Carrere (52), Cuba Gooding Jr. (51), and Frank Langella (81).